Chapter 54

It is not easy to get Elizabeth by herself for an hour or so. Her brother and sister are sticking to each other as if Fitzwilliam's absence has been months instead of a mere day and night. And of course she cannot ask where Fitzwilliam can hear, he'll want to know what it is about, and Georgiana has not enough confidence in him to let him in on her feelings when they are still so unsettled. She can only bide her time and wait for an opportunity to present itself.

Elizabeth and Darcy are indeed very close once again. They ride out each day and talk to their friends, Elizabeth doesn't feel the need to retreat from the company with Jane to talk in private, she prefers to stick with her beloved.

Darcy finds himself watching Manners and Georgie from time to time, comparing them to Georgiana and Mr Fielding together, trying to catch either of them showing some sign of love towards the other, but without the least success.

Georgie frankly seems more at ease with Mr Manners, but somehow that doesn't suggest she likes him better. She admitted to idolising Mr Fielding, sitting very close to one's idol all of a sudden, having him in her own house, must be rather disconcerting. Yet they seemed to understand each other without much spoken conversation, something a shared passion might explain rather well.

And reversely, he knows Mr Fielding loves Georgie, but what does Manners feel?

The man is either a born actor, hiding his better feelings, or he doesn't actually love the woman he seems to be pursuing with the intent to marry her.

Frankly, if he had to describe Manners' behaviour to Georgie, it would be brotherly. He is sure any neutral observer would see the similarities between Darcy interacting with Georgie, and Manners' familiar way of talking to her.

Well, he hasn't declared his love to her, so he's not trying to fool her or anything. And Manners is still excellent company, he will be a pleasant addition to their group at Christmas, a perfect time to study him some more.

Miss Bingley is spreading her attention between all the visiting gentlemen equally, she doesn't seem to have a favourite anymore. Simon explains why, one evening as they are being helped to undress.

'Miss Bingley doesn't know why Mr Grenfell went away so suddenly, she thinks he has urgent business to attend to. She is planning to visit him at his estate, having been invited to spend some weeks there in spring.

Which is why she is merely amusing herself now, not trying to form a real bond with anyone.'

Poor Fanny doesn't understand at all, causing her to be very forward and comment.

'Why doesn't Mr Bingley warn his sister that Mr Grenfell is bad news?'

She is very surprised to have her master answer her question, all other servants show him such deference, she feels a bit caught to have his full attention, but he is rather nice.

'I don't understand myself, Fanny, but Mr Manners and Mr Bingley reason that when he has served their punishment, his offence is forgiven, and he should not be reproached with it anymore.

My opinion is, that any woman who wants to connect her future to him, wants to put her life in his hands, should know what he is capable of. Still, Miss Bingley is not my sister, I have no right to get involved unless she asks me directly.'

The girl nods, apparently there are things that even Mr Darcy has no influence on. Fortunately she doesn't live in this Mr Grenfell's household, and fortunately he will never be welcome in any of Mr Darcy's houses.

As their days pass by quietly in Hertfordshire, in the London house, Eric gets the fright of his life.

Because the number of servants in the house has grown by the day, he is taking his breakfast in the breakfast-parlour by himself. Ever since he wrote down the music in his mind the day before yesterday, when Georgiana left, he has settled quite a lot, and he doesn't mind being by himself all the time.

Mrs Annesley has made it very clear that sitting among hired servants is just not something a gentleman should do. And by now it is obvious that Mrs Annesley is trying to help him to fit in, so he'd better listen to her.

Since he is all alone, he allows himself to bring the paper to the table, and he browses the news as he drinks his coffee and eats his toast.

His eyes skim the page with society news, generally not a page he scrutinizes because he just doesn't know the names of the people that matter in London, as he told Mr Darcy, he was raised to a specific purpose, not to broad knowledge.

And are arrested by a header that comes an incredible lot too close for comfort.

'Music-connoisseurs rejoice!' it says in fat letters, and since Eric considers himself an expert on the subject of music, he reads the following article.

'Dependable sources within the musical community of our beautiful city have confirmed that talented young pianist Mr Eric Fielding has been lovingly rescued from a life of deprivation on the streets by well-esteemed Derbyshire-based landholder Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy.

After Mr Fielding's dismissal on as yet unclear grounds, most likely of a private nature, the young genius was thought to have returned to his family in the north, but apparently fears of the city losing one of its most talented pianists have proven unfounded.

We hope to attend one of his concerts soon, and trust his virtuosity has not suffered for his change in circumstances, though according to our source, Mr Darcy's younger sister being a celebrated young talent herself, as well as a stunningly beautiful young lady, practically guarantees Mr Fielding's continued excellence.'

Crushed, Eric drops into a chair, appetite gone, just look at this! Mr Darcy mentioned name and surname, and Georgiana, the innuendo! The fact that there is a grain of truth in it the size of Hyde Park makes it even worse.

And to make matters worse, Mrs Annesley comes in at that exact moment, a fresh pot of coffee and a cup in hand.

'I thought I'd join you for a cup of coffee, Eric, before it's all hands on deck behind the scenes, so to speak. You must be lonely here, and I often sit with the family, I used to be Miss Darcy's companion, you know, I went everywhere with her.'

Cup filled with steaming coffee, she sees him sitting there, face firmly lodged in his palm, paper obviously the cause of his panic.

'What's in the paper that is so bad, Eric?'

Her voice is gentle, it must be so very pleasant to have a mother, even a motherly woman can make such a difference.

'Please read it yourself, Mrs Annesley, I cannot ever face Mr Darcy, or his sister, again.'

Mrs Annesley picks up the offending page and soon finds the article, then reads it aloud. To hear her articulate voice read those horrific lines makes it even worse, and Eric hopes to be swallowed by a miraculously appearing hole in the ground any time now.

'That is not so bad, is it? It's not very decent to suggest you might want to impress Miss Darcy, but you know she does have this reputation of being very talented, but also inaccessible, and that delivery man must have seen you two together as familiar as brother and sister. You make a great couple to look at, Eric, it's just one extra step for these reporters to make a romance out of that, you cannot help this at all, and Mr Darcy will not hold it against you.

And frankly, Eric, the rest is nothing but free advertising, you couldn't have paid for better publicity. Every music lover in London and plenty of other folk will read this and be reminded you exist, and get curious to hear you play.'

Can she be serious, this respectable lady? He looks up into a pair of kind eyes, but he knows there is plenty of intelligence behind them.

'You don't believe me? You know I'm trying to make a living out of my art, but it's difficult to find buyers, my work is very valuable because there is expensive material and an incredible amount of time involved. I told you I can sell one piece at a time, to one buyer.

You can fill a hall with people and play for them, depending on the hall and the number of people you don't even need to charge a large admission to make some money off the proceeds. Free advertising will guarantee full halls and more concerts.'

'I desperately want to believe every word you say, Mrs Annesley, but are you sure Mr Darcy won't mind being in the papers in this way? He so urged me to not make a row with my patron, to not leave him until I was forced to go, to not give people the impression he had stolen me away from the man who gave me everything.

And now some gossiping piano-hauler puts it in the paper.'

'It says clearly you were rescued from the streets, not lured away with promises of fame and fortune.

Mr Darcy was very clear that you were not to blame, and very welcome here, and I'm sure an article in the society pages of the paper will not make him change his mind. He may feel a bit indignant, especially about his sister, but it will not be directed at you, you didn't talk to the reporter.

If he even gets to see it.'

But Darcy does get to see it, and in a way he would have preferred to forego on.

Of course Bingley has a paper, too, and it is Miss Bingley of all people who glides towards him waving it, dressed in her usual flamboyant style, distinct smirk on her glowing regular features.

'I say, Mr Darcy, have you read the newspaper today?'

'I have, Miss Bingley, there was a lot of disturbing news about the situation in France that I dreaded to read. But I did nonetheless.'

Her smile broadens, she expects a total triumph over him, he can still read her facial expressions like common English.

'This is on the society page, I suppose you don't read that?'

'I generally don't, Miss Bingley, not unless I am very bored, which I couldn't be in such pleasing company as is gathered here.'

'Yes, yes, well, I do read the society page, and so should you, if you're in it!'

All right, she has managed to get his attention, for once.

'I'm in the society page? I never do anything that might be even remotely interesting to anyone outside my own family.'

'Well, apparently you did, for you seem to have acquired a patronage since your last visit to London. Of a young genius no less.

I guess you'd better read it for yourself, that really is your name right over there, the estimable Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy.'

And she hands the paper over to Darcy, who almost snatches it from her hand, though he loathes to let her triumph over him, this may be important.

As he reads the little article, his heart sinks. Poor Mr Fielding, if he finds out he'll be devastated, to have what he feels as a disgrace measured out in a well-read newspaper. In fact, Darcy feels guilty, for if he hadn't accidentally betrayed Mr Fielding's name to Mr Roofer of the delivery firm, clearly the source this reporter mentions, this would never have gotten out until he was settled and it was no longer news.

Though aside from the allusion to Georgiana, which of course is actually true, making it even worse for the poor man, it is not at all bad publicity. To be called a genius, and in Darcy's case estimable, and to have the reason for Mr Fielding's residence stated accurately, it could have been much worse.

Georgie has always been the cause of some speculation among their own class, and of course servants everywhere gossip a lot. In Derbyshire she had the reputation of being very proud and disdainful, like himself actually, but hers was merely caused by shyness and inability to be spontaneous to people. She has improved immensely, and he has Elizabeth to smooth things over.

But such a reputation of being above everyone cannot but give rise to speculations like these sometimes, though she will probably be shocked to read it. Frankly, the readers will love it, if it wasn't his sister's honour involved he'd celebrate the free publicity for Mr Fielding, and he does feel a measure of relieve for himself to have Mr Fielding's patron rightfully take the blame for what happened.

Miss Bingley is waiting for a reaction, she's kind of disappointed to find him so calm over all this, and to please her, and propriety, he acts a little put out.

'This is a disgrace, can't a man help another man in need without giving rise to all sorts of speculations? That is the last time I use that company to move anything.'

But that is not what Miss Bingley expects to hear.

'You mean you really have a pianist living in your house right now? Just like that? You picked him up from the streets without knowing why he was there in the first place?'

She takes it literally, that is actually rather funny.

'Mr Fielding does indeed live with us, but of course I know why he was kicked out of his patron's house, and he never had to spend any time on the streets, for I promised to take him in as soon as he uttered his fear of being dismissed.

We've known him for half a year already, Miss Bingley, he's Georgiana's piano-teacher. So you see, nothing spectacular about his story, and no reason to fear for Georgiana's honour. This is all the reporter's interpretation of a story told by the man who delivered Mr Fielding's piano to our house.

Wait until you hear him play, Miss Bingley, you'll understand instantly.'

Which will take a while, for Elizabeth certainly isn't very keen to receive Miss Bingley at either Pemberley or their town house, and rightly so, for the latter hasn't lost any of her pettiness, and most likely never will.

Though the idea of her falling into Mr Grenfell's clutches still bothers Darcy a lot. He promised to let Bingley and Manners handle that part of the aftermath of Grenfell's misdeed, but in hindsight it feels as if he is sacrificing Miss Bingley to keep Wickham safe. Why doesn't Bingley understand that Grenfell is unsuitable for marriage?

Since the two of them do not exactly have a lot in common anymore, Miss Bingley walks away to Mr Ponsonby, her current favourite. Too bad he's not a teeny bit more handsome, if he could make Miss Bingley forget Grenfell, she would be safe, and Darcy would be spared the presence of another man he detests in his nearest circle.

Though Mr Ponsonby will soon smell of horse, the gentlemen have an appointment to all go out riding in the snow. Elizabeth has told him she'd rather not ride today, on account of a slight cold that has had her sneezing all day.

But somehow, Darcy suspects that may be a ruse to be alone with Georgie, his sister has been a bit distracted the last few days, not all day long, she's merry enough with Manners and Kitty and Mr Lascelles, just when she's playing her sonata. Something is up, and it has to do with Mr Fielding, that is as clear as a bell, why else would Georgie keep it from her very own brother?

Remembering his former self, he knows why, though it hurts nonetheless. He used to be so formal, so severe with her, but that was ages ago, wasn't it? They've shared so much since then.

But if Georgie feels she cannot trust him yet, he'll have to accept that, and be glad she does trust Elizabeth enough to be able to relieve her feelings. Maybe Elizabeth will let him in on it, and if she doesn't he can at least trust her to keep nothing really important from him.

Unaware that her brother is on to her despite her waiting for days for a chance to relieve her feelings, Georgiana feels a bit awkward seeking Elizabeth's confidence, forcing her sister to keep a secret from the man she loves more than anyone on this world, but Georgiana just needs some advice on how to act, towards Eric, but also towards Mr Manners.

Now she knows she's probably not going to ever fall in love with him, does she need to change her behaviour to him accordingly? And should she keep a little distance towards Eric? Is she leading him on?

As soon as she finds out the gentlemen are riding out by themselves that afternoon she finds herself looking for her sister, hoping for a private moment together.

But her hope is soon disappointed when she hears Elizabeth is unwell, she cannot bother her sister when she is feeling under the weather. Such a shame, there really is no-one else to talk to, Jane is sympathetic, but Georgiana doesn't know her all that well, and she needs solid advice more than sympathy anyway.

Disappointed, she decides to find solace in the piano, which works to a treat, of course.

When she feels someone taking a seat very close to her, she expects it to be Kitty, so when in the first pause in her play she hears Elizabeth's voice say, 'That is a mighty impressive piece you're practising, Georgiana,' she looks up in surprise.

'They said you were sick,' is the only reply Georgiana can think of.

'I have a slight cold, and I thought I'd take the opportunity to ask you what is bothering you. You chat and play billiards and cards with the others, but something seems different about you. Especially when you play that piece of music.

Do you want to talk about it? Fitzwilliam knows we'll be keeping secrets from him sometimes, he doesn't like it but he respects it.'

Big lump in her throat suddenly, Georgiana merely nods, and they go to the little sitting-room together.

'Head high, Georgie,' Elizabeth whispers, 'Miss Bingley is watching.'

She's never called Georgiana by Fitzwilliam's pet-name before, and Georgiana is sure she means something by it, but nevertheless she lifts her head high and controls her expression to neutral. No need to make anyone curious about her mood.

Once in the room by themselves, Elizabeth sits on a cosy sofa and invites Georgiana to sit with her, as snugly in her arms as she was in Fitzwilliam's.

She doesn't ask what is going on, she merely holds her sister and waits for her to speak. That must be something she learned from Fitzwilliam, and it's exactly the right way to handle his sister. After a few minutes' silence, in which Georgiana collects her thoughts and tries to formulate what she wants to tell Elizabeth, she manages to express herself reasonably well.

'On the first evening in London, Fitzwilliam left us for an hour or so, he was thoroughly fed up with our endless talk of music I guess. And Eric was so distraught with what had happened, I asked him to play for me, I thought it would calm him.

Elizabeth, I could hear all his hurt, all his fear in his music, but it worked, he calmed down and played on. Then he expressed his need for belonging, for love.

My love, Elizabeth. This wasn't a crush anymore, such a deep need, he begged me to believe he has a soft side, not just ambition and drive to excel.

I don't think he realised I understood every single word he played, he thought he was merely entertaining me with some beautiful music that was filling his mind at that point in time.

But I did, and it did something to me, inside. I have felt it stirring ever since, it wants me to sit close to him, to take his hand. The first time I felt it, it overwhelmed me and I stroked his hair and kissed him on the lips.

He never reacted, he couldn't, he was drained from his playing and stunned with what I did. I ran off, I was so ashamed, such improper behaviour.

I did apologise later, and he said he understood that I should want to comfort him, but I told him it wasn't pity that moved me to do that, but something else, something more profound.'

Elizabeth looks totally captivated, and she cannot help exclaiming, 'Oh my dear Georgiana, you must be in love!

That is so incredibly beautiful and romantic, but I can understand why you'd need to talk to someone about it. No wonder you're confused!

Did you tell Fitzwilliam? I suppose not, since you're not happy but rather worried and even upset.'

Now Georgiana finds it easier to talk.

'I didn't tell him for I am not sure it's love. I still have to consider I'm merely feeling sorry for him, to have lost his home and his family, to feel so insecure. You think I'm in love, then?'

Her sister squeezes her embrace firmly and without hesitation states, 'Yes, my dear, if you want to sit really close to someone and keep being tempted to touch him and even stroke his hair and kiss him, even when he is happy, teaching you a new piece of music, then you're in love. Pity goes away when the subject is feeling better, love stays.'

'But I'm not dying to go back home, shouldn't I be?'

'Aren't you? Really? Now you've told me and I don't blame you for falling in love with your piano-teacher? Weren't you merely afraid to have done something bad and afraid to be confronted with your bad behaviour?'

Drat! She was right, thinking of Eric makes her want to return to him instantly, not to kiss him or to touch him, but just to be with him.

'Dear Georgiana, I didn't say that to get the better of you! I can see I was right, but please don't feel bad, we'll find a way for you to deal with it, really.

I think it's a good thing you love someone who really loves you, and whom you have so much in common with. I'm behind you all the way, believe me.

But I can also imagine why you didn't tell Fitzwilliam yet, you are confused, and afraid he'll forbid you to be with Mr Fielding, and maybe even send him away. I truly believe he doesn't see it like that, not anymore, but I can so understand your not wanting to test him before you are really sure of yourself.

Let's think how to make this easiest on you, once we're back in London.'

'And what to do with Mr Manners? I don't want him to think I'm leading him on.'

'That is so sweet of you, to think of him. But you cannot tell him you're in love with someone else before you tell your very own brother.

And you cannot distance yourself from Mr Manners, or he'll notice something has changed, with the same end-result. If he asks you what is going on, you will not be able to deny him the truth, Georgiana, I think he has an even stronger will than Fitzwilliam. He knows you're not interested in him beyond friendship, that will have to suffice for now.'

'And what about Eric? How can I keep from touching him? Is there a way to suppress these feelings, so I don't try to catch his scent each time he sits next to me?'

'Dear Georgiana, you're really caught, aren't you? That is so sweet!

Is that why you're learning housekeeping and accounting? Preparing yourself for life without luxuries and servants?

You are! I admire you, Georgiana, but you know it's not impossible to live very well off your fortune.'

'Thank you, Elizabeth, your approval is valuable to me. I know it can be done, but it will be easier if I know what things cost, and how to make the most of what I have. But don't think I'm dreaming of marriage already! I'm still trying to cope with all these feelings, I'd rather just have everything as it was, and first get used to Eric living with us, controlling my urges altogether.

Do you think that is sensible? He told me it would get easier with time, it did for him. He said a pianist is used to being disciplined.'

'That is so romantic, Georgiana, to think you told him and he tried to hearten you. I know this is hard on you, and even more so on him, but I'm just melting at the spot. I'll have a hard time hiding my feelings, I just want to hug you both and tell you everything will be all right.

But don't worry, I won't betray you, I'll act the collected matron to perfection.'

Despite her serious misgivings over all this, Georgiana cannot help laughing.

'You, a matron? You're a mere four years older than me, and you are so beautiful, Elizabeth. But I'm glad I you're not blaming me for falling in love with a man so much beneath me.'

'That would be the most hypocritical thing in the world, Georgiana, remember where I come from? And I do think your brother is coming around nicely, but I don't think he is altogether ready for Mr Fielding as his brother, not yet. I do think it's best to give it some more time, for both of them.

And for you. Just control your reactions towards him but don't avoid him, talk music and play music, and whenever you need some support, you can come to me and we'll talk about it.'

'Thank you, Elizabeth, I will. I hope it won't be too hard to keep this from Fitzwilliam, I feel bad about that, but I have no-one else to talk to. I hope he won't mind too much.'

'Even if he does, Georgiana, it cannot be helped. I can understand the reason why you don't want to tell him, yet, and I am certain our bond can stand this bit of secrecy.'