AN: I'm getting a little Heros on you guys. NO- nothing drastic- just going back in time.
BTW- whoever Savethecheerleader is- YOU ROCK! I love that show! It's slowly becoming my number one show. I'm trying really hard to keep SVU at number one, but they keep giving me reasons not to. Damn them!
Reverse
Two weeks ago...
"Are you still here?"
The office was pretty much empty. Casey made her way towards Olivia's desk and took a seat in Elliot's chair.
"Yeah," Olivia answered as she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.
"It's eight o'clock. I thought you'd be home by now."
"Can't," she mumbled.
She continued to type and sift through the stack of paper work on her desk as Casey watched her skeptically. She caught a glimpse of a file and reached for it.
"Is that the Lipman Case?"
Olivia pulled the papers away and caught Casey's glare for the first time. Her hand slyly closed the manila folder as she held back her intentions.
"It's unfinished paperwork."
"Elliot's unfinished paperwork. Why are you doing Elliot's paperwork?"
With a deep sigh Olivia turned her gaze away from Casey's by focusing on the files in front of her. Without hesitation she tried to make her efforts seem professionally necessary. " Casey if I don't get this finished now, while we have some down time, I'll end up doing it at one AM, in between interrogations and Elliot's slow typing."
Casey blinked doubtfully. "Hm. Okay…"
She didn't want to push the subject, but she'd watched this charade for far too long. "Liv, what's going on?"
Olivia paused and forced a smile to hide her thoughts.
"Nothing, I'm just trying to stay organized."
"No really, what's going on with you? Your need to nurse this situation is…becoming obsessive."
"I'm not nursing a situation. My partner was injured," Olivia blinked away before standing up and heading to the filing cabinet.
"Olivia, since when do you fall victim to denial? You have to stop doing this to yourself."
"Since when did you become my therapist?"
Casey ignored the stabs and grabbed Olivia's arm in an attempt to make her listen. "When's the last time you went out and had fun?"
"That's none of your business."
"No, answer the question," Casey forced. "When was the last time you did something outside of this office?"
"What am I on trial? Thanks for the concern, Case, but what I do after hours-- is my own business."
Olivia's face was red with humiliated anger. She grabbed a stack of files and began smashing them into her briefcase.
"Why can't you answer the question," Casey pushed. "And it is my business. You're my friend."
"Just stop, please."
Olivia's migraine was starting to pulse behind her eyes again. She leaned on the desk and weakly turned to Casey. "I go out, I choose not to date, and I enjoy my single life. Are you happy, now?"
"I don't know. Are you happy?"
Olivia shook her head out of aggravation as she continued to avoid Casey's eyes by straightening up her desk. "Don't you think this is a little pot calling the kettle black. I don't question your empty schedule."
"Well, maybe you should. Olivia, I've known you too long to allow you to be this way. You need to start taking care of yourself. Come out to the bar for a drink every now and again. Go on a date. See a show. Laugh. You used to do these things. You used be able to walk into a room and brighten it by ten shades. You used to… play by the rules. You used to care about your friend's concerns. What's changed?"
"I still do those things. I still care. I do care what you think. I'm just…tired of putting everybody before me. And just because I've been working some overtime doesn't mean that I don't go out. I go out every week with the guys after work. Why aren't you there?"
"The guys? Don't you mean Elliot. The only time I've ever seen you out after work, is to get a drink with Elliot. Or recently to take groceries to his house."
"He's sick and his wife is eight months pregnant!"
"He has four grown children!"
Olivia closed her eyes to push the conversation away. Casey placed a hand on her shoulder and attempted to be neutering. Of course, this was never Casey's strong suit. Olivia was much better at it than she ever was. Softly she spoke the words that Olivia needed to hear. "Liv...Elliot loves his wife."
Olivia's lip held back its' tremble as she swallowed the hurt. "Of course, he does," She whispered, brushing Casey away.
The redness bled into her eyes like numb pain.
"He's not going to change. He loves her. He loves his family. He's having a baby with her. He sleeps next to her every night."
"Casey, Stop! STOP IT! I know that! I KNOW! Yes…he's with her. I get it! But you don't know him. He's confused. Elliot loves me, too, and I need to be there for him. He would do it for me," she bitterly sniffed.
Casey wrapped her arm around Olivia's neck and held her tightly. "Liv, don't do this to yourself. Yes, he does love you, but it's not the same."
With an awkward motherly touch, Casey pulled away and wiped a tear from Olivia's cheek. "Please don't ruin your life. You deserve so much more."
That was the hardest thing Casey has ever had to say to Olivia's face. She considered both Elliot and Olivia two of her closest friends. Watching them conform into a comfortable pair of old shoes that were destined to be trashed was the worst part of her day. She knew that if they'd met under different circumstances they would have made it, but the reality of it all is…they didn't. Her heart ached for Olivia the most. Seeing her slowly turn into a hardened soul was more depressing than any gruesome unfair crime she'd ever counseled.
Just as she thought Olivia was starting to let out her pain, she pushed her away again.
"Liv, I know how you feel because I watched it happen. You two had a chance and it didn't work out. You gave him a choice. He's obviosuly made it."
Instantly, the mood changed. An impatient angry rage filled Olivia's body and she growled through the tears pouring down her face.
"I never made him choose anything. I gave him his space, so that he could find himself, and instead of finding himself he foolishly ran to the next caregiver. This is stupid. Why am I having this conversation with you. You don't know the half of it. And here I am taking advice from you? Your definition of love has always been warped. You don't understand. You don't know what Elliot and I talk about. You don't know what we've been through. And she doesn't know either! And she never will, because she's too closed minded to let him share the other side of himself with her. He isn't sleeping next to her because he chose her. She forced him to choose her. Who the hell has a birth control malfunction at the age of forty? He's not with her because of love…- he's with her because of their MISTAKES! And the only thing that is 'WRONG' with this 'situation' is the poor child having to be stuck in the middle of it all and me for trusting him to believe in my...well, in me. He never believed in me."
"I think you…"
"Oh shut up, okay! I don't want you to EVER, bring this up again. You understand me? EVER!"
Casey saw the broken women exploding before her, but could do nothing. Olivia grabbed her things in a hostile state before Casey could prod her any further.
"Liv!"
"Leave me alone, CASEY! I can fight my own battles!"
SCENE
One week ago….
"Whatcha' doing," Kathy smiled from the couch.
Elliot clicked his phone shut and sat in his recliner. "Ah, nothing. I was just calling Liv to see what I missed today."
"Hrm," Kathy snipped. "I'm sure you didn't miss much, or she would have stopped by to tell us about it."
Elliot was staring out the window. Luckily the glare on his glasses hid the vacant expression on his face. "Yeah…she's probably out on a case."
"Probably," Kathy mumbled in annoyance. "Sweetheart, why don't you come over here and cuddle me."
"Hm?" Elliot shook off his thoughts and looked at Kathy sprawled out on the couch with her bare feet and her round tummy.
He pulled the glasses from his face and lazily moved over to the couch. Kathy sat with her arms out. Elliot's eyes took in her face to reveal an almost clear vision of neediness.
She grabbed his hand and played with the fingers that rested on his tummy. "I'm gonna be sad when you go back to work tomorrow."
"Yeah."
"You know, what I think?"
"What's that," Elliot answered as he flipped on the portable cop radio that was sitting on the coffee table.
"Dispatch. We're clear. False alarm."
"I think this accident was a blessing."
He stopped and furrowed his eyebrows at her. "That's a pretty twisted blessing sweetheart."
"Think about it," she smiled. "We haven't spent this much time together since high school.
Lake's voice came in on the radio. "We're heading in. Suspect is clean."
"Hmm, wonder if that's the Odhami case?"
"I just think that we need to do this more often," Kathy smiled, ignorant to the fact that Elliot was in his own world. "You know, spend time together, sitting on the couch, being lazy, cuddling, watching television. It's so nice, isn't it?"
"Honey, we're having a baby. Consider this the calm before the storm."
Kathy's comfortable smile turned weepy and she pushed Elliot's hand away. "Well, we could try to do this every now and again. You could at least stay positive about it."
"I am positive about it."
" I need a bus. 656 Washington Ave. Upper west side. We got an overdose." Fin's voice buzzed.
"Upper West side? That's gotta be the Odhami case."
"Elliot, can't you just put that thing down. They don't need you to help them figure it out," Kathy snapped.
"No, it's not about that. Lake has been doing this case behind…" Elliot trailed off when he looked over at Kathy, who was not amused. "Never mind. You're right."
"What? Tell me. If that's what you want to talk about, we can talk about it."
"Well last night I helped Lake with his case. He's kind of going behind the Captains back. But he had a good point. And he was going with his gut, so we watched the tape again and I saw ….You're upset. What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Kathy sighed as she pushed herself off of the couch.
"Kathy, don't start that. What did I say?"
"You went to the office last night? You said you were going to pick up Dickie from his friend's house."
"I did."
"You did! I guess failing to mention you were going in to be with your other family wasn't important."
Elliot grabbed Kathy's arm and pulled her into his chest. "Kathy, come on. I only stayed for an hour."
"You told me you were having a beer with Ronald's father. You lied to me."
"I...I didn't want to upset you. I'm restless here. I had to go in and do some of my paperwork. Liv's been doing all of my work. She needed a break."
"Oh, I see, you went in to see her!"
"And here it comes. You have to stop insinuating things. This is exactly why I didn't tell you, but now that it's out. YES, I stopped by the precinct to get caught up on some of my work."
Kathy pushed him away. "For Olivia!"
"She wasn't even there!"
"It doesn't matter that she wasn't there. You did it for her!"
"Why are you so angry with her? She's done nothing but help us."
Kathy stopped on the stairs and glared at Elliot. "You're so blind. Even if I am...making assumptions, maybe I don't want her help. Maybe she needs to get her own husband. She's everywhere. She's at your job. She's on the phone. In our conversations. She's stopping by our house every other day. And NOW- she's even part of our fights! Don't you find that to be a little irritating? And odd. Why does she need to stop by all of the time? Don't you think that's weird?"
"No," he said with a creased brow. "That's what brothers in blue do for each other. We help each other out when the other is in need. It's part of the relationship."
Kathy's eye froze with angry tears. "Yeah…that's exactly what it is too. A relationship. The only relationship you should be having with a beautiful woman is this one right here in front of your face!"
Elliot threw his hands in the air. "Partnership. Relationship. You knew what I meant. You can't compare apples to oranges. Kathy, this relationship is what's important to me, but Olivia has saved my life one too many times for me to not place her as a significant role in my life. You of all people should be grateful for that. Come on, Kath, I don't want to fight, you know I think you're beautiful, too."
Kathy didn't have to reply to that last thought. Elliot already knew he'd said the wrong thing. "That's not what I meant. Honey you are more beautiful then any woman I could ever handle."
And then he dug himself further in the hole. "I mean…"
Frustrated by his failure to communicate, he touched her hand as she clutched the bottom of the railing. "Go to hell, Elliot. Take you 'partnership' and your portable radio and go to hell!"
"Kathy, that's not what I meant! It came out all wrong!"
"No, you said it pretty clearly. Why don't you go sleep with your Brother's in Blue tonight?! I'm sick of putting up with your shit!"
"OH, you know what, you don't get it, and you never have, so let's just drop it. I'll tell her to back off, okay."
Sarcastically she threw a zinger right back at him. "Oh that's so sweet of you honey. Yeah, go tell her I said she wasn't welcome here any more. Way to make me the bitchy wife!"
Kathy stomped up the stairs as Elliot yelled at her from the bottom. "I didn't mean it like that and you know it!"
"You implied it, you jerk!"
She slammed the door and all was quiet. Elliot couldn't deal with any of it right now. He made his way to the liquor cabinet to pour himself a drink, when the doorbell rang.
Ding Dong.
Behind the door stood Don Sheffield, a guy from their church. "Hi, Elliot. Sorry, I know it's late."
Elliot smiled with a hint of confusion and annoyance. "It's fine. Come on in."
He closed the door behind Don and waved for him to take a seat. "No thanks, I actually need to speak to Kathy. Is she around?"
The door from upstairs opened as if it were on cue. "Don?"
Her voice was heard from the top of the stairs.
"Yeah, Kath, sorry 'bout the late hour…"
She walked down the steps smiling at Don and giving Elliot the evil eye. "Don, it's fine. Come to the kitchen with me. We'll talk."
Elliot started to follow them when Kathy stopped him. "Elliot, I just had the urge for ice cream. Can you go get me some?"
His mouth dropped in anger, but she just smiled and rubbed her belly. "Please."
Before leaving the room he made sure to give both of them the look of death. Don was really good at pulling off the bible study excuse, but Elliot wasn't born yesterday, he knew the relationship had been more then Matthew, Mark, and Paul.
He walked past his car and stood next to the kitchen window. He could hear Don making the moves.
"You look beautiful."
"Oh, thank you," Kathy blushed. "I wish my husband could remember that."
Elliot rolled his eyes with disgust.
"So why are you here," she asked.
Don paused. The quiet made Elliot nervous so he peaked into the window. They weren't even close enough to touch.
"Kath,-"
He hated that he called her Kath.
"Kath, I just…I miss you. And I …how are you? "
"I'm fine. I miss you too sometimes. We should hang out. "
"No, I mean, I miss you, miss you.…Are you sure that this is the right thing for you? I mean, you don't even know that it's his."
"It's his, Don."
Elliot was stunned at the things he was hearing. His ego was suddenly crushed from the mere thought of paternity.
"Don, what we had was really really nice. I mean, nothing like…well it was a bit of a dream. I just…Elliot and I have history. I can't ignore that. He's the father of my children."
"That's what you say."
"Don, it's over."
"How can you say that?"
"It's over."
Don reached out to touch Kathy. To remind her what they had. She pulled away in fear. "Don't do this. Go home, Don. Forget about us."
"I can't."
He reached for her again and Elliot jumped from his post in anger. He marched around the house and towards the door, but just as he was about to burst in and punch Don out the doorknob turned and Don rushed past him. Elliot stood on the porch in awkward silence.
"I forgot my glasses," he said to Kathy in a quiet tone. He didn't know what to do really. He was repulsed, worried, speechless, torn. You name it and he felt it. He felt it like an open wound.
Kathy nodded and backed away from the door. She didn't even care that he may have heard. She turned her back on him and waddled back up the steps.
Elliot stood in the middle of the living room unsure about what he should do. He locked the front door and took in his house like it was a strange place. Not one to give up, he took a deep breath and headed towards the bedroom.
All night he lay next to Kathy hoping she would say something. He was stunned by her actions and her dishonesty, but he couldn't let her go. He'd just gotten used to the fact that this was where he was supposed to be and now it was falling apart all over again. He tried to pray, but even that felt wrong. It felt wrong to pray for something so sour.
The one thing that did keep coming to his mind, to his peace of mind, was Olivia. He wanted desperately to talk to her. She would know what to do. She always knew what to do. Kathy remained jealous of Olivia, but without her, Elliot was sure that his marriage would have diminished long before he could have given it a second chance. Olivia was the reason he hadn't given up. She'd been the one who talked him into thinking clearly. She was the reason why he could look back at the dark times and still be at peace with himself. Her belief in him was what made him the man he was today. When the world seemed all wrong, Olivia was always there, giving herself, lending herself, caring for everybody, but herself. Why did she do that, he thought. Why would she do that?
AN: AH- god this chapter was frigg'n rough for me to write. Too many emotions and too many sad feelings about EO. We gotta keep our fingers crossed people. Clap our hands and say over and over again "I believe! I believe!" Thanks for the feedback. I didn't get to reply to everybody. I always try to do that and I feel bad that I didn't get to everybody. You all rock. Now drop me your EO happy thoughts and I might be able to get to the happy sucky puss kissy poo part of this story.