(A/N: Yaaaa, here goes nothin' yet again. Time placement on this one is iffy, but oh well. Enjoy!)
It was a typical study hour at Highland High School. The library overflowed with stressed out students rushing to finish the projects they'd procrastinated on. All except Beavis and Butt-head.
Oh, they were there. They were just doing a different kind of studying.
"Heh-heh, heh. Click on Scissor Sisters."
"Uh huh huh. Scissor Sisters is cool."
They may not have been computer geniuses, but those boys knew how to navigate a porn site.
"Yeah, heh, it'd be cool if they were, like, really sisters, and they were scissoring each other. Hehehe..."
"Uhhh, sure, Beavis. Uhuhuh. In a way."
"So, ahh...like, when 2 dudes do it...do they, like, uh—"
"Beavis and Butt-head!" Principal McVicker blustered behind them. "Y-Y-You little bastards!"
"Oh, hey," Butt-head greeted him casually.
"Ohhh-h-h, we didn't spend half our funds on these fancy-ass computers so you could get your rocks off! E-Either do something productive or get the hell outta my library! H-Hohh...!" With that, the principal stormed off to pop pills in his office.
"Uhhh, like, I guess he's got a point," Butt-head conceded.
"Really?" asked Beavis.
"Yeah. We shouldn't just be watching porn, we should be trying to score."
"Ohh, yeah. 'Cause they kicked me out last time I spanked my monkey in here." A flashy ad caught Beavis's eye. "Whoa! What's that say, Butt-head?"
"'C', uhh...'cat'," Butt-head lazily ran his finger along the screen. "'Shrooms'. Uhuhuh. 'Chatrooms'. We can, like, meet chicks and score there!"
"Yeah! Or at least see some boobs!"
"Dumbass, we can see boobs anywhere," Butt-head reminded him. "If she's not DTF, she can show her boobs to some other loser."
"Okay, let's make our name 'hung like a horse 69'," Beavis managed to say through his laughter.
"Cool." It took Butt-head a few minutes, but eventually they had their name: "hug licke a hore66". "And...done. Uhhuhuhuh. Now our age. I'm gonna say we're 38."
"Uhh, why?"
"'Cause it's an adult chatroom, dillweed. If you aren't an adult, they cut off your internet or something."
"Oh yeah. Heheh," said Beavis. "Or your balls. I saw a porno like that once, it was cool."
"Shut up," murmured Butt-head, entering the false age to complete the profile. "And...we're in."
"That was easy, heheheh. The internet is amazing!"
"Uhhhh, huhuh," Butt-head squinted at the various profiles, until he saw one named "obamasux15". The profile pic was a cute teenage girl. "Whoa, check it out, Beavis. This one chick is 15."
"15, wow, and they didn't cut off her balls? Hm-hmm-heh."
"I dunno, I guess she's cool like that. Uh-huh-huh. So let's score with her, since she's young and gull-li-bull, or something."
"Heheh, yeah. Teenagers are dumb. Ehehe-hm," Beavis remarked.
"Uhh, let's see. H-I," Butt-head clicked to send this message.
The chick replied just a couple seconds later.
obamasux15: hi! wanna see sum pix of me? :)
"...uhhhh, dammit. This chick talks too much. We should, like, get someone to do this for us."
"Yeah! Hm-hm, good idea!" Beavis looked around the library. "Look, there's Stewart!"
"Hey, Stewart," Butt-head called to him, and he looked up from the workbook he was writing in. "Get over here, you've got real work to do, uhhuhuh."
Stewart closed the book. "What's up?"
"Like, we're in a chatroom, tryna score with this chick," explained Beavis. "Come help us tell her we're hung and stuff! Eheheheh-hm!"
"Sorry, guys," Stewart shook his head. "I'd love to help you out, but I have a strong moral objection to lying on the internet. No good ever comes of that. But let's hang out later and do something we all like, okay?"
"Uhhh, no," said Butt-head.
"See ya then!" Stewart walked off, waving to them.
"That sucked...dammit, this chick prob'ly won't be horny forever, we gotta hurry and find someone!" fumed Beavis.
Daria, who was conveniently walking by, overheard this commotion. "What're you guys doing now?"
"None of your business, Diarrhea!"
"Shut up, Beavis!" Butt-head elbowed him. "Like, we found this horny chick in a chatroom, uh huh huh. We just need someone to tell her we'll do her, make sure she doesn't wuss out."
"What the...?" Stepping towards the monitor, Daria read the profiles and messages in mere seconds. "So, in this adult chatroom, you just so happened to find a teenage girl willing to send sexy photos...?"
"Yeah," replied Butt-head. "Are ya jealous?"
Beavis panicked as she reached for the keyboard. "Hey, HEY, what're you doing?!"
"Asking if this is a set-up," said Daria, typing away. "You never can know with online things."
"Uhh, oh yeah," the duo said in unison.
hug licke a hore66: u work for law enforcement?
obamasux15: lolwut? no freekin way! cmon do u wanna see my awsum pics or naw?
Daria couldn't help but smirk to herself. Of course Beavis and Butt-head would stumble across one of those predator decoys. No way would she pass this up.
"MOOOOVE," she nudged the boys aside. "I'll type for you guys."
"Whoa, really? Cool!" Beavis said in surprise.
"Sure, tell me what to say to her."
"Just tell her we wanna...y'know, with her," chortled Butt-head.
hug licke a hore66: ur profile pic was enuff to get me hard. where can I meet u?
obamasux15: i live at 9001 tuber terrace
hug licke a hore66: wow that's close by.
obamasux15: epic ;) come over at 4, and bring proteccion!
"Alrighty." Daria turned away from the computer. "Congrats, you've got yourselves a date. This girl says she's waiting at 9001 Tuber Terrace to bone you."
"Uhhh, where's that?"
"Tuber Terrace? It's adjacent to Burger World."
"..."
"'Adjacent', like 'right next to it'. I could look up a map if..." Daria heaved a sigh. "You know where that Hooters is?"
"Yeah!"
"It's right by that."
"Cool!" Beavis and Butt-head turned and raced toward the library exit.
"Hey, wait!" shouted Daria, stopping them in their tracks. "She said to meet her at 4 PM, it's barely 2!"
"..."
"Ohh, whatever. Considering how horny she is, I'm sure she'll be glad to see you early."
"Uhuhuh, thanks, Diar—uhh, Daria," Butt-head told her.
"Yeah, thanks!" added Beavis.
"Anytime," she waved to them as they left. "Friggin' morons."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The long trek to the sting house wasn't quite so long with Beavis and Butt-head's hope of scoring to fuel them.
Cloistered within 9001 Tuber Terrace was, of course, the crew of To Catch A Predator; Chris Hansen, Perverted Justice and a camera crew were all just chilling inside with their newest case of Mike's Hard Lemonade when an intern tapped the host on the shoulder.
"Yo, Chris, y'know those two guys we just invited over? Looks like they're coming up the road now."
"A pair of eager beavers, huh?" Chris rolled his eyes. "Alright, send the decoy out and get me their chatlog, let's hurry this up."
As the crew carried out his orders, Beavis and Butt-head barged in through the front door and strolled into the kitchen.
"You're pretty early, aren't ya?" the hoarse decoy called out from behind a curtain.
"Uh, yeah," Butt-head said plainly.
"Wait a sec, I'll be right out!" she giggled. "Just got chocolate on my shirt and I need to change!"
"Hm, okay," Beavis nodded, pulling out a stool. "Heh, I've been there."
"Huhuh, yeah," Butt-head took the seat for himself before Beavis could. "Except it wasn't chocolate."
After laughing over that memory, the boys sat there in utter boredom. Getting that chat printed out took time.
Just when they were thinking of microwaving an invasive cockroach, Chris Hansen emerged from the side hallway to the kitchen.
"Good afternoon, fellas," he greeted.
"Uhhh, yeah, it is," said Butt-head. "We're gonna score."
"Really? How about you two take a seat real quick?"
"Already sitting, dude..."
"Yeah, but since you're up, you can go get that chick for us," Beavis suggested.
"Ahem. And how old is this 'chick' you were supposed to 'score' with today?" inquired Chris.
"Uhh—"
"And don't bother lying," Chris held up his fresh papers. "Because I've got your chatlog right here."
"Uhuhuh, you said 'log'. Uhh," Butt-head squinted at the annoyed man. "Aren't you that bungwipe from Dateline NBC?"
"Yeah...!" Beavis recognized him too. "That bungwipe who, like, catches predicates. Or pre-verts. Heh-heh-heh-hm."
Chris cleared his throat once more. "SO, you know this girl said she was 15. And you know who I am. So you understand what this is, don't you?"
"Uhhh, Punk'd?" guessed Butt-head.
"It's an investigation," hissed Chris. "On adults who try to solicit sex from underage kids online. All this is being recorded."
At this, the camera crew emerged from hiding and surrounded the table.
"No chick? Dammit!" Beavis clenched his fists, scanning the kitchen. "Lying on the internet does suck! Hm-hm, you think you're gonna score with a hot chick! But then it's just some phony bungwipe, with his log!"
"Uhuhuh. Settle down, Beavis. At least we get to be on TV," Butt-head pointed out.
"Heh, oh yeah." Instantly calmed, Beavis waved to the cameras. "Heh. Hi, Mom!"
"Uhuhuh," Butt-head joined in. "Hi, moms."
The TCAP crew exchanged a dumbfounded look with Chris.
"These buttmunches said they were HOW old?"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Having been ushered into the back while Chris dealt with the next suspect, Beavis and Butt-head were sat down at the police's interrogation table.
"So, you two are actually minors..." The sheriff took a deep breath. "I was not trained for this."
Other cops paced around, pondering their next move while the two boys sat there dispensing their usual amount of laughter.
"You're bad at your job," Butt-head commented.
"Sir, we can't just throw this away," a cop spoke up. "Chris needs something to report on and PJ needs something for the show. Preferably something that doesn't make us look bad."
"Hrmm..." The sheriff gasped out of the blue. "I know. There must be a mastermind pulling the strings behind this! The true culprit has sent these stupid boys in his place to find out if it was a sting! I bet the bastard's swabbin' his hard drive as we speak!"
"Uh huh huh. Beavis likes swabbing his hard drive," Butt-head informed everyone. "And he's a bastard."
"Alright, boys, someone set you up with this chat! Make it easy on us all and explain what happened," the sheriff insisted, taking out a pen and notepad.
"It was Diarrhea!" blurted Beavis.
"Wha?!"
"No, dude, remember?" Butt-head nudged his "friend". "Uhh, like...we were just at school watching porn. Uhuhuh, then the principal made us stop and do this crap instead."
"Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was him," Beavis agreed.
"The high school principal!" The sheriff snapped his fingers. "Ohh, I always got a creepy vibe from him."
"Hm-hm-hm-heh, us too."
"Alright, people," the sheriff said determinedly. "Get me a squad car to Highland High, I'm arresting that dillwad principal NOW."
"Cool! Can we watch?"
"Uh, sure. I get the feeling he misled you boys, so you're off the hook."
Beavis and Butt-head gleefully followed the shrugging sheriff into the vehicle, hyped for their principal's arrest.
"Lying on the internet actually kicks ass," Butt-head said as it drove off. "Uhhuhuhuhuh."
"Yeah! Heh-heh, hm-hm-heh," Beavis stared out through the window. "This is gonna rule!"
And it did.
(A/N: took me long enough! That's, like, my tagline at this point. I know I'm not the only person curious as to how TCAP would go if a minor showed up to the sting house, so.
Hope you enjoyed! Please review, fave, point out any mistakes, and check out my profile for more stories and stuff. Later!)