AN: I'm so in the mood to sing Jingle balls…I mean, bells. Go! Sing! Okay, enough. Okay, I have nothing really to say except that you all rock! Have fun! Peace out. Merry Chrismakwanzick! And MrsLee and Sam I will be reviewing your fics later this evening when I return home from the wonderland that is my insane job! I totally ran out of time. OWWW, but I get to be Glinda the good witch tonight. I've been talking like a the bastard child of a fairy all day. I hope it didn'teffect the end of this fic too much. BLAH! Onward!

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

"Hey," Olivia smiled as Casey sat down across from her at the café.

"So are we done fighting, " Casey said with a hint of mild warmth that vibrated from her gruff vocal chords.

Olivia sighed in embarrassment. "I know, I'm…I've been a terrible friend. Casey, I truly am sorry."

"Well, don't be too sorry, I deserved some it. And let's not kid ourselves, after the accident, I did say some pretty uncalled for things behind your back, so we're even."

Olivia smirked and took a sip of her tea. "Really, what kind of uncalled for things?"

"Oh, it's not worth repeating. Just know that I take it all back. So how are you," Casey asked in all seriousness. She watched her dear friend's eye glance up at her and then back down to the old stained coffee mug.

"I'm good."

"Really?"

"Oddly enough, really. I…feel, god, I don't know Case, I feel right where I need to be. I'm not sure why, but I stopped fighting it. I feel excepted this way. It's comforting and releasing."

Olivia had a brightness about her that Casey hadn't seen in years. "Why do you think that is?"

"Well, I've either had a change of heart or that bump on the head was exactly what I needed to jolt me back to life," She lightly laughed. "I think I just needed to come to terms with us being the way we are. Gosh, Casey, I held Kathy in my arms…while she gave birth. I saw her placenta and helped cut the cord. I held her tiny baby in my arms. She made me the godmother. She calls me everyday, did you know that?"

Casey looked at her with a blank stare. "How do you feel about that?"

"I think...I like it. I think, Elliot, even kind of enjoys it. He's been treating me like part of his family. I mean, don't get me wrong. It was weird at first. It was…painful at first. And she knows. I know she knows I love her husband, but she's not afraid of it."

"Really? She's not afraid of it, but she has to call you everyday."

"Well, I guess I never thought of it that way. She's certainly good at hiding the fear if it's there."

"Okay," Casey said with an uncertain sarcasm. "So now what?"

Olivia got strangely quiet, she was never really good at revealing herself to other people, but again she listened to that peaceful nerve in the center of her mind, that instinct that she'd just recently come to terms with. Meekly (as meek as Olivia could get) she looked up from her tea and her face was almost beaming. "Casey, I have to tell you something and you have to promise that you won't judge me and that you won't tell a soul. You have to promise that you'll just allow me to have this one moment without any negative remarks or realistic ties. Can you do that?"

Casey grabbed her hand and smiled. "Liv, I'd do anything for you, you know that."

"In the hospital, when I was coming out of unconsciousness, he kissed me. He held my hand, caressed it, even, and then he kissed me."

Casey's grip started to tighten on Olivia's hand. "What did you do?"

"I kissed him back."

"And?"

"And then nothing. Kathleen caught us and …and now there's nothing."

"What do you mean, nothing? Has he said anything to you since?"

"No…it's…he wouldn't. That's not like him."

Casey scoffed at bit. She was the kind of girl who could never just pretend something like a kiss never happened. Her forward personality did its' best not to judge Olivia's willingness to avoid certain circumstances, but she was in no way able to hold in the absurdity of it all. "Olivia, if he's not going to say something then you have to."

"No! No, I could never do that. Obviously he's not bringing it up for a reason. I don't want to be the one who breaks up that family. Kathleen already hates me. I can tell by the fire in her eyes every time Kathy invites me to dinner. That, and I trust him to bring it up when the time is right."

"Liv, are you sure this even happened?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Look, Casey, he's going to bring it up."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know him, and there's a reason why he isn't and it's not because he doesn't want to."

Casey looked around for the waitress that never came, and then grabbed Olivia's tea to get a taste of caffeine into her perplexed system. "So what, you're gonna wait nine more years for him make the next move. Olivia, you've got to act on this now, before he gets too comfortable. You know he's terrible at making the first move."

Olivia's eyebrows lifted. "Don't judge a book by its' cover. Elliot is not as pious as you'd think. Apparently, he dated a lot more than Detective Crazy, while I was gone."

"Well if that's true, then he would have made the moves on you by now, don't you think?"

Casey's conclusion was not the first time Olivia had questioned Elliot's lack of action when it came to her, but for one reason or another she wouldn't believe it. "It's hard to pin point, Case, but he and I…we're different from…his usual relationships. I think it scares him. Ah, I don't know. I just know, that I'm content to give him the space and explore the possibilities that life has to offer me, even if that means…dating other men again."

"Olivia, that's healthy, but how can you just sit back and not say anything? If he's that important to you, why ignore it? You can't tell me that you're fine about sharing him with Kathy? She's getting all the benefits. House, kids, sex-"

"Oh, no, there's no sex."

Casey lifted a brow at Olivia's stockerish answer.

"Kathy tells me," Olivia continued "She wanted me to drop hints about the issue, but I told her I refused to talk about that kind of thing with a co-worker."

"Wow, that's weird."

"It is, isn't it," Olivia mumbled.

Casey pondered the thought of Elliot and Olivia actually making it. She knew that Elliot and Kathy couldn't be as happy as they appeared to be, because she'd sent the divorce papers in for them a long time ago. If Elliot had been committed to Kathy he would have renewed those vows long before now. This new information just helped her to call the verdict. "Okay, Liv, so maybe you're right. Let him bring it up. You know him better than I. That's fine, but I will not allow you to sit by the phone."

"Like I would. Please, do I look like that kind of a woman?"

"No," Casey smirked. "But you're doing all kinds of unusual things lately, so I have to keep my eye on you. You're going on a date with me tomorrow."

"Well, that's a fine offer, but I gave up women in college."

Casey chuckled. "You lezzy you. No, I mean, I'm going out tomorrow for a night of Christmas Eve fun with a certain guy I've been sort of seeing, and you and a random bachelor number one are joining me."

"Oh really now. Does your certain guy have an unfortunate first name and the ability to predict mapquest without even opening a computer?"

"Ah, excuse me…Manhattan is only 2 miles long, and he's got a good memory. Don't belittle his intricacies. But I will say you are right about the name. Very unfortunate."

Olivia laughed. "For a sex crimes detective….Ah, yeah, that's got to be the worst!"

"So are you in or what?"

Olivia clenched her teeth and breathed in with uneasiness. "I don't know. I never liked blind dates. Who are you going to ask?"

"Come on I have to black mail you some how. You know my secret."

"Oh, yeah, what secret? You and Lake are about as subtle as a Cragen's Vodka breath."

The two of them laughed and reminisced as the lunch hour went by.

"Where the hell is that Waitress," Casey yelled.

SCENE

"Stabler, you better have a plan B or this guy is walking out of here and I'm up shits creek," Porter steamed.

Elliot rifled through the files on Eric Borgen, A.K.A. Clement Moore. Normally he wouldn't be so nervous, but Porter was taking this case way too personally. He took a few deep breaths to try and release an idea, but nothing was coming to him. "Okay, Porter, Joseph said that this guy was always getting fired for stealing. He was never caught as a molester or even as the murderer. The only thing linking him to the crime is Joseph's gut and his finger prints on the Santa costume zipper."

"Yeah, yeah, I know this, Stabler. Tell me something that will convict him. Being fired for stealing isn't getting him to confess murder."

Elliot looked through the two-way mirror and watched the heavyset man sitting behind the table. He looked serine and innocent even. The wheels started to turn in Elliot's head as he watched the man calmly staring out of the barred up window.

"Why would this guy steal? And what did he steal? I can't imagine this guy needing anything. He looks pretty well kept. Put together. What would he need that he … that's it! What did he steal?"

"What does it matter," Porter sighed as he pulled at his thick mane of hair.

"No, I've seen it before. The act of stealing and begin reprimanded for the act, triggers the killer inside of him. We have to brain storm that idea for a second. Joseph said that he told him he grew up in an orphanage. Maybe a bad memory is causing him to do these things."

Dean shook his head and grabbed the file from Elliot's hand. "Look, we got nothing. Even if you're theory were right, I can't hold him here on that."

"But we can question him?"

"No, actually we can't!"

Dean slammed the door in Elliot's face. Elliot closed his eyes and held back the anger. He could hear Dean telling Mr. Borgen that he was free to go. The sound of Porter's voice was like a jolt of irritation. He had to get out of there. He was already working an hour over time. Without even saying good-bye he walked through the FBI headquarters, grabbed his coat, and headed for the streets. Kathy had called him several times, but he wasn't in the mood to speak to anybody. Frustrated, he got into his car and headed to Queens. The whole time is head swam with the conversation he had with Joseph. Joseph was so sure that this was our guy, but after meeting him, Elliot was beginning to think Porter was right. He got to the stop light and the unanswered questions nagged at his thoughts. He checked his watch one more time and with a grunt swerved towards Olivia's building.

Once there he stood next to the intercom. His finger itched to hit her button, but he passed it and landed on Joseph Clemmons.

The old man's feisty voice rang through the streets loudly from the speaker.

"HELLO!"

"Hi, Joseph, it's Detective Elliot Stabler with the-"

"I know who you are."

Within minutes Elliot was up stairs and heading towards Joseph's opened door. He glance passed it towards Olivia's corner. She had a Christmas wreath up, which was unlike her. He knew she was home but he wasn't about to make temptation that much harder to resist. Joseph interrupted his thoughts.

"Come on in already."

An hour of sifting through Joseph's thoughts was like trying to get past a thousand old jokes and ridiculous stories. Elliot was exhausted.

Joseph continued with enjoyment. "Eric liked to steal candy. Mars bars to be exact. I haven't the foggiest idea why, but it was a big inside joke with the rest of us Sanats that if anyone was an illegal alien it was Borgen. He was stealing those bars to get back to his planet. EB phone home! EB phone home!" Joseph chuckled a bit. The pause left an opening for Elliot to head for the door, but Joseph kept talking. "I remember one guy used to do magic. God damn, was he ever annoying. Constantly asking us to pick a card. Pick a card. Pick a card. Then you'd pick one and he'd pull it out of your ass or your ear or something stupid like that. He had not patter, no skills. He wasn't even funny. He just kept making you pick a card, pick a card. Well I didn't want to pick a fucking card yeah know. I told him one night I said ', You want to see a magic trick? Bend over and I'll make this cane disappear.' Ha ha ha…oh yeah, that was a good time that I had with those old farts."

Elliot could here Christmas music playing next door and all of the sudden he wasn't even listening to Joseph anymore. He grabbed his coat from a chair next to the door and turned the knob. "Well, Joseph, I have to get going. You said it was St. Francis Orphanage, right?"

"Right, right, just down on 1st and Broadway. I used to go to school with them. I don't know if they're still up and running, but I'm sure somebody will know something."

"Okay, Merry Christmas Joseph."

"Oh, oh , thank you, I'm Jewish."

"Really? A Jewish San-"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You should of saw the look on you face though."

Elliot smiled and shook his head. "Later Joe."

"Good-bye."

The door closed and Elliot was left standing next to the elevator. The Christmas music coming from her apartment was taunting him like a Siren from the Odyssey. His Homer complex took over the logic in his brain and when the elevator door opened he didn't get inside. He turned and knocked on her door.

Her voice rang from behind the wreathed peephole. "Who is it?"

"It's Ellio-"

"Elliot!"

She unlatched her door and welcomed him with one of her intoxicating smiles.

"I thought you didn't do Christmas," He jabbed.

She stood with tinsel wrapped around her shoulders and a tree ornament in her hand. "I don't, usually, but something came over me. Let me turn down my music."

Carol Carpenter sang Christmas in the background. "Santa looked a lot like daddy. And daddy looked a lot like him."

Elliot closed her door and walked over to the partially decorated tree. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Oh, I was never big on the daddy songs anyway. What brings you to my neck of the woods?"

"I was talking to Joseph." Lightly he touched the old baby shoe on the tree. "This yours?"

"Yep," she smiled.

"Where'd you find this pitiful looking tree?"

The tree was tiny and not much to look at, even with all of the decorations on it.

"It was one of the last ones at the market. I could have bought a nicer one, but this one looked like it needed a home."

"Always looking out for the underdog."

"Of course," she said as she continued to place the ornaments on the tiny sapling.

He watched her happily decorate. She was almost like a child. He'd never seen this side of her before. The way she gently unwrapped each ornament like it was a sacred memory. Her cheeks beaming with a rose colored hue. "Is Simon coming over for Christmas?"

"No, I'm going over there."

"That's good."

She felt his eyes watching her and gave him a questioning glance. "I can feel your thoughts."

"Yeah, what are they saying?"

She ignored the question and reached for the next dusty ornament box.

"I haven't put these ornaments up since before I was a teenager. They've been sitting in my storage unit since my mom died. I got this terrible urge for the presence of my mother. Damn, holidays. So I decided to open up the old Christmas boxes. It was one thing that she and I had fond memories of. Christmas decorations, her old records, and hot chocolate. Is that wrong?"

"She's you're mother, Liv. I'm glad to know that you miss her."

Her back was to him and his approval made the fragile glass ball fall from her hand. It's tiny pieces scattered across the hardwood floor. They both jumped at the sound of it.

"These little guys always break so easily."

Elliot pushed her hand from the glass. "I got it."

Her fingers placed a few of the pieces into his hand. Their eyes were on the floor, but their bodies were so close that touching would have killed the warm vibrations of energy jumping from each of their ora's. Cheek to cheek, and then nose to nose. Finally Elliot got all the pieces in his hand and looked up. His face was inches from hers and the connection their eye contact made was enough to send both of them into a speechless frozen position. Elliot could feel her sweet breath on his lips and he leaned in adjusting his head ever so slightly. She closed her eyes, but just as the tingling energy of his lips got close enough for her to feel his warmth she pushed away. "Kathy invited me to Dinner tomorrow night."

Elliot's insides were rolling with fear and hormones. He quickly walked to the kitchen in hopes that her counter would hide the semi under his slacks. "Kathy invited you. That's nice."

Olivia quickly reached for the next record and pretended to be interested in the cover. "Yeah, but I'm going out with Casey. Tell her that if anything changes I'll take you guys up on the offer."

"Right."

Their backs remained facing each other. Elliot looked at the sink and Olivia futzed with the record player.

When she turned around he was standing next to the door with a bewildered look on his face. "I'm gonna go. I'll see you...tomorrow maybe."

"Yeah."

Olivia nervously watched him leave. Casey's words hung on the tip of her mind. "Elliot."

He turned to face her. His thoughts were just as wrung as hers. She could see the struggle written in his eyes. She knew he wanted to acknowledge it, but she wouldn't be like Kathy and force him a decision.

"Merry Christmas…you know, if I don't see you."

He nodded, and then pulled her into a long hug. "Merry Christmas."

Without looking back at her face he quickly disappeared into the hallway. All of Olivia's fears and uncertainties returned in a packaged image of Elliot's abandonment. She wanted to have faith that he'd come around or that life would permit her to move on, but their story was beginning to sound like a broken record.

George Michael played in the background. "Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away. This year to save me from tears I'll give it to someone special. Special."

Quietly she sat in the middle of her couch and sobbed uncontrollably. "Mom, if you can hear me, I need a miracle."

AN: Don't forget to give me all your loven'...all your hugs and kisses too. Singing. I sing to frigg'n much somebody shoot me!