Of course Eric has no such misfortune, for misfortune it would be to sleep away these blessed moments.
He lies awake for at least an hour, reminiscing the moments of his life that led him to this state of delirious happiness, meeting Miss Darcy for the first time, a gangly tall girl, incredibly shy, accompanied by her tall and dignified brother. Eric remembers wondering how such a handsome, assured man could have such a self-effacing, insignificant looking sister.
Until she started to play, and he instantly recognised her incredible talent and driving ambition, suddenly eager to have the teaching of her, to show her the world he had spent his whole life in so far, the world of the piano.
After that, she was a lot less shy and insignificant.
Over the course of several weeks, as they got to know each other much better, he started to experience some strange feelings for her, she was still gangly and very young, but something about her was changing, she was slowly crawling out of her shell, and not just because of his lessons. She was growing up, and gaining control over her tall frame and long limbs, looking ever more lady-like, and her progress on the piano was nothing short of astounding.
Nothing daunted her, his sometimes demanding moods didn't frighten her off, they spurred her on to ever greater achievements, until one day, Eric found himself eyeing her with something more than just a teacher's pride. He was watching her with tenderness, a still-slight wish to touch her creamy skin, her blonde hair, her rosy cheeks.
Louise was already showing her affection for him openly, and one day Mr Zumpe let him know without a hint of subtlety that Eric's return of her attentions was highly desirous, expected really.
His resulting obstinate mood had made him daring towards Georgiana, and before he knew it, they were no longer formal to each other, and the feel of Georgiana's name on his lips and tongue gave him the courage to consistently refuse his patron his cooperation in the latter's plans for Eric's future.
He knew Georgiana was not for him, but through his budding love for her he realised he could only hope to love and to be happy with a woman who had a driving ambition of her own, and a strong mind, to cope with his own unbending character.
But life had its way to fit him into its mould, and his love for the talented girl grew until it started to give him sleepless nights, triggering him to obsess over the music in his mind. It had always been there, but until then he had been able to easily ignore it and play other pieces of his own, and Mr Zumpe's, choosing.
From then on, lying awake in the middle of the night, it turned out to be much more difficult to pay no attention to a whole orchestra playing the most haunting music, his own lead now playing along with it, then against the force of the music.
There was no help for it, he had to write it down to get it to leave him alone, and he did. At this stage, his love for Georgiana was still mainly very pleasurable, he looked forward to her lessons, managed to stay as demanding as he had ever been, and was able to keep his love from his pupil and her chaperone. Or so he thought.
He knew when Mrs Darcy had visited that she had seen through him, and he hoped she would not betray him to her husband, but he had no clue Georgiana herself was on to him as well, though he should have known, she was already so observant.
Ever growing, his love nonetheless remained the kind that can still be retracted in case of adversity, at least he thought so, his feelings did not make him desperate when he told himself it was only temporary, would never be answered.
But it still gave him a measure of courage to fight the oppression of his patron, who made his will felt ever more, fettering Eric's ambitions until he became a mere shadow of the man he had imagined himself to become.
And when life as he knew it came to a dramatic conclusion by Mr Zumpe kicking him out, his love burst into flower as much as its lovely object had by now. She was absolutely beautiful as well as talented and driven, and when they met informally, at her brother's house, Eric in absolute distress for having been dismissed and turned out of the house, she was so incredibly sweet and caring.
When she stroked him and kissed him, he was convinced she felt nothing but pity for him, but still he was blissfully happy with the affectionate touch, he loved her so much, and so hopelessly by now.
Her almost piqued admission that she had come to love him gave him sleepless nights until she returned to the house, and from that moment on, life turned into a mixture of elation and intense pain, realising they were perfect for each other, but convinced their social status would keep them apart forever, his love no longer hurting just himself, but dragging poor Georgiana down with him.
But all that hurt has been in vain! It is still almost impossible to believe, Mr Darcy to let Georgiana decide by herself whom she will get married to? A man who is merely pretending to be a gentleman, who doesn't know anything besides playing a piano?
They will need a lot of help yet to become independent, fortune or not. Neither of them knows how to run a household, or how to handle servants, or money.
But they are learning fast, and by the time Georgiana is eighteen, they will be ready to strike out on their own.
It will be a long engagement, when she stroked his chest under his dressing-gown all of a sudden he realised just how long, his baser feelings flared up, urging him to do all kinds of indecent things with her, but he will get the better of those, mastering one's primitive side must be easier than mastering a sonata. He managed to resist a very cunning lady, after all, out to break his will with bared thighs and almost bared breasts.
Only men with a weak will and no sense of self-respect resort to ladies like that one, Eric will turn to his piano for help, practising or composing must win from lust any time.
And they will be allowed to hold hands, and kiss, if it's not too public.
The feel of her, it was so incredible, so good. As good as studying together.
As good as playing together? No, nothing can beat that.
Except maybe coming from the stage in a wave of acclaim, into her arms. That was so sweet, even though his mind was in agony at the time.
And with the memory of ladies and gentlemen alike crying over his composition, Eric finds sleep, his body is exhausted, even if his mind is still running around in happy circles.
His fatigue keeps him from waking long past sunrise, and while the others are having breakfast, Eric's dreams take an indecent turn, all the strain of the last few days has to find a release, he sits at the lovely Clementi once again, this time with Georgiana in his lap, playing together, but they're both wearing nothing but dressing-gowns!
Suddenly she turns around, her long legs now straddling him, she's sitting right on top of a very insistent part of him, and kisses him very, very intimately. Her loose garment creeps up steadily, revealing ever more of her slim, bare legs.
By now she's caressing his chest once more, her hand deep inside his dressing gown, still kissing him lustily, and he can feel his control slipping, the thin fabric cannot stop him, he fondles her breasts as Frederick's friends did with those girls, buries his face in her soft, fragrant bosom as his hand slips lower, and hers do the same, shamelessly groping under his thin garment.
She doesn't behave like a virgin at all, and neither does he, they grab for each other like he witnessed plenty of men and women doing a few days ago, her hand on his manhood, his hand..
A knock on the door wakes him instantly, flushed and only a little ashamed, he really cannot fault himself for dreaming so indecently, he hasn't for years, Georgiana's touch awoke his lust again, he'll have it back on its leash soon enough.
And witnessing those goings on, having one of those women straddle him like that, talk to him like that, what man's baser nature wouldn't have stored the experience for later use in naughty dreams?
He quickly gets up and dons his dressing gown over his nightshirt, but he cannot face anyone like this, yet, not even Simon. He needs to control his excitement first, playing his practise piece would help, but he cannot play the piano with someone waiting for him behind the door.
'Eric?'
The voice proves it to be Frederick, and he doesn't seem angry or impatient.
'Frederick, I hear you, but I'm not decent at all!' he calls back.
'Let me put something on quickly and I'll be with you.'
Does he hear that very same voice say 'Too bad'?
No, not even Frederick would be that audacious, he must have imagined it.
After a sketchy wash, he is dressed in just a few minutes, his hair must still be a mess, but he'll sort that out later, it's not indecent for a man to have messy hair, and Frederick won't care for his looks anyway.
When he opens the door, Frederick is still waiting patiently, dressed to perfection of course, and he does not look put out, but rather incredibly glad.
'If you let me in quickly, I can congratulate you, Eric. You must be the happiest fellow alive.'
And before Eric can make a reply, he is gathered up in immensely strong arms and hugged affectionately.
That is weird, being hugged by a man, in fact it isn't that bad, it feels very safe, he's certainly a very strong fellow. But Eric still has some after-effects of his lustful dream, and to be touched by a strong man in such a state is decidedly unnerving.
'Do you mind, Eric? I'm sorry.'
Now he's given the wrong impression to a very deserving man, and he feels the need to explain, though his language will be bordering the scandalous. Still, Frederick must be used to seeing a lot of indecencies, after what they both witnessed on Grenfell's party, Eric supposes nothing he can say will truly shock his friend.
'I don't, Frederick. You woke me from a rather, let me say this decently, explicit dream. I've been suppressing certain feelings, and last night shook them loose. They combined with our little excursion, and that loose woman's efforts, and the result still clings to me. It made your embrace a bit more meaningful than you probably intended it.'
Manners' broad smile is back, this is not the controlled gentleman Eric knows and respects, this is a very happy man standing before him, a true friend, who has heard some really good news and wants to share his feelings.
Then his expression changes to a leer, and he observes, 'Dammit, caught at giving you a meaningful embrace.'
Eric is very aware this friend looks at men differently, and though he knows he doesn't look at Eric that way, he is still startled by Frederick's easy joking about a very sensitive subject. It will take some getting used to, Eric is still so afraid to accidentally give him away.
'Why so serious, Eric? Aren't you over the moon? When Simon brought me the news, I cried with happiness for you. Seriously!
I have felt your suffering, I'm a lot more sensitive than I pretend to be.'
He is, it's so obvious now. What a life, to be Mr Manners all day when in fact you're this loving friend. Now it's Eric's turn to redeem himself and embrace Frederick as heartily, though by no means as strongly.
'Not a bad effort at all, Eric, and totally meaningless.'
His very appealing smile belies the negative statement.
'I am very happy, Frederick, but I'm still a bit afraid Mr Darcy will deny everything, and then I've already kissed his sister, and dreamt about her in a very indecent way. Held her, too. Are you very disappointed?'
His friend does not look unhappy, but a bit more serious.
'I'm sure Miss Darcy wouldn't make such a thing up, Eric. But I guess I can imagine your being nervous about it, I certainly felt it when I asked to see Darcy in private. He must have known about his sister's affections, but felt unable to speak out. I'm starting to admire this family more and more, Eric, I envy your becoming part of it.'
'I suppose in a way you are part of it, too, Frederick. Simon's part of the family, you know, even though they pay him a salary and he treats them with a certain deference. They'll be very sad when you take him away from them.'
'You know I just cannot believe that. Simon says they know, and accept his nature, protect him. But if they find out about me, they'll not be so lenient, I am one of them, failure to live up to perfection will not be accepted from their own kind.'
'Frederick, just hear yourself speak! No to put too fine a point on it, but Mrs Darcy isn't one of you at all. If by your kind you mean rich, arrogant, overbearing gentility.
She's the most accepting person you and I know. And I'm sure Mr Darcy would accept your nature being alike to Simon's easier than his very own sister marrying a nobody pretending to be a gentleman. Yet here we are.'
'All right, all right, you win. You're much better in bringing yourself down than I am. You must have practised it for years, and I suppose you had plenty of help from your former patron. I only started to doubt myself when I fell head over heels in love with a beautiful, competent man.
But your times of doubt are over, man, your concert was a huge success, I cannot wait to read the papers tomorrow, see what the critics say. And you have won the heart and hand of the girl you love, against odds stacked higher than those foreign mountains you wrote your concerto about.
Though I guess your naughty dreams will continue for a while, I'm afraid those scenes at Grenfell's house cannot be unseen, nor Melanie's actions unfelt.
But don't let me keep you any longer, it's past ten, Mr Darcy has finished his breakfast already, I waited quite some time before I knocked on your door, I'm keeping you from making this official and wishing your beloved a good morning in this lovely new year.'
'Frederick, one more thing. What will you do, you and Simon?'
'I'm thinking of inviting him to go to Vienna after all. I cannot dismiss my valet to hire Simon, it would cause a stir, which is exactly what I want to avoid, but he has a family, he will not leave the country. Besides, Darcy may not want to let Simon go.
Hopefully we will be able to continue as we were, me in front of the house, him in the back, and at night we meet until the cock crows. That is our only opportunity to be together for now.
Unless we go to Austria, Italy, France, if we travel, we can be together, climb mountains, walk forests, sit next to a stream, lunch together, dine together, kiss in the rain. I'd like to do that, very much so.
You could come, too, both of you. Once you're married. You can have those lessons, maybe give a few concerts, think about it, it'll be fun.'
'We may do that. But first I face Mr Darcy, wish me luck.'
'Eric Fielding, I am quite certain that he truly likes you, and has been waiting for you two to come to an agreement for at least a week. That is what Simon tells me. Apparently your beloved was a bit shy.
Now, go be brave once more, and we'll meet in the drawing-room.'
And he turns on his heels and leaves the room, back to his usual confident self.
Well, that was easier than he expected, though it's hard to see a man like Frederick rather beaten down. Theirs is a sad plight, especially compared to his own improved circumstances, and Eric cannot think of anything he can do to help.
But first, he has to face his new patron, the man he depends on for his very livelihood, to ask his permission to marry his sister. It's almost too much to ask of a man, to not just give him food and shelter, and honestly, good advice and much needed protection from the world outside, but also his only, and dearly beloved sister.
Put this way, Eric's courage sinks rapidly, it was fine to imagine doing this in the dark of night, with Georgiana's eager warm shape in his arms, still a bit high on his performance and the stunning relief of her message. But now, in the light of day, fully awake and aware once again of his dependence on Mr Darcy, how will he be able to get this done?
Play the piano first?
No! He will be a man this once. Imagine what Frederick must have gone through, telling Eric his big secret, that was bravery. This is easy, he knows Georgiana has made the decision herself, this is mere formality.
Having talked some courage into himself, Eric remembers to stand before the mirror to settle his clothes, and brush his hair until his locks obey him and fall over his ears as they should.
Then he decides to start in the drawing-room, then check the library, and if Mr Darcy is not in any of them, brave the study.
Except he runs into Simon before he reaches the stairs.
'I've been waiting for you, congratulations, Eric! Mr Darcy said to send you to the small sitting-room at the front of the house, the one with the pink brocade furniture. Apparently Mrs Darcy has dubbed it the confidence-room, and he said he suspected you had something to discuss in private, and to wait there while I fetch him.'
'Was he very angry?'
Eric's courage is definitely leaving him again.
'You still don't believe it, do you? Do you think Miss Darcy and I would lie to you? He just likes to disconcert you, it's his only chance, he has no other sisters. Remember, he went through the same process half a year ago, with Mr Bennet, I suppose that gave him a certain expectation of this occasion.
Come.'
And Simon leads him to the confidence-room, indeed a snug little sitting-room with old-fashioned cosy furniture, very suitable to intimate talks, and a much more pleasant place to sit waiting than Mr Darcy's opulent study.
'You wait here, I'll fetch the master.'
Too bad there isn't a piano here, but maybe Eric needs to learn not to run to a piano to forget his nerves, maybe he should learn to face them, he's an adult now, after all, and soon he will have the responsibility for a wife.
Though that may not be exactly the right way to see things, Georgiana will not be dependent upon him, she will undoubtedly take responsibility for him as well, the whole reason they are allowed to marry is because Georgiana gets to lead her own life, they will be equals.
Breathing slowly, exercising his fingers as his beloved taught him, he finds his quiet, and before he can fret himself into nervousness again, the door opens and Mr Darcy comes in.
He looks grave, and walks in very slowly, in a dignified manner, but before he has reached the other end of the small room, his face cracks into a hearty smile, and he admits, 'I was going to let you sweat a little, just because I thought it would be fun, but I cannot seem to do it, Mr Fielding, I've come to like you so much, and you looked so very nervous just now, I felt so mean. You've suffered enough, I felt so bad for you, remembering how it hurt to be sick with love.
Come here!'
And for the second time that morning, Eric is taken in a strong bear-hug, what is it with these gentlemen? Once they become familiar they do it so totally, and they're so much stronger than they look!
'Congratulations, my brother! Elizabeth and I have been watching and waiting to see when it would happen, and this morning at breakfast Georgie looked different. So I asked, and she admitted to telling you about our little deal late last night. She almost swooned with the memory.
I started planning immediately, to give you a good fright, letting you sweat your way through a formal proposal, so I set up Simon to intercept you and take you to the study. He suggested the study might be too much, with what happened there with Mr Zumpe, so I decided on the new confidence-room.
Then when I came in I saw your face all drawn and frightened, and I remembered my own ordeal with Mr Bennet, and I just couldn't do it.'
'So this is it? You're not going to force me to tell you how I plan to take care of your sister without a fortune to my name, without a house to receive her in?'
'Well, as I said, I was planning to, but no. I promised Georgie she could make her own decision, and she did, so I have to abide by it.
But Mr Fielding, I'm glad she chose you, even though she is still very young.
Seeing the two of you together the last weeks was such a joy, you are almost like one person, you communicate without speaking, you enjoy the same things, you have the same determination to make a life for yourselves. Most importantly of course, you're such a handsome couple.'
A cheeky smile proves Mr Darcy doesn't mean that at all.
'You may not have noticed yourselves, but the love between you was almost palpable. It was rather difficult to see you elated when you were busy together, and beat when you were back to reality. I'm glad you've reached an understanding, I'm sure you will be very happy together.
Of course you're very welcome to stay with us until you both feel the need to strike out on your own. I certainly hope to see the two of you at Pemberley this summer, I promised to make you a true gentleman, remember, by teaching you how to ride and shoot?'
This is not how Eric imagined this conversation, this is just chatting!
But there are some details to discuss, like when they can get married, and where.
'Do you want us to wait until Georgiana is eighteen, Mr Darcy?'
'First of all, we're brothers now, so I'd appreciate it if you'd just call me Darcy, like all my friends and relatives. As to a date, and frankly, also a place, I suppose you have to decide that together.
Georgiana is young to be married, but both my sisters-in-law are much the same age, Lydia was just sixteen, and I don't think Kitty will wait much longer.
You'll find it very hard to stick to propriety, my brother, believe me, I've been there a mere six-month ago. These ladies seem unable to imagine that a gentleman has a bit more to cope with than their own modest passions. Holding hands and exchanging tiny kisses in a corner of the room can be very titillating, I assure you.
I will not blame you if you decide together you want to marry after the usual two months, just after Georgie's seventeenth birthday. We'll discuss the nuptials together, the three of us, and we can have someone with a real head for figures present, a lawyer, or my steward, or Manners if you like. That reminds me, my cousin the Colonel may also request to be present since we share custody of Georgiana.
You can have a splendid wedding if you want to, or you can keep it small, whatever pleases the two of you, you decide and tell me. In summer, I'd love to have it at Pemberley, but if you both prefer town that's fine by me.'
Now Darcy seems to be lost in memories all of a sudden, and he smiles a little, then says, 'When I asked Mr Bennet for his daughter's hand, I got a totally different reaction. I was so afraid of him, not of his refusal, for as Elizabeth told me later he observed literally, he didn't dare refuse me anything I condescended to ask. Instead, I was deadly afraid of his sarcasm.
The whole family hated me, even Elizabeth hated me at first, and rightly so for I was an arrogant fellow before my love for her brought me to my knees.
Mr Bennet didn't trust me with her at all, she is his favourite daughter and he just couldn't believe she had accepted me. He tried to talk her out of it, she told me he begged her not to marry without love and respect.
Of course I've managed to prove my worth to him by now, but I was afraid of him for months.'
'It's still hard to imagine anyone not wanting their daughter to marry you, Darcy. I mean, you are everything a man should be, you do so much good.'
'Ask Elizabeth one time, she'll tell you how overbearing and arrogant I used to be, how I treated her the first months of our acquaintance. She refused me once, did you know? And rightfully so, she hated me for being disdainful to her and everyone around her. She gave me an earful about how I treated those I thought beneath me, and boy did I suffer for it.
You have felt some pain over a love returned but not allowed, but I had taken ten years to fall in love, with someone who turned out to hate me passionately, to slowly realise she was right to do so. I was so sick I couldn't really talk or eat for months.
My housekeeper at Pemberley thought I was dying of consumption. Georgie was in a state for I wouldn't talk about it. Until she wouldn't take no for an answer anymore and forced me to speak up. That was a profound moment, I think that is when she started to really grow up.'
Eric just cannot believe this, they are so close, how can Mrs Darcy ever have hated her husband, he is such a nice and loving man! He must be exaggerating! Mr Darcy continues his tale, lost in memories.
'I am still so thankful Elizabeth found it in herself to forgive me and allow me a chance to make up, I have really become a much better man for my suffering.
And I'm looking forward to seeing you a happy man at last, and the two of you working on a life together.
Your performance was so outstanding last night, I assure you I did not see a single person in the audience not totally captivated. Believe me, you will soon be entering a future you never dreamed of, I just hope Georgie will be able to share you with a crowd.
Does Manners know you've come to an agreement? He asked permission to pay court to Georgiana, and I couldn't tell him her heart was already engaged, I promised to leave that up to her. I hope this will not come between the two of you, you seemed so close after your day together.'
'Manners knows and approves. There will be no rivals quarrelling under your roof, Darcy. He mentioned other concerts, and I think even an orchestra last night on our way back, but frankly I was too distraught to comprehend much of it.
I suppose we'll talk about that today.
Thank you so much for being so accepting of me, Darcy. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think you'd even consider me as a member of your family.'
'Oh, you're having those, too? Wild dreams? Better get married soon, then, I remember them well, very disconcerting. But reality is much better.
Seriously, Fielding, if you want to thank anyone for your reception, thank Elizabeth, for she has moved heaven and earth to get me to allow my sister to lead her own life. Not for your benefit specifically, though your love for Georgie was obvious to her from the start, and I know she has always fancied you for a brother.
But mind you, now you're part of the family and no longer suffering from an unrequited love, she'll treat you just the same as any of us and tease you mercilessly whenever you give her the slightest opportunity. Anything may set her off, you'll soon find out.'
The love his patron and soon to be brother-in-law exudes is so endearing. Such a strong man, and so madly in love with his young wife, and rightfully so, for Mrs Darcy is indeed a very fine woman.
'I can't wait, I love the way you're always bantering. Mr Bennet, too. I must admit I like him a great deal, I'll be sorry to see him leave.'
'Not as sorry as he will be to have to go back home. But he can come and visit us again whenever he likes.'
After another ten minutes of cosy chat, in which they discuss very few things actually related to Eric's engagement to Georgiana, they leave the room, Eric to a late breakfast, and Darcy to whatever he plans to do on New Year's day.
In the breakfast-parlour, the table has already been cleared, but Mrs Annesley brings Eric a tray with coffee and his favourite buns.
'Congratulations, Eric! I'm afraid Simon talked for once, it's already all over the house, you'll be receiving a lot of well-wishes, everyone likes you.
I'm so glad you're getting what you both deserve, you know in my time that was different, you'll be so happy together.'
Just incredible! Everyone already knows they're engaged!
After a really good night's sleep, and with his main worries removed with Mr Darcy's consent, breakfast disappears fast, Georgiana will be out there somewhere, eager to say good morning, and happy New Year. Better find her and get all those well-wishes over with.