Responsibilities
"Olivia sat in the mirror looking at her worn reflection. Her hair was fixed just so with that modern short cut. The bangs perfectly settled to the side like a trendy mistake made by the wind. The black eyeliner evenly brought the shape of her intrinsic eyes into focus and her flawless skin held on for the last years of young perfection as she did her best to age gracefully and hide the things that wouldn't. She lightly touched the laugh lines on the side of her face and took in a stilted breath of air. She usually felt proud about her scars of laughter, but today she wanted to be thirty again. A blanket of panic had taken over her mental state since Elliot's departure last night, and the longer she sat in front of that mirror the more she wanted to call Casey and cancel the whole evening. The familiar throbbing sensation in the center of her head started its unharmonious medley once again. She'd thought that it might have gone away since the doctors gave her medicine for it after the accident, but the stress of life kept nagging it to return. She desperately tried to ignore the sound of its' throb and just as it seemed to settled a bit the curse of her cell phone broke its' gentle rhythm.
"Casey?"
"Hey, we're all down stairs waiting for you, my dear."
"She heavily smiled to herself. "Okay...I'll...," she paused thinking about the possibility of bailing out. Her thin wrist watch ticked to 6pm and the early hour forced her to follow through with the plan.
"I'll be right down."
Quickly she applied lipstick, took another glance at the red satin dress she'd chosen, and headed for the door.
Casey stood in the lobby and greeted her with an unusually large grin on her face. "Okay, now I don't want you to freak out, so I'm gonna give you a heads up."
Olivia's confident shoulders slunk downward with annoyance. "Please don't say that to me right now. It took every last inch of date worthy baggage to leave my apartment."
"No, no, no, it's not that bad, I just couldn't get the guy I wanted to come out with you tonight, but this guy is just as good- no better."
Casey grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the streets. "You're gonna have fun. God, you look amazing. Where do you get your hair done? And that coat. Where did you get that coat?"
Olivia looked down at the long off white winter wool dress coat and picked at the button nervously. "Macy's," was all she could get out before Casey dragged her down the steps and stopped her in front of Lake's fancy BMW.
"Damn, how much are they paying him again?"
Casey rolled her eyes. "Please, it's the only thing the man owns. You should see his empty closet of an apartment. I just thank god he's not the kind of guy who insists on being the bread maker, because I am not about to sleep on that futon in the middle of that claustrophobic room."
Olivia let out a light smile just before the back door opened and Dean Porter stepped out. "I told you I was taking you out for a meal if it killed me," he smiled.
For some reason Olivia had a passion for hating Dean Porter.
Without skipping a beat her bitchy comebacks came rolling out effortlessly. "Blind date or not, Porter, my aim is impeccable, so don't temp me with the suicide pick up line."
Casey's elbow hit the side of Olivia's arm. "Ow!"
"She's joking Dean. Joking! Ha!"
"I know," he winked.
Dean held the door open and attempted to help her into the back seat.
"I got it thanks," Olivia said as she pulled her hand away from his.
As soon as the doors were closed Lake's cell went off. "Hi, Liv- hang on."
He flipped open the phone before pulling away. "Cap, what's up?"
Fear ran down Olivia's spin. She was all too familiar with that ring. This could not be happening right now.
"Okay, I'll be there in five-ten minutes."
Olivia watched Casey's body language crumble and she knew she wasn't the only one thinking it. The double date was over. Olivia couldn't count the number of times the f word ran through her head as Lake flipped the phone closed and sighed.
"Well, guys, we're gonna have to do this another night."
Olivia mentally shouted from the depths of her thoughts. She had to get out of that car before the inevitable happened.
"Aw, Chessy, come on, why can't Fin or Munch do it," Casey whined.
"Call Munch, Lake. He's gotta be available," Olivia added.
"He can't do it even if he could," Lake shrugged. "It's for the Rigby case. The little boy will only talk to me. Case, babe, you're gonna have to come in too."
Casey glanced back at Olivia, whose eyes were piercing a hole right through her skull and screaming for her not to leave her with Porter.
When Olivia could see that Casey wasn't going to bail her out she took things into her own hands.
"Well, hey, you know, I have a terrible headache anyway," Olivia added reaching for her door. "It's probably for the best."
"No, Liv," Casey grabbed. "You have to go out. You guys are all done up. Here, take my credit card and that will get you into the VIP room at the Cringle Club."
"Casey, I can't take that."
"The guys know me there. It will be fine. We'll even drop you off. Ches, it's on the way, we have to at least drop them off."
Dean was starring at Olivia. She knew he could tell she was uncomfortable. She had to take down the desperation for departation a notch. "Dean, you don't want to go without them right? It wouldn't feel right. Let's just reschedule. Can we do that," she smiled.
Dean nodded. "Whatever makes you happy, Olivia."
Dean was a little metro, possibly even vain, but he was no fool. He wanted Olivia when she was ready for him. "You do look very wonderful tonight though, I must say. Are you sure you don't want to go out for at least one drink?"
"Come on, Liv," Chester nudged. "Go out for a drink with the man. He wore a suite."
"He always wears a suit."
"Liv, you don't have to go to the club, just go have a drink. It will get rid of your headache. And I have Aspirin."
Olivia's hardened blush melted as Casey handed her a bottle of pills and smiled.
That and Dean looked like a rejected wall flower on prom night. She caved in. "Okay, one drink. Sure. Let's go, Dean."
The two of them hopped out of the vehicle just as quickly as they had gotten into it. Lake and Casey repeated their genuine apologies over and over again until Olivia was safely next to Dean on the sidewalk.
"I understand, go help that little boy. Good night. Merry Christmas," Olivia smiled.
"Any ideas on a place," Dean asked.
"There's a cocktail bar just a block over."
They headed down the snowy sidewalk. Olivia's heals crunching in the snow. Light snow flakes danced in the night air and if Olivia hadn't been so distracted she may have actually enjoyed herself. Just as Dean was about to tell her the last time he'd gone on blind date, her cell phone went off.
"Good lord, I swear, some days I just want to burn all of the cell phones," she said with light jest. "Hello."
The voice on the other end was whimpering and sniffling through sobs of tears. "Ollllllliviaa."
"Kathy?"
"Liv, I need you to...I know...you're...out, but...Elliot is...OH, I did something terrible."
Olivia grabbed Dean's arm and they stopped under the awning of a nearby store.
"Kath, slow down, take a breath. What did you do?"
"Kathy took in a few weak breaths and Olivia could hear voices shouting in the back ground.
"Kathy what's all of that noise?"
"Elliot just lost it...I need you to come. He's really upset. And he's been drinking...and then he punched and I couldn't stop him...the kids are upset... I just...Oh I couldn't take it anymore...I had to...You're the only one that can...for him...I had to do it…"
"Kathy I don't understand you. What happened? Are you hurt?"
A whine of tears came pouring through the phone. "Elliot, stop!"
Olivia could only understand bits and pieces of what she was saying. "Dean, we gotta go to Queens."
She placed the phone away from her mouth and whistled for a Taxi.
"What are you doing," Dean said grabbing at her hand. "We don't need a cab."
"I don't have a car, Dean."
"Oohhhh," Kathy sobbed. "That's all my fault tooooooo...oh god...Lord have mercy on my wicked heart...Peter, Paul, Mary, and all the saints in heaven forgive me of my sins...I k now not what I do...My stupid fault. I..am... a horrible person."
"Olivia held her free hand over her ear to try and hear Kathy. "Kathy, I'm coming over right now. You're not a horrible person."
"Dean held Olivia by the waist and directed her to his car just outside of her apartment building. She was so involved in the phone conversation that she didn't even notice that she was in the car and headed for the highway.
"Kathy, stay on the phone with me. Where is Elliot now?"
"He's sitting here."
"Where are the kids?"
"Upstairs"
"Can I talk to him?"
"OHHHHHHHH...I don't know what to do, he's not conscious."
"Kathy, why is he unconscious?"
"Just as Olivia started to ask her more questions she could hear Kathy drop the phone.
A door opened and the sound of glass smashing and Eli crying could be heard in the back ground. "Kathy? Kathy, pick up the phone. Kathy! Give me your phone."
Dean scrambled for his cell. "Maybe you should call the cops."
"We are the cops. We're not calling the Queens precinct. They're a bunch of circus clowns and Elliot has no more warnings left."
"Well, maybe there's a good reason for that."
Olivia grabbed the cell from his hand. "For circus clowns? Yeah, it's called poor work ethic."
"No, I meant... you know what I meant," he mumbled.
"We don't know what happened. Just get me there."
Olivia dialed Elliot's phone several times but no one would answer it. "Damn it!"
When they finally reached Elliot's house they could see all of the lights inside were on. In fact, it looked warm and inviting from the front yard. Olivia didn't even wait for Dean to stop the car; she jumped out and ran for the front door.
It was locked, so she rang the bell. Elliot's voice could be heard yelling from within.
"Elliot! Kathy! It's Liv, open the door."
She pounded on the wood and tried to peek in through the side window.
Dean jogged up behind her. He'd taken his coat off and started rolling up his sleeves.
"What are you doing," she cried with that angry wrinkle in the center of her forehead.
"Getting ready to hold down an out of control cop. What's it look like I'm-"
The front door opened and Elliot stood behind the screen door. His face was flushed, his hands were a bloody mess, and he was out of breath. He took in Olivia and the anger fell from his face briefly. Dean pushed Olivia to the side and Elliot slammed the door into his face.
"Dean! Stop. Calm down. Let me handle this."
Olivia gave him an extra long glare to show him that she meant business before pushing him away from the door and entering the house.
"Elliot."
When she got inside all five Stabler children were sitting on the steps looking at her with deep wide blue eyes. Maureen held EJ and she took a few steps towards Olivia. "Liv, Dad just spazed out. I think he may have killed that guy."
"What?"
Maureen started to cry and Olivia guided her to sit back on the steps. "Stay here, sweetheart. I got it."
She rounded the corner and found the dining room thrown about into a hellacious mess of glass, paper, and wood. Their entire dinner including the plates and the furniture were smashed and broken all over the floor. Framed pictures and school projects were littered around the debris. Further towards the back she could see Elliot sitting in a chair with his head in his hands and his back towards Kathy, who was crying over top of an unconscious man.
"Oh my god, Elliot...Kathy, back up."
Olivia climbed over the dining room towards them, all the while keeping her eyes on Elliot. He didn't move. He didn't even look up at her. When she reached Don Sheffield she knelt down beside him and checked his pulse. He was still breathing, but his face was pretty messed up. "Kathy, go get some towels and some ice. Dean, call an ambulance."
Dean looked at Olivia from the doorway and she nodded for him to leave the room.
All was quiet. You could have heard a pin drop.
"Elliot...," Olivia softly said towards him. "what happened?"
"She invited that man into my house, had sex with him in my bed, and then fed him food that I paid for and prepared...all while I sat not ten feet away. I caught them sneaking a mistletoe kiss right after dinner...I snapped."
Olivia nodded as she lifted Don's Eye lids and checked his pulse.
Elliot was still shaking and stunned. "I just thought...she would have kept this away from my children."
Olivia pushed a piece of hair away from her face and stood up. She stood in the middle of the mess in her glittering heels and satin red dress that now bunched at the waist. She moved towards him. Her eyes taking in every inch of his pain. That throb in the center of her mind started to beat like an out of control drum. "Elliot, people make mistakes. You both knew this wasn't working. It was a time bomb waiting to happen. You should have gone to counseling before moving back in with her. You knew it was wrong."
Elliot nodded his head. His hands fell to his sides. Without looking at her he grabbed for her hand and pulled her to the ground. She was almost nervous about being near him. The smell of Jameson permeated from his breath. She was never comfortable around an out of control drunk, but Elliot seemed to have settled into a calm sadness.
"Liv...thing is...I don't love her and I knew about Don."
"Okay," Olivia said unable to say another word. He lifted his face to hers. The image was like a replica of her own sadness.
"I didn't know how to leave," he sobbed tears falling form his eyes. "I didn't know how to end it."
Dean brought the towel and ice over to Don and got him to regain consciousness.
"Don," Dean said as he began patting at his wounds. "Don, I'm a police officer, I'm here to help you. Can you hear me?"
Kathy leaned down and grabbed Olivia with her blood shot eyes. "I want you to take care of him. He's not a monster. This isn't his fault."
Olivia wasn't sure how to react. She wasn't sure if Kathy was talking about Elliot or Don, who lay bloody on the floor.
She inaudibly breathed a "I will," just to keep Kathy from becoming hysterical again.
Dean watched from a distance and then started to unwrap the first-aid kit that Dickie handed him. He walked over to Elliot and handed it Olivia to clean the wounds on his knuckles.
The ambulance came shortly after and Don was wheeled out on a stretcher. Kathy followed him to the ambulance door. She stood shivering in the streets, and then climbed into the back of the truck. "Olivia, you take care of my family."
"Olivia tried to pull her away from the ambulance. "Kathy, let me go with Don. Your family needs you. Come back inside. I'll drive you to the hospital when you get yourself together."
"No, I'm not going back in there. Olivia, let me go."
"The doors shut and the family watched the truck drive away.
"Kathleen was already headed to her car.
"Kathleen," Olivia yelled.
"I'm going to be with my mother," she said as she slammed the car door in Olivia's face.
Olivia felt filled with an immense burden. She walked to the front porch and grabbed the railing. Her head was spinning with panic and anxiety.
"You okay," Dean asked.
"Fine."
When she got herself together she pushed past Dean and began picking up the Glass and furniture.
The rest of the evening was somber and distressing. Dean helped Elliot, Olivia, and the kids clean up the dining room. When all was said and done the six of them stood in the living room starring at each other. Elliot took the baby monitor from Maureen's hand.
"Why don't you guys head to bed. Grandma will be here early tomorrow."
They each nodded and he hugged each one of them tightly before sending them up the stairs.
"Night Dad," Dickie said as he lagged behind his two sisters. "You think Mom is really going to move to in with Don, now?"
"That's what she said," Elliot answered calmly and in all seriousness.
Dickie nodded and continued up the stairs. "Do I have to move in with Don?"
"No. We'll talk later. I love you."
"When each door closed Elliot sat in his recliner and Olivia flopped onto the couch out of exhaustion and shear shock from the whole evening.
"We probably should get going, Liv," Dean said as he tried his best not to catch Elliot's broken glances.
Olivia looked up at him and then to Elliot. The beating in her head began to move her towards unusual behaviors. She knew she should have gotten off of that couch. At least, that's what she would have done in the past, but the throbbing lulled her to stay. She glanced at her watch and made the first step to bring this life back to its' senses. "Dean, I'm gonna stay here tonight."
"Dean's face held her eyes with question as he sauntered from one foot to the other. "Are you sure that's a good-...I can drive you home, Olivia. It's not a big deal."
Very plainly Olivia looked up at him with the face of a person who could somehow find the heart to shine like a white flower in the middle of a mud swamp. Her warm eyes held his kindness and she gently replied ", I'm thirty-eight years old, I don't want to date anymore, and the man that I love needs me. I'm staying right here. Thank you for everything you've done for us tonight."
Dean and Elliot were both shocked. The silence was thunderous. He graciously nodded and headed for the door. "Goodnight then. You know where to find me. Elliot, I'll see you…soon. Happy Holidays."
"The front door closed behind Dean and the two of them sat in the living room for a moment wading in the sudden calm that had made its' way into the room.
Elliot fixed his eyes towards Olivia.
"I can sleep on the couch," she finally said./
He nodded. "You don't have to. I've got this."
"Huh," Liv sighed in almost anger. "I'm not here for you," she motioned to the upstairs where the Stabler children lay asleep.
Elliot felt a rush of shame. "I…I don't know what is wrong with me. I've got all of this anger and it's like I'm stuck standing still in it."
"You're a good man, Elliot. Your upbringing causes you to live in denial. It's okay that you made these mistakes. It's okay that your marriage didn't work out. It's okay that your children have seen your flaws. But you have to work this out. You can't just sit in this. And we're going to get you help. And it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay," she repeated grabbing onto his arm.
He nodded. His eyes went wide with release. Her touch was like a tonic. The idea that she could accept him for who he was made the air that much easier to breathe. He closed his eyes and let down a wall. Her fingers ran up his arm and he grabbed her hand and held the top of it like he would never let it go.
"Thank you," he gently replied. He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed them with all of the gratitude he could muster.
Eli was fussing in the monitor.
"I've got him," she whispered.
"I'll get his milk," Elliot said as she disappeared up the stairs.
There in the dark Olivia held Eli and swayed back and forth singing softly. "Give me a rainbow and yellow balloons, black sequins swirling to gay dancing tunes. A song for my pillow and stars for my eyes, and a masquerade ball where my love wins first prize."
Elliot placed his warm hand on the middle of her bare back and handed her the bottle. "I didn't know you sang," Elliot mused.
"It's an old lullaby. I actually haven't thought of that song in a long long time. It was in a movie I saw as a kid. I used to sing it to my baby dolls."
They swayed Eli to sleep and quietly ended the evening.
Liv on the couch.
Elliot in his bed.
Both staring wide awake at the ceiling. Minds racing about what was yet to come.