Breaking Down:
It was around six or seven in the morning of a new day at the hospital, and Kakashi was sitting up in bed, the white blanket pooled around his legs. Since Tsunade had let him retrieve some clothing from his home, he was now wearing a baggy, black sweatshirt with a pair of loose fitting, cotton sweatpants.
It was a welcome change from the hospital gown.
In the time that had passed since he had been told about the tumor in his brain, Kakashi had gone through several more scans, and had even endured a brain biopsy, using only local anesthesia throughout the whole procedure.
A nurse came in with a tray of bland hospital breakfast in her arms. She pulled up the plastic "table" that was attached to his bed and set down the platter, picking up an orange cylindrical container.
"Here you go, Hatake-san," she prompted, handing him a glass of water and a single, blue tablet, "Make sure you eat your breakfast."
Since regular OTC drugs, like the standard acetaminophen he had been using over the past month, were not working to ease his symptoms, Kakashi had started to take different, more effective pills. After the nurse left, he warily took the medicine, rinsing it down with a few measly sips of water.
There was a time when I didn't even have headaches…
Sighing ruefully, he picked up the wooden chopsticks and blankly stared at the meal in front of him, distractedly mixing and combining the different dishes, not bothering to actually consume anything. He wasn't hungry, even though he hadn't been eating correctly. His appetite had disappeared- there was far too much on his mind.
The door creaked open and Tsunade came in, alone. She walked over to his bedside and lowered herself onto one of the chairs. Kakashi stayed silent, not looking up to greet her like he usually would, his downcast eyes hardened and icy.
"Good Morning, Kakashi," Tsunade started, her concerned gaze fixed on his form, even if he wasn't meeting her eyes.
"Same to you."
"You know, you should eat. You've been losing weight," she told him with a twinge of worry in her voice upon seeing that he hadn't taken a single bite. What she said was true; during his stay at the hospital, he had lost a few pounds, but you would only notice if you looked closely.
Kakashi didn't answer; instead he set down his chopsticks and turned to face her.
"Is there something you need to tell me, Lady Tsunade?" he asked coldly. Kakashi knew the hokage hadn't come into his room just to say good morning and talk about his "weight loss".
Tsunade's brows crinkled at his lack of warmth and tact.
"Your biopsy results are back," she started with a sigh, ignoring his rudeness, "Your tumor...doesn't exactly match anything we've seen before. Its composition is most similar to a grade 3 glioblastoma...a highly aggressive type of cancer."
Kakashi closed his eyes, as if he were shutting out her voice, not wanting to believe the absurd reality. His head hung even lower, silver bangs casting a dark shadow over the only visible part of his face.
So it's final, then…I have brain cancer.
"How long...do I have?"
Tsunade looked at him with something akin to sympathy. It pained her to see him so upset and defeated. The hokage put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Kakashi, it's debilitating to think like that when it comes to something like cancer...Especially the kind that you have," Tsunade started hesitantly, "But if you really want to know, then around a year, with treatment. And it's common that the tumor recurs as a more aggressive type, which is what makes treatment so hard."
He turned away from her and gazed out the window, his face paling slightly, eyes wide and glistening with renewed shock and despair.
"Whatever you do though, Kakashi…do not, under any circumstances, give up. In all my years of living, I could honestly say that you're one of the strongest shinobi I've ever seen. And what do strong ninja do? They fight till the very last breath."
He finally faced the hokage, and gave her a weak, strained smile, hiding all of his insecurities behind a figurative mask. It was a facade, an act to reassure her that he was fine, because her worry was practically palpable.
It made him uncomfortable that she was seeing him so vulnerable.
"That's more like it…Anyways, you can leave today. I don't see any point in keeping you cooped up at the hospital before the surgery. Just remember to take the pills we prescribed, alright?" Kakashi gave her a slow nod in response, still not accustomed to the fact that there would soon be a surgery on his brain, his most important and treasured organ.
"...When is the surgery, exactly?" he asked, peering into her eyes fearfully. Tsunade shifted in the seat unsurely, crossing her arms in thought.
"Well, we haven't planned it definitively, but perhaps in 2 or 3 weeks? In a few days' time, we'll inform you of the rest of the details. We won't be able to take all of the tumor out, though, that's for sure. We'll have to get rid of the rest with radiation or chemotherapy," Tsunade informed him pragmatically, her voice taking on an air of professionalism.
I guess that's why cancer is deadly…you can't get rid of it all in one go. And even if you do, it just grows right back. Why not just…kill me?
Konoha Hospital; 7:30 in the evening
Kakashi had packed up the clothing he had brought along with him in a rucksack that was slung across his back. He'd changed into his regular jonin uniform, and was currently standing in front of the hokage and her apprentice by the double doors that led outside.
"I better not see you in a hospital room before the surgery, got that?!" Tsunade threatened dangerously, eliciting a cold sweat out of him. He just chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head.
"Don't scare him, Lady Tsunade!" Shizune exclaimed in exasperation at her teacher's inappropriate brutality, "But seriously Kakashi…take care of yourself."
"…Okay," he agreed, honestly just wanting them to stop pestering him about his health. He didn't understand—how were they putting him in control of his own well-being? If something happened to him because of the brain cancer, then he wouldn't be able to put a stop to it, right?
He gave them a curt nod, and made his leave without saying goodbye, swiftly heading through the doors.
"Bye, Kakashi!"
"Take care, brat."
Their voices faded away as he closed the glass doors behind him and stepped into the crisp evening air, his head tilting up as he looked into the depths of the murky night sky. It was cathartic to not be in bed, walking around freely—somehow, it made him feel more grounded amidst everything that was going on in his life.
He continued to trudge down the dirt path before him with his backpack hanging across his broad shoulders, steadily getting further away from the hospital. Kakashi's nostrils were bombarded with a multitude of different, mouthwatering scents originating from the many food vendors lining the long, dusty road. Noises of merriment and hearty laughter invaded his sullen mood as he walked down the streets, no clear destination in place.
He stopped before a bar, recognizing the green, vest cladden backs of some of his colleagues. A drink sounded pretty good at the moment.
Kakashi slipped into the booth and practically collapsed onto one of the empty stools, loud, grating chatter on either side of him. Usually, he would be extremely uncomfortable with the amount of people that were around him, but at that moment, he simply couldn't care less.
A few seats over to his left sat Genma, drunkenly babbling to Raidou and Anko about different types of senbon.
"Eight shots of vodka, please," Kakashi said to the bartender, planning on getting very drunk. Usually, he drank sake, or casually sipped on wine, but in the light of recent events, he felt that he needed something a little stronger.
He didn't care if he was hungover later. Kakashi desperately wanted to numb all the overpowering emotions that had been leaking through his impassive shield lately. Though he knew that he could probably find another, healthier, way to deal with his intense stress, he hardly cared at that moment, much too willing to give into the devilish comfort of alcohol.
The three jonin sitting to his left halted their conversations and turned around to look at him when they heard his familiar, lazy drawl.
"Hey look, guys...'s Kakashi, the copy ninja!" Raidou slurred obnoxiously, waving his cup of sake in the air.
"You finally decided to show your face, huhhh? How you doin', scarecrow?" Genma garbled, clapping him on the back.
Sighing in heavy annoyance, he silently shrugged away from the touch, seething on the inside, and desperately wishing that they wouldn't interact with him. When he found an "opening", he discreetly swiped off his mask and threw two shots into his mouth, covering his face again before anyone could notice.
"It's empty! When did you drink those?!" Anko said in shock upon catching sight of the two empty shot cups, leaning forward to peer at his masked face from next to Raidou.
Turning away from their scrutinizing gazes, the copy ninja downed a few more drinks in rapid succession, pretending that they weren't there.
"Hey! Don't ignore me when I'm talking to you!" the short-tempered kunoichi continued, gritting her teeth in frustration, a vein popping out on her forehead at how she was being stone-walled.
Kakashi clicked his tongue under his breath upon feeling her pointed glare, his well-masked irritation just barely beginning to show up on his features; it was evident in the way his eyes had narrowed just the slightest, and in how one of his thin, silver eyebrows had twitched upwards.
In truth, Anko's drunken comments had topped off his uncharacteristic anger, and made him intensely vexed for some reason- why couldn't she just shut up? Her voice was grating against his ears, like nails on a chalkboard, and he hated how she'd leaned closer to him, invading his personal bubble. If he didn't at least have space, and alone time, then what else did he really have? Maybe he should just go home.
The stringent liquid burned his throat as it slipped past the growing lump in his gullet, his watering eyes shut tightly.
Why isn't this working?! It's supposed to NUMB me!
Obviously the alcohol wasn't doing it's job, because he still felt many, many things, most of which he could hardly recognize. Emotional identification had never been his strong suit.
His colleagues stared at his nearly empty array of shot cups in bewilderment; in just a few minutes, he had drank more than they had, even though they'd been sitting there for nearly an hour.
"Hey, maybe you should slow d-" Genma started nervously, reaching a hand out to Kakashi's shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" Kakashi spat out harshly, earning himself the glances of a few other people that were sitting at the bar.
Genma quickly retracted his arm, sharing a confused look with his equally bewildered friends.
"MY ETERNAL RIVAL! OH, I RECOGNIZED YOU THE MOMENT I SPOTTED YOUR UN-YOUTHFUL GRAY HAIR!" Gai cried out obliviously, jumping into the bar at the worst possible moment.
"How are you? I see that you're out of the hospital!"
Kakashi ignored him and threw the next shot into his open mouth, not even registering the painful sting as he hastily gulped it down.
For some reason, Gai's presence didn't really annoy him, but rather, displaced the intense irritation that he'd been feeling before with a bleak, wistful sadness, that he was actively trying his hardest to stow away.
Kakashi wasn't ready to talk to anyone about what he'd been going through. However, at the same time, he didn't know if he had it in him to act normal around his closest, and perhaps, only true friend.
"Where have you been, Ka-ka-shi?! I haven't seen you for so…" Gai's voice trailed off, as he finally noticed Kakashi's withdrawn, and rather depressed demeanor. His glazed over eye was dully fixated on the empty glasses in front of him, and it seemed as if he was completely in his own world.
He attempted to lift his single, remaining shot, but before he could, Gai tightly gripped his trembling fingers, concern etched into his expression.
"What's wrong?" he asked seriously, then added, upon noticing the backpack slung across his shoulders, "Wait, where did you just come back from? I know you didn't have a mission..."
Kakashi tilted his gaze downward in response, hoping that his shaggy hair would hide his glistening eyes.
Don't talk to me, Gai...or…I'll lose it…
"...I'm fine. Please leave, Gai," he grunted after a few moments, desperately attempting to push down his dangerously rising emotions. Paying no mind to his rude request, Gai pulled up a stool and plopped down, his hands never losing their grasp on Kakashi's clammy ones.
"L-let go…" Kakashi whispered in a voice that wasn't as stern as he'd intended for it to be, yanking his quivering fingers out of Gai's hold. Continuing to look down at his lap, he discreetly tried to bring a normal-sized breath of air into his constricted throat, feeling an intense heat spreading across the top of his cheeks as the alcohol finally began to take effect.
Gai hesitantly brought his arms back to his sides, and stared at the Hatake's bowed head with an intensely worried look, noticing how he absolutely refused to make eye contact.
"I've been your rival for two decades, so I know when something's wrong…Now, are you going to tell me, or will I have to force it out of you?" he demanded with an uncharacteristic firmness to his tone.
It was true; over the years, Gai had learned to recognize every single emotion on Kakashi's bored expression, able to discern how he was feeling on the inside from the slightest change in body language. At that moment, he could quite clearly tell that Kakashi was sad, and perhaps even a little scared.
Sighing at his unresponsiveness, Gai softly, and very gradually placed a palm on his inconspicuously trembling back, fearing that the touch would scare him off.
"Hey...Kakashi? Just look at me...What happened?"
If possible, Kakashi's head hung even lower, his shoulders slumping heavily. "Why me…?" he whispered finally, in a voice that was barely audible, "Why is it always, always me?"
"...What do you mean?" Gai asked, brows furrowed in confusion.
Kakashi chuckled wryly in response, tightly shutting his lids, and pinching the bridge of his nose.
"It isn't fair…I-I don't...I..."
His breath caught in his throat mid-sentence , a few hot tears sprouting out of his unblinking eyes, and speckling the dusty black fabric of his pants. He vigorously rubbed his hands over his burning face in embarrassment, and quickly wiped away any evidence of the emotional slip, before anyone could notice.
"Kakashi…?"
With wide eyes, and a slight blush dusting his tanned cheeks, Gai realized that he'd never seen his rival so upset before.
"It's not fair..."
At this, Gai immediately got up and wrapped his arms around Kakashi's slouched form, unable to ignore how he'd begun to shake even harder with the contact.
"What isn't fair, Kakashi? Tell me."
What's making you this sad?
"--only have a year left…" he choked out unintelligibly after an unbearably long pause, his hands tightly gripping the cloth of his pants as he finally allowed Gai to give him a hug.
"…What are you talking about, Kakashi?" Gai asked incredulously, feeling his friend's heart beating faster and faster through the embrace.
Kakashi roughly pulled away and looked at the concerned man with wide, panic-stricken eyes, his shoulders beginning to visibly rise up and down as he struggled to get a proper breath.
It seemed like everything was crumbling around him, as if he were losing control. His flowing blood pounded in his ears, and his heart rapidly thudded against his ribcage, a crushing feeling beginning to envelope his chest. His vision disfigured scarily- it felt like he was looking through a fish-eye lens.
"Kakashi, please, just tell me...what are you talking about?" Gai repeated in bewilderment when he didn't get an answer. His thick brows scrunched together even deeper, in response to the various shades of puzzlement, apprehension, and deep worry that he was feeling.
Kakashi shook his head vigorously, his eyes flitting around the room, never staying in one place.
"...M-My brain…there's a...a t-t..." he started with difficulty, grabbing at the cloth that was covering his heaving torso. He coughed forcefully, attempting to steady his breath, and open up his tight, swollen throat.
Gai was practically gaping at him in shock; he had never seen his rival exhibit such raw hopelessness. Kakashi was never one to openly display his emotions, or stumble over his words; it was a deeply unsettling sight.
"It's okay...Just slow down, Kakashi...Breathe..."
Kakashi felt as if he was choking on all of the emotion bubbling out of him, the feelings about his diagnosis that he had so desperately tried to contain, but ended up failing to control. His frantic breaths were quickly becoming loud and heavy; it was getting harder to take in air with every second that passed by.
I can't breathe! Why can't I breathe?!
"Hey, I need you to ground yourself...Look at me, Kakashi...Take deep breaths..." Gai told him frantically with wide eyes, firmly gripping his tense shoulders.
"Deep breaths, Kakashi..."
Genma, Raidou and Anko quickly slid off of their seats and stood next to Gai, their eyes just as open in shock and confusion. Their being there did absolutely nothing to help him; his respiration became even more fitful, less and less oxygen supplying his brain.
Go away…Please, just go away…
"He's hyperventilating," Genma deduced with narrowed eyes, his senbon needle wiggling around as he talked.
"Let go! Get OFF of me!" Kakashi hissed in a panic, digging his fingernails the hands that were confining his shoulders. Gai grunted in pain, biting back a scream. Still, he maintained his hold, although there was blood starting to trickle down to his fingers.
"Calm down, Kakashi!" Anko said sternly, her gruff voice laced with tension, suddenly sounding resoundingly sober. She'd never expected someone like him to have a panic attack in public—it made her wonder what could possibly be on his mind.
He looked up at her with bulging, fearful eyes, the visible portion of his face resoundingly ashen, but flushed, and blemished with uncharacteristic wetness.
Feeling himself grow lightheaded, he leaned against Gai with a shallow, unsteady exhale, his fingers slowly growing limp, a sharp ringing beginning to resonate in his ears. His hands loosely fell to his sides, and his already labored breathing turned into a series of strangled, pained gasps.
"Kakashi? Hey, Kakashi!" Gai exclaimed in disbelief as his rival's head fell heavily onto his shoulder.
Upon feeling Kakashi's body become acutely heavy and limp, he quickly wrapped his arms around him, before he could hit the ground.
"What just happened?" Anko uttered in incredulity, watching as Gai readjusted his grasp on the now unconscious man.
Gai remained silent, worriedly staring down at the figure slumped against him.
"I'm taking him home," he concluded quietly, slinging Kakashi over his shoulders with a small grunt.
I can't leave him all alone in this state…
He sped out of the bar before the three shinobi could say another word, racing down the streets, and ignoring the strange looks he was getting from passing civilians. Gai ran twice as fast as usual, his full concentration focused on getting to his meager apartment and taking care of his friend.
After taking off Kakashi's vest and shoes, Gai gingerly set him down on the queen-sized, four poster bed, bringing the lime green blanket up to his masked chin. He stood there for a few moments and gazed down at his rival's sleeping form, deep in thought.
What could have caused Kakashi to shed tears? A genjutsu?
"Kai!"
No, it's not a genjutsu! But my rival is not one to lose his composure so easily…Something serious must have happened…
After using the bathroom and changing into his favorite pair of matching green pajamas, he flicked off the lights that illuminated the bright room and slid into the other side of the bed, right next to his unconscious friend.
I guess I'll just have to ask Kakashi what's wrong in the morning, Gai thought with a frown, staring at the ceiling above him, his arm resting underneath his head.
Slowly, his dark orbs shut, and everything faded to black, the tiredness that had accumulated throughout the day taking over.
Kakashi woke up to the sound of chirping crickets and a splitting headache, not the loud ruckus that the bar was characteristic of.
The shinobi realized, with a start, that he was definitely not laying in his own bed in his own room; the mattress was much softer than the one he used, and he didn't own a blanket of such bright color.
But the dead giveaway that he wasn't in the security of his own apartment was the mop of black, bowl cut hair peeking out from the green comforter on the other side of the bed. It was still dark, around three in the morning, to be more exact, so Kakashi couldn't really make out who he was lying next to.
He sat up abruptly, wondering if he had made a sexual mistake after drinking way too much, when in reality, the only mistake he'd made was getting up so quickly. Kakashi's face paled as a sudden wave of nausea passed over him, his head feeling like it had been stuffed to the brim.
He stumbled out of bed and took a few staggering steps to the door of the bedroom, yanking it open and teetering outside into the rest of the apartment in search of the bathroom.
Kakashi opened the first door that he laid eyes on, one that was a bit further down the hallway, only a few feet away. The copy ninja was relieved when he saw that it was the bathroom indeed, with its telltale toilet and shower.
He staggered to the toilet and hovered over it, waiting for the uncomfortable feeling to pass. Instead of fading away, the nausea only grew, bile slowly rising up his throat. Kakashi quickly pulled off his mask as his stomach suddenly lurched, and heaved into the toilet bowl, the sour stench of old alcohol and gastric juices stinging his nostrils and causing his eyes to water.
Gai jolted awake, the grotesque sounds of retching stirring him out of his slumber. He glanced to his side, expecting a head of silver hair to be resting on one of his pillows. Instead of laying eyes on his sleeping rival, Gai saw that the bed was completely empty, the sheets hastily thrown back.
If Kakashi's not in bed, that means he's…
Gai jolted out of bed and rushed to the bathroom, his eyes widening when he saw that his rival was hunched over the toilet and heaving out his stomach's contents, his hands tightly clenching the white, porcelain sides.
"Kakashi!" Gai exclaimed in concern, placing an alarmed hand on the copy ninja's hunched back.
After wiping his mouth, Kakashi sighed and rose to his full stature, quickly slipping his mask back up before Gai could see his face.
"Ah…so it's your house I'm at, Gai," he said coolly, pretending like his friend had not seen him throw up, or witness him breaking down the night before.
Gai clicked his tongue in annoyance at Kakashi's indifferent behavior. "How can you act so—Ah, never mind! Hold on, I'll get you some water!" he shouted exasperatedly, before clumsily running into the kitchen.
Kakashi slowly followed him out of the hallway, stopping in the living room oriented right next to Gai's kitchen. He watched patiently as his rival foraged the refrigerator with passion, refusing to stop until he'd obtained what he was searching for.
"Finally, I've found it!" Gai shouted, pumping a fist into the air.
Only he would get so worked up after finding a bottle of water, Kakashi thought bemusedly, crossing his arms.
Gai jumped over to his rival and handed him the cold water bottle, his hastily bandaged palms on full display.
Kakashi took it hesitantly, his eyes fixed on Gai's injuries. "Your hands…what happened?" he asked, dark orbs narrowed in suspicion.
Gai's gaze widened in surprise, and he quickly hid his hands behind his back.
"You don't remember?" he inquired uneasily.
"Remember what?" Kakashi replied, his head slightly cocked to the side, indicating his confusion. What had taken place at the bar was a blur to him, much to his irritation. Although he didn't recall what he did exactly, the emotions that he'd felt still lingered.
"Never mind that...we need to talk, Kakashi…about what happened last night," Gai prompted, plopping onto his suede couch. He patted the spot right next to himself, asking his rival to sit with him.
Kakashi reluctantly joined Gai, slowly taking a seat beside him.
"…Kakashi," Gai started softly, after a small pause, "Why were you so upset last night?"
The copy ninja shifted on the couch, looking down at his hands. He moved his lips in an attempt to speak, but nothing came out. The only sound amidst the deafening silence was the hypnotic chirping of crickets.
"Kakashi…" Gai whispered in concern, placing a warm, encouraging hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Gai," he croaked after a few long moments, not meeting his eyes, "I'm sick."
"You're sick? What kind of sickness?! I have some medicine in my bathroom cabinet!" Gai exclaimed, already jumping up to fetch him the said remedies from his restroom.
"What do you need?! Cough syrup? Or maybe an aspirin?"
Kakashi shook his head sadly, chuckling dryly at his proclaimed rival's antics.
"I doubt any of the medications you have can cure me," the copy ninja choked out, his voice breaking under the weight of admitting something so serious.
"W-what…what do you mean, Kakashi?" Gai asked in confusion, growing more and more nervous by the second. The youthful ninja sat back down in his previous spot, his gaze fixed intently on Kakashi's slumped, defeated form.
"Gai..." Kakashi whispered with great difficulty, "I have cancer…in my brain."
The few words hit Gai like a tsunami would to a small village, breaking down all of the carefully constructed homes and small shops. A single tear slid down a tanned cheek, his quivering lips parted in shock.
Cancer…Kakashi has cancer.
Many more salty tears threatened to spring out of Gai's shiny orbs, but that was before he saw the wet drops staining his rival's own dusty pants, continuing to fall from eyes hidden under spiky, silver locks.
Gai pushed back his lingering depression, quickly wiping away the bitter wetness that marred his own face.
How much more selfish can I get! My rival is in pain, and I am here shedding tears instead of comforting him!
With newfound passion, Gai leaned forward and pulled Kakashi's trembling form into a tight embrace, running a calloused hand through his silver hair. Though he usually never displayed, or received affection in such a way, Kakashi collapsed into the hug, in desperate need of some kind of comfort; a reassurance that he would be okay, that he wouldn't die.
The copy ninja's quiet weeping and stifled, wavering breaths permeated the silent, tense atmosphere that had settled around Gai's apartment. The sound was so foreign coming from such a renowned ninja.
Kakashi clung onto the cloth of Gai's green jumpsuit, his body racking with a sudden onslaught of silent, despairing sobs, his shoulders visibly rising up and down as his breathing quickened. He needed an outlet, a way to deal with the heavy burden that had suddenly placed on his shoulders. The shinobi needed a good cry, if you will. Gai was moved to tears himself, never having seen a usually emotionless man break down in such a manner.
Kakashi's not supposed to be the one crying! I never want to see him cry!
Gai tightened his hold and shut his eyes with a deep crease between his thick eyebrows, continuing to let Kakashi's heart-breaking tears wet his shoulder. His adam's apple bobbed up and down as he gulped down his own sorrow.
"Shh, my rival…You must stay strong," he started softly, refusing to let his voice waver.
"They said I have a year left, at most…I'm not prepared to d-die yet…" Kakashi breathed shakily, shivering under all of the impending pressure, "Not like this…"
Gai pulled away from the hug and stood up abruptly, facing his rival.
"I refuse to believe it!" he exclaimed with passion, "A disease, or even a doctor has no right to determine when your life ends! Your life only ends when you yourself decide to let it end, when you don't have the strength to continue any further! And my eternal rival, if you have the will to fight, then it is impossible that you will lose against this cursed cancer!"
Kakashi tilted his head up to meet Gai's zealous gaze, his eyes red-rimmed and glossy with fatigue and unshed tears.
"I truly believe that you have the courage to outlast this, Kakashi!" Gai told him with a sparkling grin and a wink, his hand outstretched to give the copy nin a thumbs-up.
After staring at him in astonishment for a few moments, Kakashi gently closed his eyes, the corners of his mouth turning up behind his mask.
"…Thanks, Gai," he said softly, wiping away any leftover evidence that he had indeed cried. By that point, he was exhausted, both physically and emotionally.
"Anytime, my eternal rival!" Gai replied, the grin never leaving his face.
"I'm sorry…about crying like that. It was wrong of me to let go of my emotions…" Kakashi apologized, lowering his head in embarrassment. Although he was mortified to have broken down in front of Gai, Kakashi had to admit that letting his emotions run through for once, had made him feel much better, as if the burden had been lifted off of his shoulders, if only by a little.
And if he had to break down in front of anyone, it only made sense that it was Gai, his long-time best friend.
"No, no, Kakashi, you should've! Who cares about those stupid shinobi rules, anyway? If you had stayed rigid for so long, then you would've snapped eventually!" Gai reassured him quickly, making wide gestures with his hands.
Kakashi looked up and gave his rival a small smile, glad that nothing had really changed in between them.
"So…what's next?" Gai asked curiously, shifting his weight.
"Hm…well, I have an upcoming surgery, although I'm not sure when it is, exactly. I'll tell you when they let me know," he replied, his usual, calm demeanor back firmly in place.
"Oh…hey, are you going to…tell anyone else?"
Kakashi stiffened at the sudden question. It had already been painfully hard to tell even Gai, probably his closest friend, about his current predicament, so how in the world would he be able to tell anyone else?
"You know what, it's okay. No one's forcing you to—"
"No, no. I'll tell…Kurenai and Asuma," Kakashi cut in thoughtfully, still a little hesitant. Out of all people, at least they deserved to know, he supposed. They had come to visit him at the hospital with Gai.
"What about your pupils? What were their names? Naruto, Sakura, and Sa…Sakuse…?" Gai questioned, crossing his arms.
"Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke," Kakashi chuckled, "But on a serious note, I don't think I should tell them just yet…"
I don't want them to get involved in all of this…it would be better to keep them under the impression that their sensei is doing just fine.
The two glanced at the window, watching as the sun slowly rose up from behind the trees, the light beginning to filter into the dark room.
"This reminds me…I haven't been to training in more than a while. I guess I should head home and get ready to make it up to them," Kakashi started, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.
"No, we're both taking the day off to stay in! You can go train tomorrow when you're fresh and well rested," Gai commanded loudly, pointing an intimidating index finger at his rival.
"…Yeah, yeah, fine," Kakashi agreed, albeit a bit reluctantly.
Those kids are going to have my ass when I go back…
"OH YEAH!" Gai exclaimed passionately, pumping a fist into the air.
Isn't he a bit too excited? Eh…Gai gets excited about everything, so I guess this is normal.
"So whaddya want for breakfast?" his rival asked him expectantly, heading into the kitchen and scanning the insides of the pantry.
"Um…I mean, what do you have, Gai?" Kakashi replied, padding across the wooden floor and loitering behind his friend. He would've turned down the offer, except he was smart enough to know that his rival wouldn't take that as an answer.
"Eggs! I have some eggs! And cereal too!" Gai exclaimed with a jump, starting to fish through the meager contents of his fridge for the few eggs that he had left.
Oh dear…
And with that, the two rivals spent the rest of the morning in each other's company, eating rolled omelet and dry cereal, since Gai had preferred training to doing the groceries, again.