AN: Hope you're all liking this. I have been hard core watching old episodes. Can't wait for Jan 6th! Though, I'm sure we aren't going to get EO right away. The Christmas Episode was a nice little present. Dick Wolf likes to tease us. That monster.(sarcasm) LOL.

Addiciton

Three years after Elliot leaves SVU.

Elliot reached the Clinton residence and headed for the front room where the security team waited until they were needed. Today Elliot and his team would be flying with Hilary over seas. It was a huge operation and he was in charge of organizing everything from thorough background checks to plot out the areas of travel beforehand for easy routes and safety protocols.

He was nervous. It was his first time being in charge of an over seas operation like this. He went over the plans in a corner while a small TV regurgitated the news from the other side of the room. He almost missed the new story completely.

"Last night an NYPD Detective Olivia Benson-"

"Oh shit did you hear about this," said his partner who was jamming a bagel in his mouth, eyes glued to the screen.

Elliot heard the name and lifted his face from his paper work.

-"brutally attacked in her Manhattan apartment by the central park killer."

Olivia's face was on the screen, and his heart dropped.

"Liv!," he whispered.

"You know her?"

Elliot was frozen as the newscaster continued.

"If anyone has seen this man or this woman, please call the NYPD Hotline. He is said to be armed and highly dangerous. Last seen driving a "

Before Elliot could react, one of Hilary's staff motioned for them to get ready.

"She'll be done in 10."

"Copy," Elliot responded, as he pulled himself away from the television.

HIs thoughts went back to the task at hand, but he couldn't stay focused the rest of the day.

SCENE

Olivia lay in the back of the car tied up, while William Lewis drove further and further away from the city. Every hope, regret, fear, or dream that she ever had came crashing into her mind. She didn't want to die. She couldn't figure out how to get out of this. Elliot came to her mind often when she was having a bad moment. It was an addiction as this point.

"This would have never happened if he had been here. This would have never happened if I had transferred out of SVU like he did. This would have never happened if I hadn't just settled like Elliot and moved in with Brian. Brian wasn't perfect, but he was good enough. He's a good man, he loves me, and he's good in bed. So what is the problem? What am I waiting for? Elliot didn't wait. He knew he wanted a family and he just did it. Meanwhile, I'm just waffling about life. What is wrong with me? My eggs are going to shrivel up and I'm going to be old and lonely, or worse childless with Brian. Why can't I just make a decision? Elliot never approved of my choice of men. Never once. Why did he do that? Why couldn't he just show an ounce of support for me in that? I needed him to like one of the men I dated of the last how many years? And he hates Brian. Why do I care so much about what he thinks? Why can't I stop thinking about Elliot? He's not even in my life anymore. I don't even know his phone number anymore. Why can't I just let it go? It's pathetic. I'm ruined. I'm an old broken woman, who's going to settle from Brian and never have kids. No wonder Elliot left without even saying goodbye. I'm not even worth saying good bye to. I'm utterly alone in the world. No. I mean, I have Brain, but if I have to wait for him to find me, I'm a goner. There is nobody coming for you, Olivia. There has never been anyone coming for you. Elliot's not coming for you. You will have to save yourself. Like you always do. Stop, stop, stop. You can't say this shit to yourself. Stop the self deprecation and find your way out. There is always a way out. You don't need Elliot or Brian. You just have to breathe and look for that golden moment. There is always one golden moment. And you are going to be ready for it. You have more to give to this world."

SCENE

24 hours later Elliot finally got a moment to himself. He walked the Clinton's to their hotel room and switched off duty with the night staff. He practically ran for his room. He hit the elevator buttons, but it was taking too long, so he hit the stairs, got to his floor and opened his computer.

"Olivia Benson abducted new york," he typed into google.

Nothing popped up.

He called Fin but went to voice mail. "Fin, it's Elliot…I saw that Liv was taken"

The phone cut him off. "We're sorry the voice mail box is full. If you'd like to continue please press 1."

He searched the WGN news station website and found the story. Nothing was updated. He just kept playing the 2 minute segment over and over again. Watching her face pop up with the hotline information. The more he watched it, the angrier he got, until he slammed the laptop shut and paced in his room.

He called Munch.

"Elliot? Hello?"

Elliot ruffled his hair. "What am I doing?," he thought to himself. "I'm a million miles away. I can't help Olivia."

He hung up on Munch.

He then sat in bed and looked up at the ceiling, his cell phone in hand. He clicked on his "find a friend" app to see if maybe he could still see her in the app, but then remembered that he had gotten a new phone and never programed her into it. He was too afraid he would call her, and he couldn't call her. He couldn't see her. He couldn't hear her voice. He couldn't think about her, because to think about her caused him so much pain, but even with all of those precautions, he still thought about her all of the time. The guilt ate at his heart. Her face haunted his dreams and his marriage. Every time he thought he was over her, something always brought her back to him. It was an addiction.

He got back up and opened his laptop. The Hotline message also listed a car with plates. He decided to run the plates in his security system. They came up, but the information was useless.

He finally called Kathy.

"Hey, didn't expect a call from you this morning," she said.

"Do me a favor. Turn on my old scanner."

"You're police scanner?"

"Yeah, Olivia's been abducted and I can't see anything local over here. See if you can hear any updates for me, will yeah?"

Kathy sighed with a hint of annoyance. "Ah, I don't have time to sit and listen to that thing all day, but I'll see if something comes up right away."

"Thank you, dear."

He listened while she rummaged around for the scanner. "So Liv, got abducted?"

"It was all over the news yesterday before we left. Maybe check the 1 o'clock news for me. See if they tell you anything?"

"Why don't you just call Fin?"

"I tried. But also, he's busy."

"I have the scanner but not the chord to plug it in."

"Well, find the plug, Kathy," Elliot yelled.

"Hey! If you're going to be an asshole, I'm going to hang up!"

"Sorry," He back pedaled.

"I don't know why you want me to check on any of this, it's not like you can do anything from Russia," She grumbled.

"Kathy, I just need to know if they found her and if she's okay."

"Why!"

"Did you find the chord?"

"Why, Elliot? You still talk to her don't know," she questioned with the most unattractive jealous rage.

"No! Kathy! I don't. If I did, I would know if she were still alive!"

"That's it, Elliot, I'm hanging up. You don't get to belittle me, while I try to help you obsess over Olivia, once again!"

"Ah, Jesus, Kathy, this has nothing to do with our relationship— Yours and Mine, that is. I'm just worried about a friend!"

"A friend, indeed. Well I can't find the damn plug anyway, so you'll just have to find out when they update the news."

"Fine," he barked.

"Fine," she barked back and then hung up on him.

"God damn it, Kathy! You stubborn jealous pain in the ass!"

With no-one else to call and nothing he could do from so far away, Elliot resorted to sleep. He pulled his shirt off, undid his pants, and got into the very expensive crisp hotel sheets. He pulled out his phone and clicked on his hidden file of Olivia pictures.

He looked at the Christmas pic of them her first year. She was so young. He was so young. She was naive and full of fire. He loved helping her learn the job. And she respected his advice. it was the most attractive quality about her. She always seemed to need or respect his opinion without losing her own opinion or independence. Kathy always needed him to make the house hold decisions, but never seemed to be able to do it on her own. It was like she couldn't or wouldn't have an opinion if he weren't there. It was exhausting. And they'd fight about it constantly. "Kathy, you don't need my permission to call a plumber when the water heater breaks. Just do it!" But no. She would just sit at home and wait for him, like a dog.

He clicked through more pictures. The last one was a selfie they took at Fin's Birthday. One more drink and he would have kissed her. She knew it too because he could see her thinking about kissing him. But she was too good to let it happen. She called him an uber and paid for it.

The way she looked at him in this selfie was magical, and he should have just kissed her. He should have just took the lead.

He started to touch himself thinking about that night.

Maybe she would have bumped into him as they were both coming out of the restroom. That convenient back hallway, where nobody from the bar could see you, but wasn't close enough to the bathrooms to feel like you were meeting at the bathroom.

He'd touch her face and she would smile. Her cheeks would turn pink and she'd grab his hips and pull him close to her body.

She changed after work that night into a low necked tight cotton top and a flowy black skirt with black boots. Elliot didn't have to use his imagination that night, it was all visible. Cleavage. Legs for days.

She'd kiss him first and grind on him. He wouldn't be able to stop himself from taking his hands and following the shape of her waist up to the bottom of her breasts. His thumbs would graze her now hard nipples under the cotton.

Her kisses would change from soft to intense.

He was hard now. So hard. And she would rub against him in that soft skirt. Her hand would fall to his zipper and she'd rub him through the khaki pants, while pushing his hands to the bottom of her skirt and lifting it slowly up, just enough for her to lift one leg around his waist.

"I want you, Elliot," she'd whisper.

Then he slowly push inside of her right there in that loud bar, while she pushed her panties to the side and forced her hips against his. She'd moan softly and he'd push in further and harder and faster until they were both releasing right there in that old Irish pub.

Now alone in a fancy hotel room, Elliot let out a loud groan filled with angst and sexual frustration. He sat in the bed breathing heavily. Angry that he wasn't there to help her. Angry that he left her. Guilty that he just master-bated to her picture like a freak stocker.

He cleaned himself up, and then deleted every picture of her from his phone.

"I'm sorry father for I have sinned," he prayed. "Please forgive me for having these thoughts. Please help me get over this obsession. Please bring Olivia home safe and alive. Please don't let this sick man rape her. She doesn't deserve to be raped and tortured, Lord. Hail Mary full of grace the lord is with thee," He continued to pray out loud and then slowly passed out in the fancy sheets that he gave up his true love for, praying that their cold soft threads would be enough to get him over the thought of her.