Don't Bring Me Flowers

Kathy had finally gotten over herself and called Elliot a few days later when Olivia was found alive. By the time Elliot got back to the United States it was as if nothing happened and the world stopped exactly where he had left it, happily ignoring his family by scheduling as much work as he could get.

After the jet lag wore off, he found himself driving into the city to have lunch with an old friend from his days as a Marine. His buddy picked a pub in Olivia's neighborhood, and he found himself driving past her apartment building. He stopped just before the front door and parked. It was a lucky parking space to find, almost as if the universe wanted him to stop. This particular block was impossible to drive through most of the time. He sat in idle for a second thinking about grabbing some flowers from the guy on the corner and dropping them with her doorman. She hated flowers, though.

Flashback

"Flowers remind me of funerals. And they make my nose itch," she said as she threw the bouquet in the trash.

"You sure it's the flowers you hate, and not the man who gave them to you," Munch playfully sneered.

"In this case…both, but I much prefer flowers outside. I'm more of a zen garden kind of gal."

"Noted, " Elliot played as he pretended to write in his notebook. "Never buy Liv flowers. She only likes rocks…"

"And cake," she smiled as she bent over his desk to grab a paperclip, her smile dangerously close to his intense stare.

"And cake," he ended with a serious face.

Elliot laughed thinking about that day. She just started dating that Brian detective. Brain had forgotten to pick her up for their date, and she dumped him. The whole office warned her that he was a flake. He bought her flowers the next morning.

"Never liked that guy," he thought to himself.

There was a bakery next to the flower shop, so he got out and headed inside. The bakery was packed. He picked out a cupcake with flowers on it, and waited in a long line to pay. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed some rocks with inspirational quotes etched on them.

Live, Laugh, Love.

"Too Grandma," he thought.

Never give up.

"Too high school."

Believe

"Too Disney."

Fearless.

"That's Liv," he smiled.

He paid for the cake and the rock and headed to the green awning 2 buildings down. The door man knew who he was.

"Elliot, haven't seen you in a long time."

"Hi, John, nice to see you. I just need to give this to the front desk."

"You just missed Ms Benson. She moved out yesterday."

Elliot's face deflated, and John must have caught it, because he touched his arm. "But..she'll be back for her mail. She has about a weeks worth of mail back there. I'll let you in, and you can leave your bag with her mail."

Elliot nodded. "Sure, that would be great."

John walked him to the security desk. "Just terrible what happened to her. Our old guy got fired for not catching anything on the security cams. This is the new guy, Frank, he'll make sure Ms. Benson gets your package."

Frank's hand reached for the bakery bag, and all of the sudden Elliot was paranoid that he was doing the wrong thing, standing there handing this strange bag of cake and polished rock to a guy named Frank instead of calling Olivia up and actually talking to her.

Elliot couldn't release the bag all of the sudden. He was frozen.

"Sir," Frank asked. "I..can take the bag."

Elliot snapped out of his trance and let go of the bag. "Yeah. Just…it's for Olivia Benson."

"Should I say who it's from?"

He zoned out for another second thinking about if he should leave a note or if that would be enough.

"Sir," Frank questioned.

"Ah…yeah, no, she'll know who it's from."

John could see the untrusting confusion on Frank's face and slapped Elliot on the back. "Don't worry Frank, I've known Elliot for years, he's an NYPD Detective like Ms. Benson.."

"Retired…detective."

"Oh wow! Congrats."

"Thanks guys, I'll see yeah. Take care," Elliot quickly said as he ran out of the door as fast as he could.

SCENE

Brian took Olivia back to his apartment the day she was found. They hardly spoke. She took a long shower, she chopped off her hair, and curled up in bed. Brian watched her sleep and forced her awake to eat for the next couple of days, and after about a week of holding her and feeding her, she grabbed his face and kissed him intensely and lead him to the bed.

He was taken aback as she climbed on him and started to take her Pajama shirt off.

He stopped her. "Liv? Liv, wait."

"I need to make love to you." She grabbed his face and kissed him hard again.

"Ah…are you sure," he asked, concerned this was the wrong thing to be doing hours after her worst nightmare.

"I'm alive, and I need myself back again. I need us back again. Brian, make love to me."

It was awkward for him at first, but she was insistent and so he lightly kissed her as if she were a fragile piece of glass, and that seemed to make her both comforted but angry. She pushed him inside of her and closed her eyes allowing all of the pent up feelings to release, tears falling from her eyes.

Brian let her finish but he was ultimately concerned and unsure of how to react. He never finished himself. He just held her naked convulsing body while she fell to his chest in tears and then eventually they both fell asleep.

This continued for another few weeks until time started to slowly bring back normalcy.

Brian helped her move out of her apartment and into his apartment. Olivia would be light and cheery one day, and then unpresent and inward the next. She noticed that he and everyone around her were treating her like a delicate flower. They even sent her flowers, and now they both sat in Brian's apartment surrounded by moving boxes and dead flowers, until one day Olivia came home from work and demanded Brian to treat her like he had before all of this happened. She dropped her bag on the floor, walked into the kitchen where Brian was cooking dinner, and undid her trench coat revealing a black lacy teddy.

"Whoa," Brian's jaw dropped. "Is it my birthday? I made spaghetti, should I-"

"I'm only hungry for one thing," She pouted with sultry eyes.

She sauntered over to Brain, and grabbed his lips with her teeth. He touched the silk and lace, and immediately grew hard. "Where is this coming from?"

"Victoria Secret," She purred as she undid his pants, and slid down his body.

"Whoa…are you sure?," he asked with that sympathetic tone.

She didn't stop just ignored the question, though the tone bothered her. Where was the man that loved wild sex and a carefree night of immature Adam Sandler movies and video games! That he would question a night of good sex with her, was driving her crazy.

She grabbed his crotch and kissed him down there until he squirmed.

Then she pulled herself back up to the counter.

"Do me in the kitchen," she pleaded as she bend over the counter and invited him to grab her hips. The cold granite teasing her hard nipples.

He tried to turn her around. "Let's go in the bedroom."

"No. Right here. Do me right here, Brian."

He turned her around and tried to kiss her nicely again.

"Brian! Why won't you fuck me in the kitchen."

"Hey, don't get upset. I just…don't want you to…"

"-want me to what?"

"Nothing," He backpedaled. "I just want to make sure you're okay, before we get rough.."

She slapped the counter in anger. "Of course, I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay?! God! I'm so sick of everyone walking around me like I'm dying. I'm not dead!," she flailed her arm and hit a vase of dead roses. "And these god damned flowers! Why haven't you thrown them away? First of all, I hate flowers, and secondly, I'm not dead! They're pretty dead! But I'm alive, and I want you all to treat me like I'm here!"

She was holding back tears now now, and that made her even more angry.

"Shhh…Shhh…," Brian grabbed her arms and pulled her toward his body to hug her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You're right."

She stayed in his arms as he slowly began to play with the lace on her back and around her butt. They slowly swayed.

"This lace is pretty hot."

Her hips began to rock with his gentle massage and in silence she looked him in the eye and he couldn't object. He flipped her around on the counter and rubbed against her.

"This what you want?"

"Yes."

"You want me to make you dirty?"

"Make me so dirty."

They had rough sex several times that night, and though Brian should have been glad to get some of their old love making positions back, it wasnt' the same for him. He could tell she was using their love making routine as a means to get out all of her pent up rage, and he wasn't sure how to feel about it. He liked sex with her, but she had an agenda, and it was written all of her face.

Another week passed, and her period was late. She stopped taking her pill after the abduction, and just hadn't refilled the prescription, which was unlike her and completely irresponsible. She had played by the rules her whole life, though, and helped other people play by the rules, and it had gotten her nothing, so she decided to get reckless with a few things, and having a baby was one of them. She wanted a baby. It was primal, and she didn't care if she had it unconventionally. She hadn't told Brian though, and that was the part that was bothering her, but not enough to overcome the selfish and all of the sudden urgent need to have a child. She searched a few boxes in the bathroom for pregnancy tests. She used to have a few that she ordered online, just in case.

"You okay in there," Brian asked.

"Fine, aren't you late for work."

"Yeah, I'm leaving now."

She poked her face out from the bathroom door. "Love you."

"Love you too," he smiled innocent and dumbfounded.

Brian had left for the day and she walked around the apartment tossing away all of the old rotten dead flowers, cards, and vases. She then took the bag of sympathy to the garbage shoot in the hallway, and watched it all disappear. She hoped it would have been cathartic, but sadly it was a let down. She did have sore breasts though, and a very late period, so there was a bit of a twinkle in her eye when she got back into the apartment and started to get ready to leave for the day.

Her phone rang.

"Benson, can I help you?"

"Ms Benson, this is the three oaks apartment complex. You have some mail that needs to be picked up."

"Oh! Yes! Okay. I'll swing by today. Sorry about that, I keep forgetting."

She grabbed her glock and her purse and headed toward the pharmacy for a test and then to her old apartment building before work.

The pregnancy test sat on the pharmacy shelf in a plastic locked case. She had to ask for someone to unlock the door, and on a giant loud speaker the young guy made a store announcement. "We need someone in the family planning aisle. Lady needs a pregnancy test."

"And this why Amazon will never go out of business," Olivia thought to herself.

She turned to face a 20 person line staring at her, and her whole face went red. A non-responsive employee handed her the pink box and she shamefully made her way back to the line. A woman in her 40's noticed and smiled at her with an unspoken "You got this" vibe. Olivia quickly grabbed a People's Magazine to hide the box under. Finally it was her turn.

"Is this everything," said the lady behind the counter.

"Yep," she anxiously replied as she fumbled with her credit card and wallet.

"Very well. That will be $23.07. And good luck to you," the woman winked with a smiled.

"Oh…ha…thanks," Olivia smiled back.

It was like everyone in the universe, including her wanted her to be pregnant.

"Was that a sign," she thought to herself playfully. She practically floated to the Three Oaks, where John the door man gave her a big hug and pointed her to the front desk.

"You are glowing this morning, Ms Olivia. Frank, Olivia Benson is here for that mail."

"Am I?," She smiled and then thought ", another sign."

Frank handed her the pile of mail and the bag with the now very stale flower cupcake inside of it, and she tossed it all in the pharmacy bag, and headed for work.

"Thanks for saving this stuff for me, guys. I'll miss seeing you. Have a lovely day."

"Farewell, Olivia," John smiled.

She placed her ear buds in and smiled all the way to work, it may have been the first time in months that she let herself feel this light. As she walked she took in things that she never even knew she cared about. Mother's with babies. Cute little strollers. Playgrounds with happy kids and sweet nannies. A toddler on a bike. A very pregnant lawyer headed toward the precinct. She was being a good mom and still hard at work. Olivia couldn't wait to feel her stomach grow big and her ankle swell up and the sonogram pictures. It was like magic thinking about it!

Happiness hit her like a train on a track

Coming towards her stuck still no turning back

She hid around corners and she hid under beds

She killed it with kisses and from it she fled

With every bubble she sank with her drink

And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

The horses are coming

So you better run

Nick Amaro noticed her beaming as she rounded the corner.

"Hey Liv," he smiled noticing the pharmacy bag.

"Good Morning," she chimed back.

After checking in for the day, she found a quiet break and took the pharmacy bag into the restroom with her.

She dug around past the mail, pulled out the bakery bag with the old cupcake and the rock in it, and upturned her nose slightly at the old hard frosting. Her hand touched the rock and she pulled it out.

"Fearless," she read to herself, thinking about who gave this to her and why. She crumpled both the rock and cupcake up in the bakery bag and tossed it without another thought.

The ladies room was empty, but she locked herself in the handicapped stall, read the directions, and peed on the stick.

"Here goes nothing."

It was the longest 15 minutes of her life.

She didn't want to look. She didn't want this feeling to end. She psyched herself up.

"It's okay if you aren't pregnant. It is out of your hands, and there is still time," she thought to herself. "Plus Brian has never been excited about kids. Though he would probably change that if presented with the option…maybe. Ah, god, I don't want to be depressed anymore. You can't let this fuel your depression. It's okay if you aren't pregnant. Let it all go, and what ever it is, it is."

She opened her eyes. Negative test. Her heart sank and she let out a big sigh.

She went to throw the test packaging away and noticed the bakery bag again.

Cake and rocks.

The second thought of it made her take pause.

She grabbed the bag and ripped the rock from the bag.

Fearless.

"Elliot."

Amaro watched Olivia walk back from the restroom with the bag in her hand again.

"You okay," he asked.

She dumped the mail out on her desk and tossed the now empty bag.

"I'm good," she replied with half the glow she had 20 minutes ago.

She placed the rock in the empty space on her desk that used to have a photo of her and Elliot.

He always had a way of having her back when she most needed it.