Chapter 81

The next day, Elizabeth reads in the newspaper that her arrangement with the lady of the little boutique has worked, her dress is praised excessively once again, and Georgiana's ensemble has caught the attention as well. It's as if they have never lived quietly, as if their evenings have always been spent in glittering drawing-rooms and halls stuffed full of people.

Fortunately Fitzwilliam and herself have plenty of time left to spend on each other, riding through town and a few favourite parks, sitting in the drawing-room listening to music or reading, and of course they spend all their nights together, still very eager to be intimate in the evenings and the mornings.

As Elizabeth is contemplating all this, and Fitzwilliam gazes into her eyes as if trying to read her very thoughts, Mr Fielding catches all their attention with a question that has obviously been plaguing him for some time.

'I'm thinking of asking Mr Goodfellow to include me in his group of music adepts. I have little knowledge to contribute, but I can demonstrate the pieces they study, that's valuable isn't it? I guess what I really want to know is, would it be very foolish to try to befriend a reporter?'

As Elizabeth melts, he is such a sweet and modest man, how can he imagine they wouldn't be thrilled to have a real genius in their midst, Mr Manners must be thinking exactly the same thing, and their friend doesn't hesitate to speak his thoughts for all to hear.

'I'm sure they'll love to have you, Fielding. And no, I don't think it's a good idea to befriend a reporter, but sometimes a man has to do unwise things. Look at Darcy here, he did a supremely foolish thing and it has made him the happiest man alive.'

It's so gratifying to see Fitzwilliam beaming, he really does look intensely happy.

'Manners is right, Fielding, it's not very sensible to let a reporter into one's heart, especially not if you're about to become part of a well-known family and are well on your way to gaining national fame. But I think you really want this connection, you want to learn what they know, and you do have more to offer them than you think. How could they ever spurn the chance to get to study a real-life musical genius?'

Modest as he is, Mr Fielding does not gainsay any of the praise, he is a genius and he knows it, having been accepted in their midst has given him a certain self-confidence that is a joy to behold.

'I think I'll have to take my chances then. Of their refusing me, and of Mr Goodfellow disappointing me by using our friendship to gain material for an exposé.'

Now Manners laughs out loud.

'An exposé, Fielding, that is priceless! Do you think Mr Goodfellow is aspiring to become a front page reporter?'

'Naw, I just wanted to show off a new term I learned, show you all I'm a lot less naïve. Next time I see Mr Goodfellow I'll ask him to be admitted to his little group. I need to know what they know, I need to find my own style, not stick to Mr Zumpe's.'

'You have not been Mr Zumpe's creation for a long time, Mr Fielding,' Elizabeth offers her opinion, 'I'm sure he would not appreciate your playing folk-songs. But I do agree your program is a bit put together, it could use a solid base in musical theory, and Mr Goodfellow is not merely pretending to know music to seem more interesting, I think he is the true thing.

You know he admires you, don't you, Mr Fielding? I watched him while you were playing for him in the drawing-room, and again when you talked to him yesterday. I think he will welcome you.'

'I'm at the very least starting to believe it, you've been right from the start about practically everything you told me, Mrs Darcy, and the owner of yesterday's theatre confirmed Mr Goodfellow likes my music. Thank you for your support, Mrs Darcy, it has meant so much to me.'

And a friendship does indeed spring up between scruffy Mr Goodfellow and handsome Mr Fielding, the very next time they meet at a concert. Of course he is very welcome to join the group, Mr Goodfellow seems thrilled at Mr Fielding's request to be considered for involvement, and Elizabeth admires Georgiana for letting go of her beloved for a few hours, though she has such a thirst for knowledge of music herself.

When Elizabeth inquires with her sister how she feels about the situation, the first time Mr Fielding is off to meet his new friends, Georgiana admits frankly that she does feel excluded.

'But I knew before we came to an agreement that his career would take him away from me on a regular basis. I cannot take this away from Eric, he has such a need to learn more about music, and though I have the same wish it's not as pressing, and this is such a bastion of men I would probably feel very uncomfortable among them. No, let him spend time with some like-minded men, and I'll visit Kitty and Jane, or go shopping with you. If Fitzwilliam can do without you for a few hours.

If not, I can always entertain myself, I used to be very good at that not so very long ago, I'm sure I still can. It's healthy to spend some time away from each other.

Not that I think you and my brother shouldn't be together all the time, I think that's very cute. But I knew my life with Eric wouldn't be like that.'

And she truly doesn't seem to mind spending some hours by herself the next two weeks.

'You know he tells me everything they discuss, and they've asked him to prepare several sheets of music, which of course we are doing together. I don't miss out on that much, Elizabeth, just five queer men totally fixated on music, who according to Eric would freak out if they had to address anything vaguely feminine, talking about stuffy old pages of music and less stuffy new pages. Apparently those are either in German or in French, I've already practised my French on them, and Eric is helping me to pick up some German. Did you know he's very good at it? His patron was originally from Germany, they often talked German during dinner. He didn't tell Mr Manners, thought he'd surprise Simon as soon as he has learned enough to talk a little.'

Two more weeks pass by, and going out at night is becoming a habit. Simon and Fanny thrive, Fanny seems to have her own secret places where she picks up new ways of doing Elizabeth's hair, or how to give Georgiana's pale natural colouring a healthy blush.

'I've had my first offer to serve as a lady's maid, Mrs Darcy,' she says one evening, as she is torturing Elizabeth's long straight hair into loose curls.

'It was as I stepped by Miss Filliger's shop to pick up that new hat Simon wanted you to wear with the cream gown. Apparently some lady's maid was choosing a new frock, or pretending to choose a frock, and she said, 'Hello! I've heard you are Mrs Darcy's maid, and rumour has it you're the mind behind the young lady's incredible outfits. My mistress would be very interested to offer you a position in her own household.'

'And do you want to work for a different lady, Fanny? You could be a lady's maid for real, not just on feast days.'

Fanny smiles and replies, 'She mentioned a very tempting salary, but of course she doesn't know it's Miss Filliger and Simon who have made your reputation in fashion. Miss Filliger didn't seem annoyed to hear me get the credit, though, she merely winked at me. I do get the impression she prefers to stay behind the scenes, ma'am.

And anyway, with Bob and me due to be married I can't work for another family, ma'am, what if they lived on the other end of the country in summer? We'd be lonely all the time.

No, Bob likes working for the master, and I like working for you and Miss Darcy, and who knows how famous Mr Fielding may yet become? Maybe you'll all have to go to Vienna, and the master will want Bob to drive, and you'll need me to come along as well, for they say the ladies on the continent are even more fashionable than here. Which is why I'm working hard to learn more about dresses, and hairstyles and accessories.

There, ma'am, your hair is done, do you like it curled?'

Elizabeth smiles, and looks at her own reflection in the mirror. It's a miracle Fitzwilliam can still recognise her as his beloved, for this is not the Miss Elizabeth Bennet he fell in love with. This is a sophisticated London lady, with plenty of funds and a very able personal maid.

'It's incredible, Fanny, I can't even recognise myself. I suppose that means I'll be in the papers again tomorrow.'

She cannot stop a heartfelt sigh, never did she realise that being Mrs Darcy would mean getting turned into a totally different person each night. But of course they both have a choice, they can let Mrs Annesley chaperone Georgiana some nights, and even Jane and aunt Gardiner would be willing to accompany her now and then. It's a little less than two more months, and then they'll be back at Pemberley. And by the time the entertainments start again in town, Georgiana and Mr Fielding will most likely be married, the constant attention of throngs of ladies is starting to get on both their nerves, and they have asked Fitzwilliam to consider letting them marry by special licence, as soon as Georgiana is seventeen.

Elizabeth cannot blame them, though she doubts those ladies will be deterred from chasing Mr Fielding once he is well and truly married. Most likely they'll make things hard on the married couple.

'Do you mind very much, Mrs Darcy?' dear Fanny asks, a bit worried.

'One gets used to it, Fanny, but I cannot say I enjoy it. What did you say to the maid who offered you a job? You never finished your story.'

'I didn't, did I, ma'am? Well, I couldn't tell her I wasn't the genius she thought I was, of course. So I merely thanked her for her kind offer, admired the frock she was trying on, and went about my business. Do you think she'll buy it, thinking I am some fashion-expert? It did look good on her, Miss Filliger has beautiful dresses even in that maid's size, and they're very affordable if one wears them a whole season.'

'I'm glad you're staying with us, Fanny, and I think you could dress a lady by now, no problem. You have learned a lot from Simon and Miss Filliger, and you had a talent for it from the start. I'm sure that maid will not regret buying the dress, if you thought it looked good on her.

Just look at me, Fanny, you've had as much influence on my current toilette as Simon has had. You came up with the hairstyle yourself, and it was your idea to use that necklace again, only made to look old. You're not just doing what Simon says, you're creating a look all your own. And another one for Miss Darcy.'

'Why thank you, ma'am, I never thought of it that way, but I suppose you're right. Still, I'd rather stay, and meet Peter and his missus, and Mrs Reynolds, and see Pemberley and the country. Even if Mr Fielding never does get invited to Vienna.'

Elizabeth suddenly wonders what will happen if Fanny finds herself with child soon after marriage. Will she be able to keep working? And who will care for the baby then? Peter's missus has her parents, but Fanny's parents live in London. Of course Bob can stay in London, but he'll be a mere stable-boy instead of Mr Darcy's trusted driver.

And that thought of course leads to others, what if Georgiana conceives right after her marriage? Unless she takes a wet-nurse, that will mean the end of attending Mr Fielding's concerts. And she's not even seventeen years old.

To avoid imagining herself with child, she directs her thoughts to Jane, who is so perfectly suited to care for a cute little baby, and to Lydia, who is not, but already with child. How is she doing? Jane regularly writes to her youngest sister, as does Elizabeth herself, but Lydia's letters are always gay and filled with stories of her friends, there is no mention of her dearest wish, it is as if that conversation on Jane's wedding never happened.

And Elizabeth's wilful mind insists on considering the possibility of getting with child herself. What will it do to their marriage? Will Fitzwilliam leave her behind when he goes out to hunt? Will he still be able to love her when she gets bigger, and possibly weepy? She knows he loves her mental strength, though he hasn't had a single one of those humble episodes since their return to London, maybe getting faith in their marriage and processing his bad memories of rejection have finally settled his feelings.

She knows there is no use in going over these thoughts again and again, but until Fanny declares her job done for this evening, they keep distracting her, without bringing an answer, of course.

After that night's concert, they find the Colonel back at the house. He has been to his father's estate to reason with him to get Miss Anne to London for some amusement, and he has been successful!

'My father will pick her up from Rosings and he will make sure aunt Catherine stays behind. He will try to lose Mrs Jenkinson as well, apparently she has a family who must be due a visit, in a town close to Hunsford, he found that out to try and get his niece along by herself. I think he'll manage, aunt Catherine never could stand up to him, the only person in the world able to browbeat Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

My father will accompany cousin Anne to his London home, where I will take her under my wing. He wants to attend a concert, too, Georgiana, Mr Fielding. He's very curious about his niece's genius fiancée. They have papers too, you know, he's read every bit of news concerning the family, and is also very pleased with Mrs Darcy, and eager to get to know you better.

'She has done the family proud, my son,' he said to me, 'I wonder how Catherine is taking it. Can't wait to rub it in.'

We'll certainly hear the results of that as soon as he arrives, which will be Thursday. Actually, I expect him tomorrow, but you're all invited to come to dinner on Thursday, Mr Manners, too, since he offered to introduce cousin Anne to a few girls her age.

Would it be possible to bring Mrs Annesley? My father asked specifically to see her. I know it's a bit singular to bring her since she's no longer Georgiana's personal lady, but he's been quite lonely since mother died, and I thought it wouldn't be too much of a problem.'

Darcy just cannot believe it, another middle-aged man who has a thing for Mrs Annesley! His uncle is a widower, and quite attractive for his age, but that doesn't make Mrs Annesley less married. But of course those men only want to talk to her, and she certainly has plenty of interesting things to say. Well, as far as Darcy is concerned, it's her choice, she may want to go home to her husband, or she may be eager to have a night's entertainment.

'I'll ask her, if she consents to go we'll take her with us. Doesn't he have plans to marry again? Maybe Manners knows some widows?'

With a perfectly straight face, Manners observes, 'Actually, I do. And frankly, they are a cut above the younger generation. I'll see what I can do, when is he planning to attend a concert?'

'Somewhere next week, he will be staying for at least three weeks.'

'Mr Goodfellow is planning a very serious lecture on Renaissance music Wednesday week,' Fielding offers, 'and since he has asked me to illuminate his recital with music from that period, I have the right to invite some people over. Even ladies, though my new friends are generally rather over-sensitive to their presence. I suppose they find women disconcerting, though I guess that merely means they haven't met any they dared speak to, yet.

Still, it may be an excellent opportunity to invite a few sedate widows of Manners' acquaintance, as well as your father, Colonel.'

'Though I do not feel a particular need to set my father up with a new woman, I do think he would enjoy a lecture on old music, Mr Fielding. Thank you for the offer, I will ask him.'

His cousin seems much better, maybe the drinking with his fellow-officers made him extra sensitive. At least he will be too busy showing cousin Anne around town to do too much brooding.

Thinking of the newspaper today, Darcy worries for Fitzwilliam, there is war brewing, and his leave may be cut short any time. Of course his cousin's rank is high enough to keep him out of acute danger, but going to war is always dangerous, and the idea of Fitzwilliam on a battlefield makes his heart grow cold.

Despite his intense dislike of George Wickham, Darcy also spends a few thoughts on him, as a mere ensign Darcy's brother-in-law is in much more danger, and if he gets his way and is allowed in the Rifles, he will be at the front of the action, looking for danger, provoking the enemy to take shots at him and his men. It is rather a brave thing to do, but somehow Darcy doesn't doubt Wickham will measure up to the task. The way Fanny described him as he came to her rescue, Wickham may be lacking morals, he is not a coward.

But Darcy is not afraid to lose Wickham, not at all, the guy's fate leaves him undisturbed, whereas he fervently hopes his cousin will be spared.

Or preferably, that war can be averted altogether, what can be gained by facing the French on their own soil?

Thinking of Wickham, he wonders how his featherheaded sister-in-law is doing, in eager expectation of her little George. Better ask Elizabeth, she corresponds with her sister regularly, she will know how that whole affair turned out.

And what if she gets with child herself? Will she still be his strong willed beloved? Of course she will, and if she does get needy for a few months he'll enjoy those, she'll cling to him and depend on him, that was quite a nice feeling. But most likely she'll just continue as she was, except they'll have to find her a good doctor and a midwife. For women die in childbirth, he remembers his mother, weak with her frail constitution and a long delivery, unable to nurse the baby by herself, having to cope with a wet-nurse as well as a bossy personal maid.

The very idea of some woman trying to boss Elizabeth, he'd like to see anyone try. And Darcy was a boy then, still depending on his parents for guidance. He'd never allow such behaviour in his own house anymore, not even in the servants' quarters. No, Elizabeth will be fine, he'll be there for her, right there at her side all the time, he will not leave her to amuse himself in town.

That night in bed, he asks about Lydia.

'Imagine you should ask that today! I just wondered how she was doing, Jane and I both wrote but Lydia's replies never mentioned anything as serious as a pregnancy, just parties and friends. Do you think I should write her again and bluntly ask how she's doing with regards to that? I never did ask, I merely hoped she'd volunteer some information.'

'If you're curious, you should certainly ask. I just wondered, because it seems war with France is getting more likely every day. If the worst happens, Wickham will be sent overseas. As will Fitzwilliam.'

'Oh no, not the Colonel, that poor man!'

'He's a lot tougher than you might think, my love, you've only seen him at his most vulnerable, but I assure you, he is very solid. He leads a significant number of troops, you know, one does not reach that prominence without being very capable.'

'I suppose so, he's been in the army for years, he must have seen action before. But still I will worry if he gets sent overseas.'

'We all will, dear Elizabeth. My love, I couldn't help thinking, it's been a while since we talked of having children, have you had any signs yet?'

She clutches him in a tight grip.

'I have not, my love, and I'm glad. I'm not like Lydia, I don't want to lose my freedom yet. I cannot bear the thought of sitting at home all by myself, day after day, night after night.'

'Elizabeth!'

He's never raised his voice at her before, she must be stumped. Well, that cannot be helped, he's not like his father, and she ought to know that!

'I'm not going to leave you alone! How can you think such a thing?'

And much softer, 'I love you, you know that, don't you? I'm always with you, there is nowhere else I want to be but by your side, why would anything change?'

A muffled, 'I don't know, love, I suppose I didn't think,' proves they should talk about these things more often, and Darcy feels he has to soothe his beloved.

'Will you not trust me, Elizabeth? And remember what your father said, love, your mother never suffered much discomfort, you'll just do everything as you're used to, I'm sure you'll be able to ramble right up until the last. You're strong, and fearless, and I'll be with you every step of the way.

But let's make the most of this summer anyway, ride and hunt, do everything we'll have less time for. We're in this together, my love, please don't keep secrets from me, tell me as soon as you feel a change.'

His use of 'we' where the loss of freedom is concerned seems to have mollified her somewhat, and soon her warm, soft body relaxes against his own once more. But she does not lie still against him, for her hands seek out sensitive spots to stroke, and she is nuzzling his skin with heat.

To initiate loving after practically telling him she's afraid to get with child is such a brave thing to do. Or is it merely proof that human nature is bent towards loving, to ensure its procreation? Elizabeth is not done with her surprises, still stroking him she asks with distinct humour, 'I've not seen your humble side for quite some time, my love, is it gone forever?'

Such an observation at such a time, and her cheeky tone! It gives him a little thrill of pride and love, and he kisses her intimately, before he even considers her question. She has been such a steady force in the upheaval of the last weeks, the sudden exposure to society, having their, and Georgiana's, every move watched, their apparel judged, their bond, their past and their present analysed. None of it seems to have bothered his beloved, she has risen to the challenge with incredible courage.

But he can see why she wonders that the added pressure on their bond hasn't triggered a release in her beloved.

And why hasn't he had one of these humble spells? Were they just a phase, getting to grips with the added responsibility of a wife? He never used to have them before he got married, that is certain.

But he never had someone to rely on before he got married, so who'd he have shown his vulnerable side to? A cheap woman, like Mrs Younge? Do other men have those spells, and unleash them on hired women? Not all powerful men have a strong partner like Elizabeth to fall back on.

He searches his own soul, and doesn't feel the slightest need to fall at Elizabeth's feet, though he remembers the feeling of surrender well, and the memory doesn't put him out but pleases him, so safe, so sheltered.

He decides to reply with a joke; though Elizabeth brought the question up, Darcy suspects she doesn't like him behaving like that at all, doesn't really know how to handle his humble self, though she treats him exactly as he wishes to be treated, it seems to be some instinct rather than conscious thought. And there surely is one large difference in their lives compared to a month or two ago, when Darcy had his strongest episode so far.

For frankly, he doesn't think they're gone altogether, but he's not going to tell Elizabeth that, it would only spoil their moment together. Much better to keep this loose atmosphere, have a little fun together after discussing a subject his beloved seems to fear more than an entire row of reporters analysing her latest fashion accoutrement.

'Do you suppose it's Manners taking charge all the time? It almost seems as if he has taken over my role of pater familias, leaving me free of care and responsibility.'

She is shaking with laughter, and he gets that kiss right back, with all the love she feels for him.

'You're the best, my love,' she breathes, 'I hope Mr Manners will stay with us for a long time, then, for your humble self makes me a little uncertain. He is so cute I want to cuddle him and whisper sweet nonsense in his ear, but that is not what he wants from me at all! I feel like such a hag being strict to the sweetest and cutest side of you.

You looked so naughty that time at the dinner table with Mr Hurst, and I knew I had to be severe on you when I wanted nothing more than to join you in poking fun at the lot of them. I suppose that's why I got mad afterwards, I resented having to be the sensible one guarding your reputation. But if he ever does come back, Fitzwilliam, I'll be ready for him. More playful, and still as forceful as he might wish, don't hold him back to spare me.'

'Whatever reputation my father left me with that I haven't thrown into the wind by marrying you, my love, Georgiana has now polluted beyond repair by marrying a cow-herd's son. Don't worry about my reputation, love, I think I'd rather be known as slightly mad than an irrefutable prig, as I suppose I was thought of.

You make me very happy, Elizabeth, I'm so glad my feeling, intuitive side fought my sensible, proud side over you and won, despite having been suppressed for years.'

Pretty soon, talk loses all its meaning, and they take their time showing their love for one another by working each other up to a frenzy of desire with every trick in their ever expanding glossary of loving. When the climax comes, he is bit afraid to let it go, what if this is the time? But she's having none of that, an impatient foot pulls him back in, and soon they both shudder in release, and lie in a close embrace until sleep takes them.