The Christmas Angel

The next year was a blur that started in New York with an explosion that killed Kathy, and ended in a courtroom to bring her justice.

The series of unfortunate events had only one saving grace when the dust cleared, and that was Olivia.

Olivia Benson, Manhattan's last breathing angel, stood on the other side of this catastrophe with her heart and arms wide open. Her broken heart was no longer a priority. Guiding Elliot and his family through their loss was her only objective, no matter how hard she wanted to distance herself from the pain he had caused her all of these years. When it came to Elliot Stabler, relentless devotion was the one thing she and Kathy had in common.

After a year of Elliot fighting tooth and nail for Kathy's justice, and for what was, at least in his Catholic rulebook , the "right" thing to do; Elliot stood next to his guiding light, Olivia, in the back of a crowded courtroom waiting for the jury to validate his efforts and give him permission to move on with his life, guilt free.

He stood as close as he could to her, wanting her to read his mind. He stood close enough to touch the side of her hand, hoping that if he stayed there long enough she'd grab his hand first, and he'd never have to let her go again.

He was nervous to hear the verdict even if the reasons felt selfish. Wheatley would burn one day whether it was for the murder of Kathy or the murder of some other sorry soul that stepped in Whately's path, Wheatley would get his day, he just didnt know if this was the day, and it was starting to feel like the scale was leaning towards Whately's favor. Regardless, Elliot needed something to tell him he could move on, and he put his whole basket of eggs on this trail. He prayed every night for an answer, but his God was quiet. So typical. He had played by the rules his entire life. He had waited. He had fought. He had cried. He had listened. He'd repented. He lived in a kind of hell for decades. And he was ready to let all of his oppressions go. To be happy, truly happy. Maybe that nagging sensation whispering for him to make peace was god. It felt so broad and unceremonious. He looked around at the people all there supporting him, maybe that was god. Olivia hadn't run for the hills yet…was that his sign? He closed his eyes for a second letting the moment take him. He made a silent prayer to himself, that no matter what the verdict was, that he was going to leave it in this room and make the most of his life. Ready to be free of old promises and oppressed feelings. Ready to be a better father and son. Ready to be there for the people he loved…for her. Ready to be the kind, loving, devoted man Kathy always wanted Olivia to have…

And then that thought hit him like a wall. Kathy.. she'd always said it," You and Olivia have something I can never live up to."

Granted she'd always said it through a passive aggressive tone, but she too was in pain all those years. 30 years they fought, stuck in a constant battle over his career and her feelings. They were rarely on the same page. Which was a bonus when they were raising Children. If she missed something, he picked it up, but over the years, being on opposite ends of the living room…grew weary. Kathy wanted him to release her heart. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted to bring him back to Olivia, and he could sense it.

As the audience in the courtroom murmured in waiting, the sun shone in from the courthouse window and winked right at him like a divine creature. He moved his face to avoid it, and it kept dancing in his line of vision. The clouds moved again, and the sun came on stronger, causing Olivia to look up from her phone, squint, and move even closer to him.

"Wow," Olivia reacted. "Sorry the sun is-"

"In your eyes," Elliot finished her sentence and pulled her just past the prism of harsh light and into his arm that now rested on the ledge of wall and around her back.

She fit there, relaxed, like this was their thing now, to comfortably lean into each other in public. His kids a foot away from them chatting and glancing, but not reacting. It was like any other Sunday in the park. The rays winked and blinked at him one more time, it was like they were giving him the 'Okay'. The hair on his neck stood up the way people described when running into a paranormal. But he wasn't alarmed. His soul felt at ease, a true peace washed over him. Elliot let out a long sigh of relief.

This whole year he had relied on Olivia to help him through the storm like she was his angelic sounding board. A role that no human should be asked to live up to. But there was something else guiding him, and he smiled thinking that maybe, just maybe Kathy had a hand in this.

Olivia glanced at him, as if she felt the universal pull them together and couldn't resist it. She leaned her head on his shoulder as if to say ", It's all going to okay."

He nuzzled her hair with his cheek.

Elliot's phone interrupted the moment and they pulled apart slightly.

"Elliot, Eli isn't in his room."

Liv pulled back to give him his space.

"Moma, he is. I'm looking at him right now."

The next two minutes diverged into a frenzy with Elliot ping ponging between the phone, his mother, Eli, and the Jury coming in to conclude Kathy's case was inconclusive.

Before Elliot could come to his senses the trail ended, his kids were upset, his mother was wailing through the phone, and he had let Olivia go. She was practically gone from his site, on her way to the parking garage while he was in his car headed home with Kathleen and Dickie on the phone following him.

SCENE

The apartment was buzzing as all of the Stablers talked over top of each other about what should be done. Elliot tried Eli's phone one more time and paced the room.

His phone pinged with a text from Liv.

"Let me know if you need help. I've got an overnight sitter for Noah, just in case you need me."

His heart lifted.

"Can you put out a city alert?"

"Done," she replied.

"Thank you. With all my heart, thank you."

He almost called her, but stopped himself. He had to stay focused.

The next several hours were a guessing game with no rules. Everyone paced and texted friends, but mostly they were getting non-replies and dead ends.

Finally, Elliot headed for the back patio.

"Where are you going," Bernie asked.

"I just need some air, Moma."

"I'm making more coffee."

"Okay."

He pushed the door open and let the cold air hit his face. He looked up at the sky wondering how he got here and how he could get to the place he wanted to be. His life felt like chaos all of the time.

The flashbacks from that first night in New York leading all the way up to present day, spun around in his head.

"Elliot" and those brown eyes welling up with tears.

"Someone tried to kill Kathy."

"You two. Always insync."

"You were the single most important person in my life and you just…disappeared."

"I knew that if I heard your voice…I couldn't leave."

"I wrote it down in this letter. Take it. "

"I love you."

"Are we good?"

"I need you to let me in"

"It will always be you and me..."

Her eyes.

Her voice on the phone at midnight.

Her sullen face…she hardly ever laughed anymore. He wanted to make her laugh again.

Her hands, which he could hold all day long.

She touched his arm.

He grazed her finger tips.

She caressed his face.

"I don't trust you…trust you…trust you…"

"That was hard for me…scary"

"This has been a one way street…."

"Why did you give me that letter?"

"Ehhhh," Elliot sighed, shaking the bad thoughts from his head. "I have to do better," he said out loud to himself.

Kathleen had poked her head outside. "You're doing fine, Dad. Come get some coffee and warm up."

"What time is it?"

"4am," she yawned as they went back inside.

And then his phone buzzed.

"Eli!"

SCENE

The day turned into a week of hospital visits and paperwork and New Jersey police stations, which turned into Christmas before they could blink.

But Elliot was in good spirits. He finally got the nerve to speak his thoughts out loud to Olivia, and he felt lighter. She was coming to his Christmas dinner, and he was meeting Noah for the first time. He was going to make this day perfect for them.

His alarm went off. He did a quick workout and then he sang all the way to the shower with a light-hearted shuffle to his step.

"When the night has come

And the land is dark

And the moon is the only light we'll see.

"So darlin', darlin'," he belted at full volume as the hot water hit his face.

"stand by me

Oh, stand by me"

"Dial it down, Ben E. King, " Bernie yelled from the other side of the door. ", you're a cop for a reason!"

"What?"

"You're off key, dear!," she yelled.

He hummed to himself as he groomed and deodorized, then headed to the kitchen to start the Christmas breakfast quiche.

"Merry Christmas, Moma," he kissed her on the cheek and handed her a present.

"You're in a good mood this morning," Bernie grumbled behind a giant cup of coffee. Her hair was wild atop her head.

"His girlfriend is coming today," Eli mumbled as he shuffled to the bathroom.

"Friend. She said we're 'friends'...for now," Elliot corrected as he cracked eggs into a pyrex.

"Talk about a woman who knows how to play hard to get," Bernie wryly replied. "How long have you known her? 20 years? I could have sworn you were married to her. Why did I think that?"

"Don't know. 23 years, Moma. Kathy called her my work wife."

"Jesus, she must have a good vibrator. Following you around for 23 years and then playing hard to get!"

"Moma!," Elliot scolded.

"Hey, I respect the gal. She's smart and she gets me and more importantly, she gets you. She's a lot more dynamic than Kathy ever was. Pretty too. But 23 years and you're still on the friends list. What did you do to her?"

"I was married, Moma."

"Hm, I guess… Well, I can't live by those standards…but good for her. At least you know the ice cream truck is clean."

"Maaaa!…Stop! Please do not embarrass me today. Best behavior."

"It's not like she hasn't seen me at my worst. What could I say to embarrass you more than I already have."

"If anyone can beat their own track record, it's you, so just, do me a favor, and be as boring as you can be" Elliot firmly said as he pointed a spatula at her.

"Fine. Whatever that means. Boring. Ha!"

Elliot's kids slowly spilled in and the room was loud with cooking and presents and conversation. The buzzer sounded and the entire room stopped and turned to see their father light up as bright as the Christmas tree.

Kathleen nudged Beth and they giggled like little girls. They loved Olivia, always had, and to see their father so happy after the traumatic year they had, Christmas with Olivia was as close to an angel and ringing bell miracles, as they were going to get.

Sargent Bell entered the room, and the crowd deflated.

Elliot pulled Bell into the hallway of his apartment.

"Sorry, didn't mean to ruin your Christmas party."

"This better be an emergency, otherwise, can it wait until tomorrow?"

"Ah," she hesitated. "I wish I could wait to tell you, but there could be a bit of a safety issue."

"Fine," Elliot grumbled.

"We were able to trace where the coin transaction was made to hire the hit on your son, and it was sent from Angela Wheatley's home."

Elliot stood in silence for a minute to process that information "Could it be her daughter?"

"Maybe but-"

"She's been playing us this whole time."

"Maybe. We've not been able to trace her daughter since before the trial. We have reason to believe that she and her daughter had a hand in this or that she's being bribed or forced or yes, she's playing us all."

"And you're sure she's not in danger?"

"Well...Kat checked in on her therapy sessions, they're also bogus. For all we know, her ailments are also a ruse. However, it's gone down, the evidence that we have so far, isn't looking good for her. We'll know more over the next 48 hours."

"So where is she now?"

"We have a UC watching her apartment and tracking her movements. But what we really need is ears inside the apartment. So I hate for you to cut your vacation short. I know you need it. But she trusts you…we're going to need you to work your magic. Make a visit. Place a few bugs."

Elliot could hear the door downstairs opening, then the sound of Olivia and Noah coming up the stairs.

"Yeah," Elliot replied with interrupted thoughts. "I can do that…I just…can it wait?"

"Tomorrow morning would be-"

"Why does this apartment have a yard and our apartment doesn't have a yard?, " Noah asked in his 10 year old voice.

Elliot yelled down the stairs "Liv, come on up. "

"Is that Elliot's voice? " Noah asked.

"Yes, go on up," Liv replied.

Bell whispered quickly ", tomorrow morning would be fine. Just keep your guard up until we get better surveillance. I recommend that we place a unit outside to keep an eye on your place. It's clear your family is being targeted, and I wouldn't want-."

"Are we safe?," he interrupted.

"Yes," Bell replied with pause.

"Everyone I love is in this room."

"I know," Bell emphasized. ", that's why I think we should take the extra precaution and call in a few units to make sure everyone is safe and gets home safe tonight and then tomorrow morning, we'll move in on her."

Elliot was shaken and breathing heavily trying to decide what he should do. He could cancel the party and get surveillance up tonight.

Olivia rounded the corner with a smile and then surprise came over her face. "Yes Noah, that's Elliot. Sergeant Bell? "

"Hi Olivia, " Bell smiled. "I'll be getting out of your way now. Elliot, should I make the call?"

He couldn't disappoint Olivia or his family, nor selfishly could he disappoint himself. "Sure. Yes to that plan," he said as he shook his head wishing she hadn't told him anything.

" Will do. Have a Merry Christmas, everybody. Elliot, I'll see you tomorrow. "

"What was that all about, " Olivia asked as she stood in the hallway with a giant bag of gifts.

"I'll tell you later. Right now I…I just want to meet this guy right here," Elliot smiled pushing the new information deep down inside of his gut.

"Noah. I'm so glad to finally meet you. Your mom is my very best friend, and she has told me all kinds of wonderful things about you."

Elliot held out his hand, his chest high and proud, with a jovial warm smile on his face waiting for Noah to shake his hand back.

Noah wasn't a shy kid. He took one look at Elliot and imitated his stance, shook his hand with viger and replied, "Nice to meet you Mr. Stabler, my mother has told me all about you on the car ride over."

"Youch, you have a good hand shake, and please call me Elliot," Elliot said reacting to the hand shake and the comment. "That hurt," he glanced at Olivia. "The car ride over?"

"Ten years," she said with a half matter-of-fact facial expression.

"What is all of this?," Elliot asked, grabbing the bag of gifts from Olivia.

"Presents," Noah responded and peeked his head into the living room. "My mom said you have grandkids, but you don't look old."

Elliot laughed. "That's right, I have grandkids and I'm the same age as Ryan Renolds."

"Who's that?"

"Ahhh, never you mind, kid. Go on inside."

Olivia was only slightly embarrassed by her son's dry wit, and Elliot motioned them inside. "He's not wrong. I look damn good for a grandpa," he winked at her.

"I don't know, Deadpool, last I checked Ryna Rennolds was in his 40's and has a lot more hair," she bantered back.

The whole Stabler family cheered and hugged them as they came inside.

Elliot briefly forgot about Sergeant Bell's news and he watched his kids welcome Olivia and Noah with hugs and high fives.

"Noah, did you bring me presents," said Maureen's little boy.

"Matthew! Bad manners," Maureen scolded.

Noah slightly shy from the big reaction and the full room blushed. "My mom brought them for us."

"Ow, can we open them!"

"Matthew stop!," Maureen nagged again with embarrassment.

Olivia laughed. "It's fine! Noah, bring the gifts over. Find Matthew's gift."

Kathleen gave Olivia a big hug. "I'm so glad that you came today. I thought I was going to be the most excited about you being here, but Dad's been singing all morning. Love songs," she whispered. "Ow, I hope that's not awkward."

"Ha, oh, I'm starting to get used to awkward Stabler comments. I'm sorry about the singing. How are your ears?," she joked and looked over at Elliot, imagining him singing something really cheesy like anything Boys II Men or "More Than Words" by Extreme.

"Olivia!," Bernie bellowed. "Wait, you can't do gifts without the Santa hat!"

Bernie came toward Olivia with the oldest dirtiest hand-made Santa Hat.

"Moma, she's not wearing the hat," Elliot replied as he grabbed the crusty old thing from her hands and tossed it in a corner. "That thing's been on every drunk Uncle since the 1700's."

"Fine," she said with a pouty lip. "I'll wear it. But if Olivia is going to be a part of this family, she needs to know that this family is serious about it's traditions. That hat has-"

"Been in our family since 1745 when great great grandpa James immigrated to Staten Island in a barrel on a ship," all of the grown kids finished her sentence.

"That hat is creepy," Bethie added. "How about we just share our favorite cookies and laugh at dad's baby pictures?"

"Oh," Bernie lite up. "That reminds me. I found an old album with your papa, hang on."

"Get a better tradition, Bernie," Elliot teased as she disappeared into her bedroom.

Elliot came back to Olivia with a glass of wine. They watched the group of kids tear through the gift bag like monsters. Dickie and Maureen doing their best to organize the chaos. Kathleen and Bethie whispered in the corner.

Now semi alone in the kitchen, Elliot touched the small of Olivia's back and kissed her on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas. So happy you're here."

"Me too," she smiled, taking a sip of Zinfandel. "Kathleen said you've been singing all morning."

Elliot furrowed his brows a bit. "More like squawking, but yeah, I'm in a good place. I'm happy."

"How about you? Are you…"

"Happy? I am in a good place too. I don't know that I'm singing around the house these days, but I'm content and I love my son and my life."

Elliot beamed at her. "I had an epiphany in the courtroom the other day while I was smelling your hair."

"Oh…okay…I'm afraid to ask."

"No, really I did. And you were standing right there, and…ah…without sounding crazy, it was a sign telling me to let go, and it was right, I need to let go, and I'm ready to let it go."

"Wow, my hair told you that?"

"Ha," he laughed. "Yeah, I should really get your salon lady's number, she's clearly magical."

"What about Wheatly? You're okay with letting him go?"

Elliot shrugged. "We can surely pin Wheatly for a number of things, and believe me, we will, but I've come to peace with Kathy."

Liv touched his hand. "That's good, Elliot. I've noticed a calm in you for a few weeks now, and it's good to see you let things go. It's healthy. I like healthy Elliot."

"Did you just say you like me?"

"I think I'll keep you around," she flirted.

Elliot flipped his hand around and traced the palm of her hand with his thumb. "There's only one thing I want to hold onto today and the next and the next…"

Liv glanced around the room to check on Noah. "Elliot…children."

"Yep," He pulled away. "Hands to myself, and ah…I'm going to prove to you that you can trust me again, because I let you go…a few times now. Worse than that I let you down. And I don't ever want to do that to you again."

She looked down at her wine unsure how to react. "Thank you for…acknowledging that."

"I mean it."

"Yeah," she whispered back and read his eyes for a moment. He was genuine. "I hope so."

The room grew slightly quiet as their conversation heated up in the kitchen. Elliot turned to see why and everyone except Eli was staring at them.

He broke the silence.

"Hey, so what'd Mrs Claus bring you kids for Christmas?!," Elliot bellowed.

"Grandpa, she got me lego's and a nerf gun. I've always wanted one of these things!," Matthew yelled as he ran up to Elliot with wild eyes.

"Matthew, come here," he pulled the 6 year old into his arms. "This is my friend Olivia, can you say thank you to her for the fun presents."

"Thank you, Olivia!," he smiled and then squirmed away.

Elliot turned to Liv and quickly added ", Nerf gun?"

"Noah insisted. I hope Maureen doesn't hate me for that."

"She'll get over it."

As he said this his eyes flickered to the window when a car drove past. She saw the moment of worry rush through his face.

"You okay?," she asked.

"Yeah," he said unconvincingly and then repeated himself to reassure her, though he knew why she was asking. "Yeah! I'll fill you in later about the Bell visit. Let's just take this all in for a minute. Our kids are in the same room having Christmas together, can you believe that?"

She now beamed with happiness, seeing the kids smiling and playing, was her joy. The room was infectious, and her smile was the biggest Elliot had seen from her since his return.

He stood closer to her and gave her a warm holding stare.

Olivia playfully pushed him a little with her hip and went back to watching the boys open toys by the tree for a moment.

Noah was trying to help Matthew rip open a Nerf gun. Eli put his phone down for a brief second to step up and help the kids.

"Is that a snowglobe on the top of the tree?," Olivia asked.

"That's Grandma Bernie's idea," Bethie chimed in.

"A star is too predictable," Kathleen added.

"How is it staying up there," Liv said as she made sure Noah was nowhere near it.

"Don't ask, don't tell," Kathleen answered.

The alarm on the oven went off and Bernie came rushing out of her room. "That's the ham! I got it! I got it!"

Dinner was slowly placed on the table. Everyone helped but the kids who were starting to get wild in the hallway and the back rooms.

"Should I check on them," Liv asked before placing the silverware on the napkins.

"Naw, they're boys. That volume is about right," Elliot responded as he licked ham juice from his hand.

"Whoa! Look who took their chill pill today. Are you kidding me," Maureen laughed.

"Yeah, if we even remotely rumbled the floor, we'd get grounded," Dickie added.

"First of all," Elliot added. "The chandelier was ready to fall out of the ceiling and you all walked like elephants and fought like a pack of bulls. Secondly, I'm a grandpa now, I don't have to teach those heathens how to be humans, I just get to buy them toys and candy, then hand them back over to you."

There was a crash of glass from the back room and Olivia jumped into action.

"Excuse me, I have to reign in my heathen, hang tight."

"Mom!," Noah came running in. "Matthew broke this statue with the nerf gun."

Matthew was in tears. "I didn't!"

"It's okay, we can fix it," Liv said softly.

Eli jumped up when he noticed the broken angel statue. "That was mom's. Give it to me."

Olivia handed the pieces to Eli who headed to his bedroom and closed the door, clearly upset.

"Eli, we can fix it," Kathleen said just before the door slammed. "I'll go talk to him."

"No, Kathleen, I got. That's my heathen," Elliot sighed.

"Is he mad," Noah asked.

"Just sad, but he'll be okay. We'll fix it," Liv whispered. "Go wash your hands. Dinner is ready."

Elliot noticed the same car drive past the side window again. He took in a deep breath trying not to fall into anger or anxiety, then knocked on Eli's door.

"Can I come in?"

Eli opened the door.

"Hey, I can fix that."

"It's not the same."

"I've got amazing glue."

"No dad, not the stupid statue. Christmas. This. It's weird, and I'm glad you're happy, but it's weird seeing you…with her."

"Ah…okay."

Elliot paused for a moment and sat on the corner of Eli's bed.

"You know how you told me that you just wanted the trails to stop, you just wanted to move on and be with family."

"Yeah, I said that, but I didn't think I'd feel this way today."

Elliot pulled Eli in for a hug. "Your mom isn't this statue. She's not replaceable. I've had a lot of soul searching to do, and it came with a price, but I'm ready to make up for that lost time with you. And as for Liv….Olivia and I have known each other a long time. I have feelings for her, but she and I have been friends and only friends...You wouldn't be alive today without Olivia."

"I know…she gave birth to me. I've heard the story a million times."

Elliot played with the broken statue a little thinking about Kathy. "Your mother will always have a place in my heart. I felt her the other day. She pushed me exactly where I needed to go, and told me that it was okay to move on. I need to move on. We all need to move on. Can I do that with your blessing, son?"

Eli nodded again, this time with more understanding, and then gave his father a huge. "Yeah. I get it. It doesn't make it less weird for me, but you have my blessing."

"Can we go eat now?"

"Yeah," Eli laughed.

"Good, cause I'm starving."

Eli went out toward the dining room again to join the family, and Elliot peared out of the windows. Olivia's car was safely parked, and he could see the Patrol car across the street. All seemed quiet.

The dinner began with a prayer.

"Bless us oh lord for these thy gifts for which we are about to receive from thy bounty, thank you for blessing this family, bringing us all together in one room on this beautiful Christmas day. May we eat and share our lives like this for many years to come, and keep watch over us all. Protect us from evil. In Christ our lord, amen."

Elliot squeezed Liv's hand and this time she didn't let him go. He could see the tears welling up in her eyes and he kissed her hand. They let the arms fall under the table and Elliot placed his hand on her leg while they ate. Olivia didn't object.