A/N: Hi! I know there was some confusion on the "clinical trial". So basically, it's like regular IV chemo; fluids are given through an implanted catheter in the chest. But Kakashi's chemo in particular is supposed to be very harsh and dangerous. And by implanted, I mean surgically implanted. Ouch, right? I didn't make a whole chapter about the surgical procedure because it honestly didn't seem that relevant to the plot. If you're still confused, I guess you could search it up, lol. Have fun reading!
Chapter 18: Plummet
There were only a few times in her life that the hokage fell asleep involuntarily in the middle of the day, with miles of work ahead of her. Not a peaceful, nap-like rest, but instead, a drop dead, frigid state of unconsciousness.
Once when Sakumo passed away. Another time when she first became the leader of the hidden leaf, put in charge of restoring order to the virtually destroyed village. It was a natural physiological mechanism, a way in which her mind dealt with the many stressors of life. Today, she had dropped into a cold sleep on top of her paperwork, because of a certain jonin's life-threatening clinical trial. Because she knew it would be her fault if he were to be put in harm.
Because she knew the White Fang's son was only deteriorating, and she didn't know how to fix it, even as a renowned doctor.
When Jiraiya propped open the window and stealthily hopped into an old friend's office, fully expecting a shrill scream for him to use the front door, or at least a stern bonk to the head, he was instead met with an eerily quiet atmosphere. His toothy grin turned into a bewildered frown, eyebrows turning up in surprise as he took in Tsunade's silent, unconscious form.
The aged ninja carefully made his way over to her cluttered desk.
"Tsunade?" he said confusedly, putting a large, tanned hand on her rising and falling back. "Hey, wake up!"
She jolted up with an undignified snort, a piece of paper, hopefully not too important, stuck to her drooling mouth. Jiraiya immediately broke into a laughing fit, clutching his stomach, pointing at her face. She removed the document rather quickly, failing to get up and beat the life out of him for finding her funny.
"Shut up, Jiraiya...not in the mood," she said lowly, not making definite eye contact, reaching over to the left of her table space for a book titled All About Neurology and More, then opening it up to a bookmarked page with extensive notes in the margins. His hearty guffaws died down to meaningless chuckles as he realized that something was a bit off about his former teammate. Looking over her shoulders, he glanced at her reading material, eyes wide, lips puffed up into a pout as he tried to make out what a picture of a brain had to do with protecting Konohagakure.
"Wow, Tsunade. I haven't seen you for a good while and this is how you greet me?" he questioned rhetorically, almost whining. "You're reading a book about brains instead of talking to an old comrade that is right next to you."
She did not say a word in response, staring into space.
"Tsunade? Are you alright?" he said, waving a hand in front of her glossy eyes, this time worried.
Sighing, she slammed the textbook shut, and put her head in her hands, practically pulling on her blonde locks in frustration.
"God, Jiraiya..." She looked up at him, her hazel eyes darker, holding a heavy burden. Instantly he became serious, willing to listen. "A lot has happened while you were gone."
"Like what?" he questioned curiously, leaning slightly against the edge of the desk, locking gazes with her. "Is the village's safety being threatened?"
Tsunade scoffed wryly, shaking her head. "I guess it is, in a way..."
Jiraiya instantly pushed on for her to elaborate, cobalt orbs narrowing humorlessly. "What? How, Tsunade?"
"One of Konoha's most valuable, top-rank jonin has fallen ill," she explained bluntly, in one breath, "Kakashi... he has brain cancer."
He just stared at her blankly, mouth formed into an o. "You're kidding, right?"
Tsunade shook her head mutely, affirming the crushing statement. He turned away from her, needing a moment to himself to process the startling news.
"But...but he was just fine a few months ago," the sannin muttered, eyes closed in disbelief, a ringing in his ears. "H-How could this happen?"
"Well, Jiraiya, shit happens," she said sarcastically, heaving another sigh. "And besides, Kakashi's mother died from it. She could've passed the cancer gene on to him."
"Sakumo must be rolling over in his grave. And Sayaka..." he said after a contemplative, somber pause, uncharacteristically solemn. "Isn't there a cure or something? Some herb I could go find? How is he doing right now? Tell me, Tsunade...t-tell me everything."
"We're trying to cure him with chemo at the hospital for a month, but I honestly think that if the cancer doesn't kill him, the chemo will. Simply said, he isn't reacting well at all..." And that's why I need to find an alternate solution..
She picked up the same book again and resumed her reading, eyes determined, pen ready in her grasp to take copious notes. Jiraiya put a hand over her hers, stopping her from writing, needing some kind of reassurance. The two adults looked at each other, sharing the restlessness in their hearts.
"Is Kakashi really that...bad?" His eyes were watering, as much as he didn't want them to. Tsunade noticed, tearing up as well.
"Oh, Jiraiya..." she whispered, finally standing up , wrapping her arms around his broad midsection. "The treatment is harsh, and I doubt most would be able to take it."
"But even so, we aren't allowed to lose belief in his recovery."
Jiraiya watched his sleeping student, the only remaining Hatake, from his perch on the windowsill, truly not sure how to feel.
Brows furrowed in a nauseating worry, he examined the man buried under the blankets, wondering when exactly he'd gotten so thin, so sickly. Noticing the tiny drops of perspiration on his sickeningly pallid forehead, Jiraiya stepped forward slightly and put a palm to the ailing boy's temple to wipe away the moisture, expecting the ferocity of a fever to burn his hand right through. But the stark, white flesh was an icy, unwelcoming cold.
Kakashi's one eye lethargically blinked open, as the warm touch had woken him up out of his seemingly constant slumber.
"Mas...ter...Jiraiya," he croaked with great difficulty, stiffly turning his head in an attempt to look at the familiar face. The inside of his throat felt as if it had been ripped to shreds.
Jiraiya's eyes widened in surprise, and he quickly retracted his palm. "Kakashi, you're awake, finally!"
The Hatake nodded numbly, shifting his sore body so that he was facing the other direction. He could bring himself to act normally around a friend like Gai in his current state, no big deal. But the fact that someone as important as Jiraiya, a freaking legend, knew about his disease, and was paying a visit to his cancer suite, made it seem all the more real.
"Kid, face me," Jiraiya called out from behind him, his eyebrows drawn together in a sort of concern at his behavior. "I've been waiting to see you, ya know. You could at least spare me a few words."
Kakashi slowly looked back at him, holding in his doleful eyes a dark, clawing fear. "You shouldn't have come...you shouldn't have come here," he muttered sluggishly, barely able to articulate his words into proper language. He was so tired of hurting everyone.
The old man crossed his arms out of agitation, in a way that reminded Kakashi of Naruto. "Of course I came, Kashi. I'm worried about you. We all are," he spoke softly, as if his heart was wounded by the statement.
The Hatake spared his old teacher a small smile then, one that made his old self shine through, if only for a glimpse of a mere moment. "Don't worry about me, please. I'll be completely fine," he reassured in a mere whisper, touched by everyone's care. Kakashi was exaggerating, lying right through his teeth, but he'd do anything to make everyone around him happy again.
The scratchiness of his voice and his frighteningly haggard appearance would surely make one doubtful of his claim, but nonetheless, Jiraiya broke out into a huge smile at those few words, proceeding to ruffle Kakashi's silver hair.
"Don't do that..." the ill man slurred with a pained gulp to ward off his ever present nausea, eyes drooped in drowsiness. "I'm 27."
You'll always be a child to me, Jiraiya thought to himself with a hearty guffaw, his eyes squinting into playful crescents that emphasized his many wrinkles and creases. But suddenly, he became serious, remembering the overriding purpose of his visit.
"I actually came here to give you something-to tell you something that Sakumo, or myself should have told you long ago."
He reached into the inside of his shirt, procuring a small, manila envelope. On it, written in neat, tidy print, was Kakashi's own name.
"Hey, kid," Jiraiya called out firmly, jerking the young man out of his languid daze. "Here."
With a sigh, the Hatake took it into his weak grasp, sitting up in bed with a small grunt. "What is this?" he questioned carefully, his curious gaze fixated on the yellowed parchment.
The old sannin shifted his weight with averted eyes, pausing before answering his question with a timid but heavy, "It's...a letter from your mother."
Kakashi sat there, eerily silent, not comprehending. He felt numb, not having the slightest clue how to react, simply unsure if Jiraiya was actually telling the truth. A million questions overpowered his mind. Who was his mother? How was she like? Why did they wait to give him this letter, when they knew he needed some kind of closure as a child? Why now, when he looked like death Himself?
He dropped the damned thing into his lap, his hands shaking terribly in trepidation, face gone pale, wide eyes gaping at nothing in particular. His breath was painfully caught in the back of his throat, and he couldn't bring himself to inhale and exhale.
"I-I can't..." Kakashi started, voice uncharacteristically shaky. He looked to his father's friend desperately, his teeth chattering so convulsively under his mask that a puzzled Jiraiya was able to hear the startling sound of them clacking together.
"I-I'm not r-ready...I-I...please take..." he spluttered, feeling as if he were having a stroke, never having experienced such an intense brew of emotions. Kakashi himself couldn't understand his reaction. As a kid he'd always wanted to see his mother, feel her warmth. But now, he only feared what was in the depths of that manila envelope, the last wisp of her left in the world for him.
A harsh cough tickled the inside of his gullet and he doubled over violently, clutching the thin cloth over his chest as his body was suddenly taken over by ragged, dry hacks that brought his attention back to the aching in his throat.
Jiraiya came forward with furrowed brows and slapped his thin back until he was laying breathless against his pillows, face gone gray, chest heaving as he tried to breathe.
"You know what? It's okay, you don't have to read it right now. Focus on your recovery, just rest," Jiraiya told him worriedly, starting to reach out for the letter from where Kakashi had dropped it in his confusing display of shock.
The Hatake grapped his wrist with a clammy hand, stopping him from taking it away.
"Just leave it here," he managed to say clearly before his eyes slipped shut against his will and he once again lost consciousness.
Kakashi curled into a tight fetal position, clawing at his burning chest in agony.
There was an uncomfortable sensation of tightness near his breastbone, a searing torture that no words could accurately depict. His whole motionless form was in an inexplicable torment, as everything was affected by some kind of ache or pain. Silently, he shut his eyes, clenching his fists into the blankets as a migraine pounded through his skull. If he hadn't built up a pain tolerance-no, an ability to remain dead quiet in times of helplessness-he would have screamed at the top of his lungs.
And that wasn't all of it; a burning sensation was steadily spreading through his quivering limbs, bringing along with it an air of anxious foreboding. His joints creaking with fatigue, Kakashi sat up in bed and threw off the heavy covers, that single act nearly depleting him of his remaining shriveled energy.
The tell tale, constant rhythm of the heart monitor grew faster, erratic with his fears, with his body's horrific response to the cancer treatment. His chest was heaving unhealthily, his gaping eyes flitting around aimlessly in his panic, in his tremendous fear of what was happening to him. Shaking visibly, almost convulsing, Kakashi mustered up barely enough energy to reach over and press the call button on the remote next to his pillow, aided by nothing but adrenaline.
Even though he'd been trained to ignore hurt since he was a mere toddler, Kakashi couldn't help but call for help. It was an issue of life or death, and he needed to store away his pride in order to save his own skin.
A few moments later, he heard hurried bustling down the hall, before the door was opened forcefully, definitely not with timidity. It wasn't a random nurse that entered, he could tell at least that much in his bleary haze.
Almost immediately after she came in, Shizune could tell that there was a serious problem. The Hatake was breathing hard, much too hard. His visage was stark white, dotted with beads of perspiration. Most concerning for a medical professional such as her would be his heart rate. It was already fast as it was, but irregular in combination, life threateningly uneven.
One hand clutching his chest, he clumsily grabbed at her, finally grasping a piece of her coat and jerking her forward. It was beyond her how he was even conscious.
"Help me," he breathed out raggedly, choking on his own words, his cobalt orbs abnormally wide, red rimmed, crazed, "S-something isn't right...chest... h-hurts-"
With a gasping wheeze, he relinquished his hold on her and crookedly fell back against the pillows, his eyes rolling back into his head.
Blanching, she glanced at the monitor, confirming her dread. The lines, which were supposed to arch in a normal rhythm, were changing abruptly in magnitude, shape, and most importantly, strength. It was as if his heart was merely twitching at random intervals instead of steadily pumping blood like it was supposed to.
In a frightening epiphany, she suddenly knew that her worst fears had come true. Their medication had failed in doing its job, harming Kakashi instead of helping him. The agonized breathing, totaled with the fatal arrhythmia could only mean one thing.
Kakashi was going into cardiac arrest, and if Shizune didn't do something right then, he could very possibly die.
It was after a long day of training, and the remaining members of Team 7 had finally made time to check up on their favorite Hatake.
Yamato was leading his team down the hall, a thin eyebrow twitching the slightest bit as he tried, but failed to ignore how their voices cut into the utterly quiet, miserable atmosphere. And that wasn't all of it; their conversations were so stupid, so lacking of any human intellect that he had the urge to slap them upside the head to knock some sense into their scatterbrained, empty skulls.
"Sasuke, what's your favorite ramen flavor?" Naruto questioned loudly. Yamato could almost feel the Uchiha roll his eyes from behind him.
"Tch."
"What?"
"Tch."
"WHAT?!"
"TCH."
"SHUT THE F-"
The curative sound of a fist meeting a head broke the directed tension between the boys, resulting in a sharp cry of pain from Naruto and a smug smirk from his rival. Although she was far from a peacemaker, Sakura did know how to effectively break fights.
"Watch your mouth with Sasuke, Naruto!"
Mentally exhausted, Yamato finally turned back, lips parted and ready to chastise the hell out of them. It was a skill he'd learned that he was surprisingly good at over the last few months.
"Hey, keep it down," he whispered harshly, giving them his sternest, scariest glare, "By talking so loudly, you're disrupting the recovery of many patients, including Kakashi. When we go in there, I expect you to be on your best behavior, and by that I mean talk quietly. You guys do want to help him recover don't you?"
After a few deflated murmurs of agreement and a discreet "Don't tell me how to act around my sensei" from Naruto, the group silently turned the hall and headed down toward his room. It was true that they didn't get along for the most part, but in that moment, just a few steps away from seeing Kakashi, they all shared the same anticipation in the pits of their guts, that jumbled excitement that kept them from thinking straight.
Grinning from ear to ear, Naruto jumped ahead of his team and bolted toward the door, swinging it open in one swift, strong motion. But immediately, the smile was swept off of his face, as the situation sunk in to his bones. His mouth turned into a horrified o, the blood draining from his face. His team caught up with him quick enough, immediately realizing that something was horribly wrong.
The fact that Kakashi's mask and shirt had been ripped off right down the center, or even the sporadic beating of the heart monitor, was enough to let them come to that conclusion.
From their place by the door, they were able to see that Shizune was hovering over him, her brow beaded with sweat as she pushed hard onto his naked chest in forced, even compressions. Tsunade herself was present as well, straining her voice, practically screaming as she directed the crowd of medical professionals that were gathered around him in a frenzy.
"He's not breathing, bag him! He needs respiratory support!"
They watched numbly as a pair of steady hands tilted his lolling chin up and placed a mask onto his face, squeezing the attached valve bag in an attempt to literally force feed oxygen into his lungs.
"Get ready with the paddles; I'm afraid we're going to have to shock his heart back into rhythm with chakra-"
By some miracle, the Hokage suddenly glanced at the door, catching a glimpse of them and their perplexed, unregistering expressions.
"Get them out of here!" she said to no one in particular, too focused to provide any form of moral support.
The door was shut in their faces with a resounding slam.
A/N:
Hey again! Thought I should inform you of some things.
Kotomi is officially not going to be a romantic interest of Kakashi's. Actually, he might not even have one because that isn't even the main point of the story. I'd almost forgotten that this fic is about friendship, and the bonds Kakashi strengthens with mainly his students. Frankly, romance completely clouds that idea. Maybe I'll do that sappy crap in another story, I guess. Not saying that this story is completely devoid of any romance, but that definitely is not the main focus. I hope that's okay?
Also, this chapter might have been a bit...quick. I went against my usual gradual plot spacing and put Kakashi into freaking cardiac arrest! But let me remind you, everything is written with a purpose. The reason I decided to depict an abrupt decline in Kakashi's condition was because I wanted to get across the idea that diseases like cancer, or just life in general, is never gradual or slow. Tragedy strikes randomly with no regard to how good or bad you are. Things happen that scar people for life, but that's just how it is. You might as well take it and add to your emotional and physical strength.
BTW, i did do my research. In some cases, chemotherapy CAN damage the heart muscle which can lead to irregular rhythms.
Anyway, hope you liked it! Gimme some feedback! Also, tell me how you felt about the letter from his mom and his reaction? Was it justifiable, or just over dramatic? What would you like to see in the next chapter?