Chapter 20:

He woke to the smell of brewed tea and fresh pancakes. Looking over to the side with sleep crusted eyes, he saw Shizune opening the window blinds and letting the annoyingly bright light into the room, all whilst balancing a steaming tray of breakfast in her arms. Wordlessly he sat up, wiping the bleariness out of his eyes with a comical yawn.

She jolted towards the noise, the sudden movement dangerously disbalancing the food she was holding. After a few moments of clattering silverware and panicked cursing, Shizune regained her momentum, sighing and looking over at Kakashi with a bewildered expression.

"You're awake, haha! Good morning," she started with a flustered laugh, her eyes closed in a sheepish manner.

He just stared at her blankly.

"God, Kakashi, you really scared me just now." She walked over to his nightstand and placed the tray down. "Anyways I made you breakfast, I don't know if you like pancakes but-"

"What are you doing here," he stated coldly, not even as a question, but almost as a way of letting her know that she wasn't wanted.

Shizune blinked.

"I, uh...I was told by Lady Tsunade to watch over you since you aren't completely recovered from your heart attack."

Kakashi gazed at her coldly. And who's fault was the heart attack? Every fucking person who forced him to go through a clinical trial that made him worse. Yeah, he had a damn choice.

But did he really?

Shizune stood there and waited for a response. But he gave her nothing. At least before, Kakashi made eye contact.

But now he wasn't even giving her that much. She was being ignored. He was waiting for her to go away.

Her brows furrowing as she realized this, Shizune straightened her skirt, and turned around to leave him be, feeling blatantly unwanted and embarrassed.

As she exited the room, Kakashi couldn't help but notice the hurt in her eyes.

(Insert line)

Days passed without them talking. The same routine repeated over and over and over.

Shizune coming in with a new tray to replace the hardly touched one on his nightstand. Checking his vitals. Giving him a cheery initiative to eat. And being ignored time and time again.

It was like he'd given up.

His standoffish behavior sparked a sort of childish awkwardness in Shizune, making her not want to go into that dreaded room where Kakashi's blank eyes awaited her.

He scared her.

At night, she slept on the living room couch, using a blanket she found in a linen closet, one she was sure had not been washed in at least a few months. She didn't even change into her usual nightgown. That was reserved for only home, and this didn't feel like her home.

She drifted off knowing that this lack of communication simply wasn't sustainable.

(Insert line)

There was a knock on the door. Shizune mumbled and shifted on the couch. Whoever it was, they could come back later.

The knocking became more incessant, turning into something resembling banging. She pulled the wool blanket over her face, groaning, as she truly was having a great dream.

"OPEN UP, KAKASHI-SENSEI! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR US!"

Well, didn't that voice sound familiar. Shizune checked the watch she had set aside on the coffee table. It was five am. FIVE.

Her mouth in a narrow, straight line, the woman shuffled into a standing position and ambled to the entrance of the house, pausing with a sigh, and then opening the door.

She was facing Naruto and Sakura. Their faces were red with anger and impatience, nostrils flaring with each quick breath they took. Maybe they ran here, Shizune pondered.

"What the hell are you doing here!" Naruto questioned in bewilderment.

"Do y'all know what time it is?" She stated dryly, covering her mouth with the back of her hand as she yawned.

"L-lady Shizune, nobody's been letting us see Kakashi-sensei! And we thought if we'd come here then maybe he'd open the door and we could-"

"You can't see him, Sakura," Tsunade's apprentice said bluntly, rubbing her eyes with yet another sigh.

She started to close the door.

"Wait!" Naruto cried out in frustration, pushing it back open, "We deserve an explanation! He's our freaking sensei, goddamn it!"

Shizune locked eyes with him coldly. "I'm afraid that you really are going to have to leave right now."

Naruto paused in surprise. What the hell was going on. Why was everyone acting so weird? All the more reason to find out.

Then, without a second's hesitation, he pushed past his elder with a hidden force and stumbled to Kakashi's room, thrusting the door open.

Frozen gray eyes stared back at him.

No emotions, no happiness, no sadness. He didn't see anything in Kakashi's expression. Was feeling nothing better than feeling all the sadness in the world?

Kakashi was propped back against a few pillows. His eyes were rimmed with red, his dark circles more prominent than ever. His face was ashen, hair completely misplaced and messy. Naruto noticed, with bile in the back of his throat, that his sensei had lost most of the muscle mass he had when he'd taken them in as students.

Kakashi broke the eye contact. His eyes rolled up, facing the ceiling, looking at nothing.

"S-sensei?" Naruto started, edging closer to the bed. He waited for a response, some kind of communication. The man just kept staring at the damned ceiling.

Surely he'd heard him. His eyes were open, that meant he was awake. Or did it?

Sakura stepped forward, wiping the tears from her eyes silently.

"Kakashi-sensei, I know you hear us," she said timidly. He said nothing.

Not a single word. Sakura could've sworn she physically felt her heart shatter. A cold feeling spread all over her.

"Sensei? Sensei! Kashi-Sensei! Listen, please!" She cried, tears running down her face. "Why are you ignoring me? Did I do something?"

At that point, Shizune came forward from the back and put her hands firmly on both of their shoulders. They turned to look, shock stricken eyes meeting her own.

"You must leave now."

(Insert line)

He glared at the amber liquid flowing freely through the tube and into him. It traveled at a rapid pace, burning the inside of his chest without relent.

Looking down, Kakashi saw silvery hair in his lap. Gasping, he felt his hands fly up to his head, coming back down with clumps after clumps of his hair.

Before he knew it, he was completely bald. He cried out, feeling a familiar ache by his sternum.

A nurse came in. "Sir, I must intubate you, as your oxygen levels are starting to drop. Don't worry that happens to many people after this treatment."

Without warning, she grabbed his neck with a steely look and plunged a wide tube into his throat. Kakashi gurgled for breath, nails scratching desperately at her arms. Blood trickled out of his mouth, staining the white sheets.

The faceless woman proceeded to grab his arm, holding a daunting IV needle in her other hand. "You're getting quite weak, perhaps this will help."

She shoved it into his wrist without even looking. Kakashi gasped in pain, unable to say a single word. It stuck out grossly sideways, obviously in the wrong spot.

The nurse pulled out the needle, which oozed and stained with fresh blood. The crimson liquid spurted out of the open wound.

He couldn't even scream.

(Insert line)

"Kakashi? Hey, are you alright? Kakashi!"

Someone was shaking him profusely. He opened his eyes, gasping for breath, his tank soaked through with sweat.

Kakashi jolted up, pushing away Shizune's arm from his shoulder. She was looking at him with concern, her usual tray of breakfast having been set aside on the nightstand.

"Are you okay?" She said quietly, eyeing his heaving form.

"There's no need for you to worry about me," he replied coldly. She flinched at the comment, turning her attention to the food she'd made.

"I made you breakfast. I must remind you, Kakashi, you need to eat this. It's essential to your recovery and well being," Shizune started, hoping that he'd just fucking listen for once.

She stared at his hunched form hopefully, waiting for some kind of response. He wasn't even looking at her.

"Kakashi, this time I won't let it pass. Eat this or you're going to have to drink one of my meal shakes."

"No," he grunted defiantly, "If you think a few homemade pancakes are going to help me recover, then you're mistaken. I'm not eating it."

Shizune stood there, refusing to leave. Usually, she would've nodded and left him alone, but now, she couldn't. Something struck a chord in her this time.

She clenched her fists in an emotion she couldn't exactly define. He didn't get to give up like that.

He couldn't just fucking stop trying. He couldn't.

In one swift motion she knocked the tray off the nightstand. The dishes clattered to the ground, orange juice and miso soup splattering on the floor without warning.

"Damn it," she whispered, finally getting the copy nin's attention, "Damn it!"

He looked at her with wide eyes, shocked at her sudden show of violence.

"Now you listen to me, Kakashi," she started, voice cracking, shaking hands fisted at her sides. "I'm well aware that you've been doing all this treatment for your kids, for us, for everyone but yourself!"

A stray tear slipped down her cheek, her brows furrowed. "Don't you understand? Any decision that you make, we're here, no matter what. We just want you to be happy. I just want you to fucking smile again."

Her knees made contact with the ground, body shaking with silent sobs. She could see Kakashi giving up, coming to the end of his fight. It was evident in his eyes, his body language, the way he spoke. Is this how all cancer patients got before they died?

She couldn't bear that he was quitting on himself.

Slowly, Kakashi stood from the bed, barefoot feet not used to the cold wood. He lowered himself onto the ground next to Shizune's sniffling form.

She felt his willowy arms wrap around her trembling form, embracing her in a hug. Shizune rested her head on his chest and returned the embrace, smelling hints of sandalwood that she'd never noticed before.

Kakashi stroked her black hair with one hand. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She pulled away, looking up at him dolefully. "No, I'm sorry. For making you feel, for even one second, that you have to do any treatment for my sake. Nobody deserves to feel that way."

"Yes, but nobody deserves to resuscitate a dead man, and then wait on their every need," he replied with a sigh. She squeezed his hand.

"I'd do it any day."