Chapter 91

Mr Manners can see her anxiety as well as the servant, of course, and he doesn't hesitate to take her hand in his.

'Miss de Bourgh, I'm sure it will all be fine. This is a very good doctor, I have great trust in him. Though I may be predisposed in favour of him since he doesn't believe in bloodletting.'

This is said with humour, but in fact Anne is deadly afraid of bloodletting. Ever since her illness right after her father's decease, she has been plagued by her mother's physician practising his only skill on any ailment she contracted. When her monthly bleedings started and were so painful and accompanied by such profuse blood loss that she could not venture from her rooms for at least two days out of every month, she could not hide her suffering from her maid and thus her mother, no matter how shameful the cause of her misery.

The doctor proclaimed she must have an excess of blood to purge it so copiously once a month, and convinced her mother that letting it out gradually over the duration of the month would save Miss de Bourgh the two or three days of extreme pain her period caused her. Anne was desperately afraid of the doctor and his lancet, but maman brooked no resistance, and Anne was bled twice a week from that moment on. After those treatments she felt weak and listless for days, and her monthly bleedings weren't reduced at all.

But the pains did get a lot better, so Anne bore with the bloodletting, though she privately suspected the powders the doctor provided for her to take against the pain had a lot more to do with her relief than the main treatment.

Does Mr Manners really not love her? She has to believe Elizabeth, who knows him so much better than Anne does, but such kindness, such concern, can a man really feel that for just another young lady of his acquaintance?

Mr Manners has sat down next to her in his beautiful carriage and has an arm over her shoulder. She must have shown her fear of doctors. If she wants to stay in London, she will have to learn to control her feelings, it just will not do to have even the servants fussing over her.

'Miss de Bourgh, are you afraid of going to the doctor? You almost fainted at the mention of bloodletting, did someone bleed you dry under the pretence of curing you? Regularly?'

The anger in Mr Manners' voice is not directed at her, but apparently at doctors who regard bloodletting as a cure-all. Maman wouldn't agree, she swears it has kept her healthy for all these years while her sister and several aunts and other relatives were sickly and often suffered from spells of the lungs. But maman is strong as an ox, she never felt faint after bloodletting though she bled much faster than Anne, filling the same cup in minutes instead of close to an hour. Seeing her mother bleed never caused Anne fainting spells, nor did the sight of her own blood. It was only afterwards that she felt wrung out and weak, often for days.

'Twice a week, Mr Manners, from the moment I became a woman up until a week before my uncle fetched me to visit London. Maman says it will make me as strong as she is.'

Anne is not inclined to tell a relative stranger, a gentleman she has certain designs on, that she bleeds so heavily each month that she is indisposed for days. It's just so...embarrassing.

'Small wonder you look ready to run and hide, those butchers are so eager to kill anyone with their fleams and lancets. I'm getting more and more hope for your total recovery. But let's wait for Dr Parker to examine you and ask you a thousand questions. And not all of them entirely decorous, Miss de Bourgh, but I entreat you to answer them nonetheless, his school of medicine believes in looking at the patient in his or her entirety, not just a little part of them.

Oh, we're here already. You still look a little faint, may I offer you my arm to support you?'

'I suppose I am a bit afraid of your doctor, Mr Manners. If you help me out of the carriage I will manage. I need to learn to control my feelings a little better or London will be unsafe for me. No-one will take me seriously, even the manservant just now enquired whether I was feeling well. I want to be free, and that means helping myself.'

'A Blackwood servant?' Manners asks, rather pointedly.

'Yes, Mr Manners. The girls' favourite, they call him Nick.'

Now he looks positively serious, does he know something about this fellow?

'Did he insult you, Miss de Bourgh?'

For some reason, Anne feels bound to come to the man's defence, he meant well, he should not get in trouble over his kind concern for a lady in some distress.

'He most certainly did not,' she replies with determination. 'He was very polite, and you know Sophie and Angelina encourage him to be very familiar. When he noticed my displeasure at being addressed spontaneously he felt it very much. And I had to review my own behaviour towards him and servants in general. He was merely concerned and I did not react well.

How so, have you heard something about him? I do think he keeps Sophie and Angelina out of trouble, you know.'

'Merely some gossip from the servants' quarters, it may be nothing. But first we'll see the doctor.'

Elizabeth has said nothing besides greeting Anne as she enters the carriage, but she is listening with intent. Something is going on between Anne and Frederick, and it's not love. It's a kind of plot involving the Blackwood girls, who apparently need protection from, well, from themselves, if she hears correctly.

Poor Anne, to be sickly for so long and have to bear with twice weekly bloodlettings on top of that. Elizabeth regrets all the uncharitable thoughts she directed towards Fitzwilliam's cousin, when all this time she was really unwell and probably unable to be more lively and interested in the world around her. She cannot imagine how Anne can fail to fall in love with Frederick, with him so incredibly kind and showing his softest side, and her already inclined towards him.

Fortunately he does stick to his promise to merely assist her out of the carriage, as soon as she's on the pavement he releases her hand and merely walks by her side. And she is not showing any distress, she was probably right, her anxiety caused her to feel a little faint. Elizabeth has never suffered from any faintness herself, for as long as she can remember she has been ill only rarely, and privately she is convinced Lady Catherine is of that same kind, inherently strong and not likely to ever be sick. No-one has ever tried to bleed Elizabeth, she'd like to see them try, especially now, with Fitzwilliam guarding her like a fearsome wolf.

It appears Anne wants Elizabeth by her side even in the doctor's office, a very cosy space about half the size of Fitzwilliam's study and clearly the haunt of a man obsessed with his work. There are large cabinets on all walls, except of course the front with the large windows and where the door is. The cabinets consist of bookshelves stuffed to the brim with books of every age and description, brand-new volumes with gold leaf lettering as well as old tomes with battered leather covers and sagged bindings. One cabinet has little drawers from bottom to top, there must be a hundred of them, all marked with neat, hand-written labels. The cabinets are obviously well-used, but they look in perfect order.

The desk however is huge, half again the size of Fitzwilliam's, and very cluttered. There is a tiny clear space where the doctor can write, but the rest is filled up with papers, instruments and some very cleverly made models of what Elizabeth guesses must be insides of people. Though incredibly life-like to Elizabeth's untrained eye, they have to be models for there is no smell besides a certain herb she should be able to identify but cannot, and the musty odour of old books. No cloying smell of blood or worse.

Also in the room is a kind of bed on high legs, covered with a large cloth, and a screen behind it. That must be for the patients to undress behind, and the bed to examine them. The doctor himself has a very comfortable chair, and after shaking hands and an introduction by Frederick they have taken place on two elegant but much more simple chairs on their side of the desk. Frederick has taken leave politely, he is waiting for them in the hall, this is why Anne wanted a woman present, she will be asked to undress at least partially and of course not even her uncle or the Colonel would feel comfortable to remain in the same room with her.

The doctor himself is as neat as his cabinets, and his looks do help to trust him. He is on the wrong side of fifty, with a neat grey beard, short grey hair that still seems rather abundant for his age, and a trim figure, smartly dressed. As they came in he was reading with great concentration, but after his butler announced them he took off his spectacles, carefully folded them and put them on top of a pile of papers.

And now he sits in his chair and asks, 'Will you please tell me the symptoms of your indisposition and when they first occurred, Miss de Bourgh?'

Anne starts out with quite a bit of anxiety, but since the doctor listens to her with patience and interest, she soon calms down and relates her lack of energy and spirit dryly. The doctor now and then asks her to specify certain things, and is nodding in understanding. When Anne has finished, he says, 'I have several things I'd like to see for myself, if you'll please go behind that screen and remove your shoes, coat and any long-sleeved garment you are wearing, then lie down for me, I will start my examination.'

And the doctor is very thorough in his examination, but also very gentle. He checks all kinds of things, like eye-whites, the inside of her mouth, her breath, her pulse, and explains why he does it. Then he holds out her arm and points at her skin, asking, 'You say you were bled regularly, was that always in this part of your arms?'

'No, sir, maman's doctor started there, but when he couldn't find the veins anymore he moved to my ankles, then when they had gone useless he turned to my neck. That was very bad, his face was so close to mine and I felt so helpless.'

The neat little doctor seems to be holding in quite some anger, and he mutters, 'Another beautiful young woman disfigured for life.'

Then to Anne, 'Did you bleed out quickly, or slowly?'

'Very slowly, doctor. It sometimes took a full hour to fill the cup which maman filled to the brim in maybe ten minutes.'

'And may I ask why your doctor saw fit to bleed you dry, what was it, every other week?'

'Twice a week, doctor. He said it would stop me from bleeding profusely and suffering great pains during my monthly inconvenience.'

The doctor in all seriousness utters a terrible profanity, and asks with dreadful calmness, 'And did it? Did the bleeding stop, and did it relieve the pain?'

'No, doctor, the bleeding remained as it was, and I think it was the powder he gave me to take whenever I was in pain that actually helped against the cramps. I often felt very weak after his treatments.'

Now the doctor rights himself, showing he is indeed a rather small man, but with plenty of presence.

'Young lady, you may think you are weak, but I put it to you that you must have an iron constitution to still be alive. Your doctor did his very best to kill you, fortunately all that he succeeded in was permanently disfiguring your arms and ankles. Your neck seems fine, at least the scars don't show that much.'

'He only did that three times. Then uncle Spencer fetched me to go to London. Do you really think bloodletting is bad for a person?'

'The occasional bloodletting isn't very harmful, Miss de Bourgh, but twice a week? When you already lose so much blood every month-time? Our good Lord didn't put all that blood in our bodies for nothing, Miss, we need it. How long ago was your last bloodletting? These two cuts are healed, but not yet scars, I'd say not a month old?'

'Two weeks, doctor. Last time I fainted dead away, I think with fright, but the doctor decided to wait a week before doing it again anyway.'

'You may be very thankful to your uncle for putting you beyond reach of your doctor, or butcher, more likely. Mr Manners, too, but even without a real doctor you would eventually have recovered, with your blood staying where it should be, inside you. As it is, I think I can help you feel much better within the week. Just promise me you will never let anyone calling himself a doctor bleed you again. Ever.'

'I do, doctor.'

'Good. Now let me tell you what I think has been wrong with you for, you say ten years?'

'From the time I became a woman, doctor.'

Another profanity.

'Some women bleed stronger and more painfully than others, Miss de Bourgh. No-one knows why, though it seems to be something that goes from mother to daughter. It is inconvenient, but not very harmful. Painkillers help, I will give you some to take during your next time.

Losing so much blood does seem to make woman feel faint, like after a bloodletting. I will give you a list of foods that have proven to strengthen the rest of the blood, to help you gain strength and appetite. I also think your blood is a little weak of itself, you tell me it flowed slowly, that is a sign of weak blood. That is not harmful in itself, it can cause you to feel a little dizzy getting up, or looking up. The same foods I told you about just now will help for that, too.

So, with good food, painkillers to stop the monthly pain, and no more bloodlettings,' the doctor accentuates those three words, 'I think you will feel better within a week, improving up until about a month from now, to allow the food to reach its full effect. To help make your blood stronger I also advise you to exercise regularly. A long walk every day, or riding a horse, or running up and down a long staircase ten or twenty times. I guess a long walk is the easiest until you feel a lot better. Dancing is good, fencing if you feel the inclination. Wrestling is very good for the blood, but no-one will teach a lady how to wrestle I'm afraid.

Do you have any questions?'

'Only one, doctor. How come I felt weak for ten years because of the bloodletting, and maman felt much better for it?'

The doctor thinks for a few moments, then explains.

'Your maman bleeds quickly, you say?'

Anne nods.

'I guess she has strong blood, then, and strong blood replenishes itself more quickly. Also, guessing her age from your own, her monthly bleedings will have stopped. Besides, dear child, some people have a very strong mind. If they believe something is good for them, they can feel it, and nothing anyone says will convince them otherwise.'

'That is maman all right,' Anne remarks dryly.

'Did he bleed her twice a week?' the doctor now asks.

'I don't think so, he bled her once a week, together with me, but when I was waiting for the cup to fill up the second time he would take her somewhere else for the rest of the hour. Maybe he bled maman somewhere else.'

Oh my God.

Elizabeth manages to keep her surprise and anger hidden quite well, but the doctor has had it.

'Damn him. No wonder he skipped one when you fainted, couldn't leave you with a sliced neck to bleed dry while he 'treated' his patron lady.'

The sarcasm in his voice confirms what the new, worldly-wise Elizabeth instantly comprehends, but innocent Anne doesn't get it at all. Well, Elizabeth is not going to tell her, and neither is the doctor. But Fitzwilliam will know before Elizabeth has crossed the threshold of their house for more than five minutes, to make sure that Anne is not going back to Rosings, to be slowly drained of blood and life to give her mother and the doctor an excuse to be together. Damn them both!

As Anne dresses behind the screen, the doctor puts on his spectacles and writes down some kind of list. Then he rings a bell, and the butler enters the office.

'Send Mr Manners in, if you will, Dover.'

Within minutes, Frederick is with them, and the doctor summarises what ails Anne and what will cure her quicker than merely waiting for her blood to replenish itself. He does hand the list to Anne herself, not to Frederick, after which he leaves his desk to open one of the little drawers of his cabinet, taking out a bottle with a cork stopper, which he also hands to Anne.

'Use those only when you are in severe pain, not for a common headache. No more than one every six hours, and no more than three each day. No more than three days at a time. It's written on the bottle as well, stick to the instructions very carefully. Do not give them to anyone else, especially not children or elderly people. They can be dangerous.'

Then his kind face turns very serious one more time.

'Miss de Bourgh, you could have died of those bloodlettings. You say he took a cup twice a week, which makes for twelve ounces a week, which is almost five pints of blood each month. That is a quarter of the amount of blood a person has, it's a miracle you survived for so long. You will grow stronger daily, especially if you follow my advice. I'm certain I will not see you again very quickly, you are a very strong young woman who will no longer sicken easily. You'll grow a good deal fatter as well, be prepared to dodge suitors until you find one worthy of your fine person.

Good day, all of you!'

And he shakes hands with all of them, shakes his head another few times, then is back to his reading before they have followed the butler out.

Frederick offers Anne his arm, and she takes it without hesitation.

'I'm going to be strong enough to ride a horse or wrestle soon enough. Or climb a tree for that matter. Right now I need your arm to support me, Mr Manners, so I'm going to take it. I'm stunned. If maman had tried to have me killed she could have done only slightly better.'

And stunned she is, for she does not speak all the way back to their house. Once there, Frederick asks, 'Are you strong enough for a bit of dancing? Shouldn't you rather take an hour's rest?'

But Anne sits up straight, and answers with determination.

'Maybe I should, but I'm not going to. I've lost ten years of my life through my mother's gullibility, I don't even reproach myself for letting them do it, I was past caring. But now I'm going to live, I'm going to cram two days of fun and joy in every day, to make up for all those years I spent at the brink of death. I am sure your doctor is right about the cause of my illness, and pushing myself to exhaustion will not make a difference. So that is what I'm going to do if I feel like it. And today I feel like it, I just got my life back and that calls for a celebration.'

Amen. That is what Elizabeth thinks, but she doesn't say it out loud. Anne will find her own spunk soon enough once her body recovers from years of abuse, she no longer needs Elizabeth to help her with that.

'Then I will help you celebrate, Miss de Bourgh.' Frederick is pleased with the results of this morning's effort, that is clear.

'And so will I, Anne.' If anyone deserves a party, it must be Anne.

And Anne manages quite well. When they get back it's time for tea, and tea at Darcy's place is always very soothing, with beautiful music and a lot of interesting conversation. Half an hour is enough to settle her nerves, and since no-one knows where Anne went, no-one asks. Darcy undoubtedly knows, but he will not ask in front of the others. Besides, Elizabeth lagged behind Mr Manners and Anne, ostensibly to give her husband a good cuddle after a whole hour of separation, but Anne is certain she did it to give him the news. And that is as it should be, husband and wife should have no secrets between them.

After tea, Elizabeth claims the piano, and two couples are formed. First Mr Manners leads Anne through a few dances, and then Mr Fielding requests her hand.

'It's good to practise with different partners,' he says, and he is right, it feels different to dance with him. He is very light on his feet, and though his lead is not as strong as Mr Manners' that is fine, since Anne's energy is still sustaining her.

Then Mr Fielding succeeds Elizabeth at the piano and Anne sits out a few dances, as Elizabeth dances with Darcy first, then with Mr Manners. Georgiana is not tired yet after dancing every turn so far, but after a few rounds with her brother she sits beside her fiancée at the piano, leaving Elizabeth to dance with Mr Manners as ...oh my, Darcy bows to Anne and asks, 'Will you dance with me, Anne?'

This is the first day of the rest of her life, so of course she'll dance with him. He's tall, he's handsome, and he is a great dancer. And he's nothing more to her than her cousin, somehow her crush and her broken dreams belong to her old life. Darcy was never meant for her, Anne wants a lively man, an outgoing, kind man like Mr Manners, and that fellow at the Blackwood mansion.

A servant.

Never mind, she's a bit overexcited, it happens to people who have been told they were at the brink of death but are going to make a full recovery. Tomorrow she'll start walking out, even at the Blackwoods', and she'll have her list taken to the..

If she doesn't want to tell anyone, she'll have to deal with that servant again. Nick is his name. He did offer to help her, and she knows instantly she is going to let him do it. They will be intimate anyway the coming months, if she is going to accompany Sophie and Angelina on their excursions, there is no way she can avoid him, and why should she? It's all about living now, isn't it?

Her mother is nothing, her foolishness cost Anne so dearly. Now she is going to decide for herself, and if she makes some mistakes or does something foolish herself, well, at least she's not going to harm someone else.

'You're not too tired, are you, Anne?'

Darcy is concerned, that's just too cute. He knows, and he will give maman her due, together with Fitzwilliam and uncle Spencer. She is almost to be pitied, those three men against one elderly woman, Anne wouldn't trade places with her for a thousand pounds. She wouldn't anyway, Anne is young, and will live in the present, not in the past glory of a marriage that had lost its shine long before Anne's father passed away. He loved Anne more than he loved maman, and she never forgave Anne for that, no matter how much she clung to her beloved daughter after her husband's decease.

'I feel better than I have in a long time, Darcy. Though I am getting tired, but it will not harm me. I'm going to be strong again, like when I climbed trees with you and we rode your pony bareback. And astride.'

Does he feel it? That Anne is over him? He smiles and observes, 'Elizabeth rides astride. At Pemberley.'

So what if he can only think of one woman? He did go through a lot of trouble to get her, and frankly, she's worth it. He's still a great dancer, and he doesn't mind supporting his cousin, who is starting to falter now.

'You are tired, Anne. Better sit down for a bit and continue some other time. Anne, Elizabeth told me, but I suppose you knew she would, didn't you? We will not tell anyone else without your permission. But I do want you to know that if you need a place to stay after uncle Spencer and Fitzwilliam leave town, you will be welcome to live with us. At Pemberley, too. You cannot go back to Rosings, Anne. Ten years, damn it! If you want to sue the bastard, let me know, we'll all back you up. We can have him in chains and on his way to Australia this time next year.'

He is very frightening when he's angry, Anne is glad this is not aimed at her. And she is very glad to have a place to stay, Darcy always honours his promises.

'Thank you so much, cousin. You have no idea what a relief that is, to be assured of a home where I will not have to fear being killed for my own good. And I do want maman to know what she has done, but I prefer to visit once I'm back to normal, so she'll be able to really see what she did to me. I will tell uncle Spencer and Fitzwilliam, and together we'll decide. Elizabeth, too, I like the way her mind works. She was such a solid companion to have along. You're a lucky man, Darcy, and I want you to know I have no regrets over you. Just over ten lost years, and I suppose I'm merely going to make up for them, not try to seek revenge. That will only cost me another year of my life, and I suppose I can spend my time much better by making fun and building a future while I'm still young.'

Then he kisses her, her reticent cousin, and together they sit on the sofa and dig up childhood memories until it's time for Anne to go back to the Blackwoods' to dress for dinner.

'Are you certain you don't want to go back to uncle Spencer's? To get some rest, and the food you need?'

Darcy is cute when he worries, but Anne already has everything figured out.

'No need, I'm fine. I think I have a contact within the household to arrange my new diet. And regular exercise. You know Fitzwilliam really has to go back to his troops, soon, and uncle doesn't complain, but he suffers from the smoke that chokes the whole city this time of the year. I don't want him to just sit there and wait for me to come home every few days. With your permission I'll stay with friends as long as they enjoy my presence and I enjoy theirs, and then I'll come here. I no longer care what maman thinks or does, and I'm sure you can handle her. You, and uncle and Fitzwilliam, even Mr Manners. He was angry, too.'

'Elizabeth and I will be in Newcastle for three weeks, her youngest sister is in distress, but Georgie and Mr Fielding will be here, with Elizabeth's eldest sister to chaperone. You'll like her, she's very sweet.'

And when Mr Manners' carriage pulls up in front of the town house where her friends live, Anne is quite certain what to do. This time it's the butler who takes her coat, but Anne knows no-one in this house will think anything of her next request.

'Will you please send Nick into the parlour? I have some business to discuss with him.'

The butler says, 'Yes, Miss de Bourgh,' politely, and leaves, taking her coat. Anne takes herself to the parlour and chooses the best seat to wait for her friends' favourite manservant.

He arrives very shortly, and bows deeply.

'You sent for me, Miss de Bourgh?'

It's a bit too much this time, he's not that humble, he's indulging her, giving her what he thinks she wants, maybe even needs.

'I did, Nick. Will you please stop the humble act? It doesn't suit you, nor do I deserve it.'

He perks up instantly, and now only his voice sounds humble, his face the total opposite with a surprised smile.

'Yes, Miss. Indeed I'm not humble by nature, but you do deserve respect, Miss.'

Then his face turns serious.

'Will you tell me about the doctor?'

He does doubt his reception, still he asks, of course he's used to being indulged in this household.

'I will, but not now, it's nearly time for dinner. You offered to help me out with anything I need, does that offer still stand?'

No hesitation at all, he must be in a position to back it up then.

'Yes, Miss. You name it, and your humble servant will get it done.'

'I have instructions from the doctor that I need to eat these foods. Not all the same time, I will get better without them, but they will help me get stronger faster. Can you ask the cook to include some in the menu, or will I have to ask Mr Blackwood?'

'So you will get better, then! I'm glad to hear it, Miss de Bourgh. And yes, I believe I can just give your list to the cook, if it's not too exotic he'll make it for you. He thinks you're too thin, it offends his professional pride to have a lean lady in what he sees as his household.'

He takes the list from her, and offers, 'Shall I copy it then return it? I suppose your uncle's cook will need it, too, for when you dine with him?'

That is very nice of him, but he must have other duties. She can copy it herself, but not if the cook has it. Bother. Well, it's not that much work, better not make a fuss.

'Thank you, Nick. You're very kind.'

'My pleasure, Miss. Is there anything else you need?'

Well, here goes.

'Actually, there is, but I hardly dare ask. If it's too much trouble, or interferes with your duties, please do not hesitate to tell me so. I need to exercise every day, and the doctor suggested I take long walks. But of course I cannot go out without an attendant, and I have only my maid, who would not be of any help to avoid trouble.'

Before she even needs to pose the difficult question he offers.

'Yes, I can accompany you. An hour each day? Before breakfast? Or would you prefer to go after?'

'Would you? And can you be spared? Before is more sensible, don't you think?'

'I am sure it is, but most young ladies prefer not to get up too early.'

That is true, at least for his young ladies, they like to stay in bed until their maid has to get them ready before breakfast is served.

'Not I. I'm going to be well, and gain a lot of weight, and I'm going to enjoy life and not waste another minute, not even before breakfast.'

'In that case, Miss, I'll wait for you in this very room an hour before breakfast. Are you certain your family approves of your walking out with just a manservant to accompany you?'

'I'm an adult, and an independent woman, Nick. I will tell you tomorrow morning why maman has lost her right to decide what I do with my life. Thank you very much, and see you tomorrow.'

'Actually, tonight, Miss. We're going to another concert, remember?'

And seeing her face he adds softly, 'You can plead off if you're not well, Miss. Everyone has a headache once in awhile.'

'I'll think about it. Thank you, Nick, for reminding me.'

He bows, deeply again, then leaves the room, list in hand. Anne stays for another ten minutes, collecting her wits and her thoughts. She is actually looking forward to telling this servant about her visit to the doctor. It may get her in terrible trouble, but then again, it may not. She doesn't care that much anymore. She likes him.