The next day, Kakashi was met with a pleasant surprise—both Sakura and Naruto had decided to visit him, having come well before noon to keep him company.
When they entered his room, he was actually reading a familiar orange book, which was oddly relieving to them. He was usually sleeping most of the time, so to see him sitting up, conscious, and doing something he used to do when he was healthy, felt nice- if only for a moment.
Hearing the door creak open, Kakashi lowered his book, watching as his students came in and started towards his bedside.
"Hey, guys!" Kakashi said with a sarcastic cheeriness, that somehow still displayed his genuine excitement at seeing the genin.
"Hello, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura said brightly, setting down a basket on the side table, oblivious to the subtle snarkiness in his tone.
Naruto gingerly took a seat on the bed, uncharacteristically quiet. Although he appeared quite normal on the outside, he was hiding his confusion and angst at his sensei's decision not to continue treatment.
In a way, it almost felt like a betrayal.
"What's up, sensei? How've you been?" the Uzumaki asked despite his internal standing, hoping his leveled tone would mask his strong feelings.
"Oh, I've been alright. It gets kind of boring in here sometimes…" Kakashi said flatly, his gaze settling curiously on the basket to his left, "What's that?"
Sakura smiled, picking it up by the handle and placing it in Kakashi's lap so he could look through its contents himself.
"Just a little care package," she spoke sweetly in return, taking a seat on the chair next to the IV pole.
He took out a plush silvery blanket folded neatly on the top, unable to resist running his hand over it to create a dark indent. Setting it down next to him, he proceeded to pull out the rest of the basket's contents: a pair of striped fuzzy socks, a plain, black hoodie, hard, fruit flavored candy in brightly colored packaging, and some grey sweatpants.
Holding them out, he saw that the waistband actually looked like it would fit him—It was clear to him that Sakura had been very considerate and thoughtful.
"Thank you, Sakura," he said with a huge smile, that stretched out the corners of his eyes, "All of this must have cost a fortune."
Kakashi's smile alone was enough appreciation for the kunoichi, who had no problem spending some of her allowance on things that would hopefully bring him more comfort.
"You're welcome," she started with a grin, "Don't even think about that, sensei!"
She jumped forward to embrace him, and he returned the hug, making sure that the tubes coming out of the needles in his wrist didn't tangle as he wrapped his arms around her. It had been a while since he'd felt this happy.
Naruto watched as Kakashi put the items back into their container, noticing how caring Sakura was acting, and wondering if her behavior was a result of the man's current condition. Perhaps he should be acting the same. Why wasn't he? Why did he feel so bitter?
"So Naruto," Kakashi said suddenly, "How've you been?"
He observed the blonde with a keen eye, having discerned early on that something was definitely off, as Naruto hadn't said much more than a few words—a distinct contrast to how he was normally.
"Huh? O-Oh I've been okay...just, um...getting used to Konoha again, yeah!" the Uzumaki stuttered nervously, caught off guard at the sudden question. He feared that he would lose control over his emotions, which were running high, approaching the surface.
Sakura and Kakashi looked at him dubiously, his awkward tone and fidgeting body language making it apparent that he was acting strange.
"You're being weird," Kakashi pointed out tactlessly, raising an eyebrow in concern.
Naruto furrowed his brows in confusion, adjusting his position on the bed, as if he was trying to get more comfortable.
"No I'm not!" he started apprehensively, gesturing with his hands, "What are you talking about?"
"You sound anxious. And you're sweating," Kakashi told him, only making him more agitated.
Naruto wiped his forehead, finding that the back of his hand came back moist.
"W-what?! Anxious? I'm not anxious! Stop making false accusatio—"
"Naruto," Sakura interrupted empathetically, as she herself had gone through similar emotions in the past few months, "It looks like you are...you can tell us anything, we won't judge-"
"I'm NOT!" he exclaimed in frustration, jerking himself off of the bed so he was standing, "STOP!"
They went quiet at that, his barking tone cutting into the atmosphere, and effectively shutting everyone up.
"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked after a pregnant pause, noticing how Naruto had even started breathing harder, showing deep emotions that he'd clearly been trying to hide.
"What's wrong?" Naruto yelled, his voice cracking painfully, "What's wrong is that you didn't take treatment! You're letting yourself die!"
"Naruto!" Sakura cried out as if to warn him, having a feeling that this conversation was already going down the wrong path.
The blonde shrugged, out stretching his arms and then letting them plop back down, making an audible slapping sound as his hands made contact with his thighs. His eyes were wide as he looked at Kakashi, his expression pained and watery with hurt.
"You didn't even think to ask, or maybe at least tell me? What about me?!" He said to Kakashi, pointing a finger towards his chest, tears welling in his eyes, "You're SELFISH!"
His cheeks red with a scorching sadness and anger, Naruto turned away, putting his face in his hands as he tried to catch his heaving breath. He had no idea what he was saying, and had no control over it either. All these mean words were coming out, and he didn't know what to do.
On the verge of breaking down, the Uzumaki hurried out of the room, leaving them stunned, but not entirely confused.
Kakashi sat with a stony gaze, staring at the closing door as he processed the gravity of what his student had just told him. He didn't really know what to feel—he knew that his loved ones obviously didn't agree with him not taking treatment, but he'd never really thought about how deeply that would affect someone other than himself, and had definitely never considered that he was selfish.
However, at that moment, Kakashi couldn't help but feel immensely guilty.
"Sensei? Are you okay?" Sakura said timidly, noticing the shift in his body language, "Naruto shouldn't have said all that…"
"It's okay…" Kakashi started with a sigh, slumping back into his pillows, "You should go check on him, Sakura."
Nodding, she started towards the door, hurrying to find him.
Kakashi sat in his bed, completely upright, his legs criss-crossed. He was wearing Sakura's black hoodie and the grey sweatpants, which actually fit perfectly, and had a little fitted cuff on the bottoms of each pant leg that did the job of making sure they weren't loose around his ankles.
Comfort aside, he was plagued with the thought of going to visit Rin and Obito, wishing he had when he'd gone to see Naruto and Sakura on the training field that day. At the same time though, he was thinking about how he could get out of the hospital safely, with the help of someone that wouldn't tell on him.
He knew he couldn't ask Tsunade. She thought he was going to die tomorrow and probably wanted to keep him in the hospital forever.
Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. But she would never let him. At least that's what he thought.
Kakashi knew he couldn't ask Yamato, or Gai; He'd asked Yamato before, and he had said no, so he didn't even want to try Gai. He knew he could probably manipulate Sakura or hell, even Naruto into taking him to the graveyard, but he didn't want to get them involved in his personal business.
Wait, that's it...He could go with Pakkun; that way, he could possibly sneak out undiscovered, with a ninken by his side that could get someone to help if things went south.
Kakashi chuckled, shaking his head as he realized his dogs knew nothing of his illness, and hadn't been called upon for several months.
Brimming with excitement, he quickly made the familiar hand signs for the summoning technique, and then placed a flat hand on the mattress in front of him. A squiggly black line formed a circle around his palm, additional lines shooting up every 45 degrees at the midpoint of the circle.
There was a small pop, and then a familiar brown pug, who looked very confused.
Pakkun stared at Kakashi, wondering why he was in the hospital, why he looked so skinny, and sick.
What the hell had happened? Maybe he was on a mission, and he got injured and had to come here?
No. Something told the dog he'd been here for a while. There were lots of flowers on the windowsill, a basket, a big duffel bag, and several cards, he realized as he eyed the nightstand.
"Hey, Boss…What happened? Why are you here?" he asked suspiciously, padding closer to Kakashi, and sniffing him profusely, for he even smelled different.
Illnesses had particular smells, and Kakashi definitely didn't smell like his normal self. Pakkun almost thought he smelled cancer on the guy, but it was somewhat different than that.
"Well, apparently...I have cancer," Kakashi said nonchalantly, not really knowing if he believed that statement, or if he even cared.
"WHAT!" the small dog barked in shock, hopping onto Kakashi's lap, "You have cancer and you didn't tell me?"
"Listen...I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner. I'm really sorry," he pleaded, scratching behind the pug's ears and on the back of his neck.
Pakkun mewled sadly, his brows furrowed deeply, causing many wrinkles to form in the fur above his eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay, there's nothing you can do now...Why did you call me here?"
Kakashi sighed. "I need your help to go visit Rin and Obito. I don't think I can do it alone, Pakkun. And I don't think anyone else thinks I should go."
"You need my help to go to the graveyard?" he asked perplexedly, "Is it really that bad, Kakashi?"
The 27 year old nodded mutely.
"...Yeah."
"Okay, I understand," Pakkun told him, without a moment of hesitation,"I'll go with you."
The dog jumped off of Kakashi's lap, positioning himself on the bed so that he had a view outside of the window. He squinted, quickly finding that it was almost dark outside, and that the sun was setting. In 30 minutes, it would probably be dark. And Pakkun did not want to go to a graveyard at night.
"Kakashi, we need to go right now. It's almost night time."
Glancing out the window himself, the Hatake found that he was right, which was kind of freaky, because he didn't expect it to be so late in the day already—it was like he'd lost his sense of time.
"You're right," he started, in a voice that the pug recognized as quiet, and rather hoarse, as compared to his usual voice, "Let's go."
He got up slowly, pulling on his sandals with the hand that wasn't connected to tubes. When he had them on, he braced himself, and then pulled out the needle near his wrist, wincing with a hissing sound. He discarded the bloody catheter on the side table, putting pressure over his bleeding appendage.
"You okay?" Pakkun asked, leaping down from the bed onto the ground.
Kakashi nodded, breathing out deeply. "Yeah, I'm good. Hey, listen, if I take out my electrodes, there's a chance that it'll set off an alarm. So we need to be fast."
Pakkun nodded, grunting in agreement.
With that, Kakashi lifted up his sweatshirt and pulled off the electrodes littering his chest, immediately producing a flat line and tone. The small dog couldn't help but notice that Kakashi was ridiculously skinny under his baggy sweatshirt, with protruding ribs, and a concave stomach.
Lowering his shirt, The Hatake hurried towards the window, pushing it open, and climbing onto the window sill, pumping a little chakra into the soles of his feet so that he could walk on the exterior of the building. Without an ounce of fear, Kakashi began to tread down the walls, Pakkun following suit.
The two got down quickly, and headed towards an open gate that led them out of the courtyard. The pug began to run, and so Kakashi did the same, unable to stop the laughter that was bubbling up at the exhilarating feeling of leaving the hospital.
Once they'd left the property, it didn't take them much more than a few minutes to reach the graveyard. By that time, the sky was dimming to a brilliant peachy, gray-blue color, the sun close to setting under the horizon.
Kakashi quickly found Rin's grave, cold and tight with anxiety, his legs tingly and numb. He didn't really know why he was so scared—perhaps a part of him was still guilty for killing her. He didn't know.
Maybe it had just been a long time since he'd visited.
"You want some privacy, Boss?" Pakkun asked quietly, able to sense his feelings of distress and restlessness.
He nodded, and the dog strolled off, respecting his choice.
Kakashi stared at the grave, blinking and then kneeling down on a knee, and putting some pink trumpet flowers into an aged wooden, vase-like container. Sitting in the familiar place instantly brought back strong memories, forcing him to directly think of her, and the rest of his late team.
"Rin…" He started, adjusting his position on the grass, voice low and soft, "I know it's been a long time since I've come here. I've been a little preoccupied these days, you see…"
Kakashi sighed, feeling like somewhat of a madman for talking to himself.
"The truth is, I have cancer. Or at least that's what they're saying it is," the Hatake announced, feeling the tightness in his chest increase, "I-It's...It's pretty bad. I'm going to die soon, Rin. I'm going to be with you, and Obito...and Minato sensei, too."
Exhaling shakily, he wrapped his arms around his torso, shivering slightly. Saying such a heavy statement aloud had taken a great deal out of him.
"Rin...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did. And I know, maybe it's not my fault, but…" Kakashi spoke, "I feel terribly guilty these days, and...I just want to die in peace, and on good terms with you."
After that, he was silent for a few moments, registering a certain calmness in the air, and a sense of great relief. Kakashi felt his tense shoulders relax, and he drew in a deep breath, tilting his head slightly upwards toward the sky. He felt a certain presence cut through his anxiousness, and for a few moments it almost felt as if Rin were there, telling him everything was going to be okay, and that she was going to be there when the time came, with Obito.
A sudden gale blew his hair back out of his face, his heart palpating as he let go of the raging image of her in his nightmare, and remembered her for the caring, kind, selfless person she was when she was alive.
"Rin...Thank you."
Kakashi slowly got up from his Father's grave, his knees popping. He'd taken his time and visited all of his comrades, and the memorial stone, one last time. The sense of relief and readiness he felt was both powerful and condemning. He was relieved that he was able to finally come to pay his respects, but now, it felt as if there was a shift in his waking life.
For some reason, it felt like death was nearer than before.
Looking around briefly, he began to shuffle towards a brown pug laying idly a few meters away.
"Pakkun! Let's go," Kakashi called out, getting him to jolt up. He shook himself off vigorously and began trodding towards the Hatake, a stern, gruff look on his face as always.
They began to walk back, knowing that he needed to return soon. It was clear by his slumped posture that he was growing tired. Kakashi admittedly wasn't used to walking around and being out of bed for so long at once.
"Hey, Kakashi," Pakkun started roughly, "How much longer do you have? And what cancer? First, you don't tell me for months, and then when you do tell me, you barely say anything! You'd think after all these years I would get better treatment…."
"Woah, woah...I was going to tell you the details, Pakkun," Kakashi said at his blunt, aggressive display, "We were just on a time crunch, remember?"
The dog rolled his eyes rather sassily, knowing he was right.
"Okay, what cancers do you have then? How much time?"
The Hatake almost winced at the question. It had been a while since he'd had to introduce someone to the prospect of him dying.
Kakashi sighed, rubbing his eyes, and walking a bit slower. "Brain cancer, and lung cancer. And I don't know...They say I have a month or two."
Pakkun stopped dead in his tracks, his jaw opening in disbelief. It was hard for him to believe that Kakashi, the incredible shinobi who he'd known for over a decade, was approaching his final weeks.
A part of him wanted to believe that Kakashi was the same, that he was strong and healthy, and knew a thousand jutsu, and was easily better than any other ninja out there. But the stark truth had come out—the man couldn't win this. He was thin, bony as ever, with a pasty, gaunt visage that gave away the state of his health, and displayed how fragile he was.
It seemed like everything had changed in the span of just a couple of months, and Pakkun could barely wrap his head around it. He didn't like that so much was different.
"Are you okay?" Kakashi prodded gently, noticing how stricken his ninken looked, with his pained expression, and deep frown.
"No...Can you carry me?"
Kakashi nodded, understanding that the pug was upset, and needed some form of support or affection to feel better about the sense of loss he was experiencing. Pakkun was never one to display emotions, so it made sense that instead of wanting to talk about it, he chose to be comforted physically.
He picked him up off the ground, supporting his hind legs with one hand, and his belly with the other. Stroking the fur under his muzzle, Kakashi began to walk again, thinking about what to say, and then coming to the conclusion that absolutely nothing he said would help.
The walk back was silent.