Author's note

I hope you're all still enjoying reading Revelations as much as I am writing it. Of course it does ramble on, not much drama happening, but then isn't life like that at the best times? Also, when I'm reading books, strong plots make me nervous, I like to read (and write) about feelings, and they tend to get drowned in the action when a story follows a classical setup: flawed heroine (or hero) has her (or his) life ruined and needs to fight to put it back to rights. This story is more like a soap, it follows the story of people's lives, with up and downs occurring throughout and not saving it all up until the end. And as to what seems to have developed in a main theme of Revelations: I do think one could not have avoided getting close to servants emotionally in those days, when they were always about, and knew such intimate details from one's life. Of course most gentlemen and gentle ladies would not have crossed the borders into love, but some must have.

Now I promised someone this chapter would contain a lot more E&D than the former chapters, and that is not true. I was mistaken, they're in the next chapter. So, to make up for my mistake, we're publishing that, too. Also, I'm currently re-writing Revelations to past tense and editing out some errors and anachronisms like underwear for ladies. After some heavy censoring it will be offered for sale as ebook on Amazon, where it has been all this time but received scathing reviews over 'experimental sex', which didn't help sales. And more sales means more time to write, so I'm willing to sell my soul there and stay true to myself here on Fanfiction. Enough talk, while you start on this chapter, I'll revise the next. Enjoy!

Chapter 101

Despite showing mainly relief to all outward appearances, the near-drama of last Wednesday has left traces on Frederick's soul as well as Elizabeth's. He can see the impact it has had on her, and he will ask why and what he can do to make up when she returns from Newcastle. It's not easy to show your feelings when you've been training from puberty to hide them. Only the agony of losing Elizabeth and Darcy could force them out. And not just Elizabeth and Darcy, but Eric and Georgiana as well, and most likely even Simon.

But he didn't even realise that when he begged them to forgive him and not remove him from their protection. Because it has felt like that for some time now, as if they keep him safe, and for someone who is older and has a lot more experience with the world outside, who has been independent from the moment he took possession of his estate and his fortune on his twenty-first birthday, it is a very disturbing realisation. They're not his parents, they cannot tell him what not to do, but then his parents never did that, never got the chance. School raised Frederick Manners, and as it turns out, made a few glaring mistakes in his education.

Riding towards Grenfell's wedding Frederick knows this is the last time he will seek out his college friends as a group. He will see Lascelles, of course, and Bingley, and maybe he will visit some of the others after his marriage, but he will no longer be the one who keeps them together and who arranges the entertainment. He offered Elizabeth to break off all contact with the group, and though he suspects she will not hold him to that, he regards it as a promise and he will keep it to prove his commitment to their family. Is he looking for another group to attach himself to? A group more suitable to his stage of life? And if so, is that a bad thing? If one has no family of one's own, is it such a bad thing to find one elsewhere? It has felt so good to finally belong, to find a place where he can be himself, where he is accepted despite forming a decided risk to their reputation with his shameful preferences.

And Anne? Is she his ultimate effort to gain respectability, to start a family of his own where he will feel safe? Will she be happy and free as he envisions the situation he has proposed to her, or will he merely draw her into his perversions? Smudge her name as well as his own? What will Elizabeth and Darcy have to say if Anne decides in his favour?

Time flies when you're beating yourself up, and before he knows it Frederick has arrived at his friend's house. The gardens are still intact, trees have been pruned, hedges are perfectly trimmed, everything looks as it should in winter. This marriage will undoubtedly be the start of its demise, Mrs Grenfell has found her house with a garden in London, and though it set her son back a small fortune, Frederick advised him to buy it for her, allegedly to be rid of her, but in reality to repay her for what she had to put up with because of his clique's mismanagement of her son's education. The poor widow doesn't reproach him with anything, she looks forward to her move, she aches for liveliness and culture, and she will have her garden but on a smaller scale.

Excepting the staff, Mrs Grenfell is the first to greet him, she is waiting for him in the stables. She must have had her maid look out for his arrival, he did send word he would be arriving at the last moment. No need to dress, there is no time anyway, it's off to church straight away. Fortunately Lascelles offered to be best man, Frederick's enthusiasm for this wedding has changed to guilt, he would make a fine sight standing beside the groom with his feelings as they are. Lascelles is much handsomer anyway and doesn't feel as responsible, Frederick always planned everything, Lascelles merely executed the plans to perfection.

After kissing Mrs Grenfell, he decides she'll do fine as his main company today. She's still largely sober, maybe he can keep her that way until the formalities are done with.

'Mr Manners, do you still see that nice pianist you had along that one time?'

'Now don't pretend you're dense, Mrs Grenfell, it may fool your son but not me. I know you read the paper, you know I am at every single one of his concerts, I'm helping him to conquer the world, starting with London.'

She smiles at him, she loves her little games as much as he does his larger ones. Then she sighs once, and asks, 'Will you thank him for telling me to leave this house? I started to change my life the next day, well, as soon as Bertie's head had cleared enough to understand what I was saying.

Told him to find me a house in London, stopped drinking too much, checked the paper where the best concerts were. And I've had my gardeners save cuttings from every tree, bush and plant I love, had them take home what they coveted themselves, gave away some other priceless plants to neighbours and local friends. Two cart-loads have already been transported, my favourite roses, mainly, they're already settled in London soil, planted by my new gardener. I'm moving out as soon as I can, there is no place under this roof for Caroline Grenfell and myself together, but I need to save my plants before she'll have my garden stumped and seeded. A French garden was always good enough for me, but I expect her to have one of those landscape gardens, with grass everywhere, a few solitary trees and a Greek temple at the back of it. Or the latest fashion, a Chinese garden. Though maybe she'll keep my box hedges, if so, she'll have to buy new roses, I've taken most of mine and given away the rest. I can't take the fruit trees, sadly enough, but I suppose I did always prefer my fruit well-aged in a bottle, and there is not that much space in my London garden. You will come to see it, next summer, won't you? And bring that pianist, if he's still in England by that time. From what I've read in Thursday's paper that will not be for very long, some foreign court will snap him up.'

Dear Mrs Grenfell. And she's not really that old, she may find herself a nice widower or bachelor with a taste for music and theatre, Frederick saw plenty of them at the lecture Wednesday. Most of them in the company of Earl Compton, actually, maybe he can even help Mrs Grenfell find a few friends in London with a letter of recommendation.

You're plotting again, Frederick, says a little voice in his mind, which he will not allow to sound just like Elizabeth. She has not forbidden him to plot, as long as he respects his pawns and shows her and her family a lot more respect and his love. All right, he has plans with Anne, and if he messes up he will rue that greatly, but if not she will benefit. She's head over heels with that young man, and he is quite a character.

'I certainly hope so, Mrs Grenfell, I'm planning to have a look at the continent myself this fall, and I'd love to visit foreign courts with Mr Fielding.'

'And when are you going to get married, Mr Manners? Isn't it time you found yourself a nice young lady to keep you in England?'

So good to be able to say this.

'I have my sights set on someone, and the lady in question has my offer under consideration.'

'No burning love for you then, Mr Manners? I'm sorry for you, I so feel a person should know burning love once in his or her lifetime. I had my moment, I'm afraid Bertie will never know it, but I'd hoped you'd find it.'

She is shrewd. Frederick cannot help thinking of Simon, of the smooth skin of his chest and narrow flanks, the taste of his kisses, the look of love always waiting for him in his large, long-lashed eyes. Better remember not to cross blades with this lady!

'So you've known burning love after all, my boy. Whatever happened to make you consider a marriage of convenience, at least you've known love. Cherish that feeling, Mr Manners, it's the most precious thing in the world. And I've known couples who fell in love years after their actual marriage, there's always hope.'

She isn't even trying to get the better of him, it's his guilty conscience speaking. Frederick has always imagined that Mrs Grenfell secretly dislikes him, for ruining her son in his most formative years. He thought she suspected something, and was trying to get more information to bring him down. And all this time she really hoped for his sake that he would once taste true love. He has wronged her for a long time. But that is no reason to let his guard down.

'I have a very high opinion of the lady in question, or I wouldn't have considered marrying her. But it's her choice, she may yet decide for a more handsome man, or a younger one, or one that she falls head over heels in love with. If I succeed, it will become public in about a month. But I still have a promise to you to fulfil, to take you to one of Mr Fielding's concerts. If you are in town before the end of March, let me know, we'll set a date.'

'A date with Mr Manners, I'll be the envy of the town. Good, it may open some doors for me, I want to have a lot of acquaintances and a few good friends. I have a feeling that public life will suit me like nothing else. Now, Mr Manners, shall we proceed to the house? I shall have to subject myself to my maid's ministrations again to look my very best for the service. And you may have to talk some heart into Bertie, he is tall and he talks loud, but Caroline Bingley is enough to put the fear of God in any man. Beneath his rough speech and uncouth manner, Bertie is still an insecure, frightened boy, afraid to spread his wings and leave his mama.'

And she even believes it. Well, Frederick believes her Bertie can be managed, and so do Bingley and Lascelles, Bingley enough to risk his sister's happiness. Though she is an adult and they did warn her. Seeing the bride and groom will show him more, will they be truly eager, or will they be afraid to make the mistake of their lives, under pressure of their friends in Grenfell's case, and a craving for status and riches in Miss Bingley's?

At least there need not be any doubt of their feeling about the wedding. Grenfell, looking more than splendid in a midnight blue coat trimmed with silver, emphasising his broad shoulders and his slim waist, takes his dear friend Manners in a bear hug with, yes, Frederick is not imagining things, tears in his his eyes. Tears of gratitude.

'Manners! I was afraid you weren't going to make it, too busy weaving plots in the King's capital. Wait until you see my bride, my friend, you've never seen a woman as splendid as she is. Though a certain section of the newspaper did report your having been spotted in the company of a maiden as beautiful, and in possession of an exalted name and a matching fortune. Is there any truth in them, Manners? It would surely account for your tardiness, we have been celebrating my last days as a bachelor since Thursday, but do we really have to rely on that certain section of the newspaper to know what you are up to?'

Well, Frederick would like to say yes to all of that, except he really hopes Anne will have solved the maiden bit by now, or at least before she moves in with them at Darcy's place. But he will not mention any of it. His smug expression as he contemplates fooling the lot of them will tell Grenfell what he needs to know.

'I'm sorry to have been remiss in my communications, Grenfell. But I'm certain you will be much too busy to care after today. I will go so far as to tell you I have been very pleasantly occupied these last weeks, and in excellent company. And I cannot wait to see your bride in all her glory, is she as happy as you are to finally be able to tie the knot?'

'Manners, you're still the most devious of all of us, you lucky bugger. My Caroline is so beautiful, and she adores me as much as I adore her. I can't wait for tonight, it'll be so special to be someone's first.'

That of course is most likely not true. After all the experienced women Grenfell has had, it's virtually certain that bedding a virgin will be a disappointment. Unless Manners is hugely mistaken in his character, Grenfell does not have the patience and the sensitivity to make the first time pleasurable for his poor bride. Anne will certainly fare much better with her reformed philanderer.

But of course Manners agrees with his friend, after which he greets all his other friends and Kitty, who is very pleased to be in the company of so many dashing fellows, who all look up to her husband almost as much as to Mr Manners.

When the bride appears, ready to go to church, she does indeed look beautiful. She has chosen a stunning champagne dress of the most luxurious silk Frederick has ever seen, setting off her nice, full figure to advantage. Her hair is done intricately and beautifully, her veil is delicate and in excellent taste, but that is not the main difference with the usual Caroline Bingley: through the thin fabric of the veil Frederick can see that this woman is actually smiling expectantly! There is no sneer in her face, no haughtiness, this is the woman she might have been if she hadn't thought so well of herself, and so meanly of others. This is the change Darcy had to go through to win Elizabeth, except he managed to hold on to it. Mrs Caroline Grenfell will no doubt be back to her usual self as soon as her wedding night is over.

Miss Bingley greets Frederick a lot more heartily than their acquaintance justifies, either she is flattering him as the leader of her husband's clique and the keeper of all the evidence against him, or she is trying to show him what he couldn't have. Probably the first, since she has proven to read the gossip in the newspaper, so she must know he is reputedly seeing Miss de Bourgh.

'You look stunningly beautiful, Miss Bingley,' he compliments her truthfully.

'Why thank you, Mr Manners! Coming from you that is a true compliment, since you're in the constant company of Mrs Darcy, who only wears French couture these days. I always knew she'd be a drain on poor Darcy's purse.'

At least she didn't lose her meanness altogether. The sneer is back, too, even before her night of nights. And all based on the dependable word of the gossip reporter of a London paper. Well, Elizabeth will have the last laugh, as usual, when she reveals the source of her fashion at the end of this season.

'Darcy doesn't seem to mind. I guess he liked the reception his beloved wife got among the belle monde of London, they were all so very welcoming. Now where are your bridesmaids? I'd like to see how you've dressed them.'

Caroline Bingley has one important lesson to learn if she is to make it in the adult world: choose your adversaries with care. She is not up to Mr Manners' level of meanness yet, not by far.

'Since we're both adults, engaging in a marriage of convenience, I've decided to forgo on the bridesmaids.'

She couldn't get any. Frederick might observe that few maidens would dare come so close to Grenfell, but since the groom is his friend and this is the wedding Manners helped arrange for him, it will not do to insult the bride and the groom in one effort. And if Elizabeth is still participating in public life next season, and Mrs Grenfell is allowed into the belle monde, his dear friend can take very good care of herself, she does not need Frederick to defend her against the likes of Miss Bingley, soon to be Mrs Grenfell.

The wedding is as grand as it should be, the bride and groom speak their vows perfectly and kiss with passion. They look beautiful together, his tall figure and her graceful one. The church is beautifully decorated, the food is plentiful and of the best quality, and old Mrs Grenfell is excellent company, relatively sober and very witty. She is obviously quite happy to dispose of her son, and thankful to Frederick for finding someone to take him. He wonders how much she knows about her boy's true nature. As his friends start to get more and more intoxicated, Frederick feels more and more out of place in their company. It bothers him a lot, until Bingley and Lascelles join him and he discerns much the same feelings in them.

'I don't fancy getting drunk, and it sickens me a little to see our friends behave like animals,' comments Lascelles. 'It never bothered me before, but I'm rather ashamed for Kitty to see them like this. What if she thinks I used to carry on like that?'

'They didn't do this at my wedding,' Bingley observes, 'I thought you were all past this stage.'

'They controlled themselves at your wedding, Bingley, you hadn't been part of our group for years, after all,' Frederick explains.

'And there was Darcy. No-one is going to make a fool of himself in front of Darcy,' Lascelles adds.

'I'm afraid the three of us are no longer altogether part of this,' Lascelles concludes. 'Does that mean you're getting married, too, Manners?'

'I may,' he replies mysteriously, 'if someone'll have me.'

'I suppose this is it then, the end of our little brotherhood.'

Lascelles doesn't seem particularly sad about it.

'I'm glad I had the good fortune to be part of it again for a few months, my friends.'

Frederick does wonder whether that will still be the case half a year from now, though he is certainly glad himself: without Bingley and his wedding, Frederick would still be all alone and playing a role day and night.

'I'm glad you were, Bingley. I hope we'll stay in touch whatever happens.'

'Of course we will, Manners! Jane said you made up with Darcy and Lizzy, didn't you? And if the papers are right, we'll soon be family, be it through several marriages. I'm certain we'll meet often.'

'We will, Manners. I refuse to let the two of you go, though I cannot see myself planning debaucheries for the rest anymore.' Lascelles has forgotten Bingley didn't know about those.

'You still had those? I'm glad I didn't know. Come, let's dance a little then turn in early, they won't notice our absence. And who knows what Grenfell may have planned to amuse his friends, those who are not yet married, I don't want to be around when that starts. Nor should Grenfell be.'

But Frederick doesn't care.

'That is out of our hands now, comrades, unless he harms someone. We have officially handed over our charge to Miss Bingley, now Mrs Grenfell. I plan to be back in town tomorrow, Miss de Bourgh will move in with us at Darcy's, and I expect her to need a ride tomorrow afternoon.'

'Yes, I'm going back, too,' Bingley observes, 'Caroline has been insufferable to Jane these last two days, and we promised Darcy we'd chaperone Georgie. I'm going to be a father myself, I'm afraid I've grown up.'

Not falling asleep is very difficult, and Anne is very thirsty, even with all she drank tonight. She knows where the potable water is kept, and everyone will be asleep by now. Decision made, Anne puts on her dressing gown and heads downstairs, through the hall and down again towards the kitchen. While she is here she may as well check on Nick, maybe it's better if they stay in his room with Felicity alert just one door from hers. After downing a large cup of water, she finds his little room and opens the door.

'You're here already! I was waiting to come over.'

Before she replies, she has to hold him and kiss him.

'I was thirsty, so I got myself some water from the kitchen. The cook told me which is good to drink. Shall we stay here? Felicity may be up all night and she may fetch you to help out. She won't disturb me.'

'You're smarter than I am, Miss Anne. I salute you. But first I'm going to undress you and kiss every inch of you, and then I'm going to make you squeal with passion.'

Yes. She wants that. Really. But first he rummages in a drawer of his only real piece of furniture, a pretty wardrobe. Why?

'Trust me, we may need this.' And he proceeds to do something with himself, down there. Suddenly she understands, he has told her all about it, even where to get it. And when he has done everything he promised her, leaving her panting with heat and burning inside, he lies on top of her, and says huskily, 'Now I've never done this before with someone untouched, my love. People say it may hurt, tell me if it does, I'll be more careful. Are you certain you want this?'

She knows he means well, but it's infuriating!

'Quit talking, Nick, get on with it. I'm suffering!'

He laughs and covers her with his broad, strong body, she has seen it in all its glory by the light of the moon, and she can smell it and feel it now. As his mouth kisses her again, his back arches and she can feel him enter her. It's a burning sensation, the burn of her heat inseparable from the burn of his size pushing its way in. There is something in there that is aching to be touched, and now it finally gets what it wants, and again, as he pushes again.

'It's pretty narrow, love, does it hurt?' He is so worried, so sweet. But he must not stop, he must plunge harder and faster, that place demands it of him.

'It did bit, but it's good as well. So good, I want more, give it to me, Nick!'

And he does, and she just has to make some noise, it's so good, and she needs more of it, right now!

She is only vaguely aware of how hard it is for him to keep it up, something is in charge of her and it offers her body to him, take it, give it more! The ecstasy mounts, and she has one of those releases, but it immediately builds back up, higher and higher, until he loses himself totally and thrusts like a wild thing, causing her another one of those highs. He shudders and collapses, and not just a little.

Anne is seriously afraid she has broken him, he's on top of her, unable to support himself on his arms, gasping for breath. His ribs, they cannot but suffer under his own weight. She tries pushing him on his back, but he is heavy and the cot is narrow, he may fall off. But he's really too heavy for her slight frame, so she takes hold of his jaws and says urgently, 'Nick, Nick, you need to get off your chest!'

He has found his voice back, thankfully.

'And of yours, my love, I'm sorry. For a moment there I couldn't do anything. I shouldn't have done this, yet, I wasn't ready. Let me do this carefully, or I'll spill my seed inside you after all.'

It does spoil the beautiful moment a bit, being squashed and having him spend almost a minute removing himself from her very, very carefully. But it's for an excellent cause, and he makes up for the businesslike moments by lying beside her afterwards, totally dedicated to her, his hands clutching her and his mouth kissing her as she loves so much. There is no shame, just love. She can still hear him heaving, he went too deep, for her, they should have waited but she wants to get married, to another man. Her eyes overflow, she does not want to leave him, she doesn't want anyone else.

'Anne, my dear, you're not crying are you? Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, I'm really not strong enough yet to do this right. Or do you feel bad to have sinned?'

This wasn't sinful, Anne does not believe that. So much love between them, she is certain Nick loves her this very moment. It may not last, but right now he loves her as much as she loves him. He deserves to be loved, he is kind, smart, and he cares about people, even those who don't really deserve it.

'You didn't, love. It was great, I totally lost it. I just don't want it to end.'

'Then let us make it last, my love. Let's make this night last forever.

And merely lying in each other's arms does make it better. He manages to stay awake for another hour, though it's obviously hard for him. Anne decides to pretend they are married and meant to stay together forever, if it helps her to enjoy this night, she will pay for it gladly tomorrow when the truth sinks in. It proves the perfect solution, she is deliriously happy lying in the arms of her beloved, physically sated, his scent all around her, his voice soft as he whispers endearments in her ears. Finally they can do nothing else than give in to their fatigue, but at that moment they are both perfectly happy.

The cock crows.

This time, they snuggle almost desperately before they both get up. Nick dresses in a simple outfit, Anne dons her nightgown and her dressing-gown. Reluctantly, they leave the room, and go up two staircases, a narrow one and a grand one. In the hall they should part, but Anne just cannot. She pulls him into her own bedroom and kisses him one last, lingering time. Then he has to go, and she crawls into her own bed, still mostly very happy. She can hear him open the door of the girls' bedroom, and then he talks to someone in a low voice. Felicity must be awake, Anne hopes Nick will not get into trouble over this. But if he does, she knows Frederick will find him a new place. She wishes it could be at her side, but he cannot be claimed, and she is not even going to try. She has had his love for a night, and that will have to do. Tomorrow, she will move to her cousin's home.

But when Dora wakes her the next morning, she has worrying news for Anne.

'Fowler is back in bed, Miss, he must have overtaxed himself working yesterday night. He checked on the young ladies this morning, they are fine by the way, Felicity is really good with them, and when he knew about the ladies he went back to bed complaining of his chest hurting. Maybe you can go see him after breakfast, like you did when he first got hurt.'

She doesn't want to check on him after breakfast, she wants to do it now! It's her fault he's had a relapse. But there is no time, Dora has let her sleep well into the day.

After breakfast she finds Nick back in bed, looking very sad. She hugs him very carefully, she did this to him.

'It was the best night of my life, Miss,' he says softly. 'I have no regrets.' He will never call her 'love' or even just Anne again.

'I only regret seeing you like this,' she lies. Life will go on, he will have his ladies back, and she will have...plenty of things to do. Learn to play the piano, ramble through the city, talk for hours with interesting people. And if she does meet another man, Nick has told her exactly what to do, and what not to do.

'Thank you for everything, Nick.'

'Fare well, Miss.'

'Nick, we'll see each other at least once a week! And I'm not leaving until you're back to work.'

'But we'll get tempted again, Miss, and then my ribs will never heal.'

He wants her to go? Well, then there is nothing to keep her here. She'll send for Frederick and he can fetch her, to get to know each other better.

'I don't want to leave you like this, Nick.'

'But it's better for both of us, Miss. I'll be back to work tomorrow, you'll see. We have a concert planned.'

It will be hard to be strangers again, but he is right, she has to go. He can see she has accepted it, and they kiss one last, glorious time. She will be gone before dinner.

In the carriage with Frederick Anne allows herself a good cry, and when he offers to take her in his arms she does not hesitate. He even feels like Nick, but he doesn't smell right, not bad, he's wearing a very good cologne, but not like Nick.

'I've been sick with love, Anne, I know what it feels like. But don't despair, if we do decide to get married we'll find him a place in our household and you can be with him every night and a lot of moments of the day. You can even come to the continent with us, and pretend to be married, they'll believe anything, those Germans, or Austrians or whatever.'

He persists in believing Nick attached to herself, but he will soon find out Nick isn't like that. He'll have a pretty lady in his bed even before his ribs heal. But talking about it only makes things worse. She knew this was coming, and she will be a trooper. She made a fool of herself over a man once, it will not happen again.

'I'm looking forward to living with all of you, Frederick. And I've met another one of your terms: I conquered shame. And it was fabulous, though Nick did hurt his ribs again, poor chap. But he'll survive, like I will.'

Frederick seems to doubt that, but Anne knows they both will.

And her reception leaves nothing to wish for, there is music, there are long walks through town with Frederick and yes, with Simon, who seems to know everything about life in town. Well, almost everything, but Nick already told her some of the rest. She spends a lovely few days with her relatives and her potential fiancées, for she has come to see Simon as a marriage partner as well, and the separation from Nick hurts much less than she would have guessed. Being busy, and having two people who will hold her and comfort her when she feels low makes the difference. Of course it's hard to see him at concerts, back in his livery and herding his girls, but he looks fine, if a bit wistful whenever he catches her eye.

She doesn't meet another man she thinks she might like, neither gentleman nor servant, not even a reporter, the one Eric knows is a scruffy fellow, and as obsessed with music as Georgiana and Eric. Still those two lovebirds can be very entertaining, and they are both very patient teaching her to play. Quite naturally, Anne is included in their efforts to learn about finances, and Frederick offers to teach her German. Simon is practising his German on Eric, who has surprised her fiancées by solving some problem they were having with a certain translation by addressing them in fluent, accentless German.