Not gonna put in a specific time at which this scene happened. But it was definitely after the Sword of Akasha chapter. Keeping it vague because I couldn't really decide where to place this chapter, but it would've ended up being a filler anyway if I put this on the main story.

Chapter ?.89? Trauma

It was a reckless thought, but it was something that he wanted to determine for himself. Then again, he had been avoiding having to pass through this grand staircase for a long time. At first, it was because he was in no condition to go here by himself, due to his temporary blindness. But afterwards, it was more because he couldn't even stand being near it at all.

Still, a trauma would forever be one the more you kept avoiding to face it. And given his current situation, there might be a time when he'd have to be forced to face his fears. So, rather than wait for that time to finally arrive... he might as well do it on his own terms.

Lelouch took a long breath as he kept one hand on the railings and another on his crutch. He put one foot down and another, as he slowly ascended the grand staircase slowly.

So far so good..., he thought as Lelouch hadn't yet felt the need to run as fast as he could from the place. But then, just as he was on the very spot from when he had found the dead bodies at the staircase eight years ago... it happened.

Suddenly it was as if he had been taken back into the time when he was still a 10-year-old boy.

Lelouch glanced down towards his feet. A few more steps downwards, he could still see that one very-much-dead royal guard lying sprawled on the stairs. He could see the obvious bullet marks clearly on the dead man's back. He turned his head towards the other side; and there was that second royal guard, in an almost similar state. And if he looked further below...

He could still hear the screams on that day. It was so piercingly loud...

He still could not comprehend it, the sight of his dead mother's body. And then Nunnally's terrified form underneath her...

But Mother was not really dead! That was just a body that she left behind! His mother's soul... was still alive! Still...

"Lelouch! Lelouch! Snap out of it!"

Lelouch blinked his eyes to see Kallen's worried face staring back at him. He glanced around him to see that Jeremiah was also by his side... and somehow he was sitting legs sprawled on the middle of the staircase, his crutch was nowhere in sight.

Did he fall? He didn't remember falling down...

"Are you alright, your Highness?"

He stared towards the man blankly as he wanted to say that he's fine. But his voice didn't seem to want to come out.

"What're you doing here?" Kallen spoke again as Lelouch turned to face her again. Kallen lifted her hand to wipe something from his face as he looked at her hand, confused.

Had he been crying?

"When we heard you scream... I thought something terrible had happened..." Kallen spoke again as Lelouch started to feel his head clearing.

So, that scream he'd just heard... it was his own voice. Not from the old memories when he had let out that same scream at this very staircase. It was the present him that let out that scream.

Suddenly he could feel his whole body starting to shake. And without a word, Kallen wrapped her arms around his body and holding him tightly. Lelouch returned the embrace before starting to cry in earnest.

It's been eight long years... yet that horrible memory still felt so fresh. As if it happened just yesterday. Even with new knowledge of the truth of what happened that day revealed, that day remained to be one of his most traumatizing experience to date.

Guess it would be a while before he could ever get over this old fear.