Chapter 134

Anne herself was fighting her own inclinations, on the one hand she felt she should be disgusted and shocked by three men coolly dissecting what was once a living, breathing woman, and on the other she was fascinated by their dedication to their work and the things they told their audience about the human body. First they explained how consumption had destroyed the tissue of the poor woman's lungs, showing them the ravaged remains of that essential organ. Then they started on the pregnancy, and when after a terrific lecture on conception and growth they reached the human foetus Anne finally felt upset. In three more months that poor cold tiny body would have been a cuddly baby like little William Collins, blue-eyed and innocent, with wee little hands and feet, and now it was study material in the hands of uncaring scientists. Of course she knew they would put what they learned to good use to save other women's lives, and their babies', but still it was a confronting sight.

Then she felt Nick's solid shape move so close that she could feel the heat of his body, and a warm hand took hers under the dubitable cover of her dress skirts. It helped, though the risk of discovery was significant. Or was it? Anne had Frederick on her other side, and the three doctors were not paying any attention to their spectators, Anne wondered why they allowed them in the first place. They must be pressed for funds, or Frederick must have offered them something else they needed. Another thing she needed to ask him, she was going to be his wife, she wanted to know what he was up to. They could have gone to a public dissection, where convicted murderers were denied a decent burial after their hanging. Of course those were held the day after the trial, and not at Mr Frederick Manners' convenience, but still, how did he even know about these obviously illegal practices?

Of course Anne had recognised the middle-aged Lector straight away as Doctor Parker, Frederick's personal physician, who'd made her realise those bloodlettings had caused her a decade of suffering from lack of energy and spirit. Still there was a distinct difference between being a rich man's physician and telling him about your illegal practice of dissecting unclaimed bodies from a charity hospital.

A sound to her right distracted Anne from her musings and from the ever more blood-drenched scene in front of her, and she was just in time to see all the blood draw from Frederick's face. Then he just toppled over, and Anne quickly pulled her left hand from Nick's to catch her fiancée in her arms instead of letting him fall on his face on the attic's bare planks.

At first no-one seemed to notice Frederick's fainting except Nick, her sudden tug to get her hand back having alarmed him. He noiselessly got up and supported the broadly-built man, just in time for Anne was starting to feel the weight of him, she was slight and Frederick's limp body kept wanting to slide to the floor. A quick look at Simon showed him torn between the desire to go to his lover and his usual hesitation to even acknowledge him in public. Anne gestured him to help, he was Frederick's personal servant after all, as far as anyone knew, and it was his right, even his duty, to assist his master when unwell. Simon seemed to understand, he rushed over and helped Nick to lift Frederick away from the scene that had disturbed him. Somehow, Anne didn't think less of him for fainting, it was a very disconcerting scene, and she liked to think he was a lot more sensitive than he pretended to be. She followed to where the others took Frederick, he was her fiancée after all, she could not leave him to Simon's care without giving a wrong impression.

Having found a nice, quiet place to rest Frederick's still shape against a fat wooden support, Nick moved towards Anne and whispered, 'I checked his pulse, he is fine, he must have been unaware he cannot stand the sight of so much blood. Will you stay with him? If he is not conscious in about ten minutes it may be best to have one of those doctors see to him. Though we'll have to make sure they leave their scalpels behind and wash their hands, consumption is deadly to the rich as well as the poor.'

He wanted to kiss her but he didn't, and as soon as he had left she turned to Simon, who was calm on the outside and still controlling himself not to take his lover in his arms.

'Will you hold him for me, Anne?' he asked, voice belying his outward calm, 'I dare not risk exposure but I don't want him to just lie there. I want him to know we love him.'

Anne nodded and moved to sit behind Frederick in such a way that she could hold his head in her lap for as long as he needed to come to.

'I think the sight of blood caused him to faint, Simon, nothing worse. He'll probably be all right within ten minutes, try not to worry too much.'

It was a very strange thing to sit there in the dark with Frederick still and lifeless. He was always in control, and now the only sound she could hear from him was his breathing, though that was indeed deep and calm. Simon was stroking his lover's face, he could not help himself, he must have seen Frederick asleep countless times but of course this was different.

'I've never seen him not in control, Anne,' he whispered, voice affected. 'Strange as it may seem to you, he is not like this in his sleep, he looks so vulnerable all of a sudden. I love him so much, I wish he'd show me his sensitive side more often.'

It didn't take long for Simon's touch to have effect, all right, Anne could not help herself either, she had to stroke that dear face and the dark hair, too. Soon the eyes opened and life returned to the strong body in her arms, but the vulnerable quality remained. A tremendous sigh followed.

'The two people I love most in this world, looking at me all worried. And with such love! I should faint more often, though I'm afraid those officers will have lost their respect for me. Fortunately they cannot tell anyone about this afternoon.'

He was just fine, his voice was strong though thick with feeling, he could probably get up already, he just didn't want to, he was enjoying this despite feeling humiliated.

'So now you know, Simon, I'm not the strong rock you thought I was. I hope you won't think less of me.'

Simon could not control himself any longer, after a quick look around he gathered his beloved up in his slim arms, there was some strength in him! After several very intimate kisses that Anne felt almost embarrassed to witness, so much like Nick's loving little kisses, he didn't hesitate to speak his mind, and his voice sounded husky.

'Don't by ridiculous, my love. A lot of people cannot stand the sight of blood, and you saw quite a bit more than I suppose any of us bargained for. It's not a sign of strength or weakness, it just is. And even if you were to show some human frailty from time to time, I'd love you even more for it. You're allowed to be merely human, you know.'

As Anne kept an eye on the rest of the attic, Simon and Frederick exchanged some unavoidable tokens of love, Simon must have been worried sick to break his own rule of total control towards his lover in public.

'I believe you, I believe everything you say to me, Simon. Give me five more minutes with you and I can face the world once again. Though maybe I shouldn't watch Doctor Parker and his friends anymore. Weren't you horrified?'

This was directed at Simon and Anne both, Frederick did not exclude his fiancée, was she truly one of the people he loved the most? That was kind of moving, and Anne certainly had a deep affection for him, too, which could only grow in the years to come.

'It was moderately gruesome, yes, but I didn't feel any different physically. Of course I was a bit farther away from it all. And you, Anne? You were sitting as close as Frederick, weren't you put out at all?'

'For a moment I was, but only when I saw the tiny foetus all blue and still. I was reminded of little William Collins junior, he truly is a cute little thing despite his sorry father. This poor dead baby could have become a sweet little child like him. But frankly, I felt a morbid fascination at the same time, and what they told us was very interesting indeed. I'm afraid I'm truly one of the girls, Simon, I might even have enjoyed that hanging.'

'Yes, with Nick as company you'd enjoy anything. Come, let's get back to the others before they start to worry.'

Frederick was back to his usual self, he walked on his own, his posture was as straight as ever, and he coolly sat back down on his former seat. He did take one of Anne's hands to support him, but not before sending her a pleading look to ask permission to do so. Despite sitting right next to Nick, she could not help stroking Frederick's hair one last time, his vulnerability just now had touched her deeply, and she wanted him to know she loved him, too. And he was not too proud to avert his eyes from the scene before them, which she continued to watch with interest if not pleasure. He faced her instead, leaning lightly on her shoulder, and quickly checking Nick's reaction to Frederick's familiarity she could see him catch Frederick's eye as if to have him confirm he was well. There was no jealousy in his demeanour, which made Anne very happy since there was no need to be jealous of Frederick. Or any other man. Anne was Nick's alone, just as she knew he was hers.

'I'm well enough, nothing was hurt but my pride, to faint at the sight of a little blood.'

'Then I'll turn to Anne for help if I ever get hurt again.'

That was true, she did not shy away from blood and hurt then, and it still didn't bother her overmuch. By now the Sector had progressed to the organs, and Anne was very interested to see the liver, so large for such a small, emaciated woman. It must be rather important, and fortunately Dr Parker explained roughly how it worked.

The dissection lasted another half hour, in which Anne felt very comfortable, almost squashed between her lover and her fiancée, who still held her hand and rested his head on her shoulder, looking the other way not to risk fainting again. It was a very special moment for Anne, giving Frederick support instead of having him arrange everything for everyone.

'That was it, ladies and gentlemen. We're not finished by far, we have our drawings to perfect and we will study several other objects, wasted muscles, the lungs under magnification, and others. But not now. I hope you have benefited from learning what doctors do, and I again plead you not to talk of this with anyone not presently here. What we are doing is important but it creates strong feelings in many, and that may be dangerous to all of us. I wish you a pleasant evening.'

Dr Parker bowed, then came straight towards Frederick, who sat up to talk to him.

'Are you feeling well, Mr Manners? Miss de Bourgh, I didn't recognise you before! You have gained so much weight and such colour! Just incredible. I hope you'll sue that doctor for almost killing you. Anyway, I'm glad to see you so well, but I am certain I saw Mr Manners not doing so well.'

'Yes, yes, Parker, no need to rub it in. I fainted dead away, I felt queasy from the start. But I feel fine now, it just came over me. Fortunately my lovely fiancée didn't hesitate to take care of me, she has no problem at all seeing blood.'

'Of course not, Mr Manners, remember she spent ten years watching her own draining into a bowl twice a week. Well, fortunately you seem back to your usual self, and please do not feel bad, a lot of people have the same, it's not cowardice but a physical reaction. Thank you for your support of our effort, Mr Manners. My colleague will lead you out, and then we will continue our research, all in a good cause.

Good bye, all!'

And he turned around and was back to the body, talking to the young man. The Scottish man led them back to where they'd come in, and now Anne could see all the others were fine, though Mr Blackwood looked a little white in the face as well. Anne bet he didn't expect to see something like this, not at all. He must be glad his daughters' wild days were almost up if this was the kind of amusement they craved.

As they left, Anne still close to Mr Manners, Simon talking to Mr Darcy in a low voice, Nick aimed to have a word with Mr Blackwood, to thank him for the beautiful coat and his general kindness during the time Nick had lived with the family. The day after tomorrow Nick would leave town, and he had no idea whether he would ever meet his former master again.

But Mr Blackwood was talking to Angelina, and her Ensign Stockford fell into place next to Nick and addressed him.

'Fowler, just the man I wanted to talk to. That was some kind of entertainment, my man, Angelina tells me you promised the most spectacular outing of all and I daresay you succeeded. Just incredible, I'd be shocked but instead I'll take that small physician over my own any day. At least this one knows what he is talking about.

Listen, I know you have Miss de Bourgh's ear, Miss Sophie says she really likes you and you'll be working for her. I hope your new mistress isn't put out over Ronald's, I mean Lieutenant Talbot's presence. Colonel Compton really ordered him to go, Ronald didn't want to, said she'd just as soon be spared the sight of him. Which I suppose is true, though she hides it well. She's quite a hero, isn't she, your new mistress, watching that whole thing without a single sign of stress, then catching and comforting her fiancée when he fainted. I tell you, I felt like fainting myself one or two times there, my God what a damned mess. But you know we've seen our share of blood and guts and death, Ronald and I. The colonel too, do not be mistaken, he started out an Ensign same as me.'

He looked well enough, his eyes sparkled and his cheeks were faintly blushed. His voice lowered a little as he got more confidential.

'He's doing quite well, Ronald, he is still lost in love, but on the mend. It was hard for a few days when she got engaged but at least now he knows it's hopeless. He can get over her, look ahead, you know. He won't get over this quickly, such a superior woman. Though I wonder where he got the absurd notion she'd return his love, anyone could see from the very start she was not for a mere lieutenant. I warned him not to set his sights on her, I mean, it's clear she's miles above him, he should have known it would be Mr Manners she'd choose, according to Angelina they were thick as thieves from the start, and he's as rich and as famous as she is rich and beautiful. Not for fellows like us, and Ronald should have accepted that from the start.'

And all his time, Anne was sleeping with Nick, who was miles lower again. Who wasn't even in the scale for suitability to marry a lady. How could he have been hurt she wouldn't marry him if Stockford considered her so much above him and his friend, both from an excellent family but second sons? Lieutenant Talbot even had money, almost half as much as Anne currently had.

'Say Fowler, Miss Sophie tells me you've made your decision to not become an officer? The colonel will be sorry you choose servitude, he has a very high opinion of you.'

'He told you he offered me a position?'

'Certainly, in case you wanted more information from another Ensign. Talbot will be sorry, too, he likes you as much as I do.'

He did? They liked him? But they didn't know Nick was involved with Anne, the woman Lieutenant Talbot adored.

'Though we understand, too, it's probably an easy job, guarding a lady, and Miss Sophie told me you like being among the highborn, especially ladies. I suppose you'll see plenty of those living in Mr Manners' house, at least now there's going to be a lady of the house. Miss Sophie says Mr Darcy's wife and sister are very beautiful, and Mrs Darcy's sister even more so.'

As if Nick would ever dare lay a hand on any of them! Mr Darcy would kill him. What Mrs Darcy herself left of Nick, for she could take excellent care of herself. But at least Sophie had either forgotten about Nick's supposed crush on Miss de Bourgh, or she kept it to herself. Either suited Nick perfectly fine. Half a year in the north, and Sophie would have forgotten all about him. Unless they visited at Pemberley. Oh well, maybe two months' separation would suffice for her to forget Nick.

By the time their conversation was at an end, they had reached the door to the street, and they all took leave of the Scottish doctor. Mr Blackwood proposed to go to a café to spend some time together, to talk of what they had seen and take leave from those who would set off so soon. Even Mr Darcy agreed to come, Nick had heard his wife was at Carlton House with Mrs and Mr Fielding, who were to play for the Prince of Wales. No wonder he felt like a diversion, even in the company of Mr Blackwood and several officers.

Of course Nick got plenty of opportunity to thank Mr Blackwood for his kindness and take leave of Sophie and Angelina, and Anne sat between Mr Manners and Lieutenant Talbot and heard the latter's apology for his behaviour, responding with kindness but also with a slightly superior attitude. Smart. It would make the lieutenant feel less inclined to regret her, and convince everyone she was ready to be Mrs Manners, above second sons and much too important to even notice her very own bodyguard.

'I'll miss you so much, Nick, I'll cry for days,' Sophie indeed cried.

'But you have your colonel, dear Miss Sophie,' he replied kindly, 'you will soon be married and forget all about me.'

'I'll never forget you, everything you did for us. But you're right, the colonel is nice, too.'

Then in a lower voice, meant for him alone, 'You're not going for Mrs Darcy, are you? I heard Mark talk to you but don't, Nick. Her husband will kill you or have you hanged.'

She was so sweet, even if she had been eavesdropping.

'Of course I won't, Sophie, have you ever really looked at Mr Darcy? He is stunningly handsome, even in a coat like he's wearing now. I'm certain Mrs Darcy would never look at me twice with such a man by her side. And anyway, I'll be living in their house, you know I never did that with ladies from my own house. It's the best way to get into trouble. Don't you worry about me, I'll be fine.'

In fact, he couldn't wait. According to Anne they might even end up with adjoining rooms in a part of the house where no-one ever came, something to do with their journey to the continent. And Sophie would most likely have the life Anne wanted to avoid so desperately: sit at home with a piece of needlework all by herself, the colonel away in France, a new baby on its way after every leave. Well, maybe Nick would be in the position to have her invited to Mr Manners' house once in a while, or maybe she and Angelina would stick together, for Angelina's husband would also be away from home a lot.

Finally, their time together was up. The Blackwood carriage left with its master, his twin daughters and the two officers, and Mr Manners found Nick to ask him, 'Do you have any possessions still at the Blackwood house that you need to fetch? It may be best if you do that straight away.'

Nick was shocked, leave Mr Darcy in the carriage, waiting for a servant? That was going way too far.

'I have a few things, but don't you think it would be presumptuous of me to expect all of you to wait for me in the carriage while I gather them?'

To be honest, Nick had forgotten all about his things, he still needed to get used to the idea that he was never to return to the familiar house.

'I suppose you'll want to make a last round of the place anyway, and take your time to say goodbye to the other staff. Well then, I'll have Bates take you there as soon as he is back from Carlton House. Remember, give him a new colleague he thinks he knows and he'll never mind anything you say or do again.'

Nick bowed in acknowledgement of his new master's advice.

'Thank you, sir, I will do that. But sir, your carriage driving there and back just for me, I can take a cab as easily.'

Mr Manners shook his head slowly, as if terribly disappointed in Nick.

'Nick, I'm not really your master, remember? We're friends who pretend to be master and servant. So please stop calling me sir and please don't be servile to me. I can imagine you wouldn't want to keep Mr Darcy waiting for you, or hurry saying goodbye to a place where you spent so many years, but you can let Bates drive you around town. It's what I pay him for, unlike you he truly is my servant.'

Why couldn't he just accept Nick showing him respect? It was part of their masquerade, wasn't it?

'Nick, you must have seen me faint just now, you know I'm just a man like you.'

Of course he knew that.

'I saw Mrs Blackwood drink herself in a stupor daily, Frederick. I saw parts of other ladies you wouldn't want to be paid to look at. Still they were ladies and I addressed them accordingly. I couldn't very well have called them by their first name, not when so many of them don't even use their own spouse's first name.'

'All right, all right, I concede. You call me whatever you like in public. But in private I expect you to act like a friend, not a dependant.'

'Yes, sir. I understand, sir.'

Now Mr Manners truly looked like Frederick as he hung his head like a little boy during a scolding.

'I deserved that. I'm sorry, Nick. It's been quite the afternoon for me.'

Nick could not help feeling a little sorry for him, it must be hard to have control over everything in one's life and then faint at the sight of blood. Though it was a lot of blood, and not an easy thing to watch for any of them.

'Please don't think of my examples as judgement on your unfortunate accident just now, Frederick. You really couldn't help that, and it's not nearly as demeaning as being a drunk or a cheater. I have the highest respect for you, I am truly trying to be familiar but I can't do it all the time. Not yet, ask Anne how long it took me to be familiar with her.'

Frederick now put an arm around Nick and led him to Mr Darcy's little carriage, with Bob on the box and two large, placid horses in front of it. Poor Bob didn't like driving this team at all, he was used to having the best team in town in his charge. But they were fast enough for London traffic, and soon enough they were back at Mr Darcy's house, where Nick followed Simon to the back of the house but not after having received a loving kiss from Anne. Would they truly spend every night together from now on?

'I'll show you your room, Nick. It's just for two nights, Monday we'll be on our way to Derbyshire, but we need to keep up appearances and let you have a room of your own. I've had your stuff from the trip to Kent taken there already, I suspected you wouldn't spend your last nights in London with the Blackwoods. This is it, I'm sorry it's a bit small. You'll have something much better at Pemberley, the rooms on the second floor are huge, though terribly old-fashioned. To be honest, I wouldn't like to spend the night on that floor all by myself, it's cold and gloomy. But with Frederick to warm my bed I don't think I could be afraid of anything.'

See, even Simon still saw Mr Ma..Frederick as someone to feel safe with, to look up to, despite the latter proving unable to watch the afternoon's carnage. And while Nick was certainly not going to have a man warm his bed, he already trusted Frederick to protect him from the few things that could frighten him. Nothing physical, he suspected he was a better fighter than the stocky gentleman and he knew he could talk his way out of almost anything, the situation at the parsonage only proved that. No, the only thing Nick feared were men with prominence, who could exercise their influence to make life very difficult for smaller men like Nick. Having one of those men behind him and urging him to be friends rather than master and servant made Nick feel very, very safe, even if took some getting used to.

Author's note

We are nearing the end of Revelations part 3, which means it is now available as e-book and on Kindle. Just in case you'd like to keep it for re-reading. Revelations will continue, I suspect with E&D back as the main characters, since there are quite a few questions I want answered. And what about you? Are there loose ends you want to see tied, characters you want to know more about, romances or events you'd like to see addressed? Please let me know in the comments, and you may find out more as Revelations continues.