Chapter 2

"I found out he was married," Nina said, bringing lunch in. "Good for him, and he has five adopted children. He's so perfect…" she moaned. I grinned.

"Really? That's really nice of him, taking them all in. But, is it just me or he looks awfully young?"

"It's not just you. He's our age though, but married. We were all high school girls again for a second." I smiled but not as wide. High school wasn't long for me. I was still studying to get my diploma but I was left with the desire to have a boyfriend. When I was still in school I saw couples walking around the halls, holding hands, making out, going to each other's houses, to the movies but I never got to have that. Or going out with friends either. I had one and she didn't stick around. Who'd want to be friends with a sick person anyway. I wonder if my parents would even let me have a boyfriend but I'm not around boys my age so thats that.

She sat lunch down on my table then checked my drips and vitals to make sure everything was working properly.

"Do you need anything bella?"

"No, I'm fine. Work hard?"

"Yeah, a bit but it ends at some point, for the day anyway. Gotta take what you can get. I'll check in after my shift,"

"Nah, go home. You've been here since the early morning. You'll be like the walking dead if you don't sleep."

"You too. Make sure to rest up,"

"I will." I stared at my lunch for a while before I tried eating some of it. Not long after, I went to the bathroom and threw up.

Coming back, I threw the food out and hid the packaged brownies in a box. It was getting full. I was meaning to eat it but I'll feed it to the pigeons in the garden when I can go out. I grabbed my iPod and went back to bed.

This was my source of heaven. My music calmed me, comforted me, and transported me to a more understanding world. One where I didn't need to explain myself at all. My mother called it depressing and has been trying to keep me from listening to it. But it was a tool. And right now it distracted me from the nausea.

To be frank, I think my mother has been trying to make me cope in the way that made her believe I was coping. Cope in a way that she understood. Who will take care of her when I'm gone? Dad wasn't the most eloquent especially about his feelings. He was more open to understanding someone but the suffer in silence type. Ever since it was obvious no progress was being made, he was the most enjoyable to be around.

I was literally shaken out of my peaceful mood. I looked and it was my mom.

"Bella! Bella?! Jesus, don't scare me like that!"

"What, I'm awake," I grumbled. She sighed and pulled a chair over.

"Did you eat?" She asked.

"Yeah," I said, pulling myself up in the bed. I loved her, but I was annoyed I was taken from my peaceful world. It was dreamlike, loving and fun. Is that what heaven is like?

"Your dad was here, to meet with me but was called into work right after. He could have come see you for a second, but he said he would check on you tonight,"

"That's fine."

"I like this one. We seem to be on the same page about your treatment, do you like him?"

"Yeah, he's nice,"

"Well, I'm sure. Did you want any desert today?"

"Um, I don't know yet."

"Alright, text me if you want anything."

"Isn't it your day off, Mom? Go home and rest up. You stayed over last night already,"

"I'm fine, I wanna snuggle up with you,"

"I'm too big though…" I groaned as she crawled in.

"Come on, let's watch Survey says together," she pulled out the remote from behind and turned the TV on. Thank goodness those in this wing had tv and a DVD player, it helped pass the time. I had a laptop too, to surf the internet and play games.

My mother of course fell asleep. I let her nap a while before waking her.

"Mom, you've got work tomorrow. Go home." She groaned at me in response. After more nudging and groaning, she finally got up.

"Why do I have to go to work when you're here alone…"

"I'm fine mom," I said for the umpteenth time. "I'm not always alone, and when I am, I like it." She stared with that offputting expression for a moment longer before she relented.

"Ok. I'll see you after,"

"Mom. No."

"You get another chemotherapy session,"

"It's not the first,"

"I'll see you tomorrow. Go to bed early,"

"Night, Mom," I sighed.

"Night, Bella," she kissed my forehead as if I were a child and left.

In the evening, someone came to supervise me while I showered, from outside the door of course, in case an emergency happened. Another brought dinner, more jello, and I prepared to sleep.

At night, my room didn't look like a hospital room. This was a special place, where 'long term' patients stayed at. The rooms were more like regular bedrooms with built in shelves. We were allowed to have some furniture to store our belongings and decorations.

Though I've only been here a year, it was already lived in. I had many string lights that made my room glow purple and blue, the bulbs in the shapes of stars and flowers. The built in shelves had books, knickknacks from my room at home, school books, and real plants sat near the window. Garlands were taped to wherever they could be attached. This was my wonderland or light, purple, blue and magic, where I was normal and in peace. Sure, I was alone. But it wasn't bad, because I was with the only person who understood. Me.

I opened my laptop and set up to continue the drama I was watching. They were the best and worst. So many episodes, but that was what made it perfect. There was time to get to know the characters, and fall in love. I watch almost all of the best ones according to my search. In this episode the girl is telling, shouting, at the love of her life how much she loves him, tears streaming down her face. He seems cold, hard to understand but his love is true and fierce. He pulls her into his arm and hold her tight, the scene repeats from different angles and then there's a close up of their expressions separately. Sometimes it's so cheesy, it's hard to believe but I'd like something like that. A purity in all the darkness.

I snuggled in my wool blanket and fell asleep to the characters being together, the sweeping ballad talking about needing someone playing in the background pulling me into a sweet dream where I was with whom I needed. I'm dying, I'll never get to meet you but I love you, as if I knew you so please accept it. Don't feel alone.

I can't create a new story on mobile even on the desktop version of the site, so I'll be posting it here til the library opens or my laptop gets fixed. At this point I should just get a chrome book, costs less than the repair would I think.