Chapter 144
Well, this was it, the day that his beloved would get married and not to him. Nick had pushed the fact away time and time again, telling himself she loved him, and that this was the best way to be together, living among the class Anne had grown up in. Never in his wildest dreams had Nick imagined the wealth and the privilege that class truly possessed. He had thought Anne and her relatives a step up from the Blackwood family, but only now did he understand the gap between his former master and Mr Manners, the man who was going to marry the woman Nick loved.
She was sleeping beside him, looking much younger than her true age and almost childishly innocent that way. Would nothing change with her marriage? Would Mr Manners allow another man to sleep with his wife, sire his children? Anne was convinced he would, or she would not have agreed to connect herself to him. Just yesterday he had asked to see her in private, and while Anne had feared either he or Simon had cold feet, in fact he had wanted to make certain she agreed with the arrangements he and Mrs Fielding had made for Anne with respect to her fortune. That wasn't a man who planned to rule his wife's life, was it? Why then couldn't Nick just trust everything to work out well? And what was the worst that could happen?
Ending up back in London, destitute, with his heart broken? Mr Blackwood would take him in and find him a job, and he'd known he'd get his heart broken when he realised he had fallen for Miss de Bourgh. No surprise there. But he also knew Anne was in a way marrying Mr Manners for Nick, to be with Nick. If she hadn't loved a commoner, she could have waited for a gentleman to fall in love with. If the worst happened, Nick would be miserable but free to resume his former ways. Anne would pay her entire life for misjudging Mr Manners' intentions.
'You really hate us getting married, don't you? Frederick and I? I'm sorry to put you through it, but I still cannot think of an alternative.'
Anne had woken up, she watched him with concern and spoke with a very feeling voice.
Nick found himself unable to speak, he loved her so much, and he was so afraid to lose her to a loveless union, even one that would make the society pages buzz with excitement.
But wait...if Mr Manners only wanted Anne for her status and money he wouldn't have agreed to a quick ceremony in a tiny church, would he?
By now, Anne had him in her arms, stroking his face and his hair, kissing him with so much love he could feel it. An angel in Heaven could be more beautiful than she, but no-one could be more loving, no way. Her concern drove him to exert himself to speak.
'I'm so afraid he will change, my love. What man would allow a servant to touch his wife?'
She looked at him in a really strange way, held him at arm's-length as if to see whether he was fooling her, then burst out laughing.
'That is why you were looking so intensely unhappy just now? Do you seriously fear that Frederick will change into some tyrant all of a sudden? Nick, he doesn't even want to touch me, he'd touch you before me. Haven't you seen enough of Frederick to know that he is not at all what he pretends to be? Strong, yes, bossy, maybe, but almost anxious to be liked by those close to him? I would have thought you'd trust him a lot better by now, but again, I have underestimated your past, it still has such a hold on you.'
She took his face in her hands as if he were a little boy, and kissed him gently on his lips.
'Frederick loves you, too, it's not just the two of us who are getting married. It's you and Simon as well, you will be part of this unity. There will be just one thing we don't all share, and he doesn't want that from me. Or you. I was afraid you hated to witness my kissing him, when that is nothing more than an act, performed for the rest of the world to our best ability. The whole wedding is a sham, my love, we'll have the real party afterwards, right here. You know what, let's try to set Frederick and Simon drunk. They have never dared indulge for fear of betraying themselves, and now they need not worry anymore. And then you'll see the real Frederick, and you'll know your fears are unfounded.'
Her determination slowly overcame his reservations, she was so certain of this, and she knew Frederick so much better than he did. Maybe it was time they had a man-to-man conversation, as equals, Nick had been conditioned to look up to gentlemen like Frederick but the latter had always made it clear that wasn't what he wanted from Nick. He hadn't pushed, Nick suspected because Simon had told his lover that putting pressure on Nick would only make Nick fearful of him, and rightly so. But maybe the time had come for Nick to break this stalemate and try to become friends with Frederick. Set them drunk, the very idea was ludicrous, but maybe Anne had a point. No-one would find out.
'I've been very stubborn, haven't I? Sticking to my old habits of bowing and scraping?'
'No, Nick, you've grown immensely! Taking it slow like you did wasn't just better for you, Darcy wouldn't have appreciated familiarity from you, nor would Elizabeth, but now they are starting to respect you for who you are. You have been yourself all this time, and I beg you to not try to behave differently. You cannot in public anyway. But when we are in private you might show Frederick more of yourself, and allow him to treat you like a friend. He wants to be your friend so very much, like you are Simon's and mine. Just because he happens to be a wealthy gentleman you shut him out. He understands, but it hurts him nonetheless. If he knew what you just admitted to me he'd be gutted, please believe me.'
Well, there was nothing for it anyway, the wedding was going to happen in a few hours, and Nick would have to live with it. Like Anne, Frederick and Simon. They'd all have to live with it.
'Nick, I love you. Come to me.'
The love in those beautiful eyes, her perfect features framed by her blonde hair, this angel wanted him to be with her and he would. He would throw himself at her feet, on her mercy, and she would hold him and shelter him from the world, like she had done that night when he had crawled to her room and in her bed, expecting to die in her arms but finding himself battered but alive and cleaned and loved in bed with her beside him.
Like that first night together, he crawled as close to her as their physical shapes allowed, resting his head in her bosom, his arms and legs clutching her to him as if it was their last moment together. Then, it might have been their last moment together, now he still feared it might be though his reason said that nothing would change. Anne felt his sudden resurgence of fear and held him firmly.
'I'm sorry you feel bad, Nick, but I promise you it will be over soon, and then you'll find your fear wasn't necessary. Everything will be just fine, we'll have the time of our lives.'
Her closeness and her lovely scent calmed him down, and he became aware of her lovely white breast right in front of him, the pink nipple offering distraction and the memory of comfort. He reached for it with his lips and licked it, then took it in his mouth altogether, sucking gently and inhaling deeply at the same time. So good, nothing had changed, this was still the best place to be on this very earth. His body relaxed and his mind followed.
But his beloved was no longer a maiden trying to find a little love and comfort for herself, half ashamed of what she was doing and afraid of what was coming. She was a woman now, and his touch on her breast caused her a flash of heat. As she gave him comfort, so her body shuddered with expectancy, and his body reacted in kind, instantly aroused while his mind still tried to hold onto its state of utter calm. In vain.
They both started to grope and rub themselves against the other, until they simultaneously decided to take it slowly, in memory of that night, months ago, when they had both set their first steps on the path to a deeper love than they'd ever expected to find.
'Anne, I can't live without you, I really can't.'
And he meant it, even as he stroked her velvet skin and kissed her perfectly shaped, and eager, lips, tears were threatening. And he wasn't even ashamed of his weakness, it was a bare fact, he could not live without this warm-hearted, strong woman.
'You won't have to, Nick, because I need you as much.'
They kissed and kissed, until it wasn't enough anymore and they had to be one, immediately. Still kissing and fondling greedily they connected their bodies, Anne as determined as Nick to be closer to each other than ever before. The one moment he was supporting himself on his arms on top of her, with her clutching to his shoulders so firmly that she was kissing and nibbling his neck, her body only touching the bed where they were connected, her legs entwined across his straining hips. And the next he was lying on his back with her riding him with energy, no sign of her leg muscles aching from the riding lesson the day before. His legs hurt all right but not whilst giving Anne a rough ride, it was a different movement altogether and it was so good to heave and strain under her, even if it had hurt he'd be unstoppable.
It was only when he felt his climax nearing and he knew she couldn't even be close to hers that he slowed down and realised he had forgotten his protection.
'Don't stop, Nick, please,' she breathed in his ear, redoubling her own effort, making him gasp with ardour, 'just be mine.'
But she didn't know! Then it was too late, his baser self took over and bucked her up, and down again, until a shuddering climax caused him to twitch and groan, then lie still, chest heaving with the effort.
She was still heated where he was totally worn out, his whole body seemed to have emptied itself inside her, the one time in ten years he had forgotten about his protections. The foolishness! As if he wanted to mark Anne before losing her to Frederick.
He wanted to speak but she hushed him sweetly, but with determination.
'Just hold me, Nick, just be with me. I don't want to stand at the altar crying, but if you keep projecting your anxiety like this I'm afraid I cannot keep up the façade.'
But that wasn't it at all! Now he'd ruined a very special moment as well as endangered their near future. Maybe he could still salvage the moment, though, make sure she'd walk the aisle calm and happy. He was sated, but she wasn't, he could still make her forget his moments of self-reproach and explain later.
Taking her in his arms was an excellent start, she laid her head on his chest, burrowing her face in his chest hair, stroking it while relishing his sweaty odour. He stroked her back gently, but with the intent to bring back her heat, letting his hand go a lot further down, over her lovely smooth bottom to the front, causing her to shiver. Her face looked up in surprise, she expected him to be worn out, and though he felt little heat himself, he enjoyed stirring hers back up. Nick Fowler was not going to let the woman he loved stand at the altar unsatisfied, that was below his dignity. No woman in ten years had left his bed not totally sated, and he was not going to let that happen to Anne, not on her wedding day, and not when she might pay for his release with a child. She didn't know it, yet, but she was going to squeal for him.
Anne could feel the change in Nick, either her plea had hit the mark, or he was pretending really well. There was no way to know which, so she'd enjoy his attentions as he offered them. Which were rather overwhelming, he stroked her as if they were just starting their loving, not as if he'd just had a staggering climax. He should be sleepy and sated, not tantalizing her with his large and yet incredibly gentle hands.
This was the Nick she'd first met, the philanderer who'd warned her against forming expectations of him, who had taught her about loving almost analytically, from the basis upward, to ever increasing intimacy and ecstasy. Though she had always resisted his superior attitude, out of high-bred arrogance at first, and self-respect once she had fallen for him, she decided to subject herself to his ministrations this once. She had pleaded him to support her just now, and if he needed to feel a bit dominant to survive her wedding without showing his dismay, so be it. They'd settle everything afterwards, the four of them and a bottle of brandy. Though Anne had little experience with drinking, she hoped Simon and Frederick would be able to use a slight intoxication to drop their huge barriers for a few hours, while Nick might hopefully set aside his awe for Frederick and just talk to him as one man to another. Simon might have some resentment against years of servitude built up, but he was a large step ahead of Nick in throwing off his past and becoming an independent man. She didn't expect to reap benefits for herself, except that if they wanted this marriage to work, they would need to share their feelings, not keep them bottled up.
It was so good to lie on Nick's chest and feel him stroke her back with intense love, he adulated her, as she admired him, let him be dominant for a while, see how far he would take it. She knew he loved her, more than he had ever loved anyone.
His attentions were becoming more specific, almost of if he was aware of her remaining heat and stoking it up. She hadn't minded being left with her lust, they had been so incredibly close for a few moments, she hadn't wanted that to end, though she appreciated his noticing and attempting to see to her needs first. But this was going to be a difficult day for him, he needed to feel close to her, and to stop in the middle of such intimacy as they had been experiencing seemed a damned shame. Her own feelings of heat would keep, they usually ebbed quickly, then came back later at a convenient moment. Tonight, tomorrow morning, maybe even this afternoon already. It didn't matter much, he had never left her with her urges before and he had merely obeyed her wish.
His chest was such a good place to be, it smelled deliciously and his tiny nipples were so cute. She licked them in turn, his stroking was having some effect, her heat was not waning but rather increasing slowly but surely. It felt good, and her hands explored his firm muscles, wondering how they could be soft as well. He was so strong, he and Frederick had moved things together that Anne thought would need at least four men to even get off the ground.
A large hand cupped her breast, then stroked it, causing her own nipples to stand firm, and when it moved across her belly, then further down she knew for sure: he was arousing her. He went straight for her most intimate parts, rubbing them where it was best, flashes of heat started to well up, and she settled under his arm to enjoy his ministrations, no longer smacking of dominance but rather of intense love, well, and a lot of experience with pleasing ladies. But she'd known that from the first, and actually profited by it, no need for Nick to improve his mind on these matters, he had experienced all of it. But maybe Anne could find some improvement herself, new ways to please Nick. It was worth a bit of trouble to surprise him.
When he finally kissed her again her heat went into overdrive, and he didn't seem all that sated anymore either. Suppressing a twinge of disappointment when he broke off the kiss, she soon felt his tongue on her left nipple, and then he sucked it, causing a shudder to run through her, after which the right breast got some attention, his hands still stroking and rubbing her intimately. A cry of lust escaped her, and he laughed merrily and moved down between her legs, spreading them gently and applying his tongue where is was more than welcome by now. Oh, it seemed to have a mind of its own, his tongue, and it knew just what she liked, it was so good, so warm and gentle. When she started to shudder all over he added a single finger to the equation, and that was it, her ardour rushed to a climax, then slowly, tantalizingly, ebbed to a lower point, from whence he took it up again, and a third time, until she actually squealed with pleasure.
That seemed to be some kind of cue, for he immediately worked his way back up, kissed her with a warm tongue tasting of herself, then entered her with some force.
Another squeal escaped her lips, and she offered herself to him, hoping he'd keep up the firmness despite this being his second effort within half an hour. With his broad, strong torso touching her slim body but not actually resting on her, he covered her altogether, giving her a feeling of being surrounded by him, a nice, safe feeling, despite her lust rising again and almost taking over her mind. All thought stopped, she became ardour, and again clutched herself against him with her aching legs, following his rhythm, his every touch inside her giving a tiny explosion of feeling so intense it was almost painful.
It didn't last long, she was the first to cry out in release, and then he shuddered and collapsed right on top of her, a bit heavier now but not nearly his true weight, he still carried most of it himself.
'It was too late anyway, my love. I don't suppose there was much left for the second time.'
He kissed her and rolled to the side, taking her in his arms, still heaving a little and also obviously tired now.
Whatever did he mean by that? And then it struck her, his protections! He hadn't wanted to stop the first time because he wanted her to be sated, too, in their intimate moment he had forgotten his protections and he wanted to save what could be saved!
Well, she was not going to panic or reproach him: it was both their responsibility. Snuggled in his arms she said as much, and her voice sounded as dry as she wished it to.
'Well, if I do get with child, there will be no other baby on this entire world that has been conceived with more love than ours. I won't blame you, Nick, I forgot, too, I've never felt that close to you before, I just didn't want it to end. I love you, and I do want your baby, remember, I'm twenty five already, I haven't got that much time left to have one. We'll be more careful next time, but if it happens I'll be glad, too. Thank you, my love, I feel much better now.'
'I'm glad you're not angry. I've never forgotten before, not once! I suppose I was upset about the wedding after all. We have half an hour left before Dora will be here to dress you, shall we snuggle a little more before I have to leave the room?'
Which they did, so comfortable together that he almost fell asleep, looking sweeter than ever with his eyes heavily lidded and his voice a bit slurred, as they whispered sweet nonsense in each other's ears. By the time he left through the door connecting their rooms, Anne was convinced that though he might not enjoy the ceremony, he would witness it without too many regrets.
When Simon entered Nick's room about an hour later after a short knock, he first thought his friend was dead drunk. He was lying on his narrow bed, seemingly fast asleep, butt naked except for his blankets covering barely a third of his body, and not the third one generally covered when one expected company.
For Nick was expecting him, should be expecting him, not to spend two hours on his looks as Dora was doing for Anne right now, but a mere half hour to make him look like a gentleman. At this moment, he looked like a tramp, a drunk one. And he smelled, of sweat and something else, not spirits, fortunately, but equally unsuitable for church. Simon had a good nose and a good memory, and more life's experience than he might have wished for, though no-one would ever have caught him having had very intimate relations with a woman without washing thoroughly afterwards. Was it a very bad sign that Nick hadn't?
He did look very appealing, spread over the bed with his face relaxed but not slack-mouthed or worse, drooling, his superbly muscled arms hugging himself, and his tackle draped appealingly over a hairy shank. Though he knew Nick might feel embarrassed or even angry at him for entering his room uninvited and finding him in a state of disarray and undress, there was no time to lose, Nick needed a little more attendance than Simon had expected, and then Simon still had to dress himself. Glad he hadn't yet changed in his one good coat himself, that smell would stick to literally anything, he kneeled beside the sleeping brute and tried subtlety and kindness first.
'Psst, Nick, wake up, it's time to get dressed!'
The burly shape stirred, mumbled and merely turned away from him, showing a broad hairy back incredibly similar to Frederick's, and an equally hairy pair of buttocks, muscular and well-padded enough that Nick probably wasn't suffering from his latest riding lesson as the much more slender Simon was. He settled back to absolute stillness, fast asleep once again.
There was nothing for it, he had to touch the naked shape before him, time was flying. Hopefully Nick would not be offended. Simon laid his hand on the broad shoulder and shook it gently, talking in a soothing voice to smooth over potential ruffled feathers.
'Nick, Nick, it's Simon, you really need to wake up. We have some cleaning to do as well as dressing.'
That worked, life returned to the strong body before him, Nick turned around towards him, eyes opening slowly to recognise his friend sitting by his bed. As awareness returned, he sat up quickly, but did nothing to hide his nudity.
'Simon! The wedding! Oh my God, I must have dropped off!'
He looked around, still a bit dazed, sniffed the air and then himself and looked at Simon in something much like terror.
'I'm a mess, Simon, I'm so sorry you had to see that, and especially smell that! What time is it? I didn't mean to go to sleep, and you know I always take care of myself. Dammit, of all the times a fellow can let himself go... I need a bath like never before!'
'Calm down, Nick, there is still some time. Not enough for a bath, but it's not that bad. Nothing a very thorough washing cannot solve.'
Simon emphasised the words very and thorough, and somehow that pulled Nick out of his sleep-induced confusion. He laughed and said ruefully, 'Again, I'm sorry you had to smell that. We spent some time on each other, because of, well, you know why.'
As he moved towards Nick's wash stand, hoping there would be plenty of water, Simon nodded, 'We did that, too.'
'Except you clearly didn't fall asleep afterwards, without washing up first.'
'I wanted to, but Frederick didn't let me. Since he had let me choose his wedding clothes, he insisted I apply them to him. You were kicked out, I hope gracefully.'
'I was, but I was knackered, so I lay down for a few moments before taking my time washing and dressing...'
Simon shrugged, busying himself filling the large bowl with a mixture of water and soap, glad Nick even had some in his very bare room.
'Never mind, better come here and start washing, I'll lay out your pantaloons and coat, and I have a modest cravat with me. And I'm warning you, I have a very good nose and I'll check when you're done. If I can smell even a hint of lady's flower on you I'll scrub it off myself.'
When Nick, very much awake now and still nude and not at all embarrassed to be in that state before Simon, laughed at his rude speech, Simon felt free to check his thoroughness once in a while, as he picked out Nick's best pantaloons and his one good coat from the barest of wardrobes. Used to wearing a livery, Nick did not have a single shirt Simon deemed worthy of tying a cravat around, so he checked Nick's progress washing one last time, finding him very thorough indeed, using soap as liberally as Simon wanted him to, and said, 'You're much of a size to Frederick, I'm fetching you a smart shirt from his wardrobe, I want you to look your best for your little lady today. Though I suppose she will be simpering over you the whole time anyway, I don't think a sturdy fellow like you falls asleep afterwards as a rule, you must have really made an impression on her.'
Nick looked up and did not protest, he was probably still half asleep, though he was progressing nicely with the clean-up, and merely said, 'Thank you, Simon.'
When Simon returned with the shirt Nick smelled a lot better, and he had made up his bed and opened a window. He was wearing the pantaloons, and let Simon put the shirt on him and even tuck it in his pantaloons the right way, which was a bit intimate but nothing a valet wasn't expected to do for his master. Buttoning the collar, Simon demonstratively sniffed his friend's face, and discerned nothing but the lavender of the soap.
'And, do I pass muster or is it the floor brush and the soft soap for me?'
'I'm just glad I won't have to tell Mrs Reynolds on you. But you will smell like a gentleman today, which I why I brought you a present from Frederick.'
Per Frederick's request, Simon handed Nick a small glass bottle with a likewise glass stopper. There was no label on the bottle, but Simon knew it had come from a reputable perfumer in London, where Frederick had chosen it in person as a wedding gift for Nick. Simon hoped he would appreciate it, it was a princely gift but few from Nick's walk of life would recognise its value. Nick didn't strike him as a man who would find perfume effeminate, but one never knew.
'You mean Frederick brought that from London for me? A whole bottle of real perfume?'
Apparently, Nick did belong to those few.
'The girls always begged to be allowed perfume, but Mr Blackwood wouldn't have it, said it would only turn their heads. Can I smell it?'
'It's yours, Nick, just be careful you don't drop the bottle.'
Nick's large hands held the bottle carefully as he worked out the stopper, then held it to his nose. His expression became one of wonderment.
'It's lovely, Simon, and different from yours, isn't it?'
'They're all different, Frederick had this made for you, it's supposed to fit your personality. May I smell it?'
Nick held the stopper in front of him, and Simon took a deep whiff of the perfume. It was very good, not too heavy for an already burly man, and not so strong as to overpower his own personal scent, which would give an effeminate impression, or too light, which would fade too quickly.
'I like it, I think it will be a great match with your personality.'
'How do I apply it?'
Simon showed Nick, after which Nick carefully put away the bottle in a dark corner of his wardrobe.
'Do not save it for special occasions, and make sure to close the stopper well, for it does evaporate slightly, and nothing will be left after a year or so.'
After that, Simon tied the cravat and helped Nick with his coat, then arranged his hair just the tiniest bit. When giving him a last lookover, Simon smelled the perfume in concurrence with the man it had been made for.
'You look fine, and smell even better. Why don't you have a mirror?'
'I'm just a guard, remember? I use Anne's when I need one.'
'Well, you cannot use hers now, so you'd better come with me to Frederick's room and use ours.'
'Great, I want to thank him for the perfume, no-one has ever gifted me with something so...'
'Useless?' supplied Simon cheekily.
'No, it's not useless, especially not today. I was afraid to lose Anne because of this marriage, Simon, I couldn't imagine Frederick not claiming his wife. This gift makes me feel worthy of her, and of course the fact that he took the trouble to choose it, especially for me, proves Anne was right.'
No wonder he had been worn out, poor man. He still didn't believe things would work out as he hoped.
'Do you believe now, Nick?'
'I suppose I do. But you can imagine how it heartens me to have Frederick do something like that for me.'
'I do, Nick. And remember, I'll be right next to you during the whole of it, and I have no doubts, Frederick can be trusted, and he likes you. Everything will be fine, you'll see. Mrs Reynolds told me Anne had requested a whole bottle of brandy in her room, after the wedding. We go way back, you know, Mrs Reynolds and I, I can guess she was worried, a lady with brandy? I suppose we are going to have a little celebration in Anne's room, so I told the good lady it was nothing to worry about. I suppose we'll have to bring our own glasses, you and I, and join the fun through your room.'
Nick still didn't believe it altogether. Well, then there was nothing Simon could do but help him through the wedding and let Frederick prove himself.
Simon did not knock before entering Frederick's room, he merely pulled Nick inside and took him to the large mirror, to show him his hair and the effect of the cravat. A white one, Nick was not ready for a black one, not by far.
He was not comfortable in Frederick's room without invitation, but Simon ignored his fidgeting and waited for his reaction. Predictably, Frederick put away the papers he had been reading and stood behind them.
'You are looking very smart, Nick,' he said, and only Simon could hear he was actually a bit nervous about this whole wedding business.
Nick turned towards him and observed, 'Thank you, Frederick. And thank you very much for the perfume, it's lovely. Do you want to smell it? Simon has made sure there is no hint of possible distraction on me.'
Cheeky fellow. Good for him.
Frederick did look a bit puzzled but he stepped towards Nick and sniffed. Then he smiled.
'It is just perfect, I knew it. Just a touch of sandalwood is just the thing for you. I'm glad you like it, I did wonder.'
'I love luxuries, Frederick, though I haven't been able to afford many I know how to value them. Thank you again for all that you have done for me. I'm sorry if I haven't been very gracious in accepting your offers of friendship. It's all a bit new for me.'
Frederick couldn't help touching Nick, but he managed to restrict himself to a broad shoulder.
'I can imagine, I just hope we can become friends in due time. Are you holding up?'
'I could pretend I am, but I'm not. I'm nervous and afraid, you all tell me everything will be fine but I still fear to lose Anne, to end up alone and destitute. My mind tell me you can be trusted and we will live happily ever after, but my heart quails. Anne told me to buckle up or have her standing at the altar crying. I don't know what to do, I'm afraid to ruin your moment.'
He did trust Frederick or he would not have admitted to that. Such a strange quandary for both.
'Oh, Nick, I can't help it, I have to hug you. We should have talked, I didn't want to upset you since you were so fearful whenever I singled you out so I just ignored it, and now it's too late, the moment is almost here.'
Nick allowed Frederick to hold him, they could indeed have been brothers, especially now they were both similarly attired, and with Nick's manners so gracious, after a mere two weeks of instruction, counting their days on the road.
'I cannot promise you that Anne's love will be yours forever, because she is her own person, and love sometimes doesn't last. But I can and will promise you I will not come between the two of you, I want Anne to be happy and you two love each other. And I promise you that whatever happens you will not be left destitute. And the wedding is not our moment, Nick, because I want to be in Simon's arms, kissing him, and Anne wants to be in yours, kissing you. Our moment will come after the ceremony, when the four of us are together in private.
Now, I may have something to make the next few hours a bit easier on you, just tell me whether you think it will work.'
And while Simon changed his clothes to his very own smart shirt, pantaloons, coat and cravat, not forgetting to make his own frightened owl hairstyle and apply a dab of perfume, and Nick watched him do all this at lightning speed and to total perfection, Frederick fetched a bottle and three glasses from a beautiful wardrobe on the opposite side of the room. When he returned, he poured three glasses of something, from the smell it was whisky, and before Simon was ready he handed Nick a glass, and picked one up himself.
'Can you toast with us before you continue, Simon?'
Simon felt like a little drink, for he, too, was feeling out of sorts, and indeed Nick's fatalistic attitude was a bit infectious.
So, his shirt tucked in his pantaloons but the buttons still undone and his cravat hanging limp on his chest, Simon raised a glass with his beloved and with his kind-of-husband-to-be. Frederick had an arm around Nick, and pointed his glass in the other to their reflection in the mirror.
'We can pass for brothers, Nick, you see that? Keep faith, gentlemen, and all will be well.'
After catching Simon's eye with all the love he could express with nothing but his facial expression, Frederick tossed that drink away as if it was water, but in fact it was indeed whisky, and a really good one. Simon could handle but a sip of the strong stuff. Nick drank one large tug from his glass, then his eyes widened and he exclaimed, 'This is the best booze I ever had, gentlemen.'
Still standing next to Frederick, he sniffed himself, then sniffed Frederick.
'Drink well, smell well, I think I could get used to this.'
'That's the spirit, dear Nick. Now as soon as Simon is ready, we'll be the best actors possible in the best play currently available for a very private audience. Do you think Anne needs a stiff drink, too?'
Nick shook his head and said with more than a little awe, 'She is much stronger than us. I suppose all women are. You've seen what she goes through each month, I'd just lay down and wait to die.'
Putting the finishing touches on his hair, Simon commented, 'We'll give her one afterwards. While our cares are over, hers are just beginning, living with three men!'
And with a well-meant laugh they left Frederick's room to fetch Anne, and join the rest of the family in the hall to wait for the carriages.
But Anne was not alone in her bedroom, Elizabeth and Georgiana were watching how Dora dressed her and did her hair. Dora's skills as a maid were progressing quickly, like Fanny's had done, they had plenty of time together since neither of their mistresses needed much help dressing these days.
Fanny had assured Elizabeth that she and Dora were doing well.
'We're in luck that Mrs Eliot is still here, ma'am, now both she and Mrs Reynolds have enough time to show us how things are done in a large household. Mrs Eliot has told us all about the family she used to live with, and she is so good at explaining things. And Dora and I try techniques on each other's hair and face, it's like having a sister here. She has siblings, too, that she misses a lot, you know. And ma'am, she is in love with Fowler, I could just see it, the way she looked at him, so I asked, and she said it was true, but he'd warned her he didn't do that with people from the same household. She's not angry with him, but sometimes she's sad. And still he teaches her how to read and write well, she couldn't, you see, no-one had taken the trouble to teach her.'
Elizabeth had seen signs of that before, but what could she do? Girls fell in love with men like that, they just couldn't help themselves.
Still, Dora seemed happy enough, following Fanny around, learning new things, and today she had the prime charge, the bride. Fanny had done Elizabeth's hair and dress, and Georgiana's, but somehow things were different in the country, dresses seemed so unimportant suddenly, and the wedding would be a very private affair anyway. Had Elizabeth cared more about having an audience than she'd thought? Or didn't she care about dresses and accessories unless forced by an audience? She had good hopes it was the latter, since she didn't miss the attention, at all.
'I love what you have done with Miss Anne's hair, Dora,' Georgiana observed, 'those little curls are so sweet and at the same time a bit cheeky, doing as they please. They are such a good match with the material of her skirts.'
'Thank you, ma'am,' the maid said demurely, poor Georgiana, to be a ma'am at seventeen! But she was very happy with Eric, and their playing wasn't suffering at all from a lack of concerts and public appearances. Eric did miss his music-loving friends, though he could write letters of course, Elizabeth supposed they'd eventually want to live in town, they were missing out on a lot of lessons as well. They were not really outdoors people, they joined the others for rambles and they had both ridden a horse for the first time, but they were not naturals, Elizabeth had felt Georgiana's fear of not being in control of the horse, and Fitzwilliam had said it was much the same for Eric. They were so disciplined in their playing, Elizabeth supposed being in control was very important to them, and riding such a tall strong creature could be intimidating, especially before one gained the skills to direct it.
'Fanny taught me how to make those curls, ma'am, I'm certain they would look just as beautiful on your blonde hair.'
Georgiana's hair was as long and as blonde as Anne's, but much thicker, and it had a natural wave. Elizabeth wondered whether those artificial curls wouldn't make her look like a mop. Apparently, Georgiana was thinking much the same, for she replied kindly, 'You know, Dora, Fanny did try them on me one time, to see what they would look like. But somehow I didn't like the effect on me, I felt like a sheep, those curls weren't sleek and drooping on me, but... well, I cannot think of another term, they were sheep-like. A blonde chimney brush.'
'Ma'am!' Dora exclaimed, shocked, 'you are so beautiful, you could never look anything like a …, you could never anything other than beautiful.'
Poor Dora couldn't even say it, though Georgiana had compared herself to a sheep. Elizabeth's sister-in-law laughed and remarked, 'Next time it rains and we're stuck inside, you may try it yourself. You'll see. Baaaaahhh.'
Still a seventeen year old, no question about that. But Dora was much the same age, and Elizabeth didn't doubt they'd do it, next time it rained and they were both bored.
Before Dora was altogether finished applying the last blush and arranging the last curl, there was a knock and the gentlemen came in. Actually, just one gentleman came in with his two servants, but those were dressed to such perfection that no-one who didn't know them would have noticed the difference.
Dora betrayed her affection for Nick by gaping at him. Elizabeth felt sorry for her, she was so young, she couldn't help falling in love with a strong man who treated everybody right. He was not above her, though Elizabeth was convinced he would not have made anyone else but Anne a good partner. If he hadn't fallen for her superiority, he would probably have stayed single forever, breaking hearts left and right, mostly among the ladies, but probably some of his colleagues as well. Nick looked so much like Frederick that they could have been brothers, Frederick the elder and more dominant one, though Nick looked perfectly comfortable and self-assured in his finery. The only thing that might possibly betray his low breeding were his shoes, they were too sturdy for a gentleman. But frankly, that hardly showed at all.
Seeing Dora's expression and guessing who was standing behind her, Anne turned around, and Elizabeth really couldn't discern even the slightest hint of admiration for Nick in her perfect features. She admired the newcomers, but she admired all of them, and looked at the one she was going to marry most of all.
'Have you come to take me to church, gentlemen?' she asked in a low, kind voice.
Frederick bowed and replied, 'We have, Miss de Bourgh. You already were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, but today you have eclipsed all my expectations. I did not know that a mere mortal could approach an angel in appearance and goodness of her heart.'
'Frederick you flatterer!' she now said in her usual playful tone, and then she did look straight at Nick.
'Mr Fowler, Mr Eliot will think that Mr Manners has his younger brother over for this special occasion. You look like a veritable gentleman. And Mr Close, if anyone can give an angel competition in sheer beauty it's you. I do wonder about your disposition, though, I suspect yours is no more angelic than mine. I am so proud to be allowed to ride in a carriage with three such handsome and perfectly groomed men.'
Dora was a trooper, despite her admiration for Nick she had not stopped working, and now her mistress was ready to leave and got up from her chair, showing the magnificent shimmering riding skirt and the lovely muslin blouse. Although neither were at all suitable for riding in, Elizabeth couldn't help picturing Anne on her grey horse wearing those frilly, clingy garments. She would be even more beautiful that way, if Mrs Annesley were to see that she'd want to immortalize that image in one of her beautiful pieces, and if Pierre were real he'd want to paint it. Then abduct Anne to the Greek temple, but only for lack of a maze at Pemberley.
Arm in arm with Frederick, flanked by the other men, Anne glided from the room, leaving Elizabeth and Georgiana behind with poor Dora, who was still a bit overcome. Elizabeth didn't want to leave the poor girl this way, seeing Nick dressed as one of the family had been quite a shock, and she should have the chance to talk about it. But Georgiana was way ahead of her sister, it was getting to be a habit. She went over to the slight girl, laid a hand on her shoulder and guided her to an easy chair. Dora looked up at her in awe, but did as directed.
'Better sit down a few moments, Dora, that cannot have been easy for you. Do you want to talk about it? Whatever you say will stay in this room, Mrs Reynolds, Miss de Bourgh, or rather Mrs Manners, won't hear a thing. When all is said and done we're just girls, you, me and Elizabeth, Dora, and girls have to stick together.'
Of course the poor thing broke down and cried her eyes out, and Georgiana held her and let her cry herself out. They had half an hour before they had to leave, Bob and the thoroughbreds would make up for the time lost.
'He did look like Mr Manners' brother, Nick did. I didn't want to fall in love with him, but he was always there for us, he protected us from that bully by taking the pain himself, he was so brave and patient when he got hurt, and so nice to me when he was so sad himself. He was in love with Miss Anne for months, you know, and quite unhappy about it. I wanted to make it good, but he warned me away. 'I don't do that with my colleagues,' he said, and Miss de Bourgh said that whilst Bob stuck to Fanny like a tick on a sheep, Nick and Simon traded girls like herders did sheep. I knew, but I just couldn't help myself! He is so good and so sweet, I still want him so much, even though he is not sad anymore. I think he just got over Miss de Bourgh really quickly once she got engaged. Or he is pretending he did, for how could he not love her, she is so beautiful and so very kind to him, to all of us.
Did you see how well he looked? How well-dressed, and still manly? Please don't be angry with me, I'm trying to get over him, I'm learning to read and write to get to know Frank. Nick said he is in love with me and I kind of always liked Frank, he is smart and kind and he did look at me in a certain way. More handsome than Nick, and I suppose not a philanderer. But he lives in Kent, and he is more like a grown-up boy, not a man.'
See, she was almost over Nick, and all by herself. Well, Elizabeth supposed Nick had assisted fate a little by spotting the boy's admiration and mentioning it.
'He sounds like a worthy man, Dora,' Georgiana observed calmly. 'Nick is very admirable, but I'm afraid Miss de Bourgh was right, he does have a reputation. Maybe your Frank is more the tick kind, only a lot better looking. Ticks, ugh.'
'Aren't they gross?' Dora replied, back to that special closeness girls in their second decade apparently all shared. 'I suppose that is taking Miss de Bourgh's simile a bit too far. Fancy Miss Anne being Mrs Manners when she returns. But it's high time, she's twenty five already. And Mr Manners is such an admirable man, I told her he was bossy but she said he wasn't to her. And he isn't, he must truly love her. Poor Nick, though he didn't have a chance to begin with. Is he very unhappy, do you think? He is so smart, he can read and write and he doesn't use bad words anymore and talks like the mistress does and like you do.'
Georgiana was still very patient, and replied calmly, 'I don't think Nick is unhappy, no, I'd say he has found his place here. And I am certain you will be much happier soon. Did you already write to your friend Frank?'
'Nick did most of the writing the first time, but he says next time I can do it myself. He says Frank will certainly return a letter. Frank can write very well, he is very smart.'
Suddenly she sat up, expression no longer sad but shy once again.
'Thank you so much for listening to me, ma'am, I suppose I needed that. But you need to go to the wedding, too, I hope I haven't ruined your dress crying.'
'Never mind, Dora, it's just a tiny wedding among friends, and it's always cold in church so I'll wear a shawl anyway. But I don't think my dress got wet at all, you cry very neatly. Now don't hesitate to let me know if there is something I can do to make things easier on you.'
Dora nodded, and Elizabeth could see the moment had passed, Dora was back to the maid, and Georgiana her mistress.
'Thank you, ma'am. I hope all goes well in church but I suppose it will.'
And when they left to meet their gentlemen in the hall, Dora was still clearing up her materials, in a much better mood as far as Elizabeth could see.