It's so easy for the thought that writing might be pointless to mess any progress up, because who knows if the story will be liked. But, I think, if I have an idea, and I think I know how to execute it, then why not? My work would speak for itself. And if I'm lucky to be published, the readers will do the rest, make it popular by buying and recommending it. But, I also can't let my love for it become something else, as in I can't let myself commercialize it, I've certainly have in the past and have been working on undoing it. It's like an invention or service. They saw a hole in what's available and decided to fill it in. They wanted to give up and thought it was too hard, not worth it and pointless but the result proved them wrong.

I'd like to think I have original ideas but chances are they're not and that's ok, because what truly counts is execution. I should post what I've been working on, maybe. I'm still looking for beta readers, you'll be compensated to the best of my ability.

Chapter 4

"I got to see Carlisle's son today," Nina said, wheeling in lunch.

"They look alike but then they don't." I was certain we were thinking the same thing. Either he was adopted or he wasn't but if he's his biological son, why lie?

"I won't eat much of it, Dad's bringing waffles topped with whipped cream soon,"

"Right when I'm dieting Bella?" she kid. I laughed.

"I need to hook you up to your fluids, Bella,"

"I know," I took a clean hospital gown with me to the bathroom to change into. I could never be without the IV for long, but I couldn't spend too much time in the garden today anyway. After chemo, I had to get to my room, out of my street clothes and eat before the side effects got worse and I'd need help from someone for everything.

As soon as I was dressed, I sat on the bed and she inserted the needle. This happened everyday but it still hurt. I wondered if that pain multiplied was what being stabbed felt like.

We said our goodbyes and I settled in bed, getting ready to eat. A few bites later I heard Carlisle talking outside my room. There would be silence here and there, but then another voice would speak. It took some effort to get out of bed and eavesdrop.

"-here so you can interact with the patients, work on resisting. Why not put your Masters to use, help people?" Masters?

"Carlisle, I know why you really want me to do this-" It was silent. I peeked a little. That's the guy from garden!

They weren't saying anything but they were looking right at each other as if they were. Suddenly:

"Edward, I don't have to be your father to look after you, but let me. I'm sorry I didn't get your consent, I am trying to help you bear it,"

"I won't be a doctor with you. I'll figure it out my way," Edward growled. He grabbed his jacket and stomped away. I pulled back before I was seen. His name is Edward, and he's adopted alright. Carlisle turned and I rushed to bed, pretending I was there, eating the whole time.

"Good evening Bella, how are you feeling?" I had a feeling he meant after the treatment not in general.

"Not too bad, come back in three hours," I said and smiled.

"I know it's awful. Let me know if something is too much to bear before it becomes bad, so I can make you comfortable," He stressed.

"Sure,"

He checked the machines I was hooked to, wrote numbers down onto my chart and looked through it for a while.

Dad then came in. They said hello almost as if they were friends since forever. Carlisle was really charismatic. I pushed the table away, scooted to the bottom of the bed and held my hand out. Dad handed me the generic 'thank you' bag.

"Waffles before the nausea kicks in," I explained and opened it up.

"Looks good," Carlisle said.

"Ever had Belgian waffles?" I asked.

"No, I have a special diet," I stared.

"Not for my figure, why, do think I need to be on one?"

"No!" He laughed.

"Alright, I have to go. Have a good evening," He said.

"Have a good night, thank you," Dad said.

"This is so good!" I said around a mouth full.

Not too long after, all hell broke loose. I probably managed a naps worth of sleep before waking up. I was racked with pain all over, so sore like I was beaten to a pulp, even my insides hurt. And the nausea, I feared moving even a little or I'd start heaving again. I had already thrown everything I ate today up. And my head-it hurt, it was hard to think and more so with all the other symptoms. I would have to endure this torture for six months. I'm not a believer but god help me.

If this round works, I'd have to deal with other problems as a result of chemo like heart problems, reduced lung capacity, kidney and urinary problems, nerve problems, bones, joints-everything would be messed up. Oh and early onset menopause. But I would probably be dead long before that. Sobs were what racked my body now.

I cried til I couldn't anymore. I tossed and turned, cried some more. I wanted to get out of here, walk the empty, dark halls but I was stuck here. No way I could get out of bed. My never ending thoughts kept me company until I was tired enough to sleep for another short while.

"Good morning," Nina said kindly. I didn't turn, or roll, to see her. I laid there with my eyes half open.

"I brought you a bit of breakfast in case you-" the sound of violent heaving drowned her out. She quickly came into view, and brought the bin that was out of reach to my face. Nothing came out.

Once my body relaxed, she gently laid me back into bed.

"Please, leave me alone..." I suddenly remembered my mom would come to fuss over me and that made me want to cry again.

"I don't want my mom to come in, could you tell her to give me some space?" I asked, voice cracking.

"I will try. Is there anything I can do to comfort…" Unable to hold back the tears, they came back in full force. I couldn't explain to her how I felt, so I just cried out loud. The bed sank behind me and her fingers were stroking my hair.

Why me, why did it have to hurt?

Her fingers continued as my sobs stopped and the tears slowed.

"Bella, Doctor Cullen wants to come in and see how you're doing today, as part of his psyche plus physical approach."

"Tell him I feel like shit." She said nothing, knowing I wasn't serious.

"He prepared this anti nausea medicine for you, take it. I'll go get him a bit after," she said, making a plan. She helped me up and fed me the water. The bed was tidied up, and my hair was smoothed out by her fingers before she went to get him.

Carlise said good morning and came in like it was any other day.

"How are you feeling, are you experiencing any symptoms yet?" How courteous. I know he can tell I am by my dark circles and limp body.

"Nausea, vomiting, pain everywhere," I moved my hands over my body and balled them into fists and hid them under my crossed arms when I noticed they were shaking.

"Did you take the nausea medication I sent you?"

"Yes, they're already helping," He nods and makes notes.

"I'll have painkillers brought to you to help with the pain. Try to keep something down but most importantly your fluids." I nod.

"Remember, call if you need anything, whenever, I'll respond right away."

"Thank you, Carlisle," His smile stretched wider at that and he was gone.

"I'll go get the painkillers for you. Do you need anything?" Nina said.

"No, not really. I'll be fine," I said, more for her sake. I'm in hell but you don't have to be here to comfort me.

"Alright," And she was gone too. I slowly and painfully slid down the bed and laid down. What I would give to be outside again, not be in pain. I know it's because I feel like I can't get out of bed at all right now. I wonder if I could enjoy the warmth of the sun despite the symptoms.

And that boy, would he be there? Where was he and what was he thinking right now?

Let me know if this is entertaining you/ keeping you company during quarantine, it would make me happy to hear that.