Chapter 79

Stevie was feeling a little better about tomorrow night. She had told Xander she was going on a date with James and he seemed happy enough. He didn't act like it was a big deal, but she was happy to have it out in the open with him.

She had arranged with Bobby to have Xander spend the night in the cottage with Blake so she didn't need to rush back. The boys were stoked for a sleepover because they were good mates. Bobby was happy to help her out because she was a great boss and had helped him out in the past.

She and Jaz had gone through her entire wardrobe. They settled on some black skinny jeans with a purple tank top. It was casual, but still looked nice. She was going to wear her black ankle boots with it.

"I can do your makeup for you tomorrow if you want? Or just come over and help you get ready tomorrow," Jaz offered. "This is exciting. A first date is full of opportunity."

"I don't want to make a big deal out of this. I've been on many dates over the years. This one is no different. I'm just going to meet someone for dinner at the pub. It's not a big deal," said Stevie.

"Okay. We'll keep it low key then, but will you at least tell me what he looks like?" requested Jaz.

"Nothing like anyone I've ever dated. He's a ginger and he was wearing glasses. He has a short red beard," said Stevie. "Considering I've got red hair, is it weird I've never dated a guy with red hair?"

"Well, do you think he was attractive? Give me something here, Stevie," asked Jaz.

"Yes. He was definitely attractive. He looked very urban chic. Excellent, expensive looking haircut. Well kept beard. He looked like he belonged in the city and probably looks really good in a suit. He looked like a runner, pretty lean, not big and muscular, but fit. Not the type of guy I would normally go for at all, but, yeah, he looked good. He looked very cosmopolitan, even wearing jeans and flannel, at the rodeo. I didn't look at his feet, but I bet he wasn't wearing boots."

"Well, I think you're going to have a great date. Text me when you're leaving the pub, If I'm up, I'll want a recap on your date with 'totally not my type' James, and, if your date goes really well, text me in the morning, when you leave," said Jaz with a wink.

"I really doubt that's going to happen. I only even agreed to the date because he seemed kind and sincere. I know I date often enough, but I don't sleep with many men these days. It's just not as good without love. I've been with men since Alex, but when you had an amazing, intimate, emotional connection with someone, and you made love with them, it was so much more than just the physical release. I haven't found that since Alex. With other men it was just sex. Never anywhere near as good, not bad, but never as good. It just made me miss what I had with Alex," confessed Stevie.

Jaz thought about the few flings she had between her major relationships. It never was as good was it? When she was with Ben it was so intimate and personal. It was much more than a physical act. It was something they shared only with each other. She understood what Stevie said. She thought about how she would feel if Ben was suddenly taken from her, as Alex had been from Stevie. She shuddered and thought about Mark, her first love who died from a riding accident. She had mourned him for a long time, but had found she did want to be with other people eventually. She was also only twenty-one when he died, and she hadn't had a child with him, like Stevie did with Alex. She felt terrible that her friend felt this way about sex and intimacy. She also realized that it seemed like Stevie had been searching for another Alex, or someone who checked the same boxes, at least. Just as Jaz knew she would never have found another Mark, she knew Stevie would never find another Alex. She fell in love with Ben, who was so different from Mark, and she realized how different her experiences falling in love with each of them had been. Stevie needed to have a totally different experience this time, thought Jaz.

"It really is a lot more than just physical pleasure when you're with a person you truly love, isn't it?" said Jaz. "I'm sorry you haven't found what you want, Stevie, but I reckon you need to change up what you're doing, and have a completely different type of relationship than you had with Alex. I think dating a totally different type of guy will be really good for you. You can't keep looking for another Alex. There isn't one out there for you. Alex was amazing, but there will never be another Alex. You need to find a man who is very different from Alex, so there isn't a comparison. You need someone who attracts you in a different way. It can't be better or worse than Alex, just different. It should just be a totally different experience for you." Jaz paused, hoping what she said made sense as it came out of her mouth because the idea was formulating as she spoke. "Well, Stevie, I hope you find someone that you want to sleep with, and have an intimate connection with, again. I don't think it's pointless to try, and maybe you won't be disappointed. Maybe you'll find something new and different and wonderful."

"Thanks, Jaz. I just wish I had gotten more time with Alex. We wasted so much time before we finally got together. It sucks, because the sex was really spectacular when we did finally get together. I would have liked a lot more of it. It was by far the best I'd ever had," admitted Stevie.

Stevie rarely spoke about Alex in this way. It was meaningful to Jaz that Stevie chose to share that personal information with her.

"Thank you for calling me and letting me help you get ready. I had fun. You're beautiful and James is lucky to have you as his dinner companion. I hope you have a great night." Jaz gave Stevie a hug as she spoke. "Maybe totally different is really good."

"Thanks, Jaz. I'm glad you're finally engaged to Ben. I've thought of you as my cousin for a while, but it'll be nice to make it official."

"It will. You've already been a great cousin to me. Thanks for sharing all that stuff about Alex with me but, remember, I lost the man I considered to be my soulmate too, and I found love again. You could too. If I hadn't been able to love again after Mark, I wouldn't have Ben or Kelly. I love both men, but they're really different. I couldn't have fallen for someone who was just similar to Mark. Mark would have won out in every comparison. Ben is totally different, so it's not a comparison. Just something different and wonderful. I love you. I want you to be happy and I hope your date goes well." Jaz gave Stevie a hug and headed back to Wilgul.