Seth was leaving the presents on the tree. He was doing this alone, because Roman didn't know about the gift exchange tradition. Seth had placed the cd that Roman had given him beside the gift he had bought for the samoan, he didn't want Roman to spend more money buying another gift.
Seth sighed. With each passing day, his feelings for Roman grew more and more. Affection, that was the word Seth used, because he didn't dare to think of any other word. Because denial was not just a river in Egypt...
In any case, whatever he was feeling for Roman, it was something that grew in intensity, like a snowball falling down a mountain, getting bigger and bigger, at full speed, until it devastated everything when it reached its destination. And that Seth knew, that whatever that feeling was, it was about to reach the end of its road, and wipe out everything in his path. There would come a point where he could no longer delude himself, using other words to describe that feeling.
And seeing everything around him, seeing the gifts on the tree, the decorations and everything he had gotten to spend Christmas day with Roman, Seth knew that that moment was soon to happen.
Seth just shook his head and looked at the clock. "I have to go get Roman now. He will soon finish his shift at the bar. "
It was almost midnight. Roman was working, as always. His boss had taught him how to be a bartender, and the bar was full of young people, celebrating Christmas Eve.
Seth had just walked a few steps outside the house, but when he was close to his car… there was Drew.
Seth clenched his fists. A little further away, on the sidewalk, was Dolph.
"What do you want?" Seth said annoyed.
"You." Drew smirked.
"Well, ask for another Christmas wish." Seth rolled his eyes.
"I thought it would be an excellent idea, you know, to bring the prodigal son back home." Drew ignored Seth's show of rejection.
"I don't have time for this. Got something important to do…" Seth crossed his arms. "Just go away."
"Are you serious?" Drew could no longer maintain the charade.
"Totally." Seth smirked humorless.
Drew pulled him by the arm. "I'm sick of this situation."
Seth released himself from the grip, shoving Drew away. "So do I!"
Dolph leaned closer when he saw the altercation. Seth looked at the blonde.
"I want you and your cousin to get out of here. I don't want to see you near me or I will lift a restraining order." Seth said threateningly.
Drew stood up, still surprised by Seth's attitude
"Did you really fall in love with him?" Drew said incredulously.
Yes, that moment had definitely come. "Yes."
And, from the way the Scotsman looked at him, he had found truth in Seth's words.
Drew could no longer hide his anger. "You know what? I don't believe you at all. You can't just stopped loving me in such a short time. Not even the respect you should owe your mother made you get me out of your heart... and that beggar could make you do it? "
"Don't you dare call him that." Seth was very angry.
"Please, that guy is nobody. He has no identity, or job or possibilities to give you the life that you are used to have." Drew smirked. "He only sees in you his ticket to citizenship perhaps, or inherit your fortune."
Seth scoffed. "You are describing yourself. A gold digger, interested in my family's money. Willing to sell himself like a goddamn whore. You are garbage and you cannot even compare yourself to the ground that Roman walks on."
"He is a nobody, with a huge elephant in his closet, that I am going to find out." Drew answered angrily. "And when I do, you will come to your senses and come back to me. Because I'm the one you really love. That guy is not on my level. You cannot love someone like him."
Seth scoffed. "Of course Roman is not at your level, no one can be that low. And that I can't love him, I wouldn't bet on that. Roman is honest, hardworking, loving. He is capable of sacrificing himself for those he loves. He is beautiful inside and out. To be honest, it was impossible not to fall in love with him."
"You're coming back to me." Drew got dangerously close to Seth. "I will not allow you to forget me or replace me. And definitely not for that crap. I'll destroy Roman like I would a fly. Even if you really love him, I won't let you be together."
But Seth didn't back down and spoke with the hellfire in his eyes. "I warn you, don't get between Roman and me. It can be about you, about mom, about that blond rat that follows you like a lap dog, about the whole world and our own destiny if necessary, whatever that tries to come between Roman and me, I'm going to get it out of my way. You are garbage and I would never have fought for you. I did the oppossite, I did everything to get away from you and it worked, I feel nothing but contempt for you. But for Roman, for him I would be able to do anything!"
And in that moment Seth realized that every one of his words were true. Everything that came out of his mouth was the truth that his heart tried to hide, that his mind tried to deny. But Drew's horrible words had made him vomit these truths.
"Will you do anything for him?" Drew grunted. "Well I hope you are ready, because I am going to send him back, wherever he came from. And to quote your own words, whether it's about you, your mom, the three assholes you live with, and the honest Roman, whatever tries to get between you and me, I'm going to get it out of my way."
"Get the fuck away from me!" Seth yelled angrily and started hitting Drew.
Dolph separated them and led his cousin to the car.
"Congratulations Sethie, we are the same now." Drew smirked angrily. "We are going to play dirty and destroy whoever tries to get in our way, in order to keep the person we love by our side... how does it feel to know that you are going to become someone like me?"
And of all the things Drew said, this last sentence did hurt Seth. And the Scotsman realized this and continued to pour salt on the wound.
"I think that's why I fell in love with you. Because I could always feel that we were two sides of the same coin. We are the same Sethie, and perhaps you yourself will be the one to destroy your loved Roman. When you find out what is that -anything- you will be able to do to keep him by your side." Drew began to laugh out loud at the helplessness and rage in Seth's eyes. "We are the same Seth. That's why our destiny is to be together!"
With that said, Drew got into his car, followed by Dolph and they both drove off.
Seth was nervous, shaking, and hyperventilating. Why had Drew's bitter words affected him so much? This did not make sense.
He got into the car trying to calm himself down. Roman must be waiting for him and he couldn't even start the car. Seth closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It wasn't true, none of Drew's jealous words were true. He was not and never would be like Drew.
"I will never be like you!" Seth slammed the board. "Never!"
"Since you've been working here, more people come to the bar." Bill was pouring drinks. The place was packed. "You're good luck to this business, boy."
"Good luck?" Roman's coworker, a beautiful brunette girl, smiled at them. "I think is about good looks. These girls are crazy about him. And many of these guys too. They only come to flirt with him."
"Sasha, I think you are talking about yourself, you're the one attracting people here." Roman said cheerfully. "Looks like we'll have to kick them out of here if we want to close this place at some point."
"Or keep the bar open til morning and our boss is going to give us a hefty bonus for our hard work." Sasha smiled.
Sasha was noisy, and very straightforward. Roman loved the way she was. The environment of his now stable job was perfect and the Samoan was very happy.
The bar was decorated in a cozy Christmas atmosphere. There were lights, decorations, and various mistletoes hanging from the ceiling. The music that sounded was soft, giving a beautiful aura to the couples and friends who were celebrating Christmas Eve in that place. Several couples were dancing, others were talking and several were near the bar ordering their drinks.
"Roman, I want your phone number as a Christmas present." An attractive blond boy winked at him. "I come here almost every night, just to see you."
"I don't have a phone, but I'll give you a cocktail courtesy of the house, for your loyalty to the bar." Roman smiled at him.
"My loyalty is towards you, Ro. Also, all the people have a phone number these days. Come on, give me yours." The boy insisted flirtatiously. "Just to talk, we can be friends... Or is that your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't let you?"
"In fact, you can ask him yourself." Sasha stepped in and pointed to someone making their way to the bar. "Because here comes Ro's boyfriend."
And the way Roman's face lit up when he saw Seth. The blond boy knew he had no chance with the Samoan.
"Wow, this place is packed." Seth smiled at Roman, though his smile didn't light up his gaze. The Samoan knew something was wrong with Seth.
"Seth, wait a minute." Roman indicated. "I'll tell Bill, I have to go now."
But before he could leave, Roman's blond admirer made one last attempt. And he took the Samoan's hand, writing his number on it.
"If things go wrong, give me a call." The blonde winked at Roman and then shrugged at Seth. "You can't blame me, he's gorgeous."
With that said, the boy snuck away with his drink in hand. Sasha started laughing and Roman blushed a little.
"I'll go talk to Bill."
"It is one of the best wines in the cellar." Bill was handing Roman a bottle. "For you to celebrate Christmas with your boyfriend."
"Thank you." Roman warmly received the item. "I'm sure Seth is going to love it."
"Are you sure you want to leave?" Bill asked. "Your shift is over, but you can stay here, celebrating with your boyfriend."
"Thank you, I'll ask Seth, if he wants to." Roman nodded. "It's our first Christmas together."
"You're seriously in love, boy." Bill smiled. "It shows in your eyes when you talk about this boy."
"Does it show in my eyes?" Roman said nervously.
"Your gaze, your entire face lights up when you talk about him." Bill looked at him thoughtfully. "Haven't you noticed yet?"
Roman shook his head.
"Then you already have a Christmas mission." Bill smiled. "Confess your feelings to your boyfriend."
Roman was paralyzed, he wasn't able to say anything.
"Look boy, if you're afraid of not being reciprocated, I can tell you with all my years of experience that this boy loves you as much as you love him. That none of you has noticed your own feeling, or none of you wants to accept it, is beyond me. Perhaps you are both afraid of rejection, but certainly, there will be no such thing. Just be brave and tell him what you feel. You can even make your first christmas together more special."
Bill patted Roman on the back and led Roman toward the bar, not as an employee anymore, but as a guest. Then he walked to the bar to help Sasha.
Roman was engrossed. Although he had already realized that he was too, really too fond of Seth. He had dismissed that thought, telling himself that it was pure physical attraction, Seth was very handsome, only a blind man would not like such a cute boy. He repeated to himself that it was a deep gratitude and affection, because Seth was a very good boy, honest, disinterested.
He had convinced himself that he couldn't feel anything more than that, because he already loved someone else. The reason why he was here, now. If that changed, if Roman forgot about his mission, if he forgot Dean… what kind of person would he be?
How selfish would it be to forget someone who sacrificed everything for him? Dean had sacrificed his very life for Roman's cause, a cause for which he had betrayed his family, had left his happy life, with was full of luxury and a bright future. A cause that was not his at all, but that Dean embraced for loving him so much.
Roman was doing all of this to honor such huge love.
That maybe it wasn't that huge if Roman was starting to fall in love with someone else.
Roman closed his eyes in big panic. What the hell was he doing?
This was all his fault, he allowed all of this to happen. He never put any boundarie in his relationship with Seth. They lived together, they slept together in the same bed. He was happily posing as his boyfriend.
And Bill had said that Seth loved him. But Seth loved that bastard… Seth loved Drew… Seth couldn't...
"Roman!" Seth's voice snapped him out of his trance. "Roman what's wrong?"
And it was obvious that he was having a panic attack, because Seth led him to a seat, in a some empty corner. There they sat together.
Roman handed the bottle of wine to Seth. "Bill gave it to me, to share it with you."
Seth smiled nervously. "It is a good wine."
They were both in deep silence for several minutes. It was Roman who finally decided to speak.
The Samoan looked at Seth wide eyed. "You still love him?"
And that question left his lips without him being able to do anything to stop it.
And Seth gulped. He knew perfectly well who Roman was talking about.
"No... not anymore..." Seth admitted. "Today I realized that I no longer feel anything for him, other than a deep contempt."
"Did you realize it... today?"
"Drew was at the house, like twenty minutes ago. We had an argument and…"
It was then that Roman noticed Seth's eyes, they were red and somewhat swollen.
"He hurt you... that bastard..."
Seth looked down. Oh boy if Drew had hurt him, but not physically. It wasn't something he could explain to Roman. If he told him the truth, it wouldn't be Drew who would tear them apart, it would be Roman himself who would run away from him.
And Seth wasn't going to lose Roman. What he told Drew was true. NO matter what he had to do, he couldn't, he didn't want to, and he wasn't going to lose Roman.
Roman took his chin and forced him to look at him. Then it was Seth who couldn't stop the words from leaving his lips.
"And you, Roman, do you still love him?"
And that should be an easy thing to answer, Roman shouldn't hesitate. Roman wanted to talk, he wanted to answer that. The love he felt for Dean was the reason why he was here, now. Without that feeling, his mission, his life, everything he was doing lost its meaning.
"Roman..." Seth was wide eyed. He didn't believe what he was witnessing.
Why wasn't Roman answering?
"Seth... I..."
"Here are the lovebirds." Sasha said happily.
Roman looked at the girl and smiled at her. Seth did the same. It was obvious that Sasha was kind of drunk.
"Come on, you look like you're bored here." She cheered them on and almost dragged them onto the dance floor. "Ro, dance with your boyfriend, I'll take care of her bottle of wine."
Sasha left them alone and Seth sighed. He wanted, no, he needed to ask Roman that same question again. But it really wasn't the time or the place. They both had to calm down.
Seth took a long breath and looked up at the ceiling of the bar. "A mistletoe..."
"Sasha insisted that we should put that in there." Roman looked at the plant curiously. "I didn't ask why, so as not to raise more suspicion of my lack of knowledge of the customs of this time."
"People hang it because of an old saying." Seth explained. "It is said that the person who receives a kiss under the mistletoe will find the love that they seek or will keep the one they already have. It bodes well for lovers."
Roman looked at the plant with curiosity, he was going to ask something else, but the band played a somewhat cheesy melody, drawing the attention of both boys. The people at the bar seemed to get carried away by the atmosphere and began to approach and dance softly.
Perhaps Sasha was right and dancing would help dissipate the tension. Seth took Roman by the hands.
Roman sighed, Seth wasn't the one to blame for any of this. Roman remembered Big E telling him that this was Seth's first Christmas away from his family. And he asked her to please take care of his friend. Roman was ruining everything with his confusion and emotional problems.
"In the future, do people dance?" Seth asked.
"There were parties and I even saw people dance several times. But that was a thing only the rich and powerful could do, so I saw this as something horrible, one more example of the power of these people who oppressed us."
"Jesus..." Seth closed his eyes. "I can't believe everything went so wrong that even something as sweet as a dance could be tarnished like that."
"Now I know it wasn't like that. Here, in the bar, I learned it can be a good thing. I been watching people dancing happily, or in a romantic way. So I know it's a good thing." Roman admitted. "Still, I've never tried it, I don't think I can do it."
"Of course you can. You just have to let yourself go. You must trust me." Seth took his hands.
"I trust you." Roman nodded. It's me, the one I don't trust anymore
"Then don't overthink, just feel the moment. Just let yourself be carried away by what the moment makes you feel. Maybe your mind messes with you, but your heart will always have the answer."
Seth laid his head on Roman's chest and they both began to move slowly, following to the rhythm of that song.
Oh, I'm obsessed
With the way your head is layin' on my chest
How you love the things I hate about myself
That no one knows, but with you, I see hope again
Oh, I'm a mess
Roman gulped, but as always, he was unable to resist. Seth had that power over him. They both hugged each other sweetly as the soft melody enveloped them. Roman just got carried away and there, embraced to the rhythm of the soft music, both felt as if no one else was in that place, only them.
When I overthink the little things in my head
You seem to always help me catch my breath
But then I lose it again
When I look at you, that's the end
No past, no future to bind them, to stop them. They did not think of anything or anyone but themselves, at that moment that only belonged to both of them. Seth looked up and they both got caught in each other's gaze. Hypnotized like all the other times, like always. But this time, unable to run away of their own feelings.
And why do I get so nervous when I look into your eyes?
Butterflies can't stop me fallin' for you
They both closed their eyes. They couldn't fight anymore, they couldn't keep denying what was happening between them, little by little, they began to bring their faces closer... together.
And darlin', this is more than anything I felt before
You're everything that I want, but I didn't think I'd find
Someone who is worth the wait of all the years of my heartbreak
But I know now I found the one I love
They kissed, softly, sweetly. Drinking from each other's lips, as if they had tasted the most exquisite delicacy. There was no rush, they both had all the time, in a night that seemed eternal, just because of the feeling they shared.
And I love the way
You can never find the right things to say
And you can't sit still an hour in the day
I'm so in love, let's run away because us is enough
Seth felt his heart beating so fast. This was something he had never experienced before. That kiss that he was sharing with Roman was opening a door full of new feelings and emotions that now enveloped him. Things that felt so intensely that they could consume him. And at the same time that kiss anchored him, as if it were his constant.
He had never felt anything like this before ...
…Because he had never really been in love before.
And darlin', this is more than anything I felt before
You're everything that I want, but I didn't think I'd find
Someone who is worth the wait of all the years of my heartbreak
But I know now I found the one I love
Roman held Seth into that hug, and kissed the younger man with all the feelings he was repressing all this time. He didn't want to end this kiss, he didn't want to face reality. He didn't want to face Seth, he didn't want to face himself. He just wanted to enjoy this moment and make this night endless.
And they kissed, they poured their feelings until the song faded...