I got covid and that paralyzed my life and my fics, and made me accumulate work, so I have only recently been able to update.
Thank you so much to you all reading this fic. It means the world to me. If you leave a review that will make me smile for sure.

The song ended, as well as the kiss.

Roman and Seth parted gently. The youngest man felt in the clouds. He sighed and smiled sweetly.

Seth didn't really have to analyze it too much, he was in love. He couldn't even recognize or remember whatever he had felt for Drew anymore. After all, that was a fleeting feeling, born of desire and passion. A feeling full of resentment and frustration, with no chance to grow or develop.

But this new feeling, this was real. Born of admiration and respect. Roman was everything Seth had ever wanted in a man and that he thought didn't even exist.

At least in this time, that didn't seem to exist. After all, Roman came to him from another place, from another time...

"I love you…" The words left Seth's lips without him being able to do anything about it.

Roman just closed his eyes, and smiled.

And what else could he do?

What he was feeling for Seth was something so powerful that it invaded his body, mind and soul.

And boy did he want to answer. Roman knew very well that he wanted to repeat the same three words that Seth had spoken. Because that was how he felt.

But for him it was not so easy.

What was he doing?

And the joy that emanated from Seth's brown eyes suddenly dimmed. And his lips stopped smiling to be replaced by a sad grimace.

"But I know you don't…" Seth gently pulled away from Roman, unable to look at him now. "And I respect that. You came here... for him. I can't replace him, I don't want to do it either, it would be very mean of me."

"Seth, I…"

Seth looked up and there it was again, a hint of hope in his brown eyes.

But Roman didn't say anything, at least he didn't say what he really wanted to say, what Seth wanted to hear.

"I'm so sorry…Seth…"

The youngest just smiled sadly. "It's my fault. Just forget this happened, forget what I told you and keep going with your mission."

"It's not fair…"

"Life is not usually fair to me, but it hasn't been fair to you either. I am not going to be another reason for your concern." Seth turned around. "I'm going back home, I can take you... if you want."

How everything went from being so beautiful to feeling so bleak, in a matter of minutes.

"Let's go home, Sethie…"

Roman had slept on a makeshift bed in the living room. As he should have done from the beginning.

Seth slept alone for the first time since Roman's arrival.

Neither of them really slept.

At least not until dawn, when exhaustion finally overcame them.

After noon, Roman woke up. He put his hands to his face, remembering why he was there and not where he really wanted to be... in bed with Seth, feeling his breath lulling him to sleep.

"This is all my fault. I… I should never have gotten so close to him, without setting any boundaries. I did this to him. I caused him to fall in love with me and now I am hurting him."

I caused this that I am feeling for him…

A noise in the kitchen snapped him out of his musings and Roman got up and began to pick up his makeshift bed. When he had everything ready, he looked over at the Christmas tree, remembering Seth's excitement at decorating it. At the foot of the tree were several gifts, and also the cd that Roman had bought for Seth.

Roman sighed. He had given mixed signals to Seth, he had given love to a boy who was desperate to receive it. He didn't put any boundaries and as a result, he had to do all of that now.

Seth went into the living room. "One of the Christmas traditions is to open the gifts in the morning."

"It's already afternoon..." Roman answered without turning to look at him.

The jovial atmosphere they normally shared had gone. Seth was trying to talk to him, to get closer, but Roman was keeping a certain distance. And he was not at all subtle in doing so.

What he should have done from the beginning.

Eventually Seth just lowered his head and walked back into the kitchen. The tension could be cut with a knife and they both seemed to be walking on eggshells.

Minutes later, a groan was heard from the kitchen. Roman ran instantly. He couldn't put distance if at the slightest sign of danger, he'd run to Seth's aid.

"Ouch!" Seth screamed and dropped a knife.

Roman saw blood pouring from Seth's hand.

"It was a silly accident. I'll go get the medicine cabinet." Seth excused himself and walked to the bathroom, leaving Roman behind.

Roman looked around. The food was almost ready, the house and things were beautifully decorated, none of this was there yesterday. Seth had spent the whole previous day, working on this. And despite what had happened, today he continued with his Christmas plans. Seth had told him that he wanted to show him the traditions and have a nice day and Roman was being a jerk.

Not only I am ruining everything with Dean, I'm making Seth suffer too.

Roman went for the boy, but he already had the first-aid kit in his good hand and was sitting in an armchair near the window. He hadn't even asked for help. Roman felt bad for his horrible attitude and approached the younger man.

"Seth, let me help you…"

"I don't need…" Seth started to search the medicine cabinet, while rested his injured hand on his lap.

"But I want to help you."

"You've done enough already. I think I can handle this on my own." Seth insisted.

But obviously not, because he was just stirring things up and his hand was twitching.

Roman took his hand gently and stopped him. Seth allowed himself to be attended to.

"You said that Christmas is a time where families get together. That before Drew ruined your relationship with your mom, you used to spend Christmas with your family." Roman took the gauze and disinfectant, and began to cure the wound. "And now that you can't, you wanted me to..."

"Could you..." Seth cut him off. "Could you just forget that I messed up everything yesterday and… we could just, you know, go with the plan. Just for today. Tomorrow…"

Roman met his eyes.

"Tomorrow you can put all the space you need between us." Seth gulped. "I'm not... I'm not like Drew, I'm not going to impose my love on you..."

Roman closed his eyes. God, how Seth's words hurt him.

And what was the younger boy imposing on him?

Roman already felt the same way about him.

"I never meant for this to happen… I don't want to be like Drew either, and hurt you…" Roman opened his eyes and looked into Seth's sad pupils.

"You only wanted one thing from me… for me to forget Drew, to be free of that toxic feeling. And you got it." Seth held his gaze. "What I felt for Drew poisoned me, turned me into a despicable being. It made me selfish. What I feel for you is... it's something so beautiful, it's a selfless feeling, I want you to be happy and continue with your mission. I really want you to fulfill your goal and be able to go back to your time and reunite with the person you love."

Roman couldn't stop looking at Seth. He was like always, totally attracted to the other man, mesmerized by his gaze.

"But I understand that my feelings make you uncomfortable and that is why you are distancing yourself from me. And I won't stop you if you do. However, I would very much like to continue helping you in your mission. I don't want you to fight alone, let me help you, even from afar."

And Roman understood that Seth's feelings were selfless, but his feelings for Seth were not. Because, in order to escape from what he was feeling, he was capable of hurting Seth. Because he had caused this and now, in order not to feel like a traitor, he was going to let the weight of everything that was happening be carried by Seth.

And Seth didn't deserve this.

And what if the sweet and selfless love that Seth offered him, turned into hate...

Roman couldn't blame him.

But Seth wasn't like that, Seth was an angel. He would never go to the dark side out of heartbreak. Besides, if Roman walked away, it might cool the feeling they both shared. That would fix everything.

Maybe…

"I'm so sorry. All this, I caused it and…" Roman gave him a sad smile. "And I don't want, I would never want you to suffer because of me."

I want you to be happy, I want you to always smile... I want you to be successful in everything, I want you to be able to love and be loved as you deserve.

I would like to be the reason for your happiness and not be the cause of that sad look.

"Forgive me Seth. And you're right, I'm not going to cause you any more problems. Ever since we met, you've done nothing but help me. And you don't deserve me to ruin this day. Let me help you with the rest of the stuff. Let's do what we planned. It's our first Christmas together."

Seth nodded. Roman finished curing and bandaging the wound and went to help Seth with the table and food.

They were both eating, Roman was amazed at everything Seth had prepared for both of them. He couldn't help but smile, amazed at the boy's dedication. And that only made Roman's feelings grow more.

The distance would not be enough to forget him.

"Everything is so delicious." Roman completely changed his attitude and returned to smiling and being affectionate with Seth.

And the boy responded with the same warmth that characterized him.

"I searched several recipes and this was the one I liked the most. It's something you haven't tried yet." Seth nodded happily at being flattered by Roman. "I bought everything near the market where you worked. I needed fresh ingredients."

"In addition to being a very intelligent almost Engineer, you are a talented cook." Roman nodded. "And you have good taste in decoration."

"I think anyone is good at what he does if he has the right motivation." Seth smiled.

And Roman knew well, Seth's motivation was his love for him. Roman's motivation had to be his love for Dean.

And that was one can of worms Roman didn't want to open right now. He didn't even want to think about whether his feelings for Dean had changed. No, he wasn't going to think about that.

"That is why I know you will succeed in your mission." Seth said optimistically. "You have the right motivation, and I will help you in everything. I have all the blueprints that I have managed to make of your watch and I'll keep searching so that I can make it work correctly and you will be able to go to the moment when you really should have arrived, and you can continue your journey from there. In addition to returning to your time when you complete your mission."

"In the end you will be the hero, Seth. It will be you who will save the future." Roman said admiringly.

"And I will also have knowledge that will help me make the present a better place. Maybe between the two of us we can change everything Roman." Seth spoke with emotion. "The future, your future will be beautiful, and mine too. I will save the future of my friends, they don't deserve what awaits them. You know I feel very motivated by that. We will both save the people who are important to us."

"Maybe we'll even meet again." Roman said excitedly.

"I would love that. And I'd love to meet Dean too. I only hope that you both want to be friends with an old man." Seth finished his meal.

And maybe even then, I'll still feel what I feel for you, Seth.

"It's going to be amazing." Roman nodded.

And Roman had to acknowledge the effort Seth was making to keep things as they were until before that kiss and his emotional confession. The whole afternoon was great, as always. Like only Seth could make it.

At nightfall they were both sitting near the Christmas tree.

"You know, on these date everyone gets their gifts." Seth picked up one of the gift boxes, which had a tag with Roman's name on it. "You had already given me one, and I decided to wait until this date to thank you and give you a gift as well."

"Wow, you shouldn't have."

"It's Christmas, that's what it's all about." Seth handed over the gift.

Roman opened his gift very carefully and his face completely lit up. Inside it was a necklace made of sections of a red material.

"It's an ulafala..." Roman was in awe.

"I had to read about Samoan culture. I don't know if, you know, with all the bad things that will happen in the future, you knew about your own culture, if racism hadn't extinguished your roots."

"What you say almost happened." Roman took the necklace as if it were the most beautiful and delicate thing he had ever seen. "I had seen photos of these necklaces. I never had the opportunity to have one. But I know exactly what it means and represents. Wow, this is… I don't know how to thank you for this."

"You know how you can thank me?" Seth smiled and took Roman's hands. "Take it with you when you return to your time. Take it as a memory of this bond we share. If we meet again in the future, it would be nice to know that you kept it."

Roman nodded excitedly. "Of course, I will do that, Seth. Thank you for this."

And just like always, without knowing who started it, both were embracing.

Seth buried his face in Roman's neck, feeling his scent, feeling his body, his heartbeat. And even if it sounded cliché, he loved him even more. Seth loved him with all his body and soul and he knew then that, even if 30 or more years passed, he would love him the same.

How was he going to let Roman go just like that?

And for his part, Roman knew that it didn't matter how much distance he put between them, even if the distance was years and not miles. He wasn't going to forget him, he wasn't going to love him any less. Even when he was reunited with the one who was his first love, he would still love the one who had now made himself a place in the samoan's heart.

And that made him make a decision.

Roman and Seth spent the rest of the night sharing stories, laughing, and sharing adoring looks as well.

"I think it's time to sleep." Seth said.

And without realizing it, he took Roman by the hand, to go to the bedroom together. But he stopped when he realized that everything had changed after that kiss. However, Roman did not let go of his hand and walked towards the bedroom, while it was Seth who was following him now.

Neither of them said anything. They just carried on as usual, as they had since they met. And they both lay down on Seth's bed.

"Sweet dreams, Sethie." Roman was looking at him with such tenderness that Seth felt himself melt.

"I'll dream of you then." Seth sighed and closed his eyes.

And the tiredness of not having slept well the night before overcame them and both, hugging each other, as always, slept.

The first rays of sunlight illuminated Seth's face. The younger woke up, groping for Roman. But he was alone in bed.

Seth sighed, surely Roman would be awake by now. The youngest went out to look for him and did not find him in any corner of the house.

A feeling of desolation invaded Seth's heart. He ran back to the room to find Roman's few belongings.

And there was nothing. Roman had left without saying goodbye.

"But… you can't even rent a room, you don't have papers. You don't know anyone here." Seth sat up in bed trying to hold back his tears.

"Even being alone in this city and time you don't know, is better than being with me."

And Seth couldn't hold back his tears anymore and wept bitterly.

Sorry...