The First Felony Of The Year

"The first heist of the new year," Destro moaned. "This is degrading."

"This is the economy!" The Baroness snapped. "Times are tough and we have to get money to fund our organization by any means necessary!"

"The Baroness is right," Cobra Commander hissed. He was wearing a trench coat. "So Destro get back to work picking the lock while Baroness you keep a lookout."

"Look out? What look out? No one is here!" The Baroness sniffed.

"It's still a public place!" Cobra Commander hissed. "Someone could walk in here at any moment!"

"Calm down Cobra Commander," The Baroness rolled her eyes. "I put donuts laced with laxatives in the break room and I saw those security guards run like flies to a flytrap ten minutes ago. They will not interrupt us."

"But someone else could!" Cobra Commander hissed.

"Oh all right! But it's a waste of time," The Baroness groaned as she went to the door to be a look out.

"Destro keep working on that lock!" Cobra Commander ordered.

"I am working as fast as I can! Believe me Commander I want out of here just as much as you do!" Destro snapped. "Maybe even more! Your whining is only distracting me!"

"Sorry," Cobra Commander apologized. "I always get jittery on the first felony of the year."

"Well you can stop being nervous because I've got it!" Destro growled as he broke the lock.

"Jackpot!" Cobra Commander hissed with glee. "Well more or less…"

"Take everything," The Baroness ordered as she walked over. "The coast is clear."

"Everything?" Destro winced.

"Yes everything!" Cobra Commander pulled out a small bag. He pulled out several coins. "Cobra needs every penny it can get!"

"What about…?" Destro pointed to what else was in the vault.

"Take them too!" The Baroness said.

"Really?" Cobra Commander did a double take. "I don't think we're that desperate!"

"Just take them!" The Baroness snapped. "Well go on Commander!"

"I'm not touching those," Destro said to Cobra Commander.

"Fine! Never let it be said that I didn't do any dirty work!" Cobra Commander reluctantly took the other items in the vault.

"That will be a first," The Baroness quipped. "I should have brought my camera."

"We got it! We got it! Let's go!" Destro hissed.

"Fine…" The Baroness rolled her eyes and looked out the door. "The coast is clear."

"Go! Go! Go! Go!" Cobra Commander hissed as they ran out the door and were soon out of the building. They quickly entered the parking lot and jumped in an inconspicuous blue van. "We did it! We got away with it! We successfully evaded detection! Once again Cobra is victorious!"

"Oh please!" The Baroness snapped. "We were in a ladies' room in a JC Penny a week after New Year's! Nobody was going to be in that store! Let alone the sales clerks. Seriously. I didn't see a sales person in there. It was like they were all hiding in shame."

"I know the feeling. We just stole twenty nine dollars and fifty cents from a women's tampon dispenser," Destro moaned. "Never in my life have I been so ashamed to be a criminal."

"Not to mention some toilet paper," Cobra Commander added.

"And over forty dollars' worth of tampons and pads," The Baroness added. "That's at least two month's supply. Trust me those suckers really add up."

"Do you even need those anymore?" Cobra Commander asked the Baroness. "Really?"

"Don't go there Cobra Commander," Destro winced.

"I'm just saying I'm surprised," Cobra Commander spoke. "I know how old you really are Baroness. I'm amazed you still have eggs let alone…"

With one swift movement the Baroness sucker punched Cobra Commander in the stomach. "Ow…" Cobra Commander gasped.

"I warned you not to go there," Destro sighed as he drove the van.

"He did," The Baroness nodded. She punched Cobra Commander again.

"Ohhh…" Cobra Commander moaned. "When did all the fun go out of being the leader of a terrorist organization? Oohhhh."