Chapter 182

But not returning to Caitlin was the last thing on Hugo's mind at that moment. His heart was still full of that look she had given him, right in front of her neighbours. It really was too early to give up on winning her love and he wouldn't, he would be the best friend she ever had until she realised he truly loved her. That sounded a bit sad, like that fellow haunting Rose without ever coming to the point, but it didn't feel desperate. Caitlin just needed a little time to get used to the idea of Hugo as a suitor instead of a casual lover.

But first, Rose. Tonight was his appointment with Rose and he would have to end their arrangement. It would come as a total surprise to her and she might take it badly. Could he give her one last night, if she needed that to let go of him? Probably not, he desperately wanted to be worthy of Caitlin, and sleeping with another woman no longer appealed to him.

Lost in thought, he barely registered people in the village greeting him rather respectfully, he merely nodded and replied with a polite 'good afternoon', then sank back into his own sweet thoughts of Caitlin and Ben sleeping behind a sturdy door tonight, safely out of reach of any young farmers in Ripley with ill intent.

When he returned, he neatly reversed the cart into the barn, then unharnessed the large cobs and groomed them himself. The rhythm of the task and the presence of the stolid horses calmed his nerves, it was always difficult to break up with a woman, which was why he preferred even looser arrangements like he could have in London, though there was a certain risk involved in those. Fortunately he had so far avoided any shameful diseases, and none of his more permanent partners had ever found herself with child, which led Hugo to believe he might not even be able to sire one of his own. That was no loss to him, he had never felt the need to have a child of his own blood and he still didn't, though he liked Ben very much and hoped to be a more permanent part of his life very soon.

Hugo wouldn't be a good stable master if he didn't make sure that all the horses had been taken care of and all utensils had been stored in their proper place. The stable area was clean and neat, and all the tack had been cleaned before being stored. Peter had done his job well, soon he would be ready to lead his father-in-law's stables. During dinner he asked Peter how the day had been, and the young man gave a precise account of every horse's activities and which suppliers had delivered their goods. Peter had also kept an eye on the visiting staff, and treated one of Mr Bingley's carriage horses for a slightly swollen leg.

'Maybe you can advise Mr Bingley's driver to let it in a paddock or the meadow, I think it just needs to move about a bit more but he doesn't seem to want to believe me. He is young but rather stuck on the old ways.'

'I've noticed, yes. This horse was not lame?'

'No, it wasn't. Maybe it just needs to exercise, they have not taken the team out as often as you have us take the thoroughbreds. I told him, but he said thoroughbreds need more exercise than normal coach horses. But that is to settle their nerves, all horses' bodies need similar amounts of exercise, don't they?'

'If you want them to get you to London within three or four days they have to exercise regularly. If you only use them to drive to church and back once a week you can let them grow fat. Of course they'll get all kinds of problems, weaving, sucking air, swollen legs. Let me talk to the fellow, and if he doesn't listen to me we can always talk to Mr Darcy, he'll sort it with his friend.

Now, can you cover for me for a few hours this evening as well? I have an appointment I made last week and I really need to keep it.'

Peter looked at him in a certain way.

'With a lady? I thought you were with the one you want to marry today? Are you already giving up? Did she ask you to leave?'

Well, they were equals now, in a way, and most men discussed these things.

'It's a bit of a situation. I used to see both, but tonight I have to tell this one I cannot visit anymore. If I want to be worthy of Caitlin, I have to be true to her.'

Nodding in approval, Peter replied, 'I suppose you will not be very late, then? I'll stay until you return, Sarah knows I'm in charge today, she'll expect me to be later than usual. She is staying at her parents for dinner, said she didn't want to cook for her and the baby alone.'

As he walked towards Clifton, Hugo's nerves did give him a harder time than usual. Rose didn't deserve being treated meanly, they had spent such a good night together last time, and one might say Hugo had given her plenty of reason to suspect he was getting more serious in his attentions towards her. He liked her children, even liked her faithful admirer, he could have been happy with her if he hadn't fallen for Caitlin's independent spirit. And maybe her plight, just a little, Rose didn't need a strong man but Caitlin did, even though they would fight as they had that fateful night before some delusional boy had endangered Caitlin's very existence.

When he entered the house through the kitchen door the whole atmosphere was exactly the kind of homeliness Hugo longed for. Jenny got up from the table around which the whole family was gathered and hugged him, both boys looked up from their game of cards with a polite greeting. And Rose calmly laid down her own hand of cards and came towards him, kissing him readily but not passionately, on the cheeks. It was what they had always done, and Hugo didn't think anything of it or feel anything besides a slight relief to not have to kiss Rose intimately before her children.

Instead of sitting back down, Rose laid a hand on Hugo's shoulder and said, 'Do you want to take a little walk outside? The weather is lovely.'

It was just perfect for what Hugo was planning and he readily agreed.

Arm in arm, they strolled down a country lane, hidden from common view by the brush on both sides of the path, and Hugo took a deep breath to give Rose the bad news.

'There is something we have to talk about, Jean.'

That wasn't what he meant, but from her tone he gathered he might not have to be the one to bring the bad news!

'Was there something you wanted to say first?' she offered, 'I have this feeling you were about to speak just when I did.'

True, but hopefully not necessary.

'It can wait, what did you want to talk about?'

She looked as guilty as he felt, and he soon found out why.

'You have been very important to me, Jean, and the children like you immensely, but something unexpected has happened. You remember Darren? The man who helped Clover with her calf? Whom I used to date before I married John?'

Hugo nodded, how could he not? And was this conversation going where he thought it was going? That was just delightful! But he hid his feeling of relief well, for this was not easy for Rose and very unnecessary.

'He has been coming over a lot, spending time with the boys, getting to know them and Jenny, but he has also been very honest about his lingering love for me and his hope of a second chance. Not to revive our old love, but to build up a new acquaintance, hoping I might come to love the adult Darren as I once loved the young man. He really is an admirable man, he knows so much and is so respected, and he has such precious feelings for me and expresses them so well. I've decided to give him a chance, he may not be as handsome and dashing as you but he is such a faithful man, I would really like to settle again and the boys would do so well with a man in the household.

I'm sorry, Jean, to spring this on you, but I cannot make love with you when I'm trying to form a bond with another man, a man I think deserves a chance.'

She was really upset, their time together had probably given her some feelings towards him, but of course she still thought he was a ladies' man and not capable of settling and being faithful. And yet, Hugo knew this was the right choice for Rose, Darren Staples really loved her, and if the latter could take his time to get reacquainted with the woman he thought he knew they would have a real chance at happiness. He opened his arms to Rose and she embraced him tightly, and he stroked her hair as he had done so often before. He did not feel his passion stirring, which made him very happy, and he calmly told her part of the truth.

'I'm not hurt, Rose. We had an arrangement, and now the time has come for both of us to move on. I like Darren, a lot, and I think you could be very happy together. Especially if your children understand him and come to like him.'

But he also had his own confession to make, Rose deserved to know the truth so she didn't need to feel guilty about letting Hugo go.

'Rose, please don't feel bad about this. I came here today to tell you I cannot see you anymore. I've fallen in love with someone, as with you and Darren she isn't altogether certain she wants to commit to me, in my case because of my reputation, but if I want to prove my love to her I cannot see anyone else.'

Rose was surprised, and at the same time relieved and a little hurt. She explained as honestly as he had.

'I didn't expect you to be hurt or feel rejected, since I know you don't love that way, but I still felt a bit guilty for being the one to end our connection. Did you really fall in love? I admit I'm jealous of her, Jean, because I have come to love you just a little. I knew you weren't for one woman, and I feel a little hurt you fell in love after all, and with another. But I suppose it's best this way, I hope she will come to see what a good and valuable man you are. I guess she must be very special, to be the one to finally catch your heart?'

'Of course I think she is special, Rose, I'm desperately in love with her. She's Irish, and she has a strong will, like me. She has a ten-year-old son, and her life has been very hard, it has taken all her strength to survive so much adversity. And I'm afraid her life will not get much easier if she should decide to accept me, with the war going on we French aren't exactly popular. But at least I have managed to find her a place where she will be safe and hopefully of value to the other villagers.'

'Oh, Jean, that sounds really difficult, for all three of you. I can hear you care about her boy as well, that is what endeared you to me, you always accepted my children. She will not be insensitive to this, my love, a mother's feelings are very strong. Do you have good hope she will agree to commit to you? Does she know you love her so much? I never saw you like this, it must have caught you by surprise, maybe you caught her by surprise as well? Do you want to sit down and talk about it?'

Dear Rose, to offer such a relief to the man she might have wanted herself, if she had known he was available. Hugo accepted her offer and told her what had happened almost a week ago, glossing over his original plan to propose to her.

'Darren has clients throughout this neighbourhood, Jean, in Witham as well. He loves sharing knowledge of herbs with other practitioners, and he is rather influential with most farmers. He knows them. Should your lady have trouble with the people of Witham he may be able to help her gain the respect she deserves. She sounds lovely, and indeed strong, to have been through such horrors and still be able to love.

I think everything will work out fine eventually, you are a strong man and yet caring, and I am certain you can be true to a woman if you really love her. You have even been faithful to me, to come here and explain when you could have just stopped coming or sent a note. I'll find it hard to regret losing you because she needs you so much more. As Darren needs me. I suppose that those who take care of others need taking care of in their turn, need someone devoted to them to make sure they don't neglect themselves. I wish you all the best, and I am sure that if you just give her time she will come to realise she loves you already. Women just cannot help feeling for those they share their love with, she has probably kept her feelings on a tight leash because she knew you didn't want to commit to one woman. And now she dare not release them for fear of getting hurt. Oh, I wish you could go to her and tell her right now but I think you are right, you need to give her the time to get used to seeing you as something more than a very skilled lover. I haven't slept with Darren yet, I think he may even be untouched, but you have taught me so much, and he is such a sensitive man, I expect him to learn quickly. You know, I don't think I'll wait until we get married, I'd better try him out to make sure before I commit to anything.'

Dear, dear Rose, it sounded as if she had made her decision already. Even though Hugo knew he couldn't drop in on Caitlin and expect her to receive him with open arms, if Darren came by tonight to check on his beloved after this difficult conversation with his rival, he might be pleasantly surprised by its effect on her. He might be abducted into her bedroom and put through his paces immediately, poor soul. Except he´d be thrilled, of course.

´Thank you for heartening me, Rose, I admit I´m torn between feeling over the moon with being in love for the first time in my life, but I´m also very afraid to be rejected again.´

´She did not reject you, Jean, not really. You just took her by surprise, that´s all. Next time, she´ll already know you love her, because you will show her you do. And then she will either encourage you, or freeze you out. You will know when the moment has come. I just want to thank you for being honest tonight, for telling me all this. You could have made me feel very bad but you didn´t. How will we find out how things progress? For both of us?'

'I suspect I'll have Darren over to Pemberley, Rose, to check out a pair of ponies I'm helping Mr Darcy buy for Mrs Darcy. I have little knowledge of the sturdy things and I guess he has plenty. Also, do you think your youngest would be interested in being a stable boy there? One of my best men is leaving soon and I'm thinking of replacing him with a youngster. He'll have to learn to ride anything with four legs, I think he is fearless enough and up for a challenge. It'll be hard work for him and for me, teaching him from scratch, but at least he won't have to unlearn anything and I'm getting fat and lazy anyway, hard work is what I'll need if I want to convince a beautiful woman like Caitlin to marry me.'

'You know you're very good looking, Jean, you'll get no sympathy from me. I'll ask Patrick, I think he'd rather obey you than his brother and I think he would like to learn how to ride the kind of horses Mr Darcy keeps. I'm so glad we had this talk, Jean, I felt so bad and I wasn't even sure about Darren. It's much easier now. Please don't be a stranger in church?'

'I won't if you don't think Darren will mind. But if Caitlin accepts me I may go to church in Witham some time in the future. Tell Patrick to let me know by next week, if he wants the situation.'

One last, chaste kiss, and they returned to the house. Jean bade the three children goodbye, then left, not knowing whether Rose had already told them this had been his last visit to their home. Imagine, Rose wanting to give Darren a chance, and feeling guilty for breaking it off with Hugo. The very thought cleared his mood completely, no more nerves or guilt, and his interaction with Rose had proven to him that what he felt for Caitlin was really different, and certainly much more like love than anything he had experienced before.

The night was lonely in his narrow cot and he was starting to feel his lack of physical loving, but with just one lover and her in the middle of uprooting her entire life, he would probably have to endure this particular lack of exercise a little longer. It didn't matter, the almost feverish high of being in love was new to him and kept him awake but happy for more than a few hours.

She liked him, she wanted him to keep visiting, she had asked him to postpone his efforts to find a mate until she was settled. She had clung to him, had shown him her fears and her grief, she had looked at him with something much like love. All was certainly not lost, and instead of hurrying to secure her affection, risking another rejection, Hugo would relish the feelings he had now. Hope, uncertainty and intense longing were all new to him, at least where love was concerned, and the sheer strength and depth of emotion he was capable of feeling were a pleasant surprise to a man who had thought he could never fall in love.

Sitting at their breakfast table, enjoying the leftovers of last night's excellent meal, cooked by Mrs Wright, Caitlin felt the same anxious anticipation at the certainty of seeing Jean again today, but mingled with quite some nerves due to having to meet a whole lot of strangers who might dislike her instantly because of her Irish looks and accent. And what would Jean think of her leaving him to explore the village with her neighbour when he had taken precious time off work to be with her, to help her? And what would the neighbours say about her having an unmarried, male visitor from Pemberley? Well, that was easy, they'd think he was courting her. The problems would come once they found out he had no intention to marry her, was seeing other women besides her. Or when the gossip started about him staying nights, for she had no illusions they wouldn't find out, and she certainly wasn't going to refuse experiencing as many nights with him as she still could.

'Are you worrying about Jean coming over, mum? Please don't, he won't mind meeting a few villagers. Just take him with you, show him off, let Mrs Wright tell them how he reversed a cart with two large horses down a narrow lane.'

'But what if they think he is courting me and then he stops coming?'

'Then we'll both be sad and they'll blame him for being faithless. But he won't, mum, I really don't believe he'll desert us.'

Poor Ben, he wanted to see Jean as a father figure so badly, but Jean had never asked for this. Well, actually, he had, almost a week ago. But men like him didn't commit to a single woman, if she believed that she was a fool and deserved to get hurt. If she let him stay over regularly maybe he wouldn't want to get married to another, maybe he would like being with her too much to lose her and they could continue as they had for quite some time now.

And then someone knocked on the back door, village style, maybe their other neighbour? Caitlin was pleased to have put on one of her better dresses despite planning to work hard all morning. She'd done it for Jean, but it wouldn't hurt to make a good impression on her new neighbours, either.

Expecting an elderly couple or woman to be standing at the door, Caitlin opened it with a mixture of anxiety and curiosity, but mostly the former. Only to almost walk into a much younger man, barely middle-aged, of medium height with a trim figure, still-thick longish dark hair and a handsome, finely-featured face. The face of a foreigner, no lower-class Englishman had such refined features, but then again, apparently this man had been born into nobility on his home soil. Maybe French farmers looked as common as English ones and he was a gentleman in looks as well as birth. And yet he didn't seem dissatisfied with his life as a servant, a highly placed one but what a difference with his former life as a noble's son it must be.

To be honest, Jean looked the opposite of dissatisfied today, he seemed in an excellent mood and had already been on his way in when Caitlin opened the door, causing them to almost bump into each other.

Somehow, his sudden appearance flustered Caitlin, making her feel like a girl with a crush. He looked so handsome and so happy that her usual reticence towards men didn't bother her at all, allowing her to fall on his neck without the slightest hesitation.

'I'm so happy it's you! I thought it must be some neighbour bearing gifts!'

He wrapped her in his arms but slowly, as he knew she preferred, then kissed her with obvious affection.

'You prefer my humble presence to gifts? I am very glad to hear that!'

'There is nothing humble about you, Jean Hugo,' Caitlin said truthfully, but also with intense pleasure at hearing him say what she desperately wanted to hear. 'You're the best lover a woman could have and you know it. I'm so glad to find out you are also generous and kind. And handsome, of course.'

'I admit to knowing my worth as a lover. And though I'm not as tall as Mr Darcy nor as handsome as Simon, his valet, I know I'm not a bad-looking man. But truly, dear Caitlin, I had no idea whether I was any good as a person. I suppose I never cared that much what people thought of me, I mean whether they liked me, whether they thought I was a good human being and a pleasure to be with. Until about a week ago, when I realised I needed you to like me. Are you really happy to see me?'

Could this be true? Was he confessing… to wanting her to love him? She took his hands and they were warm and steady, well he wasn't a school boy after all, he was a grown man and quite a self-assured one. He did look at her in a certain way, he was speaking the absolute truth and really needed to hear her say it.

'I'm very happy to see you, Jean. I think you are the best man, and the best company I've ever known. I'm so very sorry to have talked to you like I did the other night, before you saved my honour or my life or both. I've been afraid ever since to lose you to another woman.'

'Please don't be afraid of my marrying someone else, dear Caitlin. Whatever happens between us, I'm not seeing anyone else until I've given my heart a chance to fulfil its deepest wish. I admit I had to almost break it before finally understanding it, but I promise you I will be steadfast from now on. I love you Caitlin, I know that now, and if you'll permit me I will be your lover and friend until you have decided whether you can care for me enough and trust me enough to consider taking me as your husband.'

He loved her! He not merely wanted to marry her to have a companion for life, he actually cared for her!

'You're not seeing anyone else?'

'I am not. I went to see my other lover last night to end our arrangement. Besides doing that, my visit proved I never cared for her like I do for you, my love. I just didn't know until I was in danger of losing you, I've never been in love before.'

'You really love me?'

'I think of you every minute of the day. I want to be with you every minute of the day. When you cried in fear of losing everything you had, my heart broke. When you joked about someone hurting you I was ready to kill them. I want to make you happy, my love, to make up for what happened in the past, and protect you from everything bad that might ever happen to you.'

Caitlin felt overwhelmed, he showed such feeling, such sincerity, she could not but believe him. He loved her, and had found out only when in danger of losing her. Like she had herself!

'You know we'll fight, we're too much alike.'

He did not deny that, or even say anything in return, as the delightful meaning of her words hit him. If she had thought him looking happy before, his face belied that observation now by showing even more delight. And still he didn't speak, he merely took her face in both his hands and kissed her as passionately as he ever had.

Somehow, she felt a need to seal their understanding with words, maybe she needed the confirmation herself to actually believe she would not ever again be at risk of losing him.

'I love you, too, Jean, and I only realised after I'd picked a fight with you what it would cost me to lose you. You are a good man, the best lover, and I trust you. I always feel safe when I'm with you, and Ben already loves you like a son. I want nothing more than for you to be my husband, and frankly I don't really think we'll fight that much after all. Why bother? There are so many other things we can do together that are much nicer.'

She would never again feel frightened when he held her firmly, he would never hurt her, and he would protect her from anyone else who might.

'I don't think I've ever been happier in my life, dear Caitlin.'

Her feelings overwhelmed her, he meant that, she could hear it in his voice. Her life so far had not been easy, and from the moment they met, Jean had been one of the few good things in it. Maybe the best was yet to come, for both of them.

She held him so tightly, all her reticence seemed to have disappeared overnight. Of course he wanted to make love to her straight away, but she was expecting neighbours bearing gifts, and he had come bearing gifts himself. There would be plenty of time to celebrate their understanding tonight, or every night after this. Now it was time to help her settle in this cottage and in the village where it stood, with every means available to him. Which meant his standing as Mr Darcy's stable master and possibly the little bit of the famous French charm destiny had decided to grace him with?

'I'm so glad to hear you love me, Caitlin, I almost forgot: I came ready to compete with any neighbour bearing gifts, since I have the advantage of knowing what you need.'

And he picked up the package he had dropped in their intimate moment. He'd managed to talk Mrs Reynolds out of its contents that morning, in exchange for the value of the goods surrendered to him. It would be weeks before he'd manage to lay a hand on quality linen even if he had the time to go to town, and Mrs Reynolds could have new material delivered well before any was needed in the house. He did suspect the news of his change of heart towards the institute of marriage had done the rounds, for she hadn't even looked at him askance when he asked her whether she could help him find some fine bed linens, but merely taken him to the store rooms and let him choose from several carefully-matched sets.

'I'll settle the value with Mr Brewer, you go take them to their new owner, Hugo,' she'd said, 'I'm certain this quality linen will find favour with any young lady.'

Hugo had indeed not wasted any time explaining but merely left Peter in charge and had walked to Witham as fast as he could.

He handed the large package to Caitlin without saying a word, and though she likely knew what was in it she was still surprised. After carefully removing the plain wrapping paper, she admired the quality of the fabric and the lovely rose colour, and then she embraced him again.

'I don't know how you do it, Jean, it's like a miracle! We discussed bed linen yesterday and you were busy all afternoon! Did you magic this up?'

'If the Pemberley housekeeper is a witch, I did. But mostly I just asked and she had some in storage that she could let me have. Do you like it?'

'Like it? I love it! I've only ever felt this quality making beds for my master, I never even dreamed of owning anything like it myself. I cannot wait to try it on my new bed. Will you be able to try it with me? Somewhere this week?'

'I'll help you put it on straight away, my love, before any neighbours come calling. And I was hoping to spend most nights with you. Or do you want us to get married first? For those same neighbours?'

She looked at him as if he was totally out of his mind, then said, 'Let's try it straight away. I have an appointment with the neighbour you saw yesterday to explore the village, but not until this afternoon. And her husband is going to teach Ben about farming, Ben is planning to run over right after breakfast. Jean, I just cannot believe you really love me, I feel like I need to hold you, be one with you to make it real. Will you live here with me and Ben? I'd dread living in a big house again but I think I'd bear it just to be with you.'

He took the linen from her hands and tucked it beneath one arm where it barely fit. Then he wrapped his free arm around her and kissed her with all the love he felt.

'I will move in with you, you are needed here in Witham, Mr Darcy already hinted I could borrow a horse to ride to Pemberley every day though it really isn't too far to walk. You're an important personage now, Caitlin, and I am ready to throw myself at your feet. I think Ben might enjoy living at Pemberley since Mr Brewer's boys would be excellent companions for him, and you might even like Mrs Reynolds and the other staff. They would certainly respect you for your knowledge and good work, you would no longer be just another maid doing the chores. But you would not be happy, and this is such a lovely little cottage, I kind of fancy doing a little farming with Ben. Though I'd like to exchange the goats for a couple of cows, would you mind very much?'

They had reached the bedroom, and Hugo felt his excitement rise at the expectation of making love to Caitlin, knowing she loved him and wanted him to be hers forever.

'Jean, I know nothing of farming, I needed the milk and a cow was too expensive and they need grass and a stable so I bought the goats. Ben may be attached to them, however, he cared for them. Ben! Do you mind if I run over and tell him before he leaves? About us?'

She was so sweet, and he didn't mind those goats at all if Ben wanted to keep them. But if Ben wanted to come to Pemberley with him for lessons they would need constant attendance to keep them from becoming a nuisance to the village.

'Of course not, do you want me to come with you? Or shall I make the bed whilst you talk to him?'

'You know how to make a bed? I thought you had servants all your life?'

'Dear Caitlin, I think it's time I told you more about my past. But it can wait half an hour. Go tell Ben, then come back to me, I'll be waiting for you.'

She rushed out, and Hugo used the beautiful linen to make the bed tightly enough to please any army sergeant. Then he laid down on it very carefully, not to spoil his efforts. The door opened just after he was done, and Caitlin came in, addressing him before she'd even shut the door.

'He was so happy, Jean, he said, 'I told you, mum, he did love you.'

And indeed he did say you'd come to live with us, but I thought that was just what he wanted, he's ten, how could he know?'

Then she looked at the bed and was stunned for a few moments.

'Even I can't make a bed that well, and I was a maid for years! How...?'

Hugo held out his arms to her and she laid down next to him, snuggling against him in complete disregard of the beautifully made bed.

As they kissed, she seemed to lose all her former curiosity, and Hugo thought that was how it should be. There would be plenty of time to talk afterwards. Now, he wanted to stroke her, and undress her, and kiss her and love her.

Caitlin was almost afraid this wasn't really happening, did Jean really ask her to marry him just now, because he'd realised he loved her? She'd doubt him but he had been so brutally honest with her before, and what would he gain from being married to her if he didn't love her? She had no status, no money, and an illegitimate child not his own, he offered her everything in exchange for nothing.

The look on Ben's face when she told him Jean had told her he loved her. He'd rubbed it in, of course, he had been right all along. And then he said, 'Better go to him quickly, mum, spend some time together before all the other neighbours drop by. I'm off to Mr Wright's!'

To have two such perfect men to love, wasn't it too much? Wasn't it asking for trouble to be so happy?

Her surprise over his intriguing skill at making beds was quickly overcome as the realisation hit her that this would be their bedroom, where they would spend every night from now on. Well, most nights, he'd probably have to stay at Pemberley sometimes.

As Jean kissed her with almost fearsome intensity, a strong feeling of happiness took over every coherent thought, and when he stroked her bare skin under her skirts, lust joined in. It did not overcome her happiness, the delightful knowledge of having gained this fabulous man's affection was too strong, and the combination of feelings was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Hopefully, it was the same for him.

Jean was more tender than ever before, and as affected by the situation as she was, there was nothing seasoned or routine about him as he explored every part of her body as if he had never been allowed to touch it before. And maybe it was different for him, having realised he loved her. Maybe making love had been some kind of sport to him so far, and now it was as serious as it had been to her for some time now. Of course she had told herself often he was not for her but she just couldn't help herself, she had come to love him. And now he was hers forever.

Soon, their tender caresses became more heated and they made love eagerly, Jean as considerate of her wishes and desires as ever. Only when they lay together afterwards, both slightly out of breath, totally satisfied and filled with bliss, did Caitlin remember the bed, and Jean's hints of his past.

'Will you tell me now where you learned to make a bed like that? You were going to tell me about your past, I suppose they are related?'

He sat up a little and took her in his arms, then started to talk.

'I was in the army, my love, the French cavalry. From my early adulthood until I had to flee because of my heritage. My talent with horses was very much in demand, to train them and keep them healthy, but I have done my share of fighting.'

'Which is why you heard something amiss that night, and were able to subdue a much taller opponent.'

'Exactly. Do you mind? Having a former officer as your husband?'

She didn't understand why she would. He was not going to serve in the British army, was he, and be called away from home?

'I've seen things, Caitlin, horrible things. And not all of them done by the enemy either. Sometimes I dream about those days, and then I wake up screaming, or drenched in sweat, and I cannot fall asleep again very easily. I've never told anyone, they wouldn't understand, they're boys, mostly. Also, they might not be so keen to trust me.'

Well, Caitlin could imagine that, they'd known him for years but he was French. People here were inclined to judge foreigners harshly, she'd found that out herself, and she wasn't a strong man in a position of some authority.

'I don't know about others but I don't mind, my love. You know I've been through things myself, not as bad as war but I know how the dreams can leave one paralysed with fear of something long past. If it happens, I'll be there for you, as you were for me. And I have to admit I feel safer knowing you will be here to protect me, even though I know Mr Darcy's protection will be enough in a sleepy village like Witham.

So you not only learned to fight but also to make beds?'

That was the right thing to say for he laughed merrily and replied, 'I most certainly did. It had to be perfect or the punishment would be gruesome: digging latrines, scrubbing floors, and worse. I cannot leave a bed unmade, and I'm afraid I'm painfully tidy as well, everything I own has its own place and I like to keep it there. I suppose I'll have to let go of that habit, I never managed until now, leading a large stable certainly didn't help me loosen up: a messy stable area is a danger to everyone, people tripping over tools, horses injuring themselves on nails or rusty wire, and worst of all, fire due to lamps not being minded properly in a space with dust and bits of hay or bedding flying about.'

He certainly felt his responsibility, and Caitlin loved him all the more for it. She kissed him and said truthfully, 'Ben and I are naturally tidy as well, my love. He's just not like other boys, he dislikes feeling dirty and I've never had to remind him to clean up after himself. And even though I was poor, I worked with vulnerable people, often elderly, very ill or newly born. If I wasn't fastidious I'd lose patients left and right. My hut had an earthen floor and no real windows, and I had to do my laundry in the river in cold water, but still I tried to keep everything as clean as could be. I'll be glad to have a real house, it will save so much work, and to have an outhouse again, you cannot imagine the luxury. Oh, of course you can, you must have been part of an army for months on end. I suppose you've seen some things I cannot even imagine, dirt not being the worst.'

He nodded thoughtfully, and nuzzled her neck and kissed her so differently, with so much love!

'It's so good to finally talk of these things, I suffered so many sleepless nights for the first few years in England. I suppose I may have started sleeping around to avoid being by myself, never getting attached to not have to talk about my past and my fears. In time they faded, I guess like yours did?'

That was exactly what had happened, the strains of her new life had left her little time to worry about her past.

'I was too busy keeping myself and Ben alive to leave much time for thinking or feeling.'

Her hand kept wanting to stroke the man lying beside her, his skin several shades darker than her starkly white one, the hair on his chest and arms, inky black but so tiny and adorable. The layer of muscle he had beneath every part of him, not standing out but just there, useful and always ready for action, like his mind and his habits. He was so tough, even tougher than she'd guessed with a past in the army, and yet his skin was so soft, and he had always been so soft-spoken and gentle with her. He said he had a temper and she knew they were both used to having their own way, but she didn't fear getting into fights with him. What could be more important than being with him, feeling his love and seeing him ready to protect her from anything?

'Will you get into trouble with Mr Darcy over this? He has you at his beck and call all the time now, if you have to walk half an hour each morning you may not be in time to save a sick horse or take him to town on a whim.'

His hands kept stroking her as well, and not just the obvious parts, he gave equal attention to more innocuous areas.

'He is so fond of his own wife he thinks everybody should get married. He knows about you, is rooting for me, he will be thrilled to hear of my success. His steward just knew I loved you when I talked to both of them about the danger you were in and of your need for a real house. Mr Brewer knew I was in love before I did myself.

I suppose Mr Darcy would have preferred me to live in Clifton, but you are needed here. Bob will stay at Pemberley and Peter hasn't gone as yet, I think I can learn to share my responsibilities a little with them. Don't worry, my love, all will be well.'

Soon after this they got up and made the bed afresh, and then Jean wanted to take a more serious look at the state of the small farm.

'I have plenty of savings, if the land can support a couple of cows I'd like to have our own, even though it means getting up early to milk them. And I'd like a dog, not a hound, we have plenty of those at the big house, but one who will keep you and Ben and the livestock safe when I'm away. A boy should have a dog. Do you mind?'

Caitlin didn't mind at all. She liked dogs, and Jean undoubtedly knew how to handle them, he was responsible for so many animals at Pemberley, it wouldn't be half as much of a burden as those goats and chickens had been in her old place where there was no grass or grain to feed them.

They explored their own fields, making plans and asking personal questions in a comfortable mixture of their personal history and their future together, until after a frugal noon meal the present announced itself in the shape of their neighbour Mrs Wright. She seemed pleasantly surprised by Jean's presence, and as Caitlin introduced him as 'Mr Jean Hugo, the stable master at Pemberley and my fiancé', she felt her own heart thump with excitement and happiness and Jean's face was set in the biggest grin he had ever shown her. He was handsomer than ever, and had quite a bit more of the famous French charm than he'd let on. Mrs Wright didn't even seem to notice her new neighbours' accents or foreign looks, let alone mind them.

Jean kissed their neighbour's hand like a true gentleman, which he of course had been in his home country, and Mrs Wright melted on the spot.

'Oh, Mr Hugo, it's such a pleasure to meet you. Ben didn't tell me you were here, he didn't really have the time since my John took him to our vegetable patch straight away to show him around. I think that boy of yours must be a sponge for knowledge, Miss Brennan, for I watched them from the kitchen window and he didn't seem bored at all with John's ramblings on sprouts and pumpkins and potatoes and the only way to let manure rot just right.'

'And he will remember all of it, Mrs Wright, he has the memory of a magpie. You don't think the neighbours will mind Mr Hugo coming along?'

'On the contrary, they'll love to see someone from the house showing an interest. Are you going to be married in our church? We haven't had a wedding there in such a long time, Mr Eliot preaches the best sermons and there were plenty of funerals but no merriment at all for quite some time now. It will be such an excellent thing for our little village, a real healer and her married to someone from the great house as well! People will see it as a turnabout for Witham, we need some new, young people here.

And young Ben is such a charming boy, he really tied those goats of yours down good and tight, some children don't seem to put their heart in their chores but your boy obviously takes them very seriously. Though we'll get him to play in the woods and fish and swim as well, don't worry. We're a real community even if some of us are getting on a bit.'

'Do you think they'll mind my being French?' Jean asked outright.

'Absolutely not! Especially not the ladies, every woman loves being charmed, and our own men may learn something, yet. No-one here has lost anyone to the war, Mr Hugo, and besides, you work for Mr Darcy, he always does what is best for his tenants. They say he was very upset to hear that so many had died last winter, he tries his best by keeping the cottages in good repair but you know, where people get older, some just get sick. It's a fact of life and even Mr Darcy cannot change that. But you may, my dear!'

And with this, Mrs Wright took Caitlin's hand with affection, and led her towards the first house, that of the neighbours on Caitlin's other side. Caitlin hoped they'd be as kind and welcoming as the Wrights had been, but somehow she wasn't as fearful of being rejected and shunned as she had been before. Of course, Mrs Wright's promise that they were very welcome in Witham helped, but Caitlin knew it was mostly the knowledge that Jean loved her and wanted to be hers forever that made her feel on top of the world.