Chapter 92

Tess ran to the car park and climbed into Stevie's ute.

"Let's Go! Drive please!" ordered Tess.

"What? Am I your get away driver now?" Stevie joked. She was in a good mood.

"Just go, please." Tess blinked back tears.

"What happened? Are you crying?" asked Stevie.

"No. I'm fine. Just go please." Tess's voice was strained as she tried not to cry.

"Okay. I'm going."

They sat silently for a while.

"So are you going to tell me what happened between our chat in the ladies room and when you ran into my ute?" asked Stevie.

"I got scared," admitted Tess.

"Of what?"

"My feelings," answered Tess.

"You looked like you were on cloud nine when you left the ladies room. What changed?"

"I realized I was in love with him. Like head over heels, crazy in love," said Tess through her tears.

"Tess! That's amazing! Why isn't that a good thing?" asked Stevie.

"No. It's not amazing. I've known him for a week. This is insane. I wanted to get to know him, learn about him, enjoy his company, maybe have a few kisses and some companionship, maybe eventually, get to the point where I wanted to sleep with him, but that's not what I got. I got crazy, strong, scary intense feelings in a week. It's too much. It's not supposed to be this much. Not this soon." Tess was really upset.

"Do you remember when I told you about the dream I had about Alex when we made love? Before Fiona and all of that? When we were just mates?" asked Stevie.

"Yeah. It was when you realized you were in love with Alex, but he freaked out because of Nick's supposed death and married Fiona instead. It was obvious to everyone but him that it would never work between them."

"Do you remember what you told me? What helped me make sense of all the feelings I realized I had for Alex? You told me about two different types of love. Fireworks and the slow burn. I had the slowburn for Alex. I reckon you got the fireworks with Finn," said Stevie.

"I know, but I don't want fireworks," said Tess.

"But you got them nonetheless,"` replied Stevie.

"But this isn't how this was supposed to go. I decided I was ready to date and went on one date. I was ready for some romantic dinners and some nice conversations. I wasn't ready for my entire world to be turned upside down."

"Did you tell Finn about this?" asked Stevie.

"Yes. He's feeling the same way. He said he never expected any of this to happen. He told me he didn't know he could even feel this way again. He told me he was falling hard for me. I told him I was falling hard for him."

"So then what happened? Because, so far, it sounds pretty spectacular. Where did it go wrong?"

"We kissed. Like an amazing, electric kiss. Like our-souls-connected type of kiss," Tess said miserably.

"So you both confessed you were falling in love with each other and shared a passionate, intimate kiss? I'm sorry Tess, but I'm having a hard time understanding why you're crying and sitting here with me. That sounds incredibly romantic and wonderful," said Stevie. "You should be with Finn in his hotel room, making love with him."

'It was romantic and wonderful, but it was so incredibly intense. This entire relationship has been at turbo speed. I mean I stood there in the middle of the pub wrapped in his arms for, like, six straight minutes, without saying a word, just totally lost in him. This isn't me!" exclaimed Tess.

"Maybe it's you in love. You haven't had fireworks love before. It took you and Nick awhile to finally get together, I reckon it was more of the slowburn that time. Maybe this is just your turn for fireworks," said Stevie.

"I hate the fireworks," said Tess.

"It didn't seem like you hated the fireworks when I saw the two of you embraced in the middle of the pub. You both looked like you were floating above the whole room. It honestly looked pretty magical," said Stevie.

"I'm so embarrassed about that. I am going to be the number one topic of Gungellan gossip tomorrow. It frightens me that I lose a sense of reality when I'm with him. It's like everything else in the world, all the other problems or responsibilities, don't matter. But they do matter. I don't just live in a fairy tale world. I can't just melt into a man's arms and never have to worry about anything again."

"I do understand. Feelings that intense, so suddenly, would frighten me too. We have both been on our own for a long time and we've done pretty well. Raised our kids. Kept our farms going. We have lives and things that are important to us and people who depend on us. I date more often than you and I've been looking for the same things you were, not true love, just some companionship," confided Stevie. "My conversation with Jaz made me realize that I wasn't actually opening my heart as much as I thought I was or really, at all. I dated for companionship and stuck with the type of guys I knew I'd be comfortable with, and would have fun with, but I never let it go anywhere because those feelings scare me a bit too," said Stevie as she gave her friend a supportive pat on the leg as she drove. "I felt them with Alex, and it was beautiful and amazing, but I thought it would be scary and uncomfortable to feel them with anyone else," admitted Stevie. "Jaz totally called me out and told me I wouldn't ever feel those feelings if I kept dating the same type of guy. I've thought an awful lot about that conversation since yesterday. I think I was doing that on purpose so I wouldn't feel those scary intense feelings, but, after listening to you, I realize I'd like to feel like you do right now. Well, without fear, but to feel so connected with another person like that. It's pretty special. Pretty incredible. I have decided to open my heart, in case it's my turn for love, but it looks like it's your turn this time, Tess. I understand why you're upset. It would freak me out too if I fell that hard, that quickly, especially after not dating for so long, but maybe you just need to let yourself fall and enjoy building that connection with Finn."

"Let myself fall! I feel like I'm falling off a waterfall. I thought I was going to go for a walk on a river bank and maybe do some wading and instead I'm in Class five whitewater rapids with only an innertube. I don't want to ride the rapids over a waterfall, so I'm going to get out of the water," declared Tess.

"Have you ever actually been whitewater rafting? Like on a big river?" asked Stevie.

"No. I just thought the analogy worked," admitted Tess.

"So I actually have been whitewater rafting. I took a weekend trip down the Mitta Mitta River. It was pretty big whitewater and, honestly, it was scary. We were getting tossed around pretty hard. Getting soaked. At one point, I fell out and actually went through one of the big rapids with just a life jacket," said Stevie. "I swallowed a lot of water and thought I was drowning."

"Yes. That's how I feel right now," said Tess.

"But what I didn't tell you yet was that it was one of the greatest weekends of my life. It was exciting and new and my endorphins and adrenaline were flowing. You see, when we first got on the river, we hit a bunch of really big rapids right away. At first, I regretted booking the trip and, if I had had the option, I would have gotten out of the water, but I didn't have that option, so I had to keep going through the rapids and feeling overwhelmed and terrified." Stevie stopped and glanced at Tess. "I reckon that's how you are feeling right now Tess, but, over time, I stopped being terrified and went down to just a little bit scared and realized that I was having an amazing experience. The scenery was beautiful and the river was exciting and invigorating and I loved it. Eventually, the river settled down and it was mostly just floating along. At that point, I was craving more rapids. I wanted the intensity of the whitewater. If I had just floated along, and never hit those rapids, I wouldn't have known what I missed, but I would have missed out on an amazing experience. It changed my life. I'm so glad I stayed in the whitewater," explained Stevie.

"Yes, but you had a guide and a raft. I don't have those things," argued Tess.

"Yes you do and, even better, you'd have a partner to go through the rapids with. You've got Finn feeling the same way," said Stevie.

"People do drown in whitewater or get really hurt. It doesn't mean we'd both make it through alive or together."

"Nope. It doesn't, but if you get out of the water too soon, you'd potentially miss out on something amazing. Something life changing," said Stevie.

"I'm terrified. I'm just not ready for this. I'd rather just float down the river with Finn, but that doesn't seem to be an option."