A Little Mushroom Cloud Shaped Explosion

"And that is why we are no longer serving tapioca pudding in the cafeteria," Cobra Commander spoke to the Cobra High Command in the conference room. "So thank you very much Zartan and your idiot Dreadnoks!"

"You lot have only been here two days and your animals already destroyed something," Destro huffed. "Where's my taser again?"

"You can taser them another time Destro," Cobra Commander waved. "Let's just get through this meeting first."

"May I say in my defense that it was Mindbender who doctored up that stupid potion in the first place!" Zartan spoke up. His sister and brother were in the room as well but not the other Dreadnoks.

"Yes but I kept that growth hormone in lab refrigerator clearly labeled 'Growth Experimental Hormone, do not touch'!" Mindbender snapped.

"You expected the Dreadnoks to read?" The Baroness snickered.

"I expected them to stay out of my lab after the incident with Lana!" Mindbender snapped.

"Who's Lana?" Cobra Commander asked. "One of your new assistants?"

"No, it's the giant lizard that molested Zandar," Destro snickered.

"TWICE!" Zandar snapped.

"Oh please!" Mindbender snapped. "So Lana dry humped you a bit! It's not like there was any penetration."

"NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING!" Zartan snarled. "The damn thing tried to have it's way with me too!"

"Again you shouldn't have invaded my lab in the first place…" Mindbender gave him a look.

"Okay! It appears we have to go over this again!" Cobra Commander said in a very annoyed tone. "Last time! No Dreadnoks are allowed ever in Mindbender's lab! Mindbender, do not let your creations leave the lab whether they have legs or not! And definitely do not let anything from Mindbender's lab into the cafeteria and put it in the food! HOW IS THAT DIFFICULT TO REMEMBER?"

"Again look who you are talking to…" The Baroness pointed to the Dreadnok Siblings.

"Stuff it Baroness!" Zarana and Zandar said as one.

"Okay now we're moving on to Item Two on the list!" Cobra Commander pressed on. "Now I know how you were all looking forward to stealing the gold medals at the Olympics. But because of all the extra security thanks to the Jihad Janes running around we have to change our plans! I mean who broadcasts a secret attack on the internet? Ugh! I swear these religious fanatics take all the fun out of being a terrorist!"

"True. Then again the Russians ruined the Sochi games more than any terrorist ever could," The Baroness remarked.

"Those toilets looked worse than the time the Dreadnoks had that all you can eat Mexican Buffett," Zarana spoke up. "At least you could flush those toilets at first! Later not so much but still…"

"Not just that. They had at least six years to build hotels and get enough accommodations and they're still not ready!" Mindbender spoke up. "Not to mention all the bees in the honey."

"Isn't that where they're supposed to be?" Zero blinked.

"Not when you're trying to put it on toast," Mindbender explained.

"And their Olympic stadiums and courses are substandard," Cobra Commander shook his head. "You know say what you want about Cobra's old gladiator arenas and torture chambers but at least they were up to code!"

"So what now?" Destro asked.

"So now we go to our backup plan," Cobra Commander turned on the monitor on the wall. "Luck would have it our intelligence agents have confirmed that a black market arms deal is going down. Right in our own casino!"

"What intelligence agents?" Zartan blinked.

"Doesn't anyone read my newsletter?" Zero moaned. "We hired them a few days ago! They're some of my old buddies from the Crimson Guard who didn't join the Overlord because they liked being freelance agents! But they've had some financial problems so they decided to come back to Cobra."

"Didn't join who?" Zartan did a double take.

"Long story…" Xamot waved.

"We'll tell you later if we feel like it," Tomax added. "But who…?"

"Are the new agents?" Xamot added. "Do we know them?"

"Uh yeah," Zero whistled. "Their code names are Slice and Dice."

"Slice and…" Tomax's jaw dropped.

"Dice?" Xamot yelled.

"THOSE TWO MANIACS?" The twins yelled at once.

"Oh God not those two!" Zartan moaned.

"Uh what?" Cobra Commander looked back and forth. "Am I missing something?"

"A lot of things, actually but for now I'll give you a quick backstory on Slice and Dice," Zartan explained. "They're ninjas."

"Not Arshikage Ninjas!" Destro raised an eyebrow.

"No, but not for lack of trying," Zartan moaned. "They thought they could become part of a ninja clan using a correspondence course and then they tried to join the Red Ninjas."

"Aren't the Red Ninjas the nuts that are always trying to kill you?" Zero asked Zartan.

"Exactly. For murdering their ninja master, staining their honor, yada, yada, yada…" Zartan groaned. "They thought they could join the Red Ninjas by capturing me and getting me killed but for some reason their catching me made them even angrier and then the Red Ninjas wanted to kill them too…Long story short it was a very messy weekend."

"So Zartan convinced them to join Cobra and like idiots we brought them into our Crimson Guard," Tomax groaned.

"Let me guess, they were unsatisfactory in their work?" Mindbender asked.

"No, they were very satisfactory…" Xamot sighed. "The problem wasn't with their job performance."

"The problem was that they were nuts even beyond Cobra Standards. Not to mention their PDA was off the charts and drove half their team mates crazy," Tomax finished.

"PDA?" Cobra Commander asked.

"Personal Displays of Affection…" Xamot groaned.

"With each other…" Tomax added.

"In the locker room…" Xamot went on.

"And everywhere else…" Tomax added.

"The gay ninjas?" Cobra Commander did a double take.

"Oh yeah, I remember them now," Mindbender blinked.

"How could anyone forget them after the Christmas Party of 1993?" Xamot protested.

"To be fair Cobra Commander was pretty blitzed that year," Tomax reminded his brother.

"As opposed to every other year?" Xamot gave his brother a look.

"Year? How about every freaking month?" The Baroness grumbled.

"Month?" Destro asked. "How about….?"

"Okay we are officially off track…" Cobra Commander grumbled. "Can we get back to the mission?"

"Certainly Cobra Commander," Destro nodded. "We know you need to get back to your drinking as soon as possible."

"If that weren't true Destro I'd shoot you," Cobra Commander growled. "Okay here's how this will go down. Some North Korean agents are checking into the casino to buy some weapons grade plutonium. Or some kind of small nuclear bomb. Because as we all know that's what North Korean Agents do. We intercept the agents as soon as they check into the room. Knock them out with knockout gas installed in their vents. Dispose of them. Take their place. Wait for the seller to come to the room. When he gets there we rob the guy…In other words it's basically Plan Switcheroo from the old days. Got it?"

"Yeah we remember the drill," The Baroness waved. "Just as long as the Dreadnoks don't screw it up!"

"Why do you always assume that my Dreadnoks will screw things up?" Zartan snapped.

"The same way I know that if I go into the ocean I will get wet," The Baroness gave him a look. "Or the same way I know that if a celebrity does something stupid, TMZ will broadcast it. It is inevitable!"

"As much as I'd love to continue this derision of the Dreadnoks…" Destro spoke in a dead pan tone. "I feel I must ask this rather obvious question. How do we know this so called arms dealer is legitimate and not a trap sent by the authorities? For all we know this could be a sting operation run by either the government or a spy agency."

"It's not a trap," Zero spoke up. "Slice and Dice checked this guy out thoroughly."

"Oh yes that makes me feel so much better," Destro rolled his eyes.

"As much as we hate to agree with Zero…" Xamot began.

"We have to say that even though Slice and Dice were rather unorthodox…" Tomax added.

"They always got results and have never steered us wrong before," The Twins said as one.

"Except the time they suggested we paint the corner office orange yellow," Xamot remembered.

"We don't know what they were thinking then!" Tomax agreed.

"Let's just hope this runs smoothly," Destro grumbled. "And that the Dreadnoks not screw it up."

"How could we screw this up?" Zartan gave Destro a look.

Fast forward to the following day at the same time…

"Okay in our defense this is only half our fault!" Zartan yelled as he laid down cover fire in the hallway from one of the hotel rooms on the 41st floor. "Mindbender should be held accountable for his defective knockout gas!"

"It was your idiot Dreadnoks that were supposed to set up the knockout gas in the first place!" Destro barked as he and Zero added fire.

"I told you we should have used someone from my department!" Zero shouted. "But noooo!"

"I agree with you Zero! It's Cobra Commander who insisted these idiots be given a chance!" Destro snapped. "And they failed! SURPRISE!"

"The canisters were empty! You can't blame us for defective and empty canisters!" Zartan yelled as he shot one of the North Koreans dead. "There I got another one."

"That makes it two," Zero remarked. "I have one and Destro has two. You two are tied."

"This is not a competition!" Destro snapped as he ducked the bullets. "Oh great! There's blood all over the new carpets in the hallway and they're not even scotch guarded yet!"

"Housekeeping will not be happy with us," Zero remarked.

"I'm not happy with Zartan and his Dimwit Brigade for failing to install the knockout gas canisters!" Destro snapped.

"THE CANISTERS WERE EMPTY!" Zartan snarled.

"And how did you know that?" Destro asked.

"Torch called and told me that!" Zartan yelled as he returned fire.

"Oh yeah there's a reliable source of information!" Destro said sarcastically.

"Torch doesn't lie to me when it counts!" Zartan snapped. "He's not smart enough to do so!"

"He's got a point there Destro," Zero remarked.

"Oh please!" Destro rolled his eyes.

"You want proof? I'll get him on the communicator!" Zartan snapped. "Torch! Where are you? Where's our backup?"

"Oh you wanted me to come up and get you?" Torch responded.

"YES I WANTED YOU TO COME UP AND HELP ME TAKE OUT THE NORTH KOREANS!" Zartan yelled.

"Geeze you don't have to yell!" Torch remarked.

"Just get your stupid hide and the hides of the other idiots up here and help us!" Zartan shouted.

"Uh yeah well funny story about that…" Torch was down in a room looking at the unconscious Dreadnoks all over the floor. "You're gonna laugh when you hear this…"

"What did you do?" Zartan hissed into the communicator.

"You know how the canisters of knock out gas were empty and we couldn't install them?" Torch asked as he looked at his comrades. "I didn't exactly tell you why did I?"

"What. Did. You. Do?" Zartan yelled.

"The blokes were having a knockout contest," Torch said. "Who could stay awake the longest? After inhaling knockout gas."

"Let me guess, you won!" Zartan fumed.

"No I wasn't playing. I was kind of in the bathroom because I had to deal with my own brand of knockout gas if you get my drift," Torch said nervously. "I never should have had those chimichongas for lunch."

"Now why does this not surprise me?" Destro said sarcastically.

"Fine just get some backup! Any back up on the 41st floor now!" Zartan yelled. "Zartan out!"

"Anything you'd like to say Zartan?" Destro asked.

"Oh…" Zartan blinked. "Okay fine. This is all the Dreadnoks' fault. Happy?"

"Oh yes!" Destro snarled as he returned fire. "I'm ecstatic! I'm practically jumping for joy with happiness! WHEEEEEEE!"

Destro used the grenade launcher and fired into the room. The room exploded and shook the building for a second. Then all was silent. "Are they dead yet?" Zero blinked.

"They should be," Destro snorted. "Which means I win."

"It's not a competition!" Zartan growled.

"So are we going to go in and see if they're actually dead or…?" Zero pointed to the room.

"Go and see for yourself," Zartan grumbled.

"Why should I?" Zero asked. "I'm management remember?"

"He has a point Zartan," Destro said.

"You're taking his side?" Zartan shouted.

"Let me think about that. YES!" Destro snapped.

"I've been with Cobra forever!" Zartan snapped.

"And you've been backstabbing us forever," Zero said.

"Zero makes a very compelling argument," Destro said.

"Well what about him?" Zartan pointed. "You found him working for a former henchman who tried to kill you!"

"Only because of the Crimson Twins' incompetence and mismanagement of funds," Zero said. "I had to make a living somehow! I didn't choose to leave Cobra! You did!"

"Again, a very compelling argument," Destro agreed.

"So go and check and see if they're dead," Zero said.

"I do not take orders from you!" Zartan hissed.

"Oh yes you do," Destro smirked. "And I as well and we're both telling you to go check out that room!"

"I have seniority! At least over you!" Zartan pointed to Zero.

"You gave up seniority when you stabbed us in the back!" Zero said.

"YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE AT THE TIME!" Zartan yelled.

"Zartan just shut up and do what you're told!" Destro growled.

"I know you've always hated me you pretentious prick but seriously letting the help make decisions…" Zartan gritted his teeth.

"Dude, you're the help now!" Zero barked.

"He's right again Zartan," Destro grinned.

"Why does everyone just roll over and agree with this jackass?" Zartan pointed to Zero.

"As opposed to agreeing with your particular brand of jackass-ery?" Zero remarked. "You want the whole list or just the top ten?"

"Ooh, I'd like to hear that list," Destro was clearly enjoying himself.

"I'll put it in the next newsletter," Zero said.

"I look forward to reading it," Destro said.

"Why don't you read this you….?" Zartan prepared to make an obscene gesture.

"Boss?" Torch entered the hallway. "Are you okay?"

"No but that's never stopped me before…" Zartan groaned. "We'll have Torch and his team look in the room."

"What team?" Torch blinked.

"The backup you were supposed to bring!" Zartan snapped.

"But I told you the other Dreadnoks are out cold," Torch blinked.

"COBRA SOLDIERS!" Zartan yelled. "You were supposed to bring Cobra Soldiers up here!"

"Was I?" Torch asked.

"That's what backup usually means!" Zartan snapped.

"To anyone with a brain cell," Destro remarked.

"Reason Number Five," Zero spoke up. "Incompetent underlings."

"Shut up!" Zartan hissed.

"Zartan I don't think you're allowed to tell your boss to shut up," Torch whispered loudly.

To this Destro let out an amused laugh. Zartan glared at Destro then Torch. "Torch…" Zartan gritted his teeth. "Check and see if anyone is alive in that room before the seller comes here with the materials. Understand?"

"I think it is an actual bomb," Torch spoke up. "What that seller bloke is bringing."

"Just do it!" Zartan yelled.

"Sheesh! You don't have to be a prickly pear about it," Torch grumbled as he did so. "Not my fault you didn't give me clear instructions!"

"Perhaps in the future you should write them in crayon?" Destro suggested.

"Man we didn't make this much of a mess with the tapioca in the cafeteria," Torch remarked. "Uh oh…"

"What do you mean uh oh?" Destro poked his head in. "Are they alive?"

"Uh no…But…" Torch pointed to an open briefcase on the floor. Among the scattered papers that looked like cash there was definitely something suspicious with a lot of wires in it.

"Okay that is definitely a bomb," Torch remarked.

"The old Bomb in the Money Briefcase scam," Destro shook his head. "If I've seen it once I've seen it a dozen times."

"They were gonna blow up perfectly good money?" Torch was puzzled.

"No stupid that's obviously fake money!" Zero snapped. "Is that bomb active?"

"Uh…"Torch touched the briefcase.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…

"It is now," Torch gulped.

"We have to disarm it!" Zartan shrieked in terror.

"There's no time!" Destro barked. He grabbed his grenade launcher and pushed a button. As the weapon modified to have a strange cushion on it Destro grabbed the bomb then managed to stick it in the weapon.

"What the hell are you doing?" Zartan yelled. "You'll blow us all up!"

"Not with this specially designed modification in my grenade launcher!" Destro pointed the weapon towards the window. He pulled the trigger and the bomb shot through the window. Before it hit the window the strange cushion had molded around the bomb.

"What the devil…?" Zero gasped.

"I told you I've seen the Bomb in the Briefcase scam a dozen times," Destro remarked. "So I made a special modification in my grenade launcher."

"So it could launch a bomb without detonating it? Clever," Zero whistled.

"Yes and the bomb will explode inside the container safely without any damage," Destro smirked.

KAAAAAA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

"Unless it is an extremely powerful bomb," Destro winced as the ground shook.

"Whoa!" Torch looked out the window. "It's okay. It landed in the docks near the ocean."

"That's one big explosion," Zero whistled.

"More like a little mushroom cloud shaped explosion…" Destro blinked. "Oh no…"

"You don't think…?" Zartan did a double take. "It couldn't have hit…"

"It did…" Destro groaned.

"What are the odds we hit the arms dealer that was carrying the bomb he was going to sell miles away from the casino?" Zero gasped,

"With you lot, very good ones!" Destro rolled his eyes.

"So it was definitely a small nuclear bomb," Torch said. "I win!"

"And Cobra loses again!" Destro threw up his hands.

"Well…" Zero said nervously. "At least we know for sure the seller was legit."