Chapter 93

Finn didn't know what to do. He was in love. It was intense and sudden. It was hitting him harder than he had ever been hit. He had been completely in love with his wife, but it hadn't happened in the same way. They had grown up together, known each other as kids, dated other people, but always remained close friends. They had both been invited to their friend Ricky's wedding. They had both gone without dates and had been seated together at the "singles table". They had joked around and done shots together. They decided to hit the dance floor, and were jumping around to all the fun classic wedding dance songs, when the DJ started a slow set. He offered to slow dance with Leah, as a joke, but she accepted. When he held Leah in his arms like that, everything that he hadn't even realized he had felt about her for years came to the surface. They had both realized they really liked each other and that they had remained such good friends for so long because they had liked being around each other. He had kissed Leah at the end of the song and told her he liked holding her. She had kissed him back and said she didn't realize that the right guy had been right there all along. They had become a couple right then and there.

Finn knew he had felt intense love for his wife, but it had grown overtime without him realizing it right away. They knew each other really well before they ever got together. This was very different. There was still so much about Tess he didn't know. He didn't know what shoe size she wore or what her favorite food was. He didn't know if she liked to dance or what kind of TV shows she liked. He didn't know what her horse's name was or if she liked sports. He didn't know if she was a morning person or a night owl. He didn't know what making love to her was like or what she looked like while she slept. There was so much he didn't know about her, yet he was so intensely in love with her. It didn't make any sense to him.

It had hurt when Tess had run away from him in the park, but he also understood it. This had to be even tougher for her. His world had already been turned upside. He had just moved across the world, he was starting a new life in a new country, and he didn't have any other passengers. Tess was in the middle of a life she had worked hard to build. She had an incredible community around her, she had an amazing family, and she had a daughter to worry about. He had come in and set everything on its head. Sitting there, he realized that she had a lot more to lose in this relationship than he did.

No wonder she ran. She is terrified of losing the wonderful life she had built here. She gave up that life once for love before, she literally moved across the world, and she had gotten betrayed and burned. She had rebuilt the life she wanted and heavily guarded her heart as she did it, and I came busting in unannounced, and messed up her world, thought Finn.

Finn felt awful, and he had no idea how to fix it. He looked at his clock, it read 10:47 PM. That would mean it was about 7:15am in Wyoming. He decided to try facetiming with his sister.

"Hey! Finn, how are you? It's great to see your face. How's Australia? Have you thrown shrimps on the barbie yet?" asked Carolyn in a fake Australian accent.

"Carolyn, I need some help. I don't know what to do. I didn't plan for this, and it's happening so quickly."

"Woah! Slow down Finn. What's happening? Are you okay?" she asked.

"Carolyn, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I met a woman. I've known her for one week, and I have fallen completely, head over heels in love with her. Like crazy, intense, never felt anything like this, love. I'm freaking out. I barely know her, but I love her," Finn explained.

"Well Finn, I think that's great, but it sounds like things are happening very quickly for you. How does she feel about this situation?" asked Carolyn calmly.

"That's the problem. She feels it too. She is even more scared than I am. I was visiting her ranch for work and it was instant for me. Her name's Tess, she runs an organic cattle station with her sister and brother-in-law. She has a fourteen year old daughter and she's the most incredible woman I've seen, definitely since Leah, maybe ever." Finn was up, pacing around his laptop.

"Okay, so have you met her just the one time?" asked Carolyn.

"We have been on a few dates, and each one was better than the last, and our connection kept growing, but tonight, I think it just got to be too much. I mean, I have known this woman for a week and I was about to tell her I was in love with her. I didn't actually say that word, but I feel it. I think she was about to tell me the same thing too, and I kissed her and it was the most amazing kiss. The connection I felt with her during that kiss was unbelievable. I felt like our souls embraced each other. I've never felt that before, not even with Leah, but then Tess freaked out. She told me it was all too much, too fast, and it is really fast. I don't understand why things are happening so fast with her. I don't want to lose her, but we are both terrified of how intense our feelings are. How do I turn down the flood?" asked Finn.

"Oh Finn. This is not like you at all. You've never been one to jump into relationships at all. It took you years to figure you were meant to be with Leah. What do you think has prompted the change?" asked Carolyn.

"I have no idea. One minute I'm driving to a farm to do a standard cattle station inspection, and the next minute I met her and my mind went to mush. She has this smile. Oh my God. Her smile takes over her entire face, It's incredible. I smile whenever I see her smile. I love that smile."

"Are you sure it's love, and not just infatuation?" asked Carolyn.

"It sure as hell feels like love. Crazy, intense, love. Tess is so scared. She has so much more to lose in this than me. My world already got turned upside down just by moving here. I'm starting a new life right now anyway and I don't have kids to worry about. She has everything to lose. She's divorced and had to rebuild her entire life after she gave up everything and moved across the world for a man the first time. Now here I come strolling in, from across the world, show up unannounced to her farm, and turn her life upside down. I didn't mean for this to happen. I wasn't even looking for a date, but we ran into each other a few times after the inspection, and I liked her more each time I saw her, so I asked her out, and she agreed, but told me she would need to go slow, and I agreed, and then we both got hit by a mack truck going 90mph on the I-80 highway." said Finn.

"Okay, when she freaked out, after the kiss, what did she do?"

"She left and went home. She lives an hour and a half from town. She had gotten a ride into town where we had dinner with one of her close girlfriends. Coincidentally, they had unknowingly scheduled dates at the same time and the same place. Once they realized it, they carpooled because they live on properties that neighbor each other. They had agreed they would go when the other was ready. We had just confessed we were both falling for each other and shared the most amazing kiss, then Tess started freaking out saying that it wasn't supposed to happen like this, and that it was too much too fast. I told her I was scared too, and that I never expected anything like this to happen. Then the friend texted she was ready to go and Tess just said she needed to go to clear her head, and that she needed space. I told her to wait and that I would drive her home, so we could talk it through, but she said no, and that it was too much too fast." Finn put his head in his hands and rubbed his temples. "What do I do? I love her Carolyn, I can't lose her."

"Yes. I would agree she is having the same intense feelings as you and she is frightened by those feelings and the feeling that her entire world is changing suddenly." agreed Carolyn.

"I don't want to ruin the life she built. She has built an impressive life. She runs a 5,000 acre certified organic ranch. She has a beautiful daughter who loves the farm. She has a sister Jodi and they're business partners. Jodi is married with two girls of her own and the six of them are this amazing family. Her and Jodi didn't learn they were sisters until Tess was thirty, but they have a closer relationship than we do. I don't want to ruin any of that for her." Finn was really scared he was going to lose her.

"Okay." was all Carolyn could get in.

"She asked me to remove her ranch from the running for the contracts I'm here to award because she didn't want to mix business and romance, and she couldn't deny that this was headed somewhere. Jodi supported the decision because she wants Tess to be happy. I am doing that right now. I am formally removing her ranch from the possibilities. It's a shame too, because they run a fantastic ranch and with no romantic influence, they would have gotten the contract. It's a sizable contract too, and the money would help them, but I understand why I need to do it." said Finn

"I agree with the sisters. You can't have a business relationship with this family, not at this point. I think you should respect her space and need to clear her head. If she is feeling overwhelmed by you, let her calm down a bit. She is probably feeling like she doesn't have a lot of control in the situation and is trying to control what she can. You definitely want to leave the ball in her court at this point," advised Carolyn.

"But what if I lose her? Losing her at this point is unthinkable."

"If you overwhelm her anymore, you may very well lose her," said Carolyn.

"Can I at least let her know I'm here for her and that I don't want to take anything from her, that I just want to navigate this terrifying thing together with her?"

"I wouldn't call her, not today anyway." advised Carolyn.

"It's night here, about 11pm. This just happened like an hour ago, she wouldn't even be home yet."

"Definitely don't call her now. She needs time to calm down and to process everything. You said she was driving with a close friend?"

"Yeah it's sort of her sister-in-law. Tess's ex husband's brother was married to her, but he passed away." said Finn.

"Okay, so she isn't alone, she has one of her close friends helping her deal with all of this. You don't have to worry about her driving poorly or pulling over and freaking out by herself on the side of the road or anything like that. She is safe, just scared. You definitely need to leave her alone tonight, I wouldn't call her in the morning either. Give her the time she needs to clear her head, work through the fear. If she is feeling like you are, she'll probably come back to you when she has sorted herself out."

"Can I call her tomorrow night? I can't lose her. I just want to figure this out together," pleaded Finn.

"No. You need to slow this whole thing down for her. You said you went on three dates in a week. That's a lot for a new relationship. You need to give her some time, at least a few days."

"I know she has a lot happening the next couple days too. She has a big sheep sale that's happening tomorrow, and then the next day, there is sort of the Australian version of a county fair. There is a youth rodeo and a demo derby and some other events happening in town. The day after that, Tess and Jodi are throwing their niece a big eighteenth birthday party. Tess and Jodi had another sister. She passed away very young and had a three month old daughter. That daughter is now eighteen and Tess and Jodi have remained a part of her life. It's a very busy time for her. How about if I just wait until after the party? Do you think that's enough time? I really need to see her," confessed Finn.

"Now we are getting closer. It sounds like this woman has experienced a great deal of hurt and pain in her life. She is probably very afraid of what you could do to her heart if the feelings are that intense." said Carolyn.

"But I wouldn't hurt her." argued Finn.

"You can't make that promise. You know that as well as anyone. Leah hurt you by dying. She definitely didn't mean to, or want to, but she did. You can't promise not to hurt her because it's a promise you can't keep." said Carolyn

"I don't want to hurt her, I will do everything in my power not to hurt her." said Finn.

"I believe you. You never go out of your way to hurt people, but she barely knows you. She doesn't know your kind nature. She doesn't know if the feelings could just run out on your end and continue on her end. You don't know that either. For all she knows, you could have a whole secret family back in the US somewhere and just be trying to get in her pants." said Carolyn.

"We haven't slept together. We've only shared a few kisses, and I'll wait as long as she needs me to for more than that."

"Finn, I know all of this because I've known you since the day you were born. I know what a great guy you are. The problem is that the woman you need to know that, hasn't gotten the chance to know that yet," explained Carolyn.

"I want to show her what kind of man I am, that I want to share the life she has and to help her along the way, hopefully add to it, not ruin it or turn it upside down. I mean Carolyn, I could marry this woman," confessed Finn.

"Okay Finn, don't tell her that now. It's been a week, don't you dare say anything about marriage. You will send this poor woman running for the hills. I know it will be hard, but don't call her, or text her, and whatever you do, don't visit her. Give her a few days to work some stuff out on her end, get through her party, and then you can think about reaching out." advised Carolyn.

"You don't think I'll lose her?" asked Finn.

"I don't know Finn. I just know that she is scared and needs to slow things down, so do that. Slow it down, be absent for a bit. Let her reach out to you on her terms. Don't overwhelm her any more than she already is."

"Okay, so the best course of action right now is to do nothing?"asked Finn.

"Yup. Do nothing."

"I've never been good at doing nothing."

"I know. You need to find something else to do then, something unrelated to Tess." advised Carolyn.

"I don't know anyone here. I don't have any friends or anyone to hang out with here. I'm in a tiny town with a hotel room that doesn't even have a kitchen. What am I going to do?" asked Finn. "I don't have any instruments to play, or a kitchen to cook in, anywhere to watch the Seahawks, or even a horse to go riding on."

"Finn, you're in Australia! Go be a tourist. Go look at the kangaroos, hold a koala, go find a platypus or a crocodile. Do you have appointments tomorrow? If not, take a long weekend, go to Sydney or Melbourne or something, go explore. You're in fucking Australia! I'm certain you can find something cool to do." said Carolyn.

"Okay. I'll try that. I could take a drive to Adelaide and spend the weekend there, I guess. Maybe catch an Australian Football game or something." said Finn.

"That sounds like a nice plan. Tess sounds like a wonderful woman, Finn, and I hope you figure things out with her. Just don't push things too fast, let your heads catch up to your hearts a little bit. I'm glad you called. Don't be a stranger, but I've got to go. I'm late for the morning chores. Call me from Adelaide. I love you Finn," said Carolyn.

"Thank you Carolyn. I'm sorry to be so chaotic. This is just so crazy. You're the face of reason for me. Thank you for calming me down. Tell Don and the kids I said hi. I'll call again soon. I love you," said Finn as he hung up the call on his laptop.