Raoul Dodged A Bullet

Cobra Commander made a call from his office. "Raoul! Good to hear from you! So how's shooting going? And for once I don't mean at the rifle range."

Cobra Commander paused. "Yes I know. Who would have thought the porn industry would be more lucrative than the illegal weapons industry? And a lot more fun! Am I right? HA HA HA HA!"

"Those were the good old days weren't they Raoul? Sigh. If only I knew then what I know now."

"You know Raoul you were my first choice to be my second in command when I first put Cobra together," Cobra Commander went on. "Yes. Yes. I know. No. I don't have any hard feelings about that. I understand completely. You couldn't leave the family business. Believe me I know where you're coming from. I had a mother like that too."

"It's just that you would have been a lot more fun than the Scottish Twit I have working for me. Yeah he's still here. Hasn't left yet. Not for lack of trying. Ah you know how bad the job market is. He can't get anything else and I can't get anyone else. You know if this whole porn thing doesn't work out…Oh what am I saying? If I were in your position they'd have to take a crowbar to pry me away!"

"Speaking of which did you get a look at the script I sent you?" Cobra Commander asked. "Of course there's a market for it! There are crazy fan boys who would kill for porn like this! It's just like Game of Thrones. Only there's more sex, Jon Snow and the dwarf are friends who go to orgies together and everyone is blue."

Cobra Commander paused. "Of course we can make it to your high quality standards. I've got computer nerds working on the winged snake monsters as we speak. I mean almost everything is digital nowadays. Make it a cartoon? Oh right. Animation. Yeah there's a difference!"

"Look Raoul, the only difference between a cartoon and animation is the amount of sex and swears in it."

"Well I have to agree it would be cheaper in the long run if we make it a series. And we wouldn't need as many actors. I know someone who could play half the parts. Yeah like Mel Blanc. What do you mean who is that? Even I've seen a Bugs Bunny cartoon!"

"No, no…Not like H. Jon Benjamin. No, I agree he has a great voice but it's the only one he has! He sounds the same in almost everything he does. I'm talking about someone who is versatile and…Yeah. Hank Azaria. Like him. Or the guy who does Spongebob."

"No I don't think we can get the guy who does Spongebob. Or Hank Azaria. But I do know one frustrated actor slash mercenary who might be up for the job."

"Cobra Commander…" Destro walked into the office. "We have a problem."

"Of course we do," Cobra Commander sighed. "Hold on Raoul. What is it now Destro? Can't you see I'm in the middle of an important phone call."

"It's about Mindbender and the Dreadnoks," Destro frowned.

"What happened this time?" Cobra Commander grumbled.

"One of Mindbender's creations got loose," Destro began. "Again."

"And…?" Cobra Commander asked.

"You remember the last time the Dreadnoks stole my helmet polish?" Destro sighed. "And they used it to wax the floors?"

"I recall the incident," Cobra Commander asked. "Why…?"

"RAARRRRRRRRRRR!"

Something huge and orange with large claws and lots of teeth slid by the office. People were screaming everywhere.

"I see…" Cobra Commander nodded. "Raoul I'm going to have to call you back…"

"Trying to sell another one of your Cobra La based porn scripts?" Destro groaned as Cobra Commander hung up.

"Hey there's a lot of Cobra La mythology that I can mine for some profit," Cobra Commander said. "Don't knock it."

CRASH! SMASH!

"RARRRRRR!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Speaking of knocking things…" Destro groaned. "The perfect storm of insanity and stupidity…"

"Sometimes I think Raoul dodged a bullet when he chose not to work for Cobra," Cobra Commander grumbled.