The Awkward Giraffe

"Why do we have to do this again?" Tomax grumbled. He and his brother were dressed in black turtlenecks with jeans and workboots with matching black skull caps. The twins had gotten out of a large truck.

"Because they left Zero and Mindbender back at the base to make sure things are running smoothly," Xamot grumbled in an angry tone. "Cobra Commander took Zartan and his Dreadnoks to quote 'do some reconnaissance at our old base'…"

"Recon my freezing ass," Tomax snarled. "How much you want to bet Cobra Commander is going to burn down the old chicken restaurant just to get back at Mongoose Incorporated?"

"And Destro and the Baroness are going to steal another truck to help us but you know they're going to take their sweet time and make out…" Xamot added.

"Typical. Those two screwing around while we do all the work…" Tomax grumbled as they made their way to the warehouse.

Just then the warehouse door opened. "Oh hello boys…" The former Cadet/Commander Deming stood there wearing a black jumpsuit and a big smile. "Good to see you again."

"Deming!" Xamot gasped.

"What are you doing here you traitorous wench?" Tomax snarled.

"Oh just taking some of Cobra's stuff to sell to the highest bidder," Deming shrugged. "My E network deal fell through so I'm going to do some arms selling. Did you know there was a whole butt load of Cobra crap right across from where our old base was?"

"We're aware of it," Tomax folded his arms.

"But how did you…?" Xamot began.

"Crystal Ball," Deming shrugged. "I got him in my settlement package when I was let go from Mongoose Incorporated to pursue other options."

"You mean fired…" Xamot smirked.

"When Zarana uploaded your sex videos online," Tomax snarled.

"Have you forgotten the two of you were in those sex videos too?" Deming gave them a look.

"As much fun has it been reminiscing about old times…" Tomax began.

"This property belongs to Cobra!" Xamot and his brother whipped out their weapons. "And we're going to take you back for some…"

"Interrogation," Tomax grinned.

"Okay," Deming shrugged. "You know there's a trampoline and a trapeze set in the back. You guys wanna…You know? For old times' sake?"

"Oh please!" Xamot rolled his eyes.

"How gullible do you think we are?" Tomax bristled.

"I also have some whipped cream and wearing my special costume under here," Deming coyly unzipped her jumpsuit to reveal something very lacy in blue and red.

"Then again…" Tomax blinked.

"I suppose it couldn't hurt to reminisce a little," Xamot added.

"Exactly," Deming purred. "And I'm just one woman. I'm sure you two big strong men can handle me. Can't you…?"

"She does have a point," Xamot looked at his brother.

"We are stronger than her physically," Tomax admitted.

"And I've been doing more yoga lessons," Deming made a seductive grin. "I've finally mastered the Awkward Giraffe pose."

"Where's the trampoline again?" Xamot asked.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"I knew we shouldn't have sent those two ahead of us," The Baroness grumbled as Destro pulled up the truck to the warehouse about forty five minutes later.

"We needed another truck and had to cover our tracks so no one would notice if we stole them," Destro remarked. "We were just lucky that most of the people at that trucking company were on a lunch break."

"And we had some of Mindbender's chewing gum for those that remained," The Baroness grinned. "I can't believe this place isn't even guarded."

"Probably budget cuts and an offline security system," Destro said. "Hopefully the twins…"

HONK! HONK!

Another truck barreled past them. "What the devil?" Destro did a double take. "That maniac almost hit us!"

"Is it me or did that maniac look familiar?" The Baroness frowned. "I didn't get a good look but…"

"Baroness…The warehouse door is still open," Destro pointed.

"Oh this does not bode well," The Baroness grumbled as the two got out of the truck and pulled out their weapons. They cautiously made their way inside. They both couldn't help but notice the warehouse was mostly empty.

In the back of the warehouse they saw a sight. Xamot and Tomax hanging naked by their ankles from a trapeze. They had handcuffs on their feet to the trapeze and were handcuffed back to back. They were tied up in ribbon and were barely covered up with ribbon and whipped cream.

"What the devil…?" Destro's jaw dropped.

"I knew it," The Baroness groaned. "They screwed it up."

"More like screwing around!" Destro snarled. "What the hell happened?"

"Uh…" Xamot gulped.

"You are not going to believe this…" Tomax added.

"Try me," Destro growled as he folded his arms.

"Well uh we encountered some…" Xamot winced. "Resistance…"

"I can see that," Destro drawled.

"Oh you poor things," The Baroness said sarcastically. "You much have put up such a fight!"

"Believe it or not yes," Tomax winced. "To be fair Deming is better at the Awkward Giraffe pose than we thought."

"DEMING? I thought I recognized…" The Baroness seethed. "Let me take a wild guess to what happened! Don't tell me…You caught Deming stealing Cobra's possessions and then she caught you in a trapeze and whipped cream trap! Am I right?"

"There was also a trampoline…" Xamot admitted. "She pulled it away."

"Deming stole all the equipment in here, am I right?" Destro groaned.

"Most of it," Tomax admitted. "Uh you see that smoldering pile of garbage over there…?"

"Some of it got kind of wrecked during…" Xamot began.

"STOP!" Destro held up his hand. "I don't want to know what depraved insane escapades happened here!"

"You boys are really in for it now," The Baroness smirked.

"More than you know…" Tomax moaned.

"There's more?" Destro was incredulous. "You actually screwed up this mission worse than this?"

"Uh yeah…" Xamot was embarrassed. "Apparently Deming…"

"Had several security cameras running and…" Tomax winced.

"She made another sex tape with you two?" The Baroness's jaw dropped.

"Yeah…" Tomax winced.

"On the plus side it's bound to be a best seller…" Xamot winced as well.

"So to recap all our stuff is either stolen by Deming or wrecked?" The Baroness groaned. "And she used these twin twerps to satisfy her bank account!"

"Typical," Destro groaned. "Those two screwing around while we do all the work!"

In the distance several sirens could be heard. "All right! All of you better get your rears in gear!" Cobra Commander shouted as he arrived on scene. "The Dreadnoks and I managed a distraction. And by distraction I had Torch burn down the old chicken restaurant above our old hideout."

"Called it," Tomax spoke to his brother.

"What the hell is this?" Cobra Commander did a double take at the scene. "No, wait. Let me guess…Somehow Deming was involved wasn't she?"

"How very astute of you Cobra Commander," Destro sighed.

Cobra Commander looked the twins over. "Awkward Giraffe?"

"Awkward Giraffe," Tomax sighed.

"Wait how do you…?" Xamot asked.

"I've seen some of Deming's sex tapes online," Cobra Commander admitted.

"Well you're going to see another very soon," The Baroness grumbled. "The point is thanks to the twin twits she stole everything in this warehouse!"

"What about the other warehouse?" Cobra Commander asked.

"Other warehouse?" The Twins said as one.

"Ugh do I have to think of and remember everything around here?" Cobra Commander threw up his hands. "Yes there is another warehouse with our stuff in it! Remember what Zero and Mindbender said?"

"Oh right," The Baroness remembered. "I'd forgotten."

"We'd better check it out," Destro said. The three Cobras went to do so.

Leaving behind the Crimson Twins. "Hello?" Tomax asked.

"Can someone get us down?" Xamot asked.

"Or at the very least give us our pants?" Tomax asked.

The other three Cobras ignored them and went to the next warehouse. They found the Dreadnoks inside of it. "Oi! Cobra Commander this mission is a piece of cake!" Buzzer called out.

"Yeah it was so easy," Ripper agreed. "Someone already shut down the security system."

"And we found a couple of guards out like a light," Torch added. "Someone really knocked them out good."

"Gotta hand it to her," Destro said to Cobra Commander. "For a traitorous thieving witch she knows how to get things done."

"Yes, why didn't I ever promote her again?" Cobra Commander asked.

"You hated her," The Baroness reminded him.

"So? I hate everybody," Cobra Commander said. "I hate all of you but that never stopped me from letting you help run Cobra."

"It was so easy getting away from the cops," Monkeywrench grinned. "Especially after we blew up the chicken shack."

"My heart overfloweth with joy," Cobra Commander said sarcastically.

"Where are the Crimson Twins?" Zarana looked around.

"Oh I'm sure they're hanging around somewhere," Cobra Commander waved. "Is there anything good in this dump?"

"You tell me," Zartan pointed to rows of giant boxes filled with weapons and other equipment.

"Yeah that'll work," Cobra Commander remarked.