Chris's eyes widened and her mouth gaped slightly as the shock of his words registered on her face. She sat in silence for a few seconds before it fell out of her mouth.
"What? You did what? Why?" She stuttered as she stood up off the stool and stared at him. He had dropped his gaze to the floor and kicked his foot nervously.
"I, I realised Molly, wasn't, that we weren't," he stopped and reconsidered his words. He heard the tremble in his own voice and needed to get control again. He wanted to tell her 'Because I realised Molly wasn't who I wanted to be with.' But he couldn't bring himself too. Not now. Not until he knew the details of Jared and her. He didn't want to stuff up her happy. Chris continued to watch him and stepped a fraction closer. Touching his arm to snap him back out of it.
"Okay, come sit. You need to talk me through this. Because I don't understand right now and can't help you if I don't understand." She said walking to the sofa.
He heard her words but was still rummaging through his own head trying to get his thoughts straight. She sat looking at him as he sat opposite her.
"I guess, I didn't want you to hear that on the grape vine at HQ." He said quietly.
She nodded and pursed her lips. "Thank you, I appreciate that," she said. "And you know that I am sorry about the other day, when you wanted to talk, and I was too busy." She said feeling bad for brushing him off and being a little selfish.
"It's okay, I just showed up, I didn't know you had plans." He said sadly thinking about her and Jared. He was almost 100% sure that that is who she was off to meet. He pictured them together, having breakfast and laughing, walking hand in hand. All the things he wanted with her.
"If I had known it was this huge and serious, I would have cancelled my plans," she said looking at him. "I want to fix our friendship. You are important to me remember." She smiled with a slight chuckle, trying to get him to smile too.
"It's fine Chris. And you are important to me too." It made him smile saying that. It had been their thing for a while. "And hey, you did what you said. You pulled yourself back together and found your happy again. You should be proud of that." He smiled at her. He meant that. He was glad she was happy. He was just broken that, again their timing was off. "Can I ask you something?"
She tilted her head and brushed her hair back behind her ear. "Yeah." She was nervous to hear this question, where his head was at.
"Is Jared part of that happy?" He had to ask. He had to know.
She chewed her lip slightly and nodded. "Yeah, he, he is." She said slowly. He smiled, trying to cover his sadness.
"He and I have just kind of started dating, so, it's new and I dunno where or what it is, you know." She offered, trying her best to open up to him and give him something back.
"Yeah, of course, give it time." He offered and glanced away, trying not to show his disappointment. But inside, his mind raced back to those days when they were teammates, super close, knew every move the other made and it made him start to smile again.
"What?" She chuckled a bit watching him.
"What?" He said looking up surprised.
"What were you grinning at just then?"
"Oh, I, I ah was just thinking about old times, I guess. A throwback reel of when we were closer, and things were not complicated and weird you know."
Chris smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I liked those days." She smiled, gesturing if he wanted a new beer.
"No, I ah, I better not I gotta ride home yet." He said.
"So, back to Molly." She said curling up in the chair as he straightened himself on the sofa. "What happened?"
He fidgeted with his hands a bit. "I um, I did some soul searching and thinking about what I really want out of life and honestly, I knew I wasn't making Molly happy, because I wasn't happy."
"Wait," Chris said holding up her hand. "What bought this on? Why the soul searching all of a sudden?" She stared at him. 'Please don't let it be because of what I said to him that night before Quantico.' She grimaced.
"Well, I," he chewed his lips like he was thinking. "I just, I dunno I realised one day on my ride into work after leaving Molly in a crappy mood that it wasn't working no matter what I did… and honestly some of my choices… Like that night coming to see you without telling her… started to undo the seam I guess."
Chris swallowed hard and looked down. She felt a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes, that she might have played a part in this. He looked at her briefly, noting her gaze had shifted.
"Chris," he said slowly. "Don't you jump to conclusions and rush to the assumption that it's your fault. It is not. It's on me."
"But I thought you were happy? And things were going well?" She said waving her hand slightly.
"Maybe I thought I was at one point. But after that night, hearing you talk about really going after what you want, what makes you happy and not being afraid anymore, made me realise life is too short to live unhappy."
And there it was. That night. Her speech about going after being happy had sparked him to end his relationship with an amazing girl. She looked down at the bottle in her hands. The silence in the room began to grow thick and Chris couldn't think of a thing to say without feeling the tears and emotions inside her.
"Maybe you can still fix things with her? Have you tried to talk it out? Communicate?" She asked with a tone of desperation.
"Chris! It's over. We are done."
"But, she loved you and I thought you were ..."
"We were what? Gunna live happily ever after?"
"Maybe?" She mumbled.
He laughed and stood up. He needed to walk off some of this energy. As he paced back to the window Chris picked the label off her beer bottle.
"I, I'm sorry."
"No, Chris," He turned back to her and walked to her chair. "Don't start trying to fix Molly and I that is not why I came here to talk to you." He sat on the coffee table and looked at her.
"Oh? It's not? Then…" She began to ask watching him. "Why?"
He swallowed, "To tell you what I had realised," he said exasperated as his hands emphasised the point. He knew she would blame herself for this and that that on its own, the guilt and weight of that could easily send her spiralling backwards into that dark place she had just come out of. He couldn't let that happen. He had to be honest. He had to give her more information and make her see that he didn't come here to upset her. "Chris, I just, I, I wanted to try and fix us." He looked at her sitting there. Staring back at him. He would almost swear he could see fear on her face, but he needed her to see this was not about the end of his relationship with Molly. So, he knew he needed to just get it out. "To make you see that I think you are the smartest, strongest, most amazingly beautiful woman and I don't ever want to lose you. I wanted you to see that you had again, helped me realise what I needed in my life, to be happy." He had managed to let that much out but was now terrified to look back up at her.
She blinked a bit and clutched her beer with both hands. She was petrified she was reading too much into what he just said. She dropped her gaze and forced a swallow, as she shifted uncomfortably in the seat. The silence began to echo as she struggled to move or speak.
Her silence and lack of response said it all. "Sorry, I, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I should go?" He stood up off the coffee table. "God Chris, I just want us to be okay!" He said sadly. A shake in his voice. "But, hell, maybe you were right again, maybe life has moved us both on and we need to accept that." He added.
She was still sitting shellshocked and not sure what to say or whether she should even look up at him. She didn't want him to see the fear and tears. She inhaled slowly and forced her eyes up as he stepped away to the door.
"I, I didn't mean to do this. I'm sorry Chris." He said as she heard the door open and close. She sat frozen and numb as tears fell.
What the hell had just happened. Why would he come here and open those wounds again? Why he would cause more conflict in her life when she had just told him she was happy again. Part of her was mad and hurt and wanted to give him a piece of her mind, but as she sat there remembering the last time this had happened, and how she had reacted, she knew she couldn't leave it like that and push him away again. She knew he would be feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable too. So, she pushed herself up from the seat and jogged to open the door. She couldn't see him, so she ran a bit faster to the parking lot. He was standing next to his bike. About to put his helmet on. When she swung around the stairs and called out to him.
"Street, wait."
He spun around and rested his helmet against his torso. She noted tears in his eyes as she came closer.
"I, I, um," She mumbled. He looked at her, not sure he had even heard her voice for real or just wished he had. "I didn't say you had to leave." She finished as he saw her tear-stained face. He stood for a second looking at her. As she swiped her own tears and cleared her throat, he lent back on his bike. "I, I mean I, I don't know what…" She said slowly as she fidgeted with her feet.
"Hey," he began, "Chris, I.." he looked at her as she tried to avoid his gaze. "I'm sorry, I said too much. I didn't come here to upset you and cause conflict again. I, I just."
"Wanted to fix us I know." She said still looking down.
"And now I have done the opposite. Haven't I?"
"I," she paused and tried again as her voice shook. "I don't know what you think I am going,"
"Chris, stop." He reached for her hands. She was surprised as his fingers met hers. But she didn't pull them away. She knew he couldn't take that. "I'm not asking you for anything. I know you have just started a relationship with a guy you have feelings for, and I am not trying to get in the way. But when you asked me why I came I couldn't lie to you."