Chapter 5

It was still really early when Clarke woke up the next morning. The sun wasn't yet up, but there was just a small sliver of light coming through the curtains making it easy for her to see. With her biological clock set to east coast time, she knew there would be no more sleeping for her, especially with all that was on her mind.

The complete peace on Lexa's face as she slept gave Clarke a small grin as she looked down on the girl she loved. She still had trouble believing she had found someone like the woman slumbering beside her. Lexa was everything she'd ever wanted and more. And the fact that Lexa had also dropped everything to come out with her, made her heart sing with joy, even under the circumstances.

Not wanting to wake her lover up just yet, Clarke slowly crept out of the bed with as little movement as possible. Grabbing a change of clothes, she quietly crept out of the room and across the hall to the bathroom that had once been hers alone. Now Avery's things littered every available surface. She smiled to see evidence that her little girl was growing up. Although, it also made her sad that she had missed so much.

Turning the knobs in the shower, she set it to the same position she had so many times before, knowing it would eventually heat the water to the temperature she preferred. While it warmed up she stripped down and threw her pajamas into the hamper.

The feel of the water running down her body gave her a measure of calm, the comfort of something familiar. It allowed her to wash away all that was troubling her, if only for those few peaceful moments. She felt lighter, but she knew it wouldn't last for long.

A chill ran through her body as the water began to change so with a turn of the knob, the flow slowed down to nothing. One foot followed the other as they both landed on the soft purple rug. She quickly dried herself and then wrapped the towel around her hair as she got dressed for the day.

Releasing the towel, she tried to soak up as much water as possible before she pulled her hair into a ponytail. At home, she normally left it down except at work it was usually wrapped up tight. More often than not she would take the straightener to it to keep it manageable with the humidity. Being back home she planned to leave it in its natural waves.

The bed creaked under her wait as she climbed on top of the covers to lie beside Lexa once more. A delicate hand reached out to tuck dark locks behind the tiniest ears she had ever seen. She had spent a fair amount of time kissing and licking those little ears, but Lexa never seemed to mind, even laughed along when Clarke would tease her about them.

"Why are you up?" came the mumbled question. "That sun isn't even awake yet," Lexa groaned. Green eyes slowly popped open to see the sight laying there next to her. "You're already showered, too."

"I couldn't sleep. Besides, at home it's almost nine. Not all of us can sleep all day," Clarke teased.

"You're a doctor. You should know it's important to get enough sleep," Lexa responded back. They'd had the conversation countless times before, but it was one of their favorites to tease the other with. Turning serious, "you want to get to the hospital and check on your mom."

Lexa always seemed to know what she was thinking, but the same could be said for Clarke when it came to Lexa. Their thoughts and actions often mimic each other's. They were connected in ways they hadn't yet discovered.

"Of course, I do. But…" Clarke paused. She wasn't sure how to voice the thoughts inside her head.

"You're also concerned with leaving Avery behind," Lexa finished for her. "You don't want her feeling left out through all of this."

Lexa had just put into words everything she was thinking. She had left Avery behind so many times before that the guilt weighed her down. Every time she came home Avery would run to her with giant hugs and smiles, making Clarke's heart feel full. But then when she had to leave, toddler Avery would scream and cry and reach for her mother. The acid inside her stomach would eat away at her the entire trip back to college and then med school. As Avery got older their goodbyes got better, but often the girl would present an indifference that was almost worse.

"I never want her to feel like she's unimportant to me, not when the exact opposite is true."

"She knows you love her. She's a smart kid, she'll be okay," Lexa tried to reassure.

"Are you sure about staying with her?" Clarke asked. She didn't want Lexa to feel pressured to take care of her daughter.

"Of course, I am. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better. Especially since she reminds me so much of this woman I am hopelessly in love with."

Clarke's heart skipped a beat at the grin on Lexa's face. There was no doubt in her mind that what Lexa was saying was the truth. There was nothing she wanted more than for her two girls to love each other as much as she loved them.

As if a there was a force beyond her control, Clarke closed her lips over Lexa's with an intense kiss. The passion and the pull between them was strong as they fused themselves together. Clarke pulled away before they could get carried away, however. "I love you, too."

"Get out of here," Lexa gave her a gentle push. "I know you're dying to see how your mom is this morning. Don't forget to eat something." Blue eyes looked away but not before Lexa could see the guilt in them. She knew Clarke had a habit of not taking care of herself when she was stressed. She gave her girlfriend a stern look. "Clarke."

Past experience told Clarke that Lexa wasn't going to let this go. She knew better than to argue. "I'll grab something on the way to the hospital," she promised. "I'll take my dad's truck, so feel free to use my mom's car if you need too."

"She won't mind?"

"No, she won't care. She probably won't be using it for a while anyway so she'd rather it be put to use," she reassured. Once her mother met Lexa and saw how much Clarke loved her, she knew her mother would treat her like a daughter. She'd want her to make herself at home and take what she needed.

"Alright. Call me later so we can make a plan for the day," Lexa told her. "I think I'll go back to sleep once you leave though."

"Go ahead. Avery probably won't be up for a few more hours yet. She's like you and loves her sleep. She gets that from my dad." Sobs where begging to be let out, but Clarke wouldn't allow it. She needed to keep herself together, at least until she talked to her mother.

Lexa knew she didn't need to respond. Instead she wrapped her arms around Clarke and placed a kiss on the side of her head. She held her love in her arms and gave her the time she needed to gather herself. All the love and comfort she could give was in her embrace.

Once she felt she was ready, Clarke was up and out the door.

~CL~

Clarke did what she promised and stopped at a drive through and grabbed a light meal. She didn't want to eat too much. The conversation she needed to have with her mother once she awoke already sat heavy in her stomach. She didn't have room for much more.

With the sun having made its appearance not that long ago, the hospital parking lot had only a few cars scattered around the building. She found a spot close to the front doors and quickly finished her meal. Balling up the wrapper, she added it to the small pile that already littered the floor of her father's truck. He always did have a habit of eating on the run.

The doors didn't provide any comfort as she made her way inside. So different from how she felt when she went to work. She didn't stop to talk to anyone, instead walking with purpose through the halls.

It was easier to enter her mother's room this time around. Seeing her lying there hooked up to monitors provided a small piece of comfort that she was still alive. The board in the room stated that her current nurse was Niylah. It must be someone new because Clarke didn't ever remember meeting someone by that name.

The metal clipboard felt familiar in her hands as she browsed her mother's chart. She knew she probably shouldn't be doing that, but she couldn't help herself. She knew what all the notations meant and took notice of all the medications they were using her on. It seemed like Abby had a good night.

Putting the chart back into its holder, she sat down beside her mother once more. She didn't know what time Monty would be getting in that day, but she figured she still had a wait on her hands.

She sent a quick text to Lexa to update her on her mother's condition because she knew Lexa would want to know once she woke again. Then she sat back in her chair and closed her eyes.

~CL~

It was couple of hours before Lexa felt movement on the bed again. She blinked a few times trying to wash the sleep from her eyes. The young girl sitting on her knees beside her brought a grin to her face. She could get used to see this girl every day, with those deep blue eyes and blonde locks. Good morning, kiddo." The nickname rolled off her tongue easily. She'd heard Clarke call Avery 'little one' but she didn't want to steal her girlfriend's name for her daughter.

"Morning Lexa!" Avery cheered. "Mom always calls me 'little one'," Avery informed as if Lexa hadn't heard her the day before. "Grandpa always calls mom, 'kiddo', though."

There was a pang in Lexa's heart with Avery's use of present tense. It brought their loss back to the front of her mind. She knew Avery was too young to understand the differences in tenses and it made feel so sad for this little girl whose world had just changed. "Do you not want me to call you that?"

"No, I like it," Avery smiled. It gave her something in common with her mother.

"Alright, then I will." She made a mental note, however, to keep from using it around Clarke. She wasn't sure what kind of memories it would bring up and she didn't want to hurt the other woman any more than she was already hurting.

"Where is my mom?" Avery asked, effectively changing the subject. "I looked but I couldn't find her."

Words escaped Lexa at the question. They'd talked about how Lexa would feel to stay with Avery, but they hadn't discussed how Avery would feel about it. She feared that Avery wouldn't be happy to be left with a virtual stranger. The truth was probably her best option though so that Avery didn't feel like she couldn't trust her. "She went to the hospital to check on your grandma."

Avery sighed and fell back on the bed. "She didn't come say goodbye?"

Lexa turned so she was laying on her side, facing Avery. She placed a gentle hand on the young girl's cheek. "She left really early. The sun didn't even want to be up yet."

"Her and grandma both do that. It's annoying."

With one small statement, Lexa could see what they'd be in for once Avery hit her teens. She was already a little dramatic, but not overly so. "I hear you. One should never be up before the sun."

There was a rumble on the bed as Avery began laughing. "You are my new favorite person!"

The joy in Lexa's heart couldn't be contained at such a small declaration. She knew she needed to build a good relationship with Avery for Clarke's sake, but now it didn't seem like that would be too hard. They had some things in common.

"Do you and mom live together?"

"I… um… what?" How was she supposed to respond to that? Was she supposed to answer or was she supposed to give this one over to Clarke.

"It's okay, I know about sex and all that."

"What!?" Lexa exploded. This girl was ten. What exactly did she think she knew.

"Well, okay, not everything, no details, just that it is something couples in love do and that there could be consequences if you're not ready. That's what mom told me anyway. Grandma wasn't happy she'd even told me that much, they fought about it for a while. Mom just told her that maybe it would help save me from making the same choices she made. I don't know what that means though, I wasn't supposed to hear their fight," Avery admitted.

That sounded like the Clarke she knew. She liked to think things through and have all the information before she made a choice. So, she probably thought that talking to Avery about these things early would prepare her better as she got older. She could understand that. She was also a little bit happy that Avery confided in her what was apparently a secret that she wasn't supposed to know. Avery was putting trust in her.

Knowing this, Lexa now knew how to answer Avery's question. "We don't live together, technically. I still have my own place, but I prefer your mom's. She's got a better bed."

"Her bed is awesome! I could sleep forever in it. So why don't you live together?"

"We haven't talked about it yet. We've only been together a few months."

"Five months, mom told me. She also told me she loves you. Do you love her?"

These questions were getting deeper and deeper. Lexa was starting to understand what it felt like to be interrogated. "I love your mother very much." There really wasn't any reason to avoid answering since Clarke already knew how she felt about her.

"So, if you got married you'd be my mom too?"

It was like someone had just poured several buckets of cold water over Lexa. This conversation was getting far too serious for so early in the morning. She wasn't sure if she would be ready to handle this conversation at any time if she was honest.

"I think we're a little way away from worrying about that." Small eyes cast downward and she heard a little snivel. "Hey, if it happens someday, then yeah I'd be honored to be your mom. You're a pretty great kid."

Lexa wasn't prepared for Avery to throw her arms around her in a tight hug, but once she'd processed it, she returned the hug just as tightly. Calling this little girl her own wouldn't be bad at all.

~CL~

Clarke had been hanging out in her mom's room for over an hour before Dr. Green finally made his way into the room. She stood up a little straighter as she waited to for him to look over her chart and catch himself up to how her night had been.

"Your mom's stats are right where I want them to be. I think it'll be safe to start waking her up now," Monty told Clarke finally. "We'll lower the sedation and let her wake up slowly so that she isn't startled."

Clarke nodded her head in agreement. In the long run though it wouldn't really matter. Once Abby heard about her husband, it would be all the other woman would be able to think about. Jake had been her best friend, not just her husband. It was the one thing she'd wanted to find for herself, a partner that was a friend and lover. Lexa was that for her.

"Once she's up we'll find out how much damage was done. I don't want to push her to far."

"We need to tell her about my dad first. I would love nothing more than to put that conversation off for as long as possible, but she would be upset if we kept it from her a moment longer than was necessary," Clarke told him. As a doctor, she knew Monty would want to give her all the tests and thing right away. Her mom wasn't going to want to do anything once she knew, but not telling her would be worse.

"I'll leave you two alone then. Unless you changed your mind about telling her yourself," Monty offered again. He wouldn't want to be in Clarke's position.

"No. I'll do it."

Monty left her alone with her mother then and she waited as Abby slowly regained consciousness. She took her mother's hand into her own when the other woman began to really fight her way back. She wanted her to know there was someone there with her.

"It's okay, mom. I'm here," she told her over and over again.

"Clarke?" the voice was hoarse and barely a whisper, but Clarke heard her.

"I'm here." She filled a cup up with water and let her mom take a few sips to wet her throat. She knew it would be dry.

"What's going on?" Abby asked, trying to get her bearings. She could tell she was in the hospital, even knew she was in her own hospital, but the events leading up to it were a little hazy.

"Do you remember anything?"

Metal gleamed in the lighting, at first as it waved around it was hard to see, a gun, Abby remembered. The restaurant. It started to come back in pieces. "We went to dinner. A guy came in with a gun. Then pain."

"He fired off several shots. One of them hit you. You were in surgery for hours, no major organ damage, but the bullet grazed your spinal cord."

Abby's eyes glazed over as the implications hit her. She tried to move her feet but didn't know if she had succeeded, everything felt numb. "Is my foot moving?"

Clarke looked away from her mother's face and trailed down to look where her feet lay. The movement was small, but it was there. "Can you feel this?" Clarke asked as she massaged one of her legs.

"Yes, no, I can't tell. But you saw it move, so that's good."

"It's very good," Clarke agreed. "There's something else," she started. Silence filled the room then as Clarke wasn't sure how to say what needed to be said.

"What is it? Where's your dad? Is he hurt too?"

Clarke put her head in her hands and tried not to cry. She couldn't do this. She could even contemplate that her dad was dead. How was she supposed to tell her mom that?

"No, no. Don't tell me he's…" Abby couldn't finish her sentence.

"Dad, he…" A sob broke out just thinking about the scene Clarke had from what the officer told her. "After you got shot, he took down the gunman but he got hit in the process. They couldn't save him," she broke at the end and tears poured down her face as she laid her head on her mom's stomach.

Abby placed a hand on her daughter's head as tears filled her own eyes. Jake couldn't be gone. It just wasn't possible.