"Right, so? He doesn't love this Molly anymore or what exactly is the issue?"
With that Chris knew he was reading into it what she had too. That he had likely dumped Molly and then gone to see her to talk because he had realised that he still had feelings for Chris and didn't want to ignore them anymore.
She sighed and blinked slowly, before looking back at Jared. There were tears forming in her eyes and she was shaking.
"The issue is I'm so fucking angry at him." She let out as a few tears fell. She stood up and walked to the window. He could still see her. See her crying and shaking.
"Hey, hey, Chris!" Jared said surprised. He was not expecting her to get angry or upset like this in this call. "Come back over here and tell me, why are you angry at him?"
She flapped her arms and spun back around walking back to the bed so Jared could see her. "Because he wasn't supposed to do that. That is not why I said that stuff to him. I said it because I was trying to explain where I was at, that I was looking to the future and moving forwards."
"And he has pulled you backwards now, hasn't he?" Jared asked sounding defeated.
"What? Pulled me back, what do you mean?"
"Chris," He sighed looking directly into the camera of his phone. "Back into the past I mean. Okay, I know I don't know the guy from a bar of soap, but from what little I do know, I would place all my bets on the fact he has realised he wants that relationship with you." Chris sat silent, staring at her hands. She knew Jared was likely right.
"Can I ask you something?" He said slowly. She really dreaded what he was about to ask. But she could see how nervous he was to ask it.
"Yes, of course you can"
"Did he know about us, when he…."
"Dumped Molly?" Chris interrupted and then tilted her head before answering. "No, I don't think so. And if he had of, I doubt he would have ended it, if my hunch is right. And Jared, I see what you're thinking, I am not going to just drop everything here with you and run off with him." Jared nodded slightly and swallowed.
"Did he, ah, did he say what we're both thinking. That he realised he wanted you?"
Chris clenched her jaw and shook her head. "He um, no, he didn't. He spent most of the time apologising for upsetting me and stuffing shit up. But" She paused, and more tears fell. "But we could both read between the lines, he knew I knew what he meant, and he left as soon as that became evident. Asking me to still be his friend above everything else."
Jared felt his jaw twitch. He didn't like feeling this. He was jealous. He was upset, upset that Street had done this. Scared, that Chris might have feelings back and he might lose her. But as he sat watching her all he said was,
"Hey, I hate seeing you cry."
"I'm sorry. I, I'm just so, so angry. Why would he? What the hell was he thinking? How am I supposed to? What do I even say to him?" She stood up again and paced.
"Chris, Babe," Jared said louder to break her out of it. She closed her eyes briefly as she heard him, not missing that that was the first time he had called her "Babe", and she loved the sound of it. "Come back over here please." He said with a bit of a commanding tone.
She shook her head as if to shake it away and wiped her tears. "I'm sorry." She said stepping back to the phone and sitting down on the bed.
"Don't be. You didn't do this. You didn't break them up. You didn't suddenly wish he wanted this." Chris swallowed again and looked at him.
"You don't deserve this shit, Jared. See my life is a fucking train wreck."
"Hey, it is not." He said firmly. "I just want to sweep you up in my arms and fix it."
She mumbled, "I dunno if there is a way to fix this."
"Just keep talking Chris. Don't shut down on me." He paused as she nodded, "What do you want? What do you hope to come out of this?"
That question sent alarm bells up her spine. She shot her head up and glared at him.
"What do you mean what do I want?"
"I, I was just saying have you…."
"I want this, with you." She interrupted. "That hasn't changed for me." She said firmly. Jared smiled.
"No, well no hang on, I'm glad you do, so glad you do. But what I meant was, with him, or in terms of him. What do you want that dynamic to be?"
"Honestly, if you had said that before he walked in here, I would have said I just wanted to fix our friendship, it had been so strained, but that was it. He wasn't supposed to do what he did, he wasn't supposed to hurt Molly, or decide that about how he feels and just throw that at me like he did."
"Okay, I understand that." Jared replied, "But slow down. Tackle one of the issues at a time." Chris tilted her head to one side, pursing her lips and glancing up at the ceiling as she thought about it. She knew he was making sense. Trying to slow the crazy ride that was spinning in her head. "What's the biggest issue for you with all of this?"
"Jared, I don't know." She swallowed and glanced down; Chris was so nervous to see how he would react. "I mean I am so pissed he has gone and hurt Molly. She loved him, and I am pissed he used my words as a reason to go do all of that and I have no idea what his realisation means now for me or him moving forwards."
"What do you mean by that last bit? For you or him?" Jared asked,
"I'm not running off with him Jared. Please don't think that." She said holding up her finger at the screen. "I just, I meant I don't know how to move forward, when I will still see him almost every day. It's gunna be awkward as hell again. How do I be his friend again after that. We went down this slope once, and I pushed him away so hard that I ended up destroying myself and my happiness."
"Okay, that brings me to a burning question." Chris almost gulped. She knew what he was going to say. "Do you have any of those feelings for him in return? I mean at all?"
Chris exhaled and licked her lip. "No, I, I closed that door a long time ago. I knew we couldn't. It would ruin everything."
"But Chris, like you said. Times have changed. You have both changed. Are you sure there is no chance you would consider it?"
"Jared! No. I don't want that complicated kind of relationship. I want what we have found." She said looking back at him sadly.
"Okay, I'm sorry, I just, I…." he paused. "Then what do you want your dynamic with him to be? Teammates? Friends?" He held his breath waiting for her answer.
"I wanted my friend back, and I still do, but I, I just dunno how to do that now." She shook her head and looked back at him. "I still care about him Jared. He has been such a close friend. I want to still be his friend, but this is all just weird now and screwed up and…"
"Hey, hey, then maybe you should talk to him. Tell him you still want to be his friend." Jared offered.
"I, I know. I need to make sure he understands where I am at. With you. I hadn't, I mean that's probably maybe part of the problem. I hadn't really told him or anyone else about you yet." Chris felt ashamed. Like he would think she was hiding him away not wanting anyone to know about him.
"I totally get that Chris. We have only known each other about 2 weeks. Its new."
"Yeah, I guess I kind of didn't know what to tell people. I was thinking I'd wait til we had more time together to work this out a bit more, that's all."
"As long as you are sure Chris. I don't want to hold you back from something you really want too. We can take a step back if you want to explore that with him. I mean I," Jared paused briefly as he glanced away, Chris was sure she heard his voice shake. "I, I just don't want to be in the way."
Those words made Chris's heart crack. Now she had gone and made him feel like he was just in the way. Chris dropped her head and then looked back up.
"Jared, please. You are not in the way." She pleaded. "You are special to me, I want to try this with you, not take a break and go date him. Can't you see that?"
Jared smiled a small smile. "I, thanks, it's nice to hear that. I just, Chris," he paused and picked the phone up bringing it closer. "It's just that I see how much that moment between the two of you, that you told me about, you know that kiss and then how you realised that you had feelings for him, and it scared you. I am just concerned for us, I guess. I mean what happens if those huge feelings he made you feel once, come back somewhere later down the line."
"I, I don't, I don't plan on that Jared. Like I said I want to do this with you."
"I know you don't plan on that Chris, but honestly it worries me." He said.
"You're scared I will hurt you like your ex did?" She answered sadly looking down.
"I guess, yes a bit. I don't want to be, but it's there."
"Oh." Chris said dropping her head sadly. Thinking that Jared was trying to find a way out of this. She remembered her mantra. Honest and open. She sat silent for a second before saying, "I just don't know how I feel right now. I mean I know I'm falling for you. But this has exploded the friendship he and I were rebuilding and, fuck, I just, I know I can't say anything to make you feel at ease right now, I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Look, let's go to sleep and pick back up tomorrow night." He offered, knowing this wasn't really getting them anywhere.
"Okay," Chris nodded as she blinked back a few tears. "Good night then."
Saying goodnight was hard for them both. Chris was sad he wanted to go, she had looked forward to falling asleep with him talking to her like they planned, but now after that? Well she could tell he needed some space to process all of this. Honestly, she probably did too. After hanging up Chris lay back on the bed and cried loudly. How the hell? Why the hell was her life always so screwed up? What the fuck would she do now?
Jared sat his phone down beside him and lowered his head to his hands which rested on his knees. He was shaking, he was scared. He knew he was falling in love with her. He was terrified that again he had picked the wrong girl and was going to end up broken again. He knew Chris didn't want to hurt him, that she wasn't trying to, but he of all people understood how complicated life can be.
The next morning as Chris silenced her alarm and threw her gear into her bag, she realised she had cried herself to sleep, and that even after that she was no closer to knowing what to do today. The one thing that suddenly made her smile was when her phone lit up with a message from Jared. It was a picture of him in his uniform, leaning on his car with a coffee, holding it up and on the bottom, it read "Good Morning Beautiful. I hope you are okay. Remember I'm here. Just a msg away. You will be on my mind all day. *If I was there, I'd pull you close and kiss your forehead* Be safe. Xxooxx"
Chris held the phone to her chest and smiled. God, how could he be so wonderful. She dressed, grabbed her own coffee, and sent him a similar photo back. Her words reading.
"Morning. I can't believe I am so lucky to have an amazing guy like you. You truly are incredible. Thank you for being my safe place. Sorry for last night. *I'd hug you and kiss you back* You be safe too xxooxx*
She had just hit send when a SWAT alert flashed on the screen.
"Oh, well here goes. Back to the real world." She muttered as she grabbed her things and ran to her truck. She was thankful for a call to start the day. It would help being active and busy when she sees Street again. No time for awkward hellos in the locker room.
Soon, she had arrived on scene, parking next to Tan as she climbed out.
"Hey, what do we have?" She asked him.
"Hey, dunno for sure, I heard talk about a string of shootings on the way in, mobile command is here, so I guess we're about to find out."