Cobra Commander's To Do List
"All right time to check my To Do list for the day," Cobra Commander sat down that morning at his desk looking at a piece of paper. "Number One: have a healthy breakfast."
Using the straw in his helmet he finished up the second of two large mimosas. "Check!" He said as he pulled the straw back into his helmet.
"Number Two: File all important documents," Cobra Commander went on. He looked at three large piles of paperwork. "First pile are all requests for time off."
He took the first pile and threw that in a trash can. "Second pile, complaints and suggestions from staff."
That also went in the trash barrel. "Third pile," Cobra Commander went on. "Lawsuits, court summons, legal actions and traffic tickets my staff has accumulated in the past few months."
This also went in the trash can. "You know once you separate everything into their proper categories first filing becomes so much easier," He said to himself. He then pulled out his laser and fired into the trash barrel, causing a small fire.
"Do, do, do, do, dah, dah dee…" Cobra Commander then got up and got a small fire extinguisher. After waiting a minute he then used it to put out the fire, leaving nothing but ashes in the trash can.
"Good thing I had Mindbender make all trash cans nonflammable after the incident with the Dreadnoks trying to make smores," Cobra Commander remarked as he put away the fire extinguisher. "What's next on the list? Number Three: Clean main filing cabinet."
He picked up the trash can and went to the window. He opened the window and dumped out the ashes. "Done!" He said cheerfully once all the ashes were dumped out.
After putting the trash can down he went back to his desk. "Number Four: sharpen all pencils."
He opened his drawers. "I don't have any pencils. I only use pens. Well that's a time saver."
"Number Five," Cobra Commander went on as he checked his list. "Reorganize backup filing cabinets."
"All right," Cobra Commander went to a filing cabinet and opened. "Well I can see one thing that needs to be fixed right away."
He pulled out a bottle. "The Jack Daniels should be in the lower drawer under D. Not J!"
He moved the bottle to a new drawer. "Other than that…Hmm….The A and S files look a little low. Time to reorder."
He went to his computer and placed an online order. "Three more bottles of Absinth and four more orders of Scotch. And one bottle of sherry. That should do it. Okay what's on the list next? Oh! Number Six! Reorder alcohol stash! I tell you I am getting so much done today. It really does pay to have a list."
"Number Seven: Check E-mails and clean out spam folder," Cobra Commander went on. "All right. Let's see. I have fifteen e-mails…And most of them are nothing but crappy advertisements for products I neither need nor want. Except for this one confirming my alcohol order. Save that one and move all the rest to the spam folder. Hit delete all…Perfect."
"Number Eight: Work on my memoirs," Cobra Commander checked the list and started to type something in his computer. "All right. This is really starting to come along now."
"Commander…" Destro walked in with the Baroness.
"Not now Destro, I'm working!" Cobra Commander waved as he typed. "I'm having a really productive morning today!"
Destro eyed the glasses on the table. "Two mimosas? I see you had a light breakfast."
"Well I have a lot to do and you know…" Cobra Commander waved. "Plots to rule the world and make a ton of cash won't just write themselves. Except for my memoirs. This is really coming along!"
"So you're working on your fan fiction again?" Destro drawled.
"Technically it's not fan fiction if you are writing about yourself," The Baroness corrected. "Fiction definitely…"
"Well Cobra Commander is his own biggest fan," Destro suggested. "You can't deny that."
"True but…" The Baroness began.
"Is there a reason the two of you are here besides to annoy me?" Cobra Commander snapped.
"Actually yes," Destro said. "We have a problem."
"Oh stop the presses!" Cobra Commander said sarcastically. "When don't we have a problem? Let me guess, is GI Joe at our doorstep?"
"No…" Destro began.
"Are we under attack from some angry ninjas, killer nano zombies or sentient plants?" Cobra Commander asked.
"No," The Baroness said.
"Is anything on fire?" Cobra Commander asked.
"Not yet," Destro remarked.
"Yet? I take it from your tone this involves those idiot Dreadnoks somehow?" Cobra Commander groaned.
"Unfortunately," Destro sighed.
"Well whatever it is can't you get Zartan to handle it?" Cobra Commander snapped. "And as I say that I do realize that Zartan handing the Dreadnoks is like a blind chaperone handling a group of horny, drunk psychotic teenagers on Spring Break! But what the hell? Hope springs eternal."
"I'm afraid this time Zartan has joined the horny drunk psychotic teenagers," The Baroness sighed.
"And once again Hope dies an agonizing death," Cobra Commander sighed.
"Remember when most of us got intoxicated with the mutant marijuana smoke?" Destro asked.
"I wish I didn't," Cobra Commander grumbled. "But go on…"
"Apparently Zartan has acquired a tiny little addiction to it," Destro sighed. "And his Dreadnoks discovered it."
"I see," Cobra Commander sighed.
"It didn't help that apparently Road Pig likes to bake and has been giving Zartan brownies with a special ingredient in it," The Baroness made quotation marks.
"Uh huh…" Cobra Commander nodded.
"And while Zartan is under the influence he is much more…agreeable to some of the Dreadnoks' more outrageous schemes and ideas," Destro added.
"Cut to the chase Destro," Cobra Commander snapped. "What are those idiots doing now?"
"They got Zartan high. Stole a jet and are now on their way to Brisby-Land Island to I quote 'Take out the Evil Bee and steal his honey'," The Baroness told him.
"Wait, we have a jet?" Cobra Commander asked.
"In one of our lower hangers yes," Destro said. "Two of them actually. Technically they belong to the Crimson Twins…"
"And why wasn't I told about this?" Cobra Commander snapped. "Seriously? I could have taken a weekend off to the islands or something!"
"We are on an island!" The Baroness protested.
"Let me rephrase that," Cobra Commander said. "I could have taken off to a better island for the weekend!"
"Can we get back to the problem of the Doped Up Dreadnoks running amok?" Destro asked.
"What problem? So they go to some amusement park island and trash the place?" Cobra Commander waved. "Not like they haven't done it before."
"The problem my Dear Cobra Commander is that they are not headed towards an amusement park island," Destro said. "They are nowhere near where they think they are going. In fact they are going somewhere else!"
"And where are they going?" Cobra Commander asked.
"Downtown to the island's mall," Destro folded his arms.
"Wait, they're flying the jet to that big mall downtown?" Cobra Commander asked.
"I didn't say they were flying it," Destro corrected. "I said they stole the jet. There is a difference."
"Wait so what?" Cobra Commander was confused. "They're driving the jet down the street or something?"
"You tell me," Destro turned on the TV in Cobra Commander's office. There was an image of a black jet rolling down a small highway, knocking over cars and causing damage to homes and some buildings with its wings.
"Ohhhhh…" Cobra Commander nodded. "I see the problem now."
"You can see it from Channel Nine's news copter," The Baroness groaned. "You can also see our casino's logo on the side of the jet."
"That can't be good," Cobra Commander winced. "So they get arrested? What's the worst that can happen?"
"Besides the property damage and the potential loss of lives?" Destro asked.
"The cops on this island are on our payroll now!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"Yes, but FAA isn't," Destro informed him. "And there will probably be an investigation which even our bribes can't cover."
"Which means sooner or later someone will recognize the Dreadnok Dunderheads and send a report to GI Joe!" The Baroness yelled. "Ergo they will come here and find our hideout! Do I really need to go on with this tangent?"
"No, you do not…" Cobra Commander moaned. "Oh boy. So much for finishing my To Do list…" Cobra Commander threw out his list.