I Hate My Job

"What are you doing?" The Baroness asked as she walked up to Destro and Torch. It was only a few hours after the debacle of their latest attempt to cause mayhem.

"Listening to Cobra Commander's greatest hits," Destro indicated the door next to him.

The sounds of several things breaking could be heard under Cobra Commander's rants. "I HAVE MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!"

"Ah," The Baroness nodded.

"MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!" Cobra Commander shouted at the top of his lungs.

"The old classic stand by," The Baroness said.

"It is what he's known for," Destro admitted.

"FOOLS! I AM SURROUNDED BY FOOLS AND NITWITS AND HALFWITS!" Cobra Commander screamed. "IF I HAD ANYONE WITH ANY WIT AROUND HERE I WOULD HAVE TAKEN OVER THIS MISERABLE PLANET YEARS AGO!"

"After all these years it's still funny," Torch smirked.

"I AM SURROUNDED BY MORONS! MORONS!" Cobra Commander screamed as something else broke. "MORONS TO THE RIGHT OF ME! MORONS TO THE LEFT OF ME! MORONS EAST, WEST, NORTH, SOUTH, SOUTHEAST, SOUTHWEST, NORTHEAST, NORTHWEST AND EVERYWHERE ELSE AROUND ME!"

"He's got a good streak going on," Torch remarked.

"MEN WILL SUFFER FOR THIS!" Cobra Commander shouted.

"We're already suffering," Destro quipped.

"WHY AM I ALWAYS SURROUNDED BY FOOLS?" Cobra Commander screamed.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" The Baroness remarked.

"FOOLS AND MORONS! FOOLS AND MORONS EVERYWHERE!"

"This is such a hostile work environment," Torch remarked.

"INCOMPETENT IDIOTIC FAT HEADED NINCOMPOOPS!"

"Ooh, haven't heard that one in a long time," Torch said cheerfully.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cobra Commander smashed more things. "HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO ME? TO ME? AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR THOSE LOSER INGRATES!"

"Again, another rhetorical question," The Baroness quipped.

"I HATE MY JOB!" Cobra Commander shouted. "HATE! HATE! HATE MY JOB!"

"Wow I am so glad I was not on that mission this time," Torch remarked.

Cobra Commander staggered out of the room. "Have you finished your temper tantrum?" Destro asked in a bored tone.

"Almost. I'm saving some for when those fools come back," Cobra Commander sneered.

"If they come back," The Baroness corrected.

"Of course they are going to come back! They're idiots and fools! They always come back!" Cobra Commander snapped. "They're like crabgrass. Or in Torch's case a venereal disease!"

"Shows what you know. I haven't had one of those in years," Torch sniffed.

"You haven't had a lot of things in years!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Like a working brain cell!"

"You're one to talk. I told you redoing the giant vegetable plan wasn't going to work," Destro pointed out. "And surprise…it didn't!"

"I hate my job!" Cobra Commander shouted.

"Well then why do you do it then?" Torch asked. Cobra Commander glared at him. "It's a valid question."

"It is actually…" Destro remarked.

"Oh my God. Torch came up with a valid question that wasn't completely idiotic," The Baroness blinked.

"Well that proves even a broken clock is right twice a day," Destro told her.

"What do clocks have to do with what we're talking about?" Torch asked. "Unless Cobra Commander was a clockmaker."

"And we've moved back into the status quo," Destro remarked. "But I am curious Cobra Commander. Why do you keep running Cobra? Why not just quit while we're…Well I can't say ahead but…"

"Are you insane?" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Are you? Stupid question…" Destro quipped. "Cobra Commander we've been trying to take over the world for over thirty years and haven't made any progress. Perhaps it's time we actually disband this…organization…for lack of a better word."

"And what the hell else would I do Destro?" Cobra Commander snapped. "Go into Human Resources?"

"I don't think that would be a good fit for you," Torch said honestly.

"YOU THINK?" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Weren't you a scientist before all this?" The Baroness asked.

"Yes, yes…I was," Cobra Commander waved. "But truth be told most of my discoveries were made by my assistants. Who I secretly killed in botched experiments and took the credit."

"That explains a lot about you," Destro remarked. "And yet does not surprise me in any way."

"I admit there was some irony when I was mutated by one of the few experiments I decided to work on myself," Cobra Commander sighed. "That's when I decided that maybe being a scientist wasn't my true calling."

"Well…We do own a casino," Torch spoke up. "Maybe we should focus on just running that and get rich?"

"Works for me," Destro shrugged. "Especially since my arms dealing business has dried up like a lake in California."

"I have to admit again you have a point," Cobra Commander groaned. "You can't keep doing the same thing again and again for over thirty years and seeing the same results…"

"Which we literally did a few hours ago," Destro pointed out. "You know? The giant vegetable plot we did thirty years ago. And tried again. Both times failed."

"How soon we forget that it was your original idea to use giant vegetables using mutated rocket fuel to take over the world!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Once! Thirty years ago!" Destro snapped. "It didn't work then so I scrapped it and moved on! You didn't!"

"Oh right…" Cobra Commander sighed. "Perhaps we are going about this the wrong way? Maybe we need to take a new approach?"

"Maybe? We needed a new approach like years ago!" Torch spoke up.

"Quiet time Torch!" The Baroness snapped. "Perhaps we should stop focusing on general mayhem and work on advancing our cause through economic means?"

"I see what you're saying," Cobra Commander admitted. "Basically accumulate mass amounts of wealth and buy everything we can."

"In a nutshell yes," The Baroness admitted. "It worked for the Japanese. And the Chinese."

"All right. We'll work on that…" Cobra Commander sighed. "It can't be any worse than our last plan."

"Unless we all end up going bankrupt and caught by the authorities," Torch said. Everyone glared at him. "What?"

"SHUT UP YOU MORON!" Cobra Commander screamed.

"Uh oh! He's got his second wind!" Torch ran off.

"I HATE YOU ALL! YOU ARE ALL MORONS!" Cobra Commander chased after him waving his gun around. "NOTHING BUT MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!"

"I was only saying…" Torch yelled.

BANG! BANG!

"YEOWWW!" Torch shouted. "YOU SHOT ME IN THE ASS!"

"WELL YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE AROUND ME ARE A PAIN IN MY ASS SO WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!" Cobra Commander screamed.

"Perhaps there is a case for some mayhem?" Destro smirked.