A/N: So it's like 3:30 am my time but I'm uploading now because I don't want to forget tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'll get a new chapter up before Christmas or not since I'm doing some homemade presents that will take up my time, but I'll try.

Chapter 12

The ride to the cemetery from the funeral home was completed in silence. Abby leaned her head against the window with her eyes glued to the outside, although her brain couldn't process any of the scenery. Derek sat next to her with his head tilted back and his eyes closed.

Lexa sat across from Abby. Her hands were in her lap and her eyes glued to them as she played with her fingers. She wanted to offer some form of comfort, but words seemed to fail her. There was nothing she could say that would make any of this any better.

Next to her Clarke sat with Avery curled in her lap. Under normal circumstances she wouldn't even think of letting Avery sit in moving vehicle without being strapped in with her own seat belt, but this was anything but normal circumstances. She needed the connection as much as her daughter did.

None of them would be able to recall the things that were said at the grave side service. Their only focus was on the brown casket that sat there ready to be given to the earth. Clarke was just glad they would be leaving before it was lowered into the hole. She didn't know if she could take watching her father become part of the earth.

Avery this time took the position between her mother and grandmother, holding each of their hands as they all stood there with the wind bringing on a slight chill. Lexa was on Clarke's other side and their fingers were entwined. Clarke threw a quick look at Lexa and wondered how she would have ever made it through this week without her.

Having already arranged for their cars to be driven home from the funeral home, the limo took them straight home from the cemetery so that they could prepare for the family and friends that would be arriving at the house for the small luncheon that had been prepared by some of Abby's colleagues.

Once they had all made it inside the house, Abby pushed herself down the hall into her bedroom so that she could have a few moments to herself. She needed some space to deal with all the emotions swirling inside of her.

Clarke wanted to do the same, but she didn't think it would be appropriate for both of them to disappear. She should probably see if the ladies in the kitchen needed any help with anything. It felt like these days she was the head of the household and she wasn't sure she like that feeling.

"Mom, can I change my clothes?" Avery asked before she could walk away.

Clarke wanted to do that same, wishing she could feel the comfort of a pair of jeans, but again she didn't know what was appropriate. However, she would never make her kid do something she didn't want to. "If you want, go ahead."

She watched Avery head up the stairs before turning and heading towards the kitchen. She could feel Lexa behind her and she knew she didn't even need to tell the other woman what she was doing, she would just know.

The two girls helped three of the nurses that Abby worked with get everything set up. They had laid out tables and chairs around the backyard. Along the fence to Mrs. Kane's they set up a buffet line filled with ham, cheesy potatoes and just about every kind of casserole and salad you could come up with.

Soon people began to filter into the house and congregate all over the backyard. Most were closed off in groups, family, Abby's co-workers, Jake's co-workers, other friends. A few ventured between everyone but most just stuck to their own. A lot of the faces Clarke didn't recognize but most recognized her and it kept her off balance.

She made the rounds and greeted the people who had shown up to mourn with them but none of it still felt real. She wished she could have Lexa by her side, but her girlfriend had taken on a hostess/server role. She kept finding her cleaning up after somebody, or fetching a drink or a plate for someone who didn't have one yet.

"Where's that daughter of yours?" Ben, one of her father's friends asked when she reached his table.

"She's around here somewhere," Clarke answered with a quick pass of the area. In truth she wasn't sure if Avery had ever come back down. She hadn't seen her since she wandered up to her room. She should probably go check on her if she could make it back inside without being stopped.

Her mother hadn't made an appearance yet either, but she had no clue what to do about that one. Should she go check on her as well, or leave her alone.

"Your father could never stop talking about that girl. Or you for that matter," Ben started, breaking her from her thoughts. "He was proud of you. I hope you know that."

"I do," Clarke choked back a sob. If there was one thing that she was sure of, it was how proud her father was of her, because he had told her constantly.

"Yeah, he hung a copy of your med school acceptance letter up in his office. He made sure to point it out to anyone who happened to pop in there. And he was just as proud of every one of Avery's achievements. I don't think there's a single person he worked with that hasn't heard his stories."

As much as she liked Ben, she needed to walk away. Her heartbreak was still too raw to hear things like this about her dad. "It was nice chatting with you Ben, but I gotta go help my mom out," she lied.

She tried to make her way into the house, but again and again she was stopped. She eventually realized she wouldn't be able to leave the yard, at least so long as she was the only one out there. So, unless her mom showed, she was stuck. So instead she found the next best thing, Lexa.

"Have you seen Avery?"

"No, I haven't," Lexa told her.

"I keep trying to make it inside to check on her, but I get stopped at every turn. Without Mom out here, I'm kind of stuck on guest duty."

"Want me to go see?"

"Will you please?"

Lexa smiled and gave her arm a light squeeze. "You don't even have to ask."

~CL~

Lexa made her way up the stairs and checked Avery's room, but the girl didn't appear to be in there. She was pretty sure Avery hadn't come down, so she had to be up there somewhere. The bathroom door was open, so she knew she wasn't in there. She wasn't in Clarke's room either. There were a couple other bedrooms up there, but she couldn't find a reason why Avery would be in any of those, so that left one last place.

The door to the master bedroom was closed all but a sliver and there were no lights on in the room, but she was pretty sure she heard a sob. Pushing the door open, she found Avery curled up on the bed in a t-shirt that was much too big for her small frame. She knew instantly that it had to be one of Jakes.

She took a seat on the bed beside the girl and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Oh, sweetheart," she whispered. She felt so bad for this girl that had already gone through so much.

Avery didn't verbally respond but she did roll over and lay her head in Lexa's lap. She pressed her face into the other woman's stomach as another sob racked her body. She felt an arm wrap behind her head and another on her back. She sat up so Lexa could pull her into her arms.

"I'm so sorry," Lexa whispered. She wasn't just sorry because Avery was grieving. She was sorry because the girl had been up here crying and none of them had even known about it. Guilt filled her when she thought of how lonely she must have been feeling.

"Your mom tried to come find you, but with all the people down there they kept stopping her," she tried to explain why they'd let her be alone for so long. Lexa should have realized something was wrong too. She wouldn't forgive herself any time soon.

"I miss him," Avery sniffled. She pressed her head into Lexa's neck and could feel her tears fall onto the woman's shoulder. If Lexa minded she didn't say anything.

"I know you do, sweetie." Lexa just held her and let her cry it out. She didn't know what else she could do. When the she could feel the tears start to slow, she moved them so she could see Avery's face. "I hate seeing you so sad. I wish I could do something to take away your pain."

Avery gave her a tiny half smile. Just having Lexa there helped a lot. She wished it was her mom, or even her grandma, but Lexa was a good substitute when they couldn't be. She really hoped she got to call her mom one day. "I love you, Lexa."

Lexa held back her own sob as she looked down into that sweet little face. She had barely known Avery a week, and yet she was starting to forget what life was like without the little mini Clarke. This girl had come to mean so much to her in such a short amount of time. "I love you, too, Avery."

~CL~

Unaware of what was transpiring between her daughter and girlfriend, Clarke continued to greet people as they came and went. Her feet were starting to kill her and the first chance she got, she kicked her heels off and under a table. It might not be the most appropriate to go around barefoot, but at this point she didn't care. At least her father had taken really good care of their lawn, so she didn't have to worry.

With no one looking for her immediate attention, she crashed down into a chair and rubbed her aching feet. Once she felt a little relief she sat up straight and took a deep breath, giving herself just a minute of peace.

She felt more than saw another body making their way towards her, but this time when she saw who it was, she stood up and moved to meet the other woman half way. "Trish, you came. It's so good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too. Although I wish it was under different circumstances," the older woman responded. The two of them exchanged a firm hug.

"Me too," Clarke agreed. Suddenly seeing Trish in the flesh, she felt guilty. She hadn't kept in contact with the other woman the way she promised she would. "How's uh, how's the family?" she asked hesitantly.

"They're good. Luke's business is really picking up so we're finally not living paycheck to paycheck, which is nice. Tommy just turned five so he'll be starting kindergarten next year," Trish rambled on about her husband and son.

Clarke couldn't believe Tommy was already five. But then again, she had a hard time with the fact that Avery would be turning eleven soon after the start of the next school year. "Did they come with you?" She wouldn't mind seeing the little boy she thought of as her nephew. He was her daughter's cousin after all.

"No, they stayed home. I thought it best. But maybe if you're here for a while you can come visit. Bring Avery, too. Tommy loves playing with her."

"I will." She didn't tell Trish she was back for good. She needed to have that conversation with Lexa first, and soon. Before she could say anything else, both women heard a screech.

"Aunt Trish!" Avery screamed and ran to give the other woman a hug.

Trish wrapped her arms around the girl and held on tight as she rocked them from side to side. "Hey, lovebug. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay, I guess. I miss grandpa though."

"I know you do."

"Is Tommy here?" Avery asked excitedly.

"No, he stayed at home with your Uncle Luke," Trish answered sadly. She didn't realize she'd break her nieces heart by not bringing her son.

Clarke looked at her daughter's disappointed face, before exchanging a look with Trish. They both seemed to understand each other.

When Clarke had first realized she was pregnant she debated with herself for weeks on if it would be right to tell Trish. The woman had just lost her brother and she didn't know if the news would be happy or sad for her. In the end she had just showed up at her house one night without letting herself talk herself out of it and blurted it out.

Trish had been silent for a moment, but then a huge smile broke out on her face and she had pulled Clarke into the house and they sat and talked for hours. Trish and Clarke had built a real bond after that and became the close friends that Clarke had been with Tom before.

She had worried Trish would think she was selfish when she left, but the other woman had supported her and promised to spend time with Avery in her absence. They had talked on the phone while Clarke was off in college but once she hit med school and Trish got married and pregnant their calls had become fewer and far between.

It was something she would have to fix now.

Clarke saw Lexa looking their way over Trish's shoulder and signaled for her to come join them. When Lexa had made it to her side, she wrapped an arm around her back and held her close. "Trish, I'd like you to meet Lexa, my girlfriend. Lexa this is Trish, Tom's sister."

It took Lexa a minute to understand the significance but then a smile broke out on her face. "It's nice to meet you."

Trish gave a large smile back and held out a hand to shake. "Nice to meet you, too. Clarke mentioned she had started dating someone but that was a while ago. She hasn't graced me with a phone call in a while though."

"Hey, the phone works both ways," Clarke shot back. The tone from both women was teasing though, the kind built from years of friendship.

"Yes, but you are much harder to get a hold of."

Clarke conceded because she knew it was true. More of Trish's calls went unanswered than Clarke's did. She should have at least sent a text back if nothing else. Oh well, she couldn't change it now.

"Well, you'll have to come over, too, if Clarke and Avery do," Trish offered to Lexa. "My son loves new people. He's a social butterfly just like his namesake was."

Hearing about Tom was much easier as time went on, but it was still hard. Especially when she looked at her daughter. Avery knew that Tom was her father and that he had died. She also knew that her cousin was named after him, but she didn't really understand it all yet. She wished Avery could have met him. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that Tom would have loved her. And he would have been an awesome father as well as an uncle.

"How's your mom doing?"

"I don't really know. She keeps to herself a lot. She's been in her room since we got back from the funeral," Clarke admitted.

"She's on the bottom floor I take it?" Clarke nodded her head. She didn't know how much Trish knew of what happened, but apparently, she knew enough. "I'll go talk to her."

Clarke wasn't sure that was wise but who was she to stop Trish. She knew the young woman had become like a surrogate daughter in her absence. She thought that maybe, just maybe she could at least get her to come out and visit with their guest. Only time would tell on that one.