A/N: So I started writing this chapter last week, just never got around to finishing it. It doesn't help that since my last Windows update my computer spontaneously restarts on me. Anyone tech savy on this? I don't want to contact Microsoft since they screwed it up trying to get the update to go through.

Also my head has been working on a reverse side of the coin story to this story. It may happen, but I want to finish this one first.

Chapter 17

"Is Avery ecstatic that you are moving back home?" Trish asked during a lull in their conversation.

"Yeah, she's pretty excited," Clarke answered with a smile as she thought about the grin on her daughter's face the day before. "I'm pretty excited myself. I didn't realize when I left for college how hard it would be to be away from her for so long. That girl is my world."

Trish gave a soft smile at the look on her friend's face. She knew this of course, but it was still always amazing to see the bond that Clarke and Avery shared, even miles apart. How Clarke ever though she'd be a bad mother was beyond her.

"I feel so guilty that I kept her a secret from Lexa for so long." Trish gave her a look to continue. "Lexa didn't know about Avery until we got to the house last weekend. I just, I couldn't tell her, I wanted to, so bad. But with everything that happened with Lacy…"

Trish laid a hand on Clarke's shoulder in comfort. She knew more about what happened with that bitch than Clarke's parents did, but she knew she didn't know the whole story. What she did know was that whatever happened had filled Clarke with such deep regret that she closed herself off for a long time. For a year after it happened, her friend wouldn't even consider a date with anyone. Even after she started feeling more like her self again, Clarke continued to be very cautious about who she went out with. The fact that Lexa made it this far said a lot about the other girl.

"Have you told her what happened?"

"Not really, only the condensed version."

"Are you going to tell her?"

Clarke sighed and ran a hand over her eyes. "I know I need to, and I do want too, but I just can't make myself do it. It's like there's the giant roadblock telling me not to go there."

Trish knew that if it was something they should have been made aware of, Clarke would have told them, so it couldn't be the worst thing she could imagine, but it was still enough to scare Clarke. She just hoped that someday Clarke told someone what happened, even if that someone was Lexa, because she doesn't believe the other woman has told anyone what happened.

"I'll tell her soon," Clarke promised herself.

"Alright, good," Trish smiled. "Now, to change the subject. Will I still need to pick Avery up from school on Wednesdays?"

Crap, another thing Clarke would need to figure out. Because Jake was able to maintain steadier hours, Avery was able to ride the bus home all of the days but Wednesdays when they had a short day. Trish had been watching Avery on those days long before Tommy started attending the same school.

"Well you won't need to in the immediate future because my mom will be home. She'll be doing physical therapy at home, so she won't need to really need to leave the house except for her checkups. I'll hopefully be working again eventually. So, maybe, play it by ear?"

"Sounds good," Trish nodded, trying not to let her disappointment show.

Clarke heard it anyway. "I always felt so bad, especially when she was still a baby and we were always calling on you to watch her. You wouldn't even let us pay you." It was true, Trish worked a full-time job, and on occasion overtime, but anytime they needed a baby-sitter for Avery for one reason or another, Trish would always drop everything possible to jump in. And she wouldn't take any money, although they all knew her parents occasionally drop some in her bank account anyway. Which always back fired as a present for Avery the next time Trish came over.

"You felt bad about asking me to spend time with my niece?"

"I felt like we were using you," Clarke admitted.

"Well, I never felt that way. I loved spending time with her and it was healing in a lot of ways, like even though Tom was gone, his daughter was alive and well. I still love having her over whenever possible. Tommy loves it too. You wouldn't know it, because he's really outgoing with family, but he's more introverted like his father."

Well that was some of Clarke's guilt being released. "Well, I think as long as Avery still wants to, it would be fine for her to still come over. It would probably be good to keep as much of her routine intact as possible."

"Aunty Clarke?"

The interruption threw Clarke for a second. She had forgotten Tommy was there, he was so quiet playing on the floor in front of them. "Yeah, buddy?"

"I got a new truck," Tommy told her, holding up small blue matchbox truck in his tiny little hand.

Clarke took the toy from him and looked at it closer. She wanted to give it an adequate inspection. "That's a pretty neat truck."

"Mom says I can't take it to school. That it might get lost."

"You're mom's pretty smart. What if you dropped it in the sandbox? You might not be able to find it again." Clarke shot a subtle wink over to Trish.

"Yeah," Tommy let out a sigh that shouldn't be possible for a five-year-old. "Will Avery be at school?"

"Not today, bud."

"But, it's reading day," Tommy cried.

Clarke was at a loss for words. She was having a hard-enough time keeping up with the changes in topic and now the little boy's tears.

"The school is trying out a new program this year. Once a week the 4th grade classes come in and read with a kindergartener. It's supposed to help them in different ways and they way they do it changes each week as well. But often our two munchkins end up spending time together and occasionally getting themselves into trouble," Trish explained. "The 5th grade is doing the same with the 1st graders."

"That sounds pretty neat. Probably helps the younger kids not be so scared of the older kids. I remember being in elementary and the older kids just looks so big."

Trish laughed. "Yeah, that is probably part of it. It's also helping their reading and comprehension I think. Plus, some new social groups."

"I wonder why Avery didn't tell me about it. Especially with the way that girl loves to read," Clarke wondered aloud. It wasn't really a big deal, she couldn't know every little thing that happened, but this sounded like one of those things her daughter couldn't wait to tell her about.

"I dunno. Maybe she just didn't remember. They only started it a few weeks back, sort of a trial run before the end of the school year."

"Maybe," Clarke shrugged. She turned back to the sad little boy. "I'm sorry Avery won't be there to read with you at school, but I bet she'd be more than happy to read with you anytime if you just asked her."

Tommy wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. "Really?"

"Really!"

"Can she come over today?"

And now Clarke had opened herself up for a whole different set of worms.

"Want to get the families together for dinner?" Trish asked.

"Sounds like a good idea. Your place or mine?"

"Well I'd love to involve your mom, but I take it she's not much for leaving the house right now?"

It was amazing how Trish could pick up on things without Clarke even mentioning them. Not that Abby had so much expressed she didn't want to go anywhere. More by the fact she spent most of her time locked in her room. "That about sums it up."

"Well if you're okay doing it at yours, maybe we can get her to at least join us? We'll work on getting her out of the house later."

"Sounds good. Say six?"

"We'll see you then."

Clarke knew that was her cue to leave. Not that Trish was kicking her out, but she knew the other woman needed to get her son ready and off to school. She herself probably should head home after being gone so many hours already. She gave them both a hug and headed out the door.

~CL~

As soon as Clarke made it through the garage door she was rushed at by Avery and wrapped in a hug. She managed to keep her balance, but just barely. Her daughter came up to almost her shoulders now.

"You weren't here when I woke up." There was only a small hint of sadness in her voice. Mostly it was just a statement of fact.

"I know, I'm sorry. There was something on my mind, so I decided to go talk it over with your Aunt Trish."

"You saw Aunt Trish without me?"

The question held a bit of accusation in them, but Clarke didn't let it get to her. She knew how close her daughter was to her aunt. She also knew she wouldn't be to mad, especially when she broke the news. "Yeah. You'll see her soon though. They are all coming over here for dinner tonight."

Avery smiled and then ran off, to who knows where.

Lexa had watched the whole exchange but hadn't wanted to interfere, so she hung back. Now that Avery was gone, she moved closer and wrapped Clarke into a hug. "Everything okay?"

Clarke returned the hug and then placed a quick peck on Lexa's lips as they pulled apart. "Yeah, it is now. But the three of us probably need to have a little talk."

Lexa studied Clarke's eyes, trying to see if she could find any answers, but none were presenting themselves. "About what?"

"Let's get Avery and I'll explain." They held hands as they made their way through the kitchen and across to the family room where Avery was sprawled out on the couch watching TV.

Clarke walked over and grabbed the remote from beside the girl and flipped off the TV. "Let's go upstairs for a bit. I need to talk to you about something." She'd fill her mom in at some point, but right now, she didn't want to risk the other woman hearing their conversation since she didn't know how it would go.

Avery didn't even bother to protest. Instead she led the way up the stairs and into her mom's room, presuming that's where she wanted them to go. She took a seat on the couch that was tucked into the back of the room and her mother and Lexa followed suit.

"Do you remember when you came in her last night?" Clarke asked Avery.

"I had a bad dream, so I wanted to sleep with you where it's safe."

Clarke smiled because of that one word. Avery had been crawling into her mother's bed since before she was old enough to even climb on it by herself and claiming it was safe. She had figured out how to climb out of her crib when she was about fifteen months old, so they'd quickly switched her to a toddler bed and she'd often wake in the night and find her way into Clarke's bed where it wasn't so scary.

"We talked about your dream and then you asked to sleep in the middle, do you remember that?"

Avery nodded. "I like the middle. I can't fall off and your both there to protect me now."

"Do you remember what you said as you fell asleep?"

Avery shook her head. She barely remembered climbing into the middle before sleep took over.

Clarke figured she wouldn't have remembered, and maybe she shouldn't be making an issue about this. Then again, maybe it's better to have it out in the open. She didn't know. She'd just have to feel her way through this. "You said that you liked it there between me and mama." She paused for a minute to let that sink in. Lexa's eyes went wide and she shot a look down at the girl that was between them. "Were you referring to Lexa as 'Mama'?"

Avery shrugged her shoulders because she didn't know. Lexa had been there for her this last week though and helping take care of her like her Mom did. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Is that how you feel, maybe?" Clarke prodded.

Avery shrugged again. "She treats me same as you do, so I guess maybe I do. I love her a lot and she's been there helping me this week."

Clarke shot a smile at Lexa. She's been pretty amazing, I'd have to agree." She watched Lexa try not to blush and hide her face. "How do you feel about this, Lex?"

Lexa took a moment to smile at how much Clarke was sounding like a psychologist. It was over quickly though, and she gave herself a moment to think about it. She loved Avery, that much was obvious. She never knew she could love some one so much so quickly. One day she'd love to be Avery's 'Mama' but they weren't there yet.

She slid off the couch and kneeled down in front of Avery so she had her full attention. "Avery, I think you are an awesome little girl. I love you very much and I would love to someday become your mama, but it's going to take time for us to get there. Do you understand?"

"I think so. You're not going to leave me though right?"

Lexa sighed. "I have no intention of that, beyond having to go back for my job. But if you need anything you can call me, day or night. Let me see your phone." She let Avery dig it out of her pocket and unlock it before taking it and putting her own number in there. For safe measure she put in her work number. "There you can call me any time you need to. I put my work number in there too, but that one is only for emergencies, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm going to try my hardest to move out here as soon as I can. It's just going to take some time," Lexa promised. She hadn't known when she asked Clarke out that first time that it would change her whole life, but she wasn't upset about. She was going to get so much in return. She would just have to work hard and hope three hearts didn't get shattered in the process.

"Alright, enough of the serious talk. We should do something fun. What should we do?" Clarke asked, trying to change the subject. She was happy with the result of that conversation though. She could understand where Lexa was coming from. It was a lot for someone to take on a child as their own. But she also knew that her girlfriend was being honest and that she did want the both of them as her own one day.

"Mini golf?" Avery asked, looking from one to the other.

Clarke groaned and laid back on the couch. She sucked at that game. But if it's what Avery wanted. "Fine. Get your shoes and jacket, it's still a little cool out there." Avery ran off to her own room, leaving the two adults alone.

"That went well I think," Lexa said as she took a seat back on the couch. "Hope it was okay?"

Clarke smiled and wrapped her arms around her love, giving her a quick kiss. "It was good. You were perfect."

"I just hope I didn't disappoint her."

"She'll be fine. I think she gets it. I get it too, in case you were wondering."

"I was," Lexa admitted. She didn't want Clarke to think she didn't want this, someday. She was still trying to deal with all of this though. She'd never dated anyone with a kid before. This was all knew territory for her and she was still catching up.

"Good. Then let's go get our butts beat by a ten year old."

Lexa smirked, "Who said I was going to lose?"

"Oh man, there's two of you. I'm doomed," Clarke joked. Why did everyone around her have to be so into sports, of any kind.

Thinking of the two she loved though, she wouldn't change them for anything.