Hello, everyone! Here is the twelfth chapter of Healing Demons. Please review and enjoy! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto only.
SUMMARY: Sakura was a diligent medical student with dreams and aspirations of greatness. Sasuke's dreams had been crushed by a dark past, leaving him broke and depressed. What happened when these two crossed paths and their lives got interwoven together? Modern world AU
As far as Sakura knew, she hadn't done much that could warrant the amount of interest she craved from Sasuke. She knew she could do more, be more for him, yet she found herself hesitating, second guessing herself. It was so unlike her to not be confident in the steps she took to get where she wanted. As she lay on her couch, stomach down and scrolling through her phone, she tried not to dwell on the fact that in order to get to Sasuke, she had to put herself out there. It was a scary, intimidating concept.
Groaning deeply and dropping her phone out of her hands and flat onto her couch, Sakura went painstakingly over every word, every glance, every smile they exchanged for any indication she had scared him off. Maybe they had been too brutally honest the night before; if it was because of that, then Sakura didn't know what to do. It was in her very nature to be upfront, and it wasn't as if she could take back words that had already been spoken, anyway.
She had been waiting all night for a reply from Sasuke, and it was borderline pathetic. It was well into the night and she had a shift at the hospital the next morning, but she couldn't help but cling to a remnant of hope that he would at least reply to her message. They had gotten close, closer than she'd ever been with anyone other than Ino. She didn't take that lightly.
And could only hope he didn't, either.
Tucking her now-free hands under her head as a makeshift pillow, Sakura felt cold, lonely, insecure. She never let the taunting whispers of solitude creep under her skin, but tonight felt different. She wanted to share her warmth with Sasuke, but she couldn't when he seemed to be usurped in his own world, no matter how much she begged him to let her in. It was clear desperation, and it wasn't a good look.
Sakura dug her face deeper in her hands, pressing into the couch as she tried to lessen the rising rejection that broiled, hurting her heart, her fragile heart. The static electricity that built enough tension beneath the surface of her skin to drive her insane multiplied into a frenzy.
She felt powerless to the pull she experienced towards Sasuke, rendering her utterly useless, defenseless. She prided herself on her strength, yet he seemed to break down her walls like a rising high tide on an abandoned beach.
Being so consumed by the relentless turmoil that assaulted her, she nearly missed the slight vibration emanating from her phone. Sakura knew better than to let her hopes get up, so she shoved them deep down as soon as they emerged. Without lifting her head, she blindly reached for the device, turning it on and bringing it closer to her blurry eyes. It took her a moment of brevity, but she was able to realize that the sender was indeed Sasuke.
She froze, shot upright like a piston. She'd been so caught up with the fact that he hadn't replied that she'd neglected to consider that he might anyway. Swiftly swiping to open the message, Sakura eagerly ate up the words splayed on the screen.
But the moment she did, her heart dropped to her feet.
They reached each other last night, she was so sure of it. So, why didn't he seem to have received her message loud and clear? Why was Sasuke so adamant that they remain apart?
Sakura read through his text thoroughly. First and foremost, he thanked her. But he followed it by reiterating that he felt undeserving of her time and support; he'd be better off alone, he convinced himself. She'd be better with someone else. It broke her heart to hear him say that, but then something in her cracked like a mirror and all she felt was anger, frustration.
Why was she struggling to get her point across? Why was he so damn stubborn? She kept thinking about how unfair it seemed for Sasuke to go through life feeling like the entire world was against him. But it was starting to feel unfair to her that her efforts to reach out to him went unheard and disregarded. Sakura gave her all in everything she did, and Sasuke was no exception.
No, she wasn't going to sit here and take it. She wasn't going to let Sasuke slink away from her when she had a glimpse of his rough exterior disintegrating, revealing his true nature: the boy who craved love but would not accept it.
She wouldn't let Sasuke walk away from the love he truly deserved.
Fiercely determined and steadfastly sure of her next steps, Sakura jumped up from where she lounged and bounded across her living room to shove on her shoes. She quickly straightened, even taller than before, and grabbed her jangling keys that hung on the pale wall without looking. Her gaze remained straight ahead as she carried herself through the threshold of her apartment and into the oncoming night.
The moon was waking up, rising in the sky and growing ever brighter. It was a source of such beauty, such ethereal warmth, yet Sakura couldn't quell the anxiety that bubbled throughout her. The quiet contentedness brought her comfort, but what if it was the opposite for Sasuke? What if it brought about nothing but hollow loneliness?
That was no good. No good at all.
This may have been a bad idea, a poor decision on her part. Her judgment did seem to be lacking where Sasuke was concerned, but she digressed. She was going to keep pressing forward and knock some much needed sense into the sad young man.
Sakura shifted as a breeze snaked by her, caressing her skin and encouraging her to retreat back to her abode. She didn't pay any mind to the voice inside her head that seemed to dance on the wind, goading her to leave it alone and make her own way. She knew what it was like to be chained down to your thoughts, unable to see more than the insecurity that clouded your vision.
She wouldn't allow Sasuke to fall victim to them. She wouldn't.
Pushing forward, Sakura dug deep into the pocket of her sweater and pulled out her phone. Though she had no idea where to go or where to find him, she knew she could rely on one person to find the elusive boy. Holding her phone to her chilly ear with one hand as the other fumbled with her keys and opened her car door, Sakura multi-tasked as she waited for the voice to come through on the other end of the line, cutting through the ringing that seemed to drag on for far too long.
Finally, it stopped. Finally, a greeting. Finally, she'd get some answers she so desperately needed.
"Naruto, before you say anything, I need your help and fast," Sakura spoke into her phone, cutting off any frilly words to embellish unneeded conversation. "I want to see Sasuke. Can you get me to him?"
It had been like one step forward and two steps back for Sasuke. He was so, so close to giving in and letting someone on the outside slip past his defenses. But his hands were bloody, soul had been tainted. He couldn't ruin someone else's life just because he hadn't been able to handle his own with care.
Though he craved to drown his thoughts to death with liquor, he couldn't muster the energy to get out from under the covers. At least that's what he told himself.
He closed his eyes and let the sweltering grips of sleep drag him to another world. When he awoke, he found himself standing in a sprawling field of daisies and daffodils, roses and tulips, sunflowers and carnations alike. He spun around and around and around in circles until his head spun with dizziness, causing him to stumble and fall backwards until he gazed up at the bright blue sky. There were clouds as fluffy as cotton candy and birds as free as can be.
He calmed, sinking into feeling content in that moment, caressed by the comfort that hung cloyingly in the air, smelling of florality and his mother's sweet perfume. He relaxed every muscle, every tendon in his body as he let himself inch towards that freedom, that bliss. Sasuke had spent so much time in the dark that it was scarily serene to soak in the sunlight and breathe in the clean air.
Air that was free from smog, from suffocating pollution.
But his euphoria was cut short by rumbling thunder, and a freezing chill shot past Sasuke. His eyes fretfully shifted to see ominous storm clouds rolling in, threatening to uproot the peace he had just found. Yet, he had become so secure and comfortable he could have merged into the overgrowth; he limbs had turned to rotten jelly and he couldn't move from the spot.
It was then that hands made of sin emerged from the shadows all around him, latching on and threatening to drag him down, down, down into the ground.
The raging clouds had rushed their way forward until they devoured the sky above, blocking out the sunlight and letting the cold settle into his frozen bones. As the first raindrop fell onto his face like a tear streaming down his cheek, Sasuke felt resigned to his fate. He shouldn't have come here, shouldn't have let himself succumb to the seductive tenderness that was offered to him on a silver platter. Now, he was going to get caught in the destruction and it was going to kill him.
He knew he was going to die.
Out of the corners of his eyes, he could see the colorful, bountiful flowers decaying, dying, and rotting. Every single beautiful thing that surrounded him died as if death spread from his pores like a disease. It was all crashing down, that beautiful picture, that wonderful moment. Good things were far too rare, far too elusive to him that losing this was going to destroy him.
The hands started pulling him, dragging him down six feet under. Struggling at first, Sasuke finally realized that any fight he had left was futile, insignificant. He stopped resisting, letting the shadows consume him, hauling him under…
Incessant knocking pulled Sasuke back up and out of the nightmare that held him captive. It seemed like there was a plethora of unexpected visitors lately, and though he'd normally become perturbed or even downright pissed, Sasuke couldn't feel anything in that moment but relief and gratitude.
The rude interruption saved him from being sucked under.
Sasuke scrambled, struggling to kick off the covers that wrapped around him like a vice. He needed to get up on his feet and run away from that dream, run away from it like he did everything and everyone else. His knees wobbled as the blood took its time rushing back to his feet, but he kept stumbling through the dark to reach his unannounced visitor. Not realizing he was hyperventilating until he got lightheaded from a lack of oxygen, Sasuke had to come to an abrupt stop to bend down, leaning forward on his knees as he gulped down much needed air.
Breathe in, breathe out. Rinse and repeat three times. He wasn't drowning anymore, he wasn't in that field of soiled flowers. Yet the feeling of horror and resignation remained, clawing at the inside of his burning eyes. He almost fell victim to its embrace again until a small knock came. It was soft, gentle even.
Not the type of knock to come from Naruto. Or even Itachi. Or even...who? Who else would even bother coming to his door at night? Who else even gave him the time of day? Only…
He wouldn't dare think it. Wouldn't dare allow the possibility of it to creep into his mind like a parasite.
But Sasuke slowly stood up, eyes fixed to the door as if he could see who waited patiently on the other side. He considered jumping back into bed and pretending to be fast asleep, but quickly found that he didn't want that. He wanted to see if it truly was her behind the worn door. He took slow paces, dragging his socked feet across the carpet, causing the friction that all but propelled him forward.
He reached the door, shaking as he unlatched the chain and locked him in and kept them out. Sasuke was trembling as he opened the door, leaving it slightly ajar and peeking to the other side. Still unsure, still so, so guarded, he kept the majority of his body hidden by the meek door, for whatever good that would do.
Then he came face to face with a very distressed Sakura; dare he say she looked breathtaking as an emotional wreck without sounding like a misogynistic asshole? Her cheeks were flushed, eyes lined with red. Something was very clearly upsetting her, and Sasuke had an inkling that he might possibly have something to do with it.
He opened his mouth to say something, anything. But he knew that if he did, he'd likely only make things significantly worse. So he snapped it shut and stared at Sakura until her own labored breathing died down. The stale silence lay between them until Sakura woke up the conversation.
"I thought I had gotten through to you last night," Sakura abruptly confessed, tears welling in her eyes as she tried and failed to keep her troubled thoughts at bay. Wearing her hurt like a freshly painted porcelain mask in mint condition, she crossed her arms across her chest, as if to prepare a block for an oncoming blow to her heart. "Please tell me I wasn't wrong."
Wrong? Never, Sasuke thought. She had barged through his strongest defenses without knocking, and it scared him. It scared him that she'd lay siege to his innermost emotions and the machinations of his mind. It scared him that she had been so close to storming the dungeons and finding what laid there, intentionally forgotten and rotting away. He was scared, and he tried to bail like the coward he was.
But looking at Sakura, able to see the hurt, the confusion, the determination in her bright eyes, forced him to face the repercussions of that simple decision. He could close the door, choose to leave without a word, yet he couldn't do it. Because, as terrified as he may feel getting close to her, Sasuke found that it was far more petrifying to think about losing Sakura.
"You're...not," Sasuke began, still partially hidden behind his front door. He convinced himself that he could tell the truth, yet maintain a healthy distance. But he knew deep down he could only keep it up for so long, as his truth was anything but wholesome. He was in far too deep. "You're not wrong. Last night was good, so thank you."
"That's it? Thank you, and we're done?" Sakura incredulously asked, dropping her arms to her side and raising her voice to anyone who would listen in the heavens. Sasuke visibly flinched; not for fear of her, but for shame in once again saying the wrong thing. He had a knack for fanning the flames of an already ferociously burning fire. Sakura remained steadfast as she continued, "If it was so great, then why am I the one putting in this effort? Why are you walking away from me?"
Sasuke let her question hang in the air as he shifted his weight to his other foot, forcing him to widen the opening of the front door as he used it for support. He had accepted to feelings she had inadvertently made him feel, yet he was still so afraid. He had been so trusting in the past, but was proven wrong at every turn. Why was it so hard for him to accept that Sakura was different, she had better intentions and a purer outlook than those who left those scars behind?
He needed to buck up. Period.
"I'm sorry," Sasuke replied as he chewed relentlessly on his chapped lips. He couldn't admit the tumultuous war that raged within. He wasn't strong enough to even find the words. "You deserve better. Better than I can give."
"Back to this again?" Sakura immediately responded, standing ramrod straight as she planted her feet powerfully on the ground beneath her. She clearly did not have time left to beat around the bush. "We've been down this road before. Now you've got to decide whether that's the path you want to take, or to accept the hand I'm offering you. If you choose the former, I will walk away and leave you alone from now on."
It truly felt like he was being ultimatums left and right. It demanded that Sasuke make decisions he'd rather push into a dusty, desolate corner to be forgotten through feigned ignorance. He felt backed against a concrete wall with no other way forward but to face his fears that seemed to pin him in place. It was the only thing left that he could do.
Sasuke sighed, opening the door even further until his tired body was in full view. He felt defeated, drained, devoid of anything to offer. Yet, Sakura consistently came back with open arms when he had empty hands. Sakura was resilient where he was regressive. Unsure of how the road would turn out, but sure he'd like Sakura as his companion, Sasuke decided to fully let her in with no strings attached.
"I want to accept it, I really do," Sasuke began, staring at Sakura's white sneakers as if those were more mesmerizing than her gorgeous green eyes. He couldn't spill out an entire part of him and maintain that eye contact at the same time. "There's a reason I've kept to myself all this time, and it's because I don't have a pretty past. I don't want you to become concerned about me when all I am is a lost cause. You've reached me, more than you realize, but I 'm afraid if I don't let you go now, you'll regret getting involved with me. And that might wreck me even more."
"You have too little faith in me, it seems," Sakura lightly replied, voice and body softening as Sasuke continued staring at her feet. His grip on the door tightened, causing the worn wood to groan beneath the increasing pressure. He tensed as he watched her step towards him, reflexively flinching as Sakura brought her hand up to his face, cupping his cheek warmly and bring his dark eyes up to her bright ones. "Look, I'm not here to play any games or pull any strings. I'll leave you alone if you want me to, but I need you to be direct and say it outright. Be straight with me."
"Don't leave me alone," Sasuke spilled without a second thought. He was rigid at first as Sakura maintained her hold on him, but he melted like butter as he finally looked into her soft eyes and saw love instead of pity. Strength instead of stubbornness. Unfiltered truth where all he'd been used to seeing were veiled lies. Tentatively, but accepting nonetheless, Sasuke leaned into her hand and closed his eyes as he savored the care she so expertly provided. He may be jumping into the deep end, but at least he knew how to tread water. "Don't let go. I'm just...stupid and scared I'll lose something good again."
"You won't, Sasuke," Sakura softly replied, brushing her thumb across his cheek, caressing it lovingly and grazing his lonely lips. Sasuke exhaled as he brought his hand up to meet hers; was this now their thing? It brought so much comfort, so much light that he felt he could soar around the world. He slowly opened his eyes to gaze at Sakura as if she was the only important thing left in the universe. Her pale lips twitched into a heart achingly beautiful smile that Sasuke wanted to capture with his own. He hadn't even realized his lips had turned upwards until Sakura added, "I haven't seen you do that before. I mean, actually smile. It's quite a sight to see. You should do it more often."
The chasm that resided deep inside his chest started filling with molten lava, filling every crack and crevice that the lingering shadows resided. He had no idea why he denied himself for so long when it was clear that Sakura was willing to take the plunge with him.
Sasuke felt a magnetic pull, tugging him forward into Sakura's arms. He hadn't realized how close they were in height, not really. He was only two or three inches taller than her, and that was being generous. But it gave him the perfect levity to drop his forehead to her shoulder and lean into her. He was tempted to wrap his arms around Sakura, refusing to let her go, lest she blow away in the wind. But he was so tired from fighting that he couldn't do much more than bring his right hand to rest on her left shoulder and stay there, nearly clinging to her.
He felt at home at long last, after a long journey of winding and twisting turns, with bumps and tenacious traps lining every which way. But, he needed a break, somewhere to kick off his shoes and be accepted for every fault and flaw he had. He felt secure, more secure than he had in years. It nearly broke him to be flooded by the overwhelming happiness that snuck away from him for so, so long.
Feeling Sakura's arms shift and wrap around his shoulders in a tight embrace, Sasuke nearly let himself collapse into her, weakened from the years of wear and tear. But he remained firm, merely bringing his left hand up to grab her hip, tugging her closer, taking in her warmth and compassion. They remained there for seconds, minutes, hours. Sasuke truly didn't know because he was lost in the moment.
Sakura brought her lips to his ear, teasing his skin her wispy hot breath, whispering, "Come with me. I have some place I'd like to show you."
All control Sasuke seemingly had eroded and his knees gave out. He collapsed onto the ground, hard, bringing Sakura along with him. He no longer had the ability to stand, a mixture of relief and burning desire coursing through him, leaving him incapacitated and unable to function. He nearly cried. Nearly.
He felt like a statue, cemented in place and unmovable through time. Sakura kept her arms wrapped snugly around him in a loving embrace. Instead of breaking down further and losing what little marbles he had left, Sasuke slowly lifted his head from Sakura's warm shoulder to come inches from her own.
Concern shone through her eyes, yet it evaporated as Sasuke leaned his face forward, touching his forehead to hers and closing his eyes. A surprised squeal emitted from her lips, but it was soon soothed by a satisfied hum followed by an increased pressure on his face. Sasuke's chest heated like a forest fire through dry, desolate trees as Sakura leaned back into him. He almost forgot to reply to her after getting so lost in the comfort she effortlessly offered.
"I'll come with you," Sasuke said, bringing his left hand up to Sakura's cherry locks, threading his fingers through every soft strand as his breath mingled with hers. The fact he was outside where all the world could see him being so vulnerable was lost to him; he didn't care about anything except the fact that he was there in Sakura's arms. "I'll go anywhere with you."
The moon reflected off of each silent ripple that danced across the surface of the water in front of the pair. It was nearly its own entity as Sakura gazed out onto the open expanse of the river, shoulder to shoulder with Sasuke. It was chilly for that time of year, but it couldn't come close to bothering her with the fire Sasuke incited inside her.
She pulled her sweater closer as if it could melt into her skin, if not for the warmth then for the security. Saskura felt Sasuke's eyes burning holes into her face and her heart stammered; Sasuke had been as open as he could bring himself to be with her, so it was time to share a portion of herself as well. She continued to count each ripple, each disturbance in the water caused by the fish underwater as she began.
"This bridge is more than it appears to be," Sakura stated, trying to grapple with the words that played hide and seek behind her tongue. They were standing about fifty feet from the surface; far enough to make a dangerous descent but close enough to present its nightly ethereal beauty. The comfort it gave her wasn't pretentious or demanding and gave her an anchor to hold onto in her most chaotic of times. It was her personal safe haven, shared not with one soul. But, tonight. Tonight was different.
Sasuke was different.
"I wasn't exactly the most popular person growing up. I mean, I'm sure that much is pretty easy to see," Sakura admitted, biting her lips until the dead skin began to flake and get stuck between her teeth. She continued to stare straight ahead in an attempt to get lost in the sweet song of the lapping waves. The trees had begun to bloom with majestic flowers and were gracious enough to share them with the water. They sprinkled the sky and found their home drifting on the surface of the river. It was almost like spring snow. "I was relentlessly bullied. It was all the small things, like the way I dressed or the size of my forehead, but when you're that young, constant teasing and criticism gets to you, you know? Their voices become your own inner monologue, and before you know it, you begin to hate yourself as well. It wasn't until Ino essentially adopted me that I could finally see what I was truly worth.
But it was dark for me before that. I was a loner, a weird outsider who was looking in. One day, I wandered off on my own after school and found this spot. It far enough away from everyone that it gave me my own space without becoming secluded. It gave me a breath of fresh air, and an opportunity to be alone with my thoughts. At first, it was dangerous; the voice inside my head was so self-deprecating that it nearly convinced me to jump a few times. I never did, of course.
It took some time, as all things do. But I finally found my inner strength, with a little help of course. Ever since then, this place changed from an escape from my troubles to a place of reflection. Somewhere I could look inwards during my hardest of days and find the courage I feared was gone. It never leaves, not really.
And that's why I brought you here today, to show you this part of me and let you know you are not alone in your feelings of worthlessness. The voice inside your head doesn't always have to win when you've got at least one person on the outside that cares.
And I care."
With that, Sakura finally tore her gaze from the wide water splayed out in front of her to look at Sasuke. She wasn't the least bit surprised to see what seemed like pity bleeding in his eyes, but she knew better than that. She knew he felt no pity, rather harboring so much understanding. Sasuke knew what it was like to resent your own existence, but couldn't seem to climb his way out of that vicious cycle. Sakura wanted with all her heart to be the one who could throw him the lifeline that actually worked.
Sasuke said nothing, maybe he had nothing to say, maybe he was at a loss for words. But they clearly had a mutual understanding that they were not needed. Not for their hearts to connect, or for them to realize that what they had between them, it was real. It was raw, it was authentic, it was momentous. And as scared as she was to admit it, she was all-in. The young man already weaseled his way into her thoughts and soul; what more was it to give him every part of her piece by piece?
Her eyes drifted to Sasuke's still mouth, pink and inviting. She hadn't realized when she unconsciously stepped towards his dark frame like light drawn to darkness, but she didn't stop herself from bringing her hand up to cup Sasuke's cheek, sharp from his harsh features, and brushing her thumb across his wispy eyelashes. She loved everything about his face, from his dark, round eyes to the lines and ridges that shaped his features. There was an effortless elegance to Sasuke, and Sakura would bet an arm and a leg that he had absolutely no idea how handsome he truly was.
"Thank you, for everything," Sasuke finally replied. It was all he seemed to be able to do, thank her. But the words held a different sort of weight this time. There was more meaning, more passion lingering within each syllable, and it snapped Sakura's control like a measly twig.
Her lips captured his own, tentative and unsure at first, but gaining the confidence to increase the friction it caused. It was electric, as if she was shocked by lightning strong enough to knock her off her feet. Yet, she pressed forward, leaning further into Sasuke as he reciprocated her affection.
The twinkling stars that painted the night sky became the celestial fireworks that floated behind her eyes, and Sakura brought her other hand up to touch the other side of Sasuke's face. She wanted more, needed more, craved more. But she knew Sasuke needed time, and she respected that.
She pulled back, gasping minutely for air as she stared back into Sasuke's deep pools. And that was the moment it truly hit her. That this was real, these feelings were real, he was real. It was overwhelming, yet not quite enough.
Sakura didn't know how or when things between them would end, but they sure as hell found a place to start. And that was enough.
Hello everyone! This was chapter twelve. I am so happy that they are finally making progress and I hope you are too!
As always, please like/subscribe/review and let me know what you think! I love and appreciate you all! :)