Hello, everyone! Here is the fifteenth chapter of Healing Demons. Please review and enjoy! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto only.
SUMMARY: Sakura was a diligent medical student with dreams and aspirations of greatness. Sasuke's dreams had been crushed by a dark past, leaving him broke and depressed. What happened when these two crossed paths and their lives got interwoven together? Modern world AU
One Year Earlier:
Sasuke's bones began to ache as he curled up within himself on the pale concrete bench lined against the white brick wall. He could barely think back to how he got there through the haze of the booze he shot down his throat that night; it was the liquid courage he'd needed to get through it. But it all came crashing down in an instant as he realized karma had reared its ugly head far sooner than he expected.
The flickering fluorescent lights taunted him, shaming him further into his corner; the lights burned his pupils and encouraged his surmounting migraine to beat him relentlessly. If his family hadn't worked hand in hand with this wretched place, it would take him longer to realize where he found himself.
As he braved a peek around the room through his shortly trimmed bangs, he recognized the small, bare confines of the room, locked from the outside with no chance to slip out and escape. He recognized the orange clothes he reluctantly wore, baggy and clearly a size much too large for him, and he noticed the stained ink on his fingertips, smudged over his hands, arms, and likely his face.
Sasuke swallowed the burning bile that covered his throat as he came to terms with the fact that he now found himself in jail.
How naive, how easily manipulated was he where he had been convinced to go along with this doomed plan? His negative emotions, his personal connections had been taken advantage of, and he was the one here to reap the consequences. He was stupid, stupid, stupid to the core.
Distant chatter was muffled through the heavy door that barricaded him within the holding room. Sasuke had been processed through the system, but had yet to hear of his fate. He watched as blurred figures of busy workers passed by the square window on the door without giving him a second thought.
He was tossed to the side, left to sit within his own thoughts to be dealt with later. They had no time to deal with him.
Sasuke ignored the burning in his chest as he dejectedly sighed and leaned a little too harshly against the hard wall to his left. The ridges of the wall dug into his skin, marking it as a painful reminder of the growing numbness inside him. Earlier that day, he had been so ready, so sure that he could help his acquaintances get away with their scheme, that he truly was the missing key in their plan. Sasuke was never really one to go out of his way to mingle with crime, but the chance to get back at his father had been far too enticing to pass up. And this was where that had led him.
He was so, so stupid.
Squeezing his eyes shut, blocking out the distant mumbles from those lingering outside, Sasuke tried to ignore his impending punishment. It wasn't as if he plotted a murder; no one was going to get hurt. But he was planning to uproot the security his family had spent so much time and money to painstakingly install to really make a name for their company. And ruining the family business's reputation would anger his father to no end.
No, anger was not a strong enough word. His father's fury would burn down entire civilizations if he wanted. By choosing to break in and disarm their systems, it was as good as a death sentence for Sasuke.
He didn't know why he did it, in all honesty. Sasuke had gotten into a fight earlier that week with his father. His mother stood idly by, not daring to defend him, while Itachi sat in complete silence, not an utterance from his arrogant lips.
His grades had been slipping, and it was no way to start his tenure at university. He was only a freshman, how hard could it be? His father said that if he did not make the Dean's List that semester, and each subsequent one, he would no longer be paying for his classes.
And if he didn't graduate, Sasuke would no longer be allowed to intern at his family's company. No degree, no job. No job, no money. No money, well, he would be on his own. No lifelines there.
Sasuke supposed, in retrospect, he understood. He had become careless since he began going on late-night drinking benders with Juugo, Suigetsu, and Karin. His money from his internship at the company went towards drugs and alcohol, and they were out all hours of the night. Some days he'd skip class, and some nights he'd blackout, the memories completely lost to him. He didn't consider the trio to be good friends, per se, but they certainly knew how to have a good time.
And really, that's all he had been searching for. No matter how false or fleeting that happiness was.
During one of their nights out, someone, Sasuke couldn't recall whom, came up with a bright idea. He couldn't for the life of him recall what they wanted to do, but all he knew with certainty was that the university was their target, and his family had just installed their security system there that month.
The security system that he stood by and watched as it was developed, knew the insides and outs of. He was well versed in its intricacies and nuances, and could certainly navigate his way around it.
And he was bitter enough from his recent quarrel with his dad that he was blinded by vindictiveness. He would tarnish his family's reputation by letting small-time criminals slip through the cracks.
That would show his family that he was worth more than how his father saw him.
It had all gone awry, gone downhill the moment Sasuke had gone off on his own. They all met up, guzzled a few shots of whiskey for courage, snorted a few lines for power, and cursed himself for foregoing the wisdom he desperately needed. Juugo, Suigetsu, and Karin left in a dark getaway car as Sasuke headed for the back entrance of the school. He truly didn't know the "why", he merely focused on the "how".
Everything after that was a blur; it all melded together, and Sasuke couldn't tell what happened first, or even happened at all. He could distantly remember making his way through the dark, empty hallways, then all that flooded his vision was a mixture of red and blue, bright, blaring sirens. He couldn't recall leaving, or rather being dragged out of the school and shoved into a cop car, nor did he recollect the drive over to the station. When Sasuke came to his senses, or what he could hold onto, his fingerprints were being processed and the bright flash of their camera blinded him as they took his mug shot.
What he wouldn't give to never have to see it in his lifetime.
And Sasuke found himself there, along in a holding cell, far too different from any he ever imagined. He'd usually picture cold steel bars, holding him back, secluding him from the world. He would have been able to reach through the bars for a brief taste of freedom. But this was much, much different.
The room he was tossed in was small, no bigger than a glorified storage closet. Each brick that lined the wall was white, nearly plastic in feeling. They were hard and cold to the touch, and offered no comfort whatsoever. He was seated on a concrete bench that lined the left side of the room, barely big enough for him to fit on.
He certainly couldn't curl up in a ball, no matter how much he wanted to cave in on himself.
Sasuke was tired of thinking about it all. He was tired of not being sober, and he was tired of everything. He wanted to disappear, wanted to sink into the wall, never to be seen again. Never having to face the outcome of this night.
He was a coward, and no amount of liquid courage could ever change that fact.
Willing unconsciousness to take over him, Sasuke had no idea how much time went by during his isolation. It could have been minutes that dragged on like a jogger melting in the scorching sun, or hours that dug into him like burning nails on a chalkboard. He couldn't bear it, couldn't face it, couldn't own up to what he had possibly done.
Then there was heavy knocking on the beige metal door, yanking Sasuke from his pit of despair and commanding his attention. A pause, followed by the squeaking of hinges from the opening door, scratching the concrete floor as it was pushed open. Sasuke scrunched his nose at the noisy intrusion and stared at the feet of his visitors.
Visitors? There were one, two...three pairs of feet? Who could possibly be here but…
"Sasuke," a voice greeted, heavily laced with weary disappointment. Sasuke knew instantly who it was, who came to his rescue in his time of need. Not his father, never his father. He probably couldn't even bear the sight of him.
Sasuke dragged his dark eyes up to meet his brother's identical ones. "Itachi."
"This is not a good look, Sasuke," Itachi said, gazing down at him with disdain. His brother kept his empty hands at his side as he added, "Not for you, and not for us, either."
"That's what it always comes back to, 'us', doesn't it?" Sasuke croaked out, ignoring his raspy voice and dry tongue so he could bite out his words. "Well, fuck 'us'. There is no 'us'. There never has been, no matter how much you lie to yourself."
"You say that as we've come to bail you out," Itachi coolly replied, motioning to Naruto, standing silently beside his brother. He was thankfully keeping his thoughts to himself for the time being. Heaven knows he'll get a tongue lashing when this is all over. Itachi sighed, "Look, we'll argue with each other later. We need to get home before the fire subsides."
Fire? What the hell was he talking about? Did he cause such an uproar within the company with his stunt already? Judging by Itachi's grim expression, and Naruto's melancholic eyes, Sasuke knew there was more. Much, much more had taken place that night.
He remained glued to the spot, willing his liver to filter through the remaining alcohol so he could truly grasp what was going on. Sasuke tugged at the orange shirt that hung from him in an attempt to relieve the strain on his lungs.
"Not until you tell me what's going on," Sasuke slurred, fearful determination bleeding in his eyes. He didn't want to know, would give anything to run away from this all, but he needed something to combat his brother. He needed some semblance of leverage.
"We'll tell you on the way home, Sasuke," Naruto interjected, likely sensing the combativeness that seeped from Sasuke, needing to stop it in its tracks in such a delicate time. Before Sasuke could argue that they were keeping him in the dark, the young man added, "People have died tonight, Sasuke. Too many people have died."
And just like that, the bile that Sasuke had been keeping down all night shot its way up and out of his throat, and he puked his guts out on the floor.
"You can't keep avoiding looking at me all day, Sakura," Chie chided, teasing the young medic as she adjusted the IV drip that hung to her right for the umpteenth time. Anything to keep her hands busy. A slight chuckle emitted from the older woman's chest as she looked to Sakura with warm eyes. "Come on, I know you, sweetie. When you're at a loss for words, there are a million things going through your mind. Unload them."
Silently, Sakura let her hands fall to her sides as her eyes slipped to the withering woman to her right. A few days had passed, each one with a new set of challenges, new tests to try and overcome. Sakura had spent the past few nights grueling over every textbook, every note she ever took to try and figure out exactly what was wrong, and how to fix it.
She had ignored texts, rejected calls from her friends, and even her family. Sakura knew this was selfish of her, truly, especially considering the barrage of messages she'd received from Ino, but she was at a standstill. She couldn't waste her energy when it was all she could do to keep pressing forward without breaking down.
Ms. Chie's symptoms were standard: loss of breath, lack of appetite, and greatly, steadily diminishing weight. The tests had ruled out cancer - thank the gods - and came up negative for any strain of influenza or airborne illnesses. Heck, she had passed her blood cultures with flying colors.
So, what in god's green earth was wrong with her? Why wouldn't she get any better?
Sakura gazed at Chie's expectant eyes sadly, wordlessly. Then, she turned to walk to the front of her bed, picking up her binder to flit through all the information, as if somehow, by some will of the ghods, something new, something good would appear.
Nothing. Nothing had changed.
"So you won't even speak to me anymore, is that it?" Chie interrogated, knowing to press on, knowing where to push Sakura's buttons. Sometimes Sakura regretted opening up, for by doing so, every aspect of herself became vulnerable, easily manipulated. Why give others so much power? Relenting, Sakura sighed, looking up into Chie's eyes.
"It's not that. It's just…" Sakura trailed off. External wounds were simple to heal; stitch it together, apply pressure until the bleeding subsides. Let it scab over. Let it heal. They were artificial; they were visible, easier to manage. But Sakura, for the life of her, couldn't come up with a solution. She didn't want to admit that she was coming up empty-handed. She took a steadying breath, then continued. "I believed I could help. I thought I could find what everyone else was missing, and it's hard to face the fact that I'm fooling myself."
"You're not fooling yourself," Chie reminded, running her frail fingers through her thinning, graying hair. Tucking strands behind her right ear, she offered a smile; a smile Sakura noticed was full of false hope and grim understanding. "You're optimistic. You're doing your best in these unideal circumstances."
"No, I'm in denial," Sakura huffed, closing the binder unceremoniously and hanging it back on the front of Chie's hospital bed. She couldn't leave her alone, not now, not after everything the woman had done for her, not when Sakura was the only person she had on this earth. But, being faced with this mortality led Sakura down a very dark, very emotionally dangerous road. She didn't need comfort from the very person who needed hers; she needed to find the culprit of her friend's suffering, and strike it down with a sharpened sword. Chie needed a warrior, and what she had, what Sakura was, was anything but.
She was useless. Utterly useless.
"It's one of the steps you have to take," Chie replied as Sakura dragged her gaze back up to her friend's gaunt face. Her eyes told her everything was going to turn out alright, and Sakura needed to believe that it was. But was it? Was it really going to? She leaned her weight onto the bars at the end of the bed as her old friend continued. "There are stages to this, you know. Stages that finally end in acceptance."
"Heh, you're speaking as if I'm in grief," Sakura blew out, averting her eyes as she took it in. She wasn't going through the stages of grief; she was just throwing herself a self-imposed pity party while she twiddled her thumbs waiting for a miracle to fall into her lap. It wasn't grief; how could she grieve someone who was sitting directly in front of her, very much alive? "Don't joke like that. I'm not in the right place for your dark humor."
"Forgive me, but I am not trying to be funny," Chie replied, remaining still as she continued to lean back on the pillows Sakura had freshly cleaned and fluffed. "I just want you to be prepared for a worst case scenario."
Sakura shoved herself back up to stand, taking a step back and crossing her arms incredulously, scrunching the white lab coat that hung loosely from her frame. "Oh, so now you're giving up? Am I going to have to fight for the both of us?"
"You know that's not fair, Sakura, for you or me," Chie chided once more. She added, eyes softening with sorrowed fatigue, "I did not come in for some miracle cure, nor did I come here to die. I have no expectations except that you'll do your best at what you do best, which is take care of people."
"I know...I'm just…" Sakura began, word vomit coating her tongue, just waiting for its moment to spill over. She had everything and nothing to say; would she be able to get this weight on her chest to drift away without becoming redundant? Each word was a blade and it did nothing to make her feel better. Maybe it was best to hold her tongue still, no matter what she craved to be let free. She turned her gaze towards the window, out into the bright blue sky of day: a stark contrast to the overcast in her mind. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to come across as condescending. I should handle myself better."
What Sakura wouldn't give to curl up with a glass of red wine, bundled under her heaviest blankets in the quiet dark of her apartment, knowing for sure that she'd come back the next morning, greeted by healthy smiles and fulfilled promises.
"Listen, I get it, because I understand you. We spent nearly every day together for the past year," Chie's voice reached Sakura's ears, yet Sakura couldn't tear her eyes from the cloudless sky. It was too enticing, too picturesque to stop her yearning. But these days don't come easy, and she knew it. She bit her lower lip as Chie continued. "I'm grateful for every minute of it. Heaven knows when my husband passed, I was a wreck. I was lonely, and you made sure I didn't forget I wasn't alone. You helped this old woman get back on her feet again by just...being there. But, things come to an end, one way or another. Just because you have the resources to hold it off doesn't mean you have the ability to stop it. And that's what this all has been - holding off the inevitable for as long as possible. And I have you to thank for that grain of fight I clung to for dear life."
Sakura kept her eyes searching into the far horizon, searching for answers, way beyond her reach, hidden behind the faint pink dusting the sky, signaling the beginning of the end of the day.
The beginning of the end.
She sniffed, keeping her tears at bay as she reluctantly tore her eyes away, looking back to the fierceness in Chie's. It didn't seem fair that her old friend had come to terms, to acceptance, when Sakura was unwilling to take it sitting down.
Not that she could do anything, anyway. All the good seemed to be gone from her mind like a blip in the grand scheme of things.
She took a breath. And then another. Sakura would not break down, but her voice threatened to crack like a flooded levee. "You are my friend, and I don't want you to feel alone. I want to fight for you. I want...I don't want you to have to leave me behind."
"But, I'll never be quite alone. Here, I have you. I have Tsunade. When I cross that Rainbow Bridge, I'll finally see my sweet Noriaki once again." Chie replied, so soft, almost as if she were cooing a baby to sleep. And though, stubborn as Sakura was, she didn't want to keel over and give up, she had to admit she understood. She had been there in the wake of her husband's death, seen the toll it had taken on her. And though Sakura knew little to nothing about the man, Chie adored him to pieces and she would do anything to be with him just one last time. Even follow after him into the light. "Besides, I am not the one who you should be holding onto. I love that you're here, and you'll always be here, in my heart. But don't agonize over what's to come. Keep your chin up high, stiffen your upper lip, and be the Sakura I know you can be."
"That Sakura would never give up on one of her patients, especially not you." Sakura replied immediately, so frustrated at her friend's inability to let her fret, let her take on her hidden fear. Sakura held tighter to the rope tied to Ms. Chie, but the tighter she gripped, the more it burned her hands. Why couldn't she stop them from falling down this slippery slope? She walked around to the other side of the bed, opposite to the window now directly in front of her. She squatted to Chie's side, so that she looked up into her tired eyes. "I'm not ready to throw in the towel. Humor me, let me walk this out with you one step at a time."
"I never said I'd be giving up, it's not something you'd ever let me do," Chie chuckled as she warmly looked down at Sakura. It was a quiet day, not much had been going wrong around them. Sakura hadn't been greeted by blaring sirens when she arrived that morning, the echoes of shouting doctors as patients coded hadn't made their way through the hospital's halls. Sakura was torn; was this a good thing, or was it the calm before the storm? "Just...be prepared. I'm no special case, no matter how you see me. I don't have much time left. I just want to spend this time I do have to be not so alone."
Sakura's chest hurt. It hurt so damn bad, and there was no medicine for the ache that burned holes within her like flame through paper. "You aren't alone, and you never will be. Even when we're no longer on this earth together."
Things had truly turned on their head for Sasuke, and though the thought made him queasy, it was an improvement from where he was not long enough ago. He'd hit rock bottom and he could never run away from it.
But he'd been trying, though baby steps didn't seem to be enough. He'd even texted Sakura the past few days, hoping to see her, praying she didn't see the desperation hidden between each line. Sasuke didn't want to admit his need to hold her close, and keep his nasty memories away.
But she hadn't replied. It was evening, and he reached out once again the moment he'd woken up that morning. Late morning, but he'd gotten up to greet the day, and screw it all, he'd even gone into work. It had been a stupidly long day, riddled with stupidly stupid people, and he couldn't distract himself well enough to keep out the sinister whisperings that this was wrong, he shouldn't be allowed to move forward.
He shouldn't be allowed happiness, nor when he'd denied that to others. And no matter how many times he tried to let Naruto's voice drown these thoughts out, he was spiraling back to that night. He wasn't where he was meant to be.
As Sasuke trudged up the concrete stairs of his apartment complex, he ignored the orange and yellow hues of the sunset, turning his back to the oncoming night. The heavy plastic bag in his right hand weighed more as Sasuke realized what he had caved into. The bottles clinked together, ringing in his ears.
He shouldn't have bought the alcohol, but he needed to drown these damned thoughts somehow. He was weak and could not go at it alone if he was sober. He couldn't take care of himself, couldn't take the time to pump the brakes.
When he reached the top of the narrow set of stairs, Sasuke stopped and stared emptily ahead. His eyes, dead as those he'd snuffed the light out of, glassed over. He was a fool to think that he could crawl onward when the other had been frozen in time. Slowly, he lowered himself to the ground and sat on the top step, turning to face the sinking sun and ruffling through the shopping bag to grab his first cheap beer.
Sasuke dug deep into his pockets, grasping the bottle opener that seemed to leave its imprint on the inside of his pants. He kept looking forward at absolutely nothing as he popped off the top and took a deep swig, refusing to grimace at the bitterness that ransacked his tongue.
All day, he'd been plagued by flashbacks to that night, to getting all but dragged home by his brother and friend, to the swirling sirens and flashing lights that passed as he hurried home, to his hysterical mom running up to hug him and not daring to let go. Even to his father's cold shoulder as he spoke with officers and detectives in their expansive front lawn.
And to this day, Sasuke would never forget the feeling that coated him when he found out that his friends - his acquaintances - had perished that night. But not before taking others along with them.
Innocent people. Dead due to his recklessness. Due to his own inability to be a decent human. Due to his tunnel vision caused by his need for petty revenge and dependence on drugs.
Sasuke unseeingly took another sip, followed by a second gulp. The pain of what he'd done had brought him to his knees, broken and bruised, and his own family had kicked him when he was down.
Well, maybe not his mother. But she'd left him behind in the dust, hurting him to no end. He'd gotten so drunk one night and finally let his frustration burst out of him, and though he didn't quite remember what was said, the pain in her eyes was enough to be burned into his brain, and he knew their relationship was irreparable.
No, he wouldn't face her. Not now, not ever, though he missed the warmth of her hugs, and the feel of her fingertips running across his scalp as he fell asleep each night.
Sasuke missed the safety of that serenity, when he was a blank slate with a world of possibilities laid out in front of him. To know he'd be caught if he fell, but he'd crashed to the ground, far too hard to pick up the pieces and put himself back together.
Sakura had no part in the writing on his walls, though she tried her best to paint over the blood with fresh paint. And that was warmth.
It was the warmth he was sorely missing.
But he couldn't fool himself, even as he sat at the top of the stairs, watching the moon rise as his vision became blurry and his thoughts became hazy.
There were always strings attached to the heaviest of baggage, and the best thing he could do for Sakura was cover his tracks, keeping his true self buried in the past. If he didn't, he'd surely fall apart. If he didn't, she'd surely turn the other way and run.
If he didn't, he'd surely drink himself to death.
Sasuke guzzled down the rest of his beer, and set it to the side to reach for another. As the hiss of it opening reached his ear, he felt a vibration come from his phone. Followed by another, then another, and another.
Damn it. Someone was calling him. He lifted his right leg to dig his phone out of his pocket, and squinted at the caller I.D. on the front of it. He knew what he was hoping for, who he was hoping for despite his wretched thoughts, but this certainly wasn't it. Sasuke growled, yet decided to give it a shot. He promised he'd do better, even as he held his third beer in his other hand.
He flipped his phone open, and shoved it to his ear, letting the grumble in his chest die down. Sasuke answered, "What do you want, Itachi?"
"Sasuke, honey?" a female voice came from the other end of the line. Suddenly, Sasuke's irritation evaporated like a ghost, leaving no remnants behind. He knew that voice; he'd heard it sing as he'd fallen asleep, smiled as its praises as his accomplishments fell in his lap, and let it get under his skin when he'd been scolded as a child. It was the voice that cried as its owner held him tightly, swearing to never let go, it never wanted to risk losing its baby again. Sasuke hadn't spoken to his mother in nearly a year, but he could never forget her voice. He said nothing, not a single word, so she continued. "Honey, it's me, your mom. Sasuke...are you there? Please answer me."
Blindsided. He'd been blindsided. It wasn't fair, wasn't fair, wasn't fair. He didn't know what to do, how to handle it, or if he should say something at all.
"Mom...I," Sasuke croaked out, bitterness on his tongue as he tried to form the words. But nothing came out. Nothing at all.
"Sasuke! Oh gods, you're there! Please, let me speak with you," his mother pleaded on the other side of the line, staticky and going in and out due to the poor reception in his area. She continued speaking, but he drowned her out.
The last time they spoke, they fought. He had been drunk then, and he was working on getting drunk now. He missed her warmth, dreamt about it, but the guilt plagued him, and he wasn't ready to get past that. Not today, not when he was already at war with himself.
Maybe not ever.
Sasuke cut her off, unhearing but certainly not uncaring. "Do not call me again."
And he hung up so quickly that his mother had no opportunity to get another word in.
Sasuke would say good riddance, and he may be a fool, but he knew he wasn't just hurting himself anymore.
And knowing that was worse than anything he was going through at that moment.
Hello everyone! This was chapter fifteen. Finally, some peeks into the past! The next few chapters will finally give us some glimpses into Sasuke's past, and he's going to be faced with some difficult decisions. Also, Chie and Sakura's relationship is strong, but do you think it is strong enough to move mountains? Or do you think Sakura will have to face some dark times ahead? I'd love to hear your opinions!
As always, please like/subscribe/review and let me know what you think! I love and appreciate you all! :)