The Baroness Is Back

"I am going to kill Copperhead…" Zartan's eye twitched. His head was bandaged. "Very slowly…"

"Extremely slowly," Zandar added. He had scratches on his face. "Where did the maniac go anyway?"

Ripper spoke up. "Last we saw of him he was on another airboat racing for his life when Zarana was firing that rocket launcher at him."

"Too bad she missed," Buzzer grumbled.

The Dreadnoks were in a new conference room after the previous day's events. "I didn't bloody miss when it came to Vapor and Zero," Zarana smirked. She was also scratched up and bruised.

"You blew them up with a rocket launcher?" Zandar asked.

"Nope," Zarana shrugged. "I beat them until they were as bruised as an overripe banana. Then I decided to really let them have it!"

"What did you do?" Zartan asked.

"I sent them to the same base in Greenland with Zanzibar," Zarana grumbled. "Let Destro and Mindbender use them as scratching posts!"

"Oh, that's good," Zandar chuckled. "That will teach them!"

"I doubt it," Zartan sighed. "But hope springs eternal. So how much are the repairs for the base?"

"Let's just say it's cutting into our profits," Zandar groaned. "A lot."

"We don't have that many profits," Monkeywrench realized.

"That's where the lot comes in," Zandar explained.

"And that's when I come in and take my vengeance on you lot!" The Baroness stormed into the room carrying a familiar looking ray gun.

"Baroness!" Zartan gasped.

"The bitch is back!" Buzzer gulped.

"SHUT UP!" The Baroness snarled. "How dare you turn me into a dog again?"

"I take it that's a rhetorical question?" Torch gulped.

"Did you idiots think you could keep me in such a degrading position forever?" The Baroness snapped.

"Well the thought had crossed our minds," Zartan gulped.

"You male slime!" The Baroness waved her ray gun at them. "Turning me into a dog because men have a sick urge to degrade women!"

"We didn't turn you into a dog to degrade you because you're a woman!" Zartan spoke up. "We turned you into a dog because you really are a bitch!"

"Yeah that decision was based on your personality!" Zandar added. "Not your gender! Completely different!"

"Totally different," Zartan agreed.

"Oh well then," The Baroness smirked. "In that case…"

ZZZAPP!

ZZZAPP!

The Baroness zapped Zartan and Zandar with the ray. They blinked. Then…

"Baaahhhhh!" Zartan bleated as he dropped on all fours.

"Baahahhhhh!" Zandar did the same.

"Just to be clear," The Baroness smirked. "I did not turn you into sheep because you are men. I turned you into sheep because when it comes to money you are sheep!"

"Oh boy…" Monkeywrench winced. "This doesn't bode well."

"If we get a choice to be an animal," Ripper spoke up. "Can I be a kangaroo?"

"Why a kangaroo?" Torch asked.

"Because kangaroos are bloody awesome," Ripper said.

"You and the other Dreadnoks are already animals!" The Baroness snapped. "At least as you are now I can understand some of your grunting! Besides you morons will follow anyone who will give grape soda, donuts and money! In that order!"

"She does know us well," Buzzer remarked. "I'll give her that."

"Yeah okay we're on board," Monkeywrench nodded. "Right mates?"

"Oh yeah. Definitely. We're yours to command," The other Dreadnoks agreed.

"Like I said," The Baroness looked at Zarana. "Sheep."

"Baaaaaa," Zartan wandered around.

"How did you get that ray in the first place?" Zarana asked.

"Apparently there was a backup Mindbender had stashed in his lab," The Baroness told her. "The twins escaped when Copperhead made Swiss cheese out of half the walls in the base and used it on me so they could stage a coup."

"Where are the twins?" Torch looked around.

"First thing I did was to turn them into chickens," The Baroness smirked.

"Wait how did that work?" Buzzer asked.

"Yeah," Zarana realized. "The ray doesn't work on their brains!"

"Who says I used the ray?" The Baroness snickered.

Somewhere in the building…

The Twins were inside a cell covered in feathers and superglue. "In hindsight…" Xamot sighed.

"Perhaps telling the Baroness she was going to be working under us…" Tomax added.

"Was a bad idea," Both twins said at the same time. Then they both coughed up feathers.

Back to the Baroness…

"Like I'm stupid enough to be part of a coup with them!" The Baroness rolled her eyes. "And speaking of stupid…" She glared at Zarana.

"Uh oh…" Zarana gulped.

"Baaahhhh…" Zandar said.

"Oh, shut up!" Zarana said to Zandar.

She then turned to the Baroness. "I'm not the one who turned you into a dog Baroness! Don't turn me into a dog!"

"I'm not going to turn you into a dog or any other animal, Zarana," The Baroness growled. "For three reasons. One, I like to think I'm better than you. And not turning you into a bigger bitch than you already are would prove that."

"Okay I'll accept that," Zarana gulped.

"Two," The Baroness sighed. "Someone is going to have to help me clean up this mess you and your idiot brothers made. And I don't think that will be Torch."

"That is a very fair assessment of the situation," Torch remarked.

"And the third?" Zarana asked.

"You turning Destro and Mindbender into cats was just plain funny," The Baroness admitted.

"I thought so," Zarana shrugged. "So, you and me running Cobra?"

"That is the idea," The Baroness nodded.

"I hate to break it to you," Monkeywrench grumbled. "But our finances are a bit dodgy. The company is already halfway run into the ground."

"Well I have a plan for that," The Baroness said. "Remember that deal those idiots made with that rich kid to turn me into a dog? And videotape me for millions of dollars?"

"Yeah?" Zarana asked.

"Do you have his address?" The Baroness asked.

"Oh yeah," Zarana grinned.

"What?" Torch blinked. "What is she planning?"

"We're going to kidnap that weird little freak," The Baroness said. "Force him to sign a power of attorney document at gunpoint. Turn him into an animal. Bring him in front of a judge to prove he's off his rocker…"

"And get control of his fortune!" Zarana realized. "Now why didn't I think of that?"

"What animal?" Torch asked.

"Not sure yet," The Baroness shrugged. "I hear parrots are in season."

"Interesting," Zarana said. "What about a pig?"

"That's a good one too," The Baroness shouldered her ray gun. "You want a drink? I could really use a drink."

"I could use a drink," Zarana nodded as the women left the room.

"They ain't the only ones," Buzzer groaned.

"So…" Torch looked at Zartan and Zandar nibbling on a tablecloth. "Just so I'm up to speed here. First Destro took over Cobra from Cobra Commander in a coup. Then Zartan took over Cobra in a coup. And now The Baroness has taken over Cobra in a coup."

"That is pretty much what's happened Torch," Ripper sighed. "And now those bloody dames are gonna boss us around."

"And we're just going to let them?" Buzzer asked.

Monkeywrench looked at him. "You wanna go up against them? Be my bloody guest!"

"No thank you," Buzzer winced. "I think I'd rather keep my balls attached to my body."

"This is a bad year to be a guy isn't it?" Torch realized.

"Oh yeah," Buzzer groaned. "We're sunk."

"What do you mean we?" Road Pig spoke in a feminine voice. "I'm fine! Girls! Girls! Tiffany here! Let's go get some cosmos and bitch about men!" He skipped after the women.

"So, he's got another bloody personality in there?" Buzzer was stunned.

"Apparently," Ripper blinked.

"Tiffany Binklewing," Torch explained. "I forgot about her."

"How do you know…?" Buzzer asked.

"We dated once," Torch shrugged. "Just one date. Didn't take. She said I had problems with commitments."

"I think this whole bloody organization should be committed," Buzzer groaned. "To an insane asylum!"