A/N: I so did not mean to be gone for 2 months, but holidays, pneumonia and then work just made everything crazy. Sorry this is not edited and shorter than usual, but I wanted to get something up. Next chapter will probably be a time jump, cause I think I'm also have a hard time with them apart. This story was originally only going to be 20 chapters, that clearly didn't happen.

I realize now I've used Harper twice, but I prefer her as Avery's teacher so I'm going to try and go back and change Abby's nurse to Maya I've decided.

Chapter 25

Clarke sighed as she watched her mom wheel herself into her bedroom and close the door. The physical therapy had been good but really hard on her mother. Her therapist was hoping that with a few more sessions Abby would be able to walk with a walker. Her right leg seemed to almost be back to normal, but her left leg was still causing problems. It was getting better, some of the feeling had come back, but not all of it and at this point there was no way of knowing if it ever would.

Clarke didn't know what to do anymore. Her mom still continued to retreat whenever she had a chance. She had lost someone important to her too, but she wasn't going through everything else her mom was going through. She didn't know how to help her.

Clarke headed up to her own room, and flopped back on her bed. Raising her head up above her head, she pulled up her conversation with Lexa and smiled at her girlfriend wishing Avery good luck on her first day back at school.

She wanted to know how Lexa's first day back at work was going, so she hit the call bottom in hope's the other woman would have time to chat. It rang a few times, but then she heard Lexa picking up.

"Hey, baby," Lexa greeted. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to talk, do you have some time?"

"For you, always." Lexa smiled just hearing Clarke's voice. It had only been a few days, but she missed her terribly. She closed down the computer and headed into the small kitchenette that was attached to her unit's offices, so they could have a little more privacy. Not that her fellow officers didn't know all about Clarke, but they didn't need to know everything.

"We both know that isn't true," Clarke retorted. If Lexa was out on a call or deep in a case then she couldn't answer her phone, but Clarke appreciated the sentiment all the same. "How's work going?"

"Had to meet with the Chief first thing this morning. He wasn't happy I was gone, but he admitted there wasn't anything he could do about it since I so much leave saved up." The guy was a jackass, but he was her boss so Lexa just tried to keep her head down and work hard. "Other than that, it's mostly just been catching up on paperwork since I'm not currently on any of the patrol schedules."

Clarke would never tell Lexa, but there was always some relief when she knew the other woman wasn't out on the streets. Especially after losing her father to a gun shot, her fear of losing Lexa would be even greater now. But she was also proud of who Lexa was and she'd stand beside her no matter what she chose to do in life and her career.

"How is your day going? Did Avery go back to school?"

"Yeah, I took her this morning. She didn't seem overly happy about it, but she didn't say she didn't want to go back either," Clarke admitted. She hadn't heard from her daughter, so she hoped her day was going well.

"That's good. It'll be good for her to get back to routine, and be around her friends."

"I know, but now I'm in this big house, basically by myself." Clarke didn't mean to drop her worries on Lexa, but she couldn't help it. She'd always been able to talk to Lexa, from the very beginning.

For her part, Lexa wished she could reach through the phone and hug Clarke. "I'm sorry sweetie. Hopefully that will change some day."

Clarke did smile, because she did have good news. "Actually, that will happen sooner than you think. After my mom's appointment we went and talked to her boss. There is room for me at Arkadia Hospital. One of their interns dropped out and another one had to transfer because her husband was military and they were getting moved."

"Clarke, that's great," Lexa exclaimed. She was honestly happy for her girlfriend. Clarke had worked so hard, she didn't want to see that all go down the drain if she couldn't find a new residency.

"Best part is, he's going to give me a few weeks to get settled before I start. Because honestly, as much as I know I need to go back to work, I'm not ready yet. I don't think I can handle being in a hospital just yet, not practicing anyway."

Lexa understood completely. She couldn't image being Clarke right now. Wanting so badly to practice medicine, but knowing her father died in that hospital because the doctors there hadn't been able to save him. It would be hard on anyone. "I think that's completely understandable. I couldn't image being in your shoes right now," Lexa admitted.

"I'll have some catching up to do when I do go back. Probably some really long shifts, but that's part of the reason I want to take some more time off. I want more time with Avery before I have to go back to working long shifts." Now that she had her daughter back, she was going to take every advantage she could to spend time with her.

"I also want to know that mom will be able to take care of herself. I mean I guess I could always hire a nurse to check on her, but she probably wouldn't like that."

"Yeah, I don't suppose Abby would like that too much," Lexa agreed. She hadn't known the woman very long, but she didn't seem like the type of person that would like that kind of help.

"Derek will be living here, but he has a job too." Clarke was glad her uncle would be near. She'd missed him, and it would be good to have him around. If anyone could get Abby through this, it would her brother. He was still in Montana packing up his apartment though and probably wouldn't be back until next weekend.

"You'll figure it out. You guys will get through this. I believe that." Lexa hoped Clarke could hear the truth in that.

The two of them talked for several more minutes. Clarke filled Lexa in what happened at her mother's appointment early and their hopes for what was to come. Lexa told Clarke she'd mostly moved into Clarke's apartment and was getting settled in, even though the place was to quiet now with the other girl there.

"I miss you so much, Lex," Clarke admitted around a sigh. She didn't realize how hard it would be for them to be separated like they were.

"I miss you, too." Lexa let out her own sad sigh. This was going to be so much harder than either of them realized. It was crazy how attached they'd become to each other in such a short amount of time.

Clarke looked over at the clock and noticed how late it was getting. "I better go, I need to go pick up Avery. And you should probably get back to work."

"You're right. I love you."

"I love you, too."

After a moment's hesitation, Clarke hung up the phone. Still it was a minute before she got up. There was no sign her mom had left her room, not that she expected any different.

In the car, she found a station that played top hits and turned the volume clear up. She needed to empty her mind and that was the best way she knew how to do it. Singing at the top of her lungs, she drove the familiar streets and pulled up near the school to see a line of cars waiting for their kids to come out.

She decided not to do the same and drove around the block. There was a park across the street from the school, but their parking lot was on the far side of the park. Didn't seem many people had her idea so it was easy to find a place to park. She walked across the park and waited for her chance to cross the street.

There were a few parents standing around outside the doors and she moved to join them. She saw a familiar face in the crowd and made her way over. "Trish, hey."

"Hey, lil sis!" Trish greeted, pulling Clarke into a hug. "How's everything going?"

"It could be better, but it could be worse," Clarke admitted.

Trish gave her a sympathetic look. "It'll get better."

"I know."

"I take it Avery is back in school?"

Clarke smiled. "Yeah, today was her first day back. I can't wait to find out how it went." It was true. She was getting to experience things she never had before. People took for granted just the simple action of picking their kid up from school and listening to their chatter. Clarke never would.

"She'll be so happy to see you."

There was a look of confusion on Clarke's face at that. "She knows I'm picking her up today."

"She may know that, but knowing and it actually happening are two very different things. She always looked forward to your calls so she could fill you in on her day. Some of her first sentences when I picked her up on Wednesdays were 'I can't wait to tell mom..'."

There was a pang in Clarke's heart. She didn't know that. She always made an effort to talk to Avery for her own sake, she had no idea how those calls affected her child. "I'm such a horrible mom."

Trish pulled Clarke in another hug. "You are not. You're a great mom. I know how much you love that little runt. Your relationship might have not been traditional, but it worked for you both."

"Still, I wasn't here."

"You were in the ways that mattered," Trish reassured her. "Avery never felt neglected or unloved by you. She always knew you were there if you needed her. And I have every confidence that if she had truly needed you, you would drop everything and come home."

"In a heartbeat," Clarke agreed. This was why she loved Trish. The other woman always had a way of helping her see things more clearly. She'd missed their relationship. She looked forward to spending more time with her again.

"Mom!" the yell broke their conversation and Clarke turned to see Avery dashing out the door in her direction. Clarke moved to meet her but in the few seconds it took to reach each other, Clarke realized what Trish meant about how Avery would feel about her being there right now.

"Avery!" she yelled back. She wrapped the girl up in her arms and swung her around. "How was your day?" she asked and she led Avery back to the car.

"It was weird at first. People kept looking at me funny, but then Sydney told them to knock it off."

Clarke smiled at that. She knew from conversations that Avery and Sydney tended to protect each other. She'd only met the girl once or twice but now she'd have to get to know this friend of her daughter's. "Sounds like a good friend."

"She's the best!"

Once they climbed in the car, Clarke turned to Avery. "You know, the other kids probably just didn't know what to say to you. It's hard when you don't understand something."

"I know."

Avery probably did know better than most her age. She'd already had to essentially live through her father's death when she was old enough to understand it. Most of the other kids probably hadn't been touched by that kind of loss.

"If you ever need to talk,"

Avery actually rolled her eyes, something Clarke had never seen her do, and it made her laugh. "I know, Mom. You've only told me that like a million times."

Okay that might be a slight exaggeration, but Clarke got it. She probably had said that to Avery many times. She just wanted to make sure her daughter knew she was there if she needed her.

"Well how about some ice cream?"

"Yes!"