Hello, everyone! Here is the seventeenth chapter of Healing Demons. Please review and enjoy! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto only.
SUMMARY: Sakura was a diligent medical student with dreams and aspirations of greatness. Sasuke's dreams had been crushed by a dark past, leaving him broke and depressed. What happened when these two crossed paths and their lives got interwoven together? Modern world AU
Sasuke felt ashamed, exposed, as he led Sakura through the threshold of his apartment. It felt like she was invading his innermost space, like every crevice within him was turned inside out. Not many people have been inside his apartment - invited or not - and they never usually stayed around for very long. Plus, he didn't feel like he had much to prove, anything to offer.
But Sakura - Sasuke wanted her to stay. Stay the night, stay forever, he didn't care. So long as she didn't high tail it out of there at the first sign of disrepair or neglect, Sasuke would be grateful for her presence.
He led the way through the small, barely existent foyer, past the kitchen to their right and into the living space. To his left was the worn couch that he found at the nearest dump when he first moved in, and barely had the mind to freshen with air freshener only once; he never cared to even use it, unless he drunkenly passed out on it on his way to his bed on the other side of the apartment to his right.
He couldn't let Sakura sit there, but then again, Sasuke felt like he shouldn't allow her to settle in anywhere. Everything dirty, messy, and decrepit in his personal space felt glaringly painful as he allowed Sakura to take it all in against his better judgment.
Drunk or not, his judgment has never been the best.
Stopping in the middle of his apartment, Sasuke kept his back turned to her; he refused to look her in the eye. Shame dripped from every pore in his body, and her green orbs had some sort of effect on him that was hypnotizing at best, and defeating at worst. Either way, it was far too painful to face even as he literally took the small steps he needed to get closer to Sakura.
As he stood there, rooted to the spot, squeezing his eyes painfully shut with no idea of what to do now that Sakura was actually there, physically and assuredly emotionally, Sasuke tried to swallow the burning breaths that bombarded him. But just as he was about to slip off the edge, he felt a slight tugging on his right sleeve.
It anchored him back to that moment.
Sasuke blew out the air that choked him through loosened lips and slowly turned to his right, following that pull that Sakura ignited until he fully turned around to face her. His eyes remained lowered as he watched her hands move to lay flat to his chest.
He was positive Sakura could feel his erratic heartbeat galloping a million miles an hour in a mixture of nerves and pulsating anxiety.
Normally, Sasuke would flinch away from physical contact in any shape or form; he hated the thought of someone crossing into his space, reaching out to him, and grabbing hold. It was suffocating, terrifying, nearly sweltering. Fleeting touches left third degree burns behind, and the bubble that surrounded him only grew bigger by the day.
But Sakura's touch, it wasn't searing in the painful sense. It was warm, affectionate, exhilarating. It didn't hurt like all the others; he didn't feel the need to pull away. Rather, Sasuke found himself leaning further into her touch without even realizing it. As he kept his gaze locked onto her hands, glued to him snugly as if they merely belonged there, he decided to let his fears take a back seat for the first time in such a long while.
The beers he had that evening surely helped him loosen his nerves, if only slightly.
"Breathe, Sasuke," Sakura finally said as she rubbed circles on his chest, letting the concern she felt douse her voice, soothing his erratic breathing. He hated feeling so vulnerable, so exposed, but he supposed every single person had a breaking point. There came a time where the burdens you had to carry become far too heavy, and you needed someone there to lessen the load. How did he ever deserve Sakura, ever so willing to take on that enormous task? "Breathe. Come on over here, let's take a seat and we can talk about it, whatever it is that's bothering you."
Bothering him? Yes, he was unnerved, further outside where he found comfort than he had ever ventured before, but bothered? He was surprised to find that he wasn't bothered; he wasn't inconvenienced, wasn't teetering on the edge of a cliffside. Rather, he was finally putting some pieces together within him, one by one.
He never realized he was screaming for someone to give him a reason not to jump until Sakura came along.
Sasuke released a shaky breath, bringing his right hand up to grab her left one to squeeze it for a brief, all too short moment as he dragged his weary gaze up to Sakura's concerned one and offered her a small smile.
A smile that was rusty from years of disuse and neglect. A smile that told Sakura all she needed to know: thank you, for everything.
Sasuke released her hand and stepped away, letting the warmth dissolve as he slowly made his way to the kitchen table to place the remaining beers he held in his left hand on it; he was done with it for the night. He had found something much better to fill that void he had been nursing. Whether it would make him forget, or allow him some sort of reprieve, he didn't care.
Sakura was there, just as she promised, just as she swore to him many times before.
He spun around to face her again, mustering up the courage to look directly at her as she looked after him. Sakura wore her melancholy on her sleeve, but still found the energy to offer Sasuke all the kindness she had; that's just who she was, through and through. She stood in the same spot, unsure of what to do next, as if she wasn't the one who guided the way all the other times.
She was the light in the dark, the ember that ignited a flame, the lighthouse that guided him safely back home. It took everything in him to not keel over from the raw gratitude that flooded him.
Sasuke made his way over to Sakura, and reached for her, saying nothing. Instead, he grasped her hand and tugged her over to the kitchen table, surrounded by four chairs that usually remained unoccupied; he forewent the couch, not wanting to have her sit on something so dirty, so clearly not meant for her. Sasuke let go of her hand as she took a seat on one of the sturdier chairs and he sat directly across from her.
He was never one for many words, and he usually fumbled over what to say every single day. Sasuke usually found it easier to keep his lips sealed for fear of saying the wrong thing, but that never worked for him. He either didn't say enough, or let them simmer beneath the surface and regurgitate them once liquor passed through his lips.
He had never found the perfect balance, in any aspect of his life.
But as he rested his elbows on the worn wooden surface of the table and stared straight forward towards Sakura's form, Sasuke felt the ease flow so freely through his veins, sending shivers up his spine and goosebumps flitting across the surface of his skin. The remainder of his beer went unheeded as Sakura's gaze pulled him further and further into its depths.
As Sasuke parted his lips to speak, Sakura's voice reached his ears, halting his words in their steps. "I'm so sorry to show up unannounced. I know you're...busy. But, I wanted to see you tonight."
"Hn," Sasuke blew air out of his nose, releasing the breath his unuttered words hitched inside his throat. It warmed his chest that she came to him out of all people for comfort; he was so used to being repellent that this was a whole new universe for him. But, that meant she had a bad day. It meant something was troubling Sakura and, like the night before, it just didn't sit right with him. "I was alone. I was not too busy for you."
"You have no idea how much that means to me, Sasuke," Sakura smiled as she mirrored his position, resting her own elbows comfortably on the table with her forearms resting in Sasuke's direction, hands delicately reaching out to him. It took everything within him to not reach out and grasp her fingers with his own for dear life. Instead, he silently watched Sakura's lips as she continued. "When you've spent all day trying everything in the book to avoid thinking about certain things, it takes its toll. You need a friend to lean on. I need...you."
Sasuke's eyes dragged up from her lips, roving up past her button nose, and latched onto her tired gaze. Her own eyes were weighed down with something Sasuke couldn't quite put his finger on; bags framed her beautiful green orbs as a telltale reminder that the events of the day had not been kind to her.
She needed him...in the same way he needed her. They both carried hurt in their hearts throughout the day and deep into the night. It may have been different circumstances that weighed them down, but those very circumstances had brought them together.
They had found each other.
"Sorry things are rough right now," Sasuke found himself saying, leaning back in his chair as it groaned beneath his weight and letting his hands drag back towards him and fall into his cold lap. He held her gaze captive as he added, "We can talk about it...if you want."
"We always talk about me. Really, I'd like to talk about you tonight, if you don't mind," Sakura sighed as her fingers fidgeted with themselves. She turned her eyes downcast as she shyly continued. "What are your likes, your dislikes? What was it like for you growing up? How did you and Naruto become friends? I know family life has been particularly hard for you, but I'd be happy to hear anything you're willing to share."
Willing to share? He was not an open book; he was bound together by the most inflexible material, refusing to let anyone read him. But Sakura had handled him with care, and restored some semblance of his former self. That had to count for something, right? He was never certain about anything, and this was no exception.
But tentatively, on numb feet and wobbly knees, Sasuke shakily sighed, divulging more than he'd ever care to reveal, more than he had ever willingly before.
"I feel...you're right. It has not been an easy road I've traveled. I've screwed up more times than I can count on my fingers and toes," Sasuke admitted as his eyes flickered over to the beer at the end of the table. It was so inviting as he prepared to talk about feelings and emotions he swore over and over and over again he'd never allow to surface. Life was a winless fight, so what was the point of vying for a happy ending? "I feel...like I've never been myself. I've never been able to be genuine, and at this point, I have no idea who I truly am. I'm uncomfortable within my own skin, and it's like the ground beneath me is caving in constantly, always about to crumble under my feet. But...I keep waking up each morning, and face the same battle each day. It's monotonous, and I can't see things for their true color anymore. I'm tired. Just so tired."
There. He finally said what held him down, if only just scratching the surface. But it was so difficult to even admit he struggled through each and every day; it was glaringly obvious, and it was no secret. But hearing himself say it aloud was something he'd never truly done.
It was a different kind of slap in the face to hear his pain out loud in his own voice, and the air around him became thinner with each breath he took.
Without Sakura there to nudge him out of his comfort zone, he could fool himself into thinking he was just fine with keeping his life in shambles, but repeating the same toxic behaviors over and over again expecting a different result was borderline insane.
Sasuke's sanity left him years ago when he decided he no longer cared about himself, or others around him, letting his life descend in a landslide.
Images of him locked in a jail cell, nearly passed out on the cold bathroom floor as the room span, and fresh tears spilling over reddened eyes, followed by bellowed anger flashed in his vision. Sasuke tensed tighter and tighter as he willed those memories away.
He'd face them another day. He wasn't quite ready. Not yet.
"Impostor syndrome," Sakura stated matter of factly as she continued to look towards Sasuke, who clenched his eyes shut to shake those horrid thoughts away. Once the words registered, he reopened them and looked towards the girl in confusion. What did she mean? What an odd thing to say. Flustered, and realizing what she said aloud, Sakura cleared her throat nervously and continued. "Impostor syndrome. Feeling like you're a fraud, despite all you've accomplished. You feel afraid you'll be exposed for acting like someone you're not. It seems that may be part of what you're experiencing."
Was that really what he was feeling? Sasuke didn't think so. He supposed he had a rebellious streak that didn't truly reflect his true self during his darkest time, when he all but sprinted down the path that led him to his despair, but was he scared of being exposed?
Maybe. Maybe there was some grain of truth there, as small as a rivulet that raced down the car window on a stormy evening. But Sasuke felt like, for whatever truth lied there, there was more to it all than that. It didn't explain why he felt so despaired day in and day out, like his insides were withering slowly and agonizingly.
But how would she know the whole truth, if he didn't tell her? How would she know, if he didn't communicate? How would she really know the real him, if she didn't know the good, the bad, and the ugly of his past?
She couldn't. And he didn't want her to know the ugliest parts of him, because what would she do once she found out? Just how deep could Sakura dig into the depths of Sasuke's heart before she realized that all that was left was a black abyss that she should turn far, far away from? Once again, he pushed forward despite his screaming fear.
"I'm not sure that's entirely the case," Sasuke muttered, tearing his eyes away and looking up towards the crumbling ceiling. Yes, she could sense the fright that palpitated from him, that perched upon his shoulders like a hawk, but her finger didn't quite hit the mark. Should he guide it to what begged to be found, or let her believe his cowardice lied somewhere else? He supposed he'd let his feet carry him forward and see where he ended up. "But I suppose it's a start."
Sakura shifted in her chair and sighed. What was coursing through her mind? Did she think he was stupid for not fully comprehending how he felt? He had never been taught how to process complex emotions, even as he was growing up.
His father, to Sasuke's utter dismay, had never been one to show affection, or any other sort of positive feelings. He remained stone-face, soulless, cold-blooded. As much as he hated to admit it, Sasuke had spent most of his childhood vying repeatedly for his father's praise.
He never earned it.
And much like Sasuke, his father was just as closed off, if not more. Sasuke had never been told heartwarming stories of his father as he grew up, or how his father had fallen in love with his mother, or even how it felt as he welcomed his children to the world.
Maybe that had taken part in him becoming so emotionally stunted. Or maybe he was just born that way.
"I guess I may have jumped to a medical conclusion way too fast. I'm sorry, I tend to do that sometimes," Sakura admitted. Sasuke peeled his eyes from the ceiling and glanced over to her. Her eyes were diverted as a faint blush dusted her cheeks. She chewed relentlessly on her abused lower lip as she looked up to him and added, "Why don't you feel like yourself? Did something happen, or is it something that's been bothering you for a long time?"
How long has he not felt like himself? For as long as he could remember, he supposed. Nothing he ever did was right enough, noble enough, good enough. He made sure to be at the top of his class, year after year. But just being a perfect portrait of himself wasn't enough.
In his family's eyes, Sasuke was the physical embodiment of failure.
He was a child who never turned out to become the very best of his potential; he was riddled with doubts, both from the whisperings that slithered in and out of his ears and the constant derelictions that crawled beneath his skin.
So, after trying time and again to keep his mask of perfection from falling crooked, Sasuke decided upon a different route. If you can't join them, or beat them at their own games, he'd go off on his own and find a new way, whether or not he'd burn those bridges.
And burn they did. With every drunken debacle and angry argument, Sasuke pulled farther and farther away. He shut out his family, because even his own mother and brother didn't seem to care about him. And he kept Naruto at arm's length, no matter how determined his friend was to weasel his way in.
But, throughout that whole time, had he ever been true to himself? Even as he drank his mind into oblivion, had he let his mask of the day slip, even for a moment?
He didn't know. He didn't know because it had been so long since Sasuke had come face to face with his authentic self. It had been years upon years since his guard had been remotely lowered.
And he was tired of it all.
"I don't know," Sasuke muttered, leaning forward until his chest laid fully on the table with his arms folded in front of him. He buried his face in the sleeves of his sweatshirt as he added, voice muffled, "I just don't know."
Sakura leaned forward on the table, once again mirroring Sasuke, and rested her chin lightly on her arms. The lighting in the apartment was dim, but she did not strain as she looked to him with the softest affection in her eyes. Sasuke could feel it burning holes in the top of his head, and yet again, the pure love directed at him was so unfamiliar, yet so comforting all at once.
"Oh, Sasuke, I completely understand. I didn't mean to pry too much," Sakura softly uttered, nearly a whisper in the surrounding stale air. Sasuke dug his face deeper into the dark embrace of her arms as she continued, "We really don't have to talk about it, you know. We can change the subject if you want."
Sasuke stayed silent, unmoving. All Sakura was trying to do was talk things through, to understand. So, why was it so unbearable, like his blood was starting to run cold? Why did he feel so immobilized by...fear? No, that wasn't it. The fear was an afterthought drifting on the autumn wind; the paralyzing anguish he assuredly brought upon himself this entire time knocked the breath out of him, as if he were punched in the gut over and over and over again.
It was all his fault. All of it was.
So, he bit his tongue and let the silence between them fester like a wound. Sakura, she tried so hard to reach him, to truly get him, but what was the use if he didn't understand himself? He stood behind a thick glass window, looking out towards her; he was seemingly so close to Sakura, but something invisible, unbreakable would always be in the way.
But, all the progress they'd made in the past days and weeks had to mean something. They had to, for all they were worth. Sasuke was not ready for love, in any capacity; if he let it slip through the cracks and build a home in his chest, the rot that already resided there would eat through the foundation, allowing it to fall apart to pieces. The wooden floors, freshly painted walls, and wide open window sills would all disintegrate, and it was far too precious for Sasuke to allow this to happen.
Sakura was far too precious to him.
He wasn't ready for love, for sure, but what about a best friend? Sure, he had Naruto, but Sakura's presence in his life meant something entirely different to Sasuke. Naruto pushed him to be the very best he can be, never allowing him to wallow in his own self-defeat. Sakura was there to remind him that even if he couldn't achieve that desired perfection he'd been chasing since childhood, he was still good enough.
And that's all he had ever truly needed to understand.
But, in his quest to finally find that support, and come to that conclusion, Sasuke had damaged himself in the process. His bloodied hands left writing on the walls that he had crossed far too many lines, and there was nothing he could do to escape the consequences.
Perhaps it was too little, too late.
So, despite his desire to continue his words with Sakura and savor the serenity that she so desperately tried to share, Sasuke decided it was best to keep his remaining thoughts to himself. He couldn't share his past entanglements with drugs, or the ferocious fights he experienced with his closest people, or the deaths that he inadvertently had caused, that still haunted him to this very day.
His petty self-pity was no match for the pain that he had caused to everyone around him. Just because he was hurting on the outside, it did not allow him to act out as he did. He was going under, and there was no one left to save him; he should have been able to do it himself, yet Sasuke had allowed everything to spiral out of control and he truly felt every day was a cruel reminder of what he tried so desperately to escape.
Cruel, but fitting.
"Yes," Sasuke replied, lifting his head to rest his own chin on his arms. He looked directly into Sakura's concerned orbs and tried to push the pang he felt in his heart to the very back of his mind to gather dust and remain untouched and unminded. The hole that simmered in the pit of his stomach turned the bile in his throat and his eyes drooped with a mixture of drowsiness and the haze of alcohol. "I do not want to speak more on it tonight. Maybe next time."
Sakura kept her gaze glued to Sasuke's; a slew of emotions flitted across her features, ranging from concern, confusion, and acceptance. Sasuke could have even sworn that there was a sprinkle of annoyance that marred her eyes, but he was too tired physically and emotionally to pay mind to it. He was so used to annoying others.
And after a few moments of screaming silence, Sasuke realized with alarming clarity that despite his reluctance to face the demons that screamed in his ear every waking moment, despite the misery that plagued his every breath and the cowardice that was threaded into his very soul, he couldn't find it in himself to trade this moment for the world.
He couldn't imagine being remotely content in a world without this girl, whether she was pestering him or not. He'd willingly face the joy and the chaos with his back turned towards the demons he was made of if it meant that Sakura would never leave him alone. So long as Sakura remained at his side, he'd walk a thousand miles, if not more, barefoot through a snow-filled night to escape the nightmares he couldn't seem to shake.
Sakura was the first to break their eye contact as she leaned back into her creaky chair and sighed, closing her eyes. Not a second later, she looked to her right to the front door, as if contemplating her next move. She chewed her lip.
"I suppose that may be my cue to leave," Sakura muttered as she began to stand. In that moment, Sasuke allowed himself to panic; no, he couldn't open up further, but he didn't want her to go. He didn't want her to leave him alone. He was finally willing to accept that. As Sakura stood up, Sasuke shot up to sit with his back ramrod straight. Sakura paused, then added, "Unless, you'd like me to stay? For the night?"
"Yes," Sasuke uttered without a second thought for the second time that night. Sakura was getting better with each coming day with speaking the words left stuck, shuttered within his mind. He had problems processing these new feelings and acting on them, and he was so very grateful that Sakura had the ability to manifest them. He was grateful, and could do no more than thank her each time.
Sasuke didn't even bother to hide the smile that painted his lips, stretching over his teeth and causing his stray dimple to kiss his cheek. He was so grateful, even as the horrors of his past haunted him. He was so grateful that Sakura came into his life. He was grateful that she was there. "Please stay."
Under the warmth of the thin covers, it was tough for Sakura to ignore the butterflies that fluttered throughout her chest, leaving her restless and unable to shut her eyes. Sucking in a hefty breath, Sakura took in Sasuke's scent; there wasn't much to it, no lingering undertones, but was unmistakably his.
Sasuke's breaths were even, unhurried. He probably fell asleep not long after they laid down for the night. And as much as she craved to feel his skin beneath her fingertips, she understood that he was exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
As much as she wanted to reach out and touch him, Sakura knew that he needed a good night's rest all that much more.
They were facing each other; she knew he wasn't used to someone being so close within his space, but she was grateful that she became his exception. Though Sasuke's mind was gone to the world, his body remained tense and on edge.
It broke Sakura's heart that Sasuke couldn't escape his pain, even in sleep.
His right hand rested lightly on the curve of her left hip; they hadn't changed clothes, so she remained modestly dressed, much to her relief and dismay. His other arm supported his head as he let his slumber overtake him.
They hadn't spoken much more before they went to bed, or, in Sakura's case, rested her eyes. She had seen the mourning brewing like a storm behind Sasuke's eyes, and closed the shutters before it became disastrous. He needed rest, and he needed her.
Sakura loved feeling needed, especially when it felt like everything was out of her hands.
Creaking her eyes open, Sakura rested a flat palm against Sasuke's clothed chest as it slowly rose and gently fell. He seemed so at peace, and she would have been fooled if she hadn't seen the turmoil that followed him like an inescapable vice.
Then she looked up at him. She studied his peaceful face, eyes tracing over the worry lines that imprinted his forehead, down over those infuriatingly long lashes of his that brushed his high cheekbones. Heck, she even noticed his perfect nose as he softly breathed through his nostrils.
She stopped at his mouth, inviting as ever, but off-limits to her in that moment. Sakura had come to Sasuke that day to feel better, to forget about the pain she was bound to face, and used that as an excuse to get Sasuke to speak about himself that night. How selfish.
Had she wanted comfort of her own? Sure, but she hadn't been able to verbalize that. And how was Sasuke supposed to know what bothered her when she spent all her time projecting her need onto someone else?
How would he know if she didn't communicate properly?
Sakura realized she was the type of person to give every piece of herself to others when she needed a shoulder to cry on. So, why did she love coming back to Sasuke when she couldn't let him know that she was on the verge of breaking down?
She supposed there was a part of him that noticed that things were not quite right with her, and in his inexperience, offered to help her in any way he could.
Maybe him offering that she spend the night was as much for her as it was for him.
Sakura shifted closer to Sasuke and tucked her head under his chin and snuggled into his chest. At first, she worried that she had crossed a line she shouldn't have, but she felt Sasuke's muscles relax slowly bit by bit until he too leaned closer to Sakura's warmth. He shifted until his right arm was draped over her hip, and he pulled her even closer to his chest.
In return, Sakura tangled her legs with Sasuke's, trying to get closer and closer, even when there was no space left between them. She wanted to melt into him, and never let go.
She couldn't help the smile that tugged her lips upward through the darkness, despite the sadness of the day weighing on her heavily.
Sakura slowly closed her eyes once more, and images of Ms. Chie flashed in her vision, sending a pang through her heart. Seeing the beloved smile on her friend's face made her feel an impending sense of helplessness, like the inevitable could be coming any moment now.
Taking a wavering and shaky breath to calm herself, Sakura tried her best to swallow any noise that might escape and wake Sasuke. Though Sakura was stricken with fear, she didn't want to impose too much on him. He already had too much on his plate.
Sakura squeezed her eyes shut even further, willing those painful thoughts away, if only for the night. She leaned further into Sasuke as a slight whimper escaped her lips. She'd have to face it in the morning, so she tried to allow herself this moment of reprieve with the person she had feelings for, the guy that she cared for more and more each moment, each minute, each hour, and each day. She would no longer deny that what she felt for Sasuke, it was much more than a crush, or a mere attraction.
She could truly learn to love him, if only he'd allow her fully in.
She didn't know if she could handle this, balancing her blossoming affection for Sasuke and learning to say goodbye to Ms. Chie. It knocked the breath out of her, this burgeoning care for the young man and the debilitating grief for her old friend. She couldn't deal with it on her own.
Sakura supposed she was lucky, then, to have people in her corner. She always had her parents, though they lived so far away from her. She certainly had Ino, though Sakura had recently been so immersed in her work that she hadn't spoken to her best friend in nearly a week; she knew Ino would not take offense, though she'd surely give her a hard time.
She even had Naruto and Hinata there for her as well, for such a long time.
And now, she even had the great Dr. Senju rooting for her as well. Though the pep talk they shared wasn't all that peppy, and still left pain lingering in her chest, her mentor made it bluntly clear that she'd be there every step of the way, even from the shadows. All Sakura had to do was put in the work and keep pushing forward.
Breathing in a less shaky breath, Sakura's thoughts found their way back to Sasuke, as they always did. The young man made it clear time and again that his past had irreparably damaged him, and he'd even offered painful snippets of it. She had been able to grasp on tiny morsels of what he was willing to share, and it seemed to her that he felt like no one was in his corner.
She doubted that immensely, especially as she thought of Naruto and the lengths he would go to for any of his friends. And Sasuke was as stubborn as she was, if not more. It would take a miracle to convince him otherwise.
Gripping to the back of Sasuke's sweatshirt as if he would disappear at any moment, Sakura decided to savor this moment while it lasted. She didn't know what the future held for them, whether it was bright or if they would hit a cold wall; if what they had would wash down a cold river, caught in the harsh undertow, she'd fight against the current for all it was worth. She could only hope that Sasuke would put up a fight as well.
But, that was a worry for another night, she supposed. They were there together, quite literally entangled with each other, and she was happy with that. She had so many other things to face with a mask of bravery in the morning, but there, in Sasuke's arms, she felt at home. She hoped that he would never let go.
And as she fell asleep herself, she prayed that the dreams that slipped into Sasuke's mind that night were happy and full of hope. She wanted Sasuke to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and though she had her own tracks to follow, she'd willingly wait for him in that light.
She'd only have to find her way there as well.
The storms had subsided for the time being, leaving the scent of rain in its wake. Sasuke had found shelter under a large tree for shelter; he was already soaked, absolutely drenched from head to toe. He'd surely get sick from it, he thought as he sat against the large trunk of the oak tree.
The sun had set long ago, leaving him alone in the darkness. He in truth had no idea where he found himself; once the rain started pouring out of the sky, pelting him relentlessly, he ran in any direction he could to find cover. One moment, he was in a field of decaying flowers, and the next, he was looking out into the night while the rain was drip, drip, dripping from the green leaves of the tree.
The moon was almost full; almost there, but not quite yet. It was bright and seemed nearly as brilliant as the sun, but there was a softness to it that brought him the calm and serenity that he so desperately needed as he rested. He was so, so tired of running all day, and this silent moment was the tranquility that eluded him.
How did he get here? Why could he finally breathe again? What had he been running from in the first place? He was here alone, and Sasuke had the feeling he had always been alone from the beginning. But, why did he feel like there was some...presence missing? He supposed he was so cold from the relentless rain, but that didn't quite seem to be it.
He was pulled from the darkness that tried to drag him underground, he recalled. The storm clouds had rolled in, threatening to drown him, and those dreaded hands had latched onto him and he was going to let himself succumb to that fate. He accepted his demise.
But, what happened after that? He vaguely recalled the tendrils releasing him from their grasp, and a bright flash of light that blinded his vision, but after that? Nothing but running through the rain to find shelter. If he was so resigned to his fate, why did he so suddenly decide to fight? What had changed in that split second that his memory became as hazy as a thickly foggy morning?
The more he tried to remember, the more his thoughts clouded; it was ironic that the more he tried to clear the mist, the denser it became. He'd much rather give up and just lay there, savoring the solace of his solitude, but he couldn't help the nagging feeling that there was someone that he was leaving behind. He was saved from being dragged under, but why wasn't his savior there, by his side?
Reluctantly, Sasuke decided to weakly stand back up on his feet. The storm had subsided for now, and before it came back, he needed to find that something, that someone who seemed to be missing. He survived before, but it certainly wasn't his own doing. So, how could he walk away knowing that he got away with barely a scrape and he wasn't strong enough to do it on his own? If he could be saved, he could turn back around and return the favor.
Looking out into the night, he had no idea where he would even go to find his way, but he'd follow his instinct and let his feet carry him forward. He knew if he didn't go back out into the field of decayed flowers, he'd never be able to forgive himself; as much as he didn't want to face that trauma again, Sasuke knew that he had left a piece of him behind when he ran away.
And as he started his journey back to that darkness, he felt ghostly arms wrap around him in reassurance. He knew he could press on, if only to find the light again. He was afraid, terrified even, but there was a whisper on the wind that propelled him forward, desperate to find what, or who, he was looking for.
"Thank you...Sasuke."
Hi everyone! That was chapter seventeen! Once again, I do apologize for the tardiness of this chapter. There has been so much going on in my life, but this story really is my favorite relief and I do truly appreciate each and every review that comes along. I appreciate all of you, so please let me know what you think and I do promise to try and upload more consistently! I have a pretty clear picture of the remainder of the story, and it's been crafted, so it just needs to be typed up.
As always, please review and follow! I love and appreciate each and every one of you!