Time Period: A Flashback
Situation: The Miscarriage
Nic's p.o.v
Before going to bed, I stare at my reflection. I savor and cherish this image, my beautiful twenty week old baby bump. Conrad and I didn't plan for our daughter, but we love her anyway. We are planning to name her Penelope. Anyhow, I wish goodnight to Penelope and myself. Unlike previous nights, I have a hard time with falling asleep tonight. I am experiencing cramps plus abdominal pain. There are bloodstains on both my pajamas and bedsheets.
Time Period: A Flashback
Situation: The miscarriage
Place: Nic's hospital room
Conrad's p.o.v
The doctor couldn't detect a fetal heartbeat. He declared our baby to be dead. Basically, the pregnancy was unsustainable. We were devastated because we had many plans for our daughter Penelope. An emergency D&C gave us a brief opportunity to bond with Penelope.
Time Period: A Flashback
Situation: Post The Miscarriage-Conrad's late night visit to Nic's house
Nic's p.o.v
Carrying groceries, Conrad catches me resting on the couch. "I have brought over food and anything else that you may need. I can buy you more stuff if you want me to" Conrad persists. "You have done enough. I thank you for your help" I tell him.
Place: Conrad's house
Time of Day: Dinner Time
Conrad's p.o.v
I cooked dinner for Nic and myself this evening. Nic's quietness and sadness bothers me. "Why are you not happy? Is it the food or me?" concerned, I ask Nic. "I thank you for cooking dinner. My mind is elsewhere at the moment. I should've stayed home" Nic admits. I squeeze her hand very tightly. "I know how much you miss Penelope. I miss our baby too. You were never at fault here" I comfort her.
Time Period: An Alternate Universe
Situation: Penelope's birth
Nic's p.o.v
"The baby is starting to crown. I need you to push her pass your pelvis" the doctor instructs me. Tirelessly, I attempt to push the baby out completely. I worry I am not making much progress. Is the opening too small or the baby is super big?
Nicolette's p.o.v
Sad, I observe the flood of cars passing by the hospital. I remember the time when Conrad drove me to the hospital for an emergency D&C. I can barely eat my lunch because I miss my little princess so much.
Nicolette's p.o.v
He reaches across the table for my hand. "I love you" he confesses making me smile. "I see and know how much you care about your patients. You would've been a great father" I praise him. "Thanks" his voice cracks with pain and sorrow.
Nic's p.o.v
A low income young couple visited my clinic. They were experiencing a miscarriage. My heart bled for them. I remembered my own miscarriage. I wanted to help them, but my emotions got in the way. I referred them to the hospital. On my behalf, Conrad provided the best treatment for them.
Place: Chastain
Conrad's p.o.v
Nic pulls me into a nearby supply room. I wonder if she wants to make out. She gives me a hug instead of a kiss. "I thank you for taking care of my patients. You are a total lifesaver" Nic praises me. "You are welcome" I smirk. There is a hint of sadness in her pretty brown eyes. "Your patients lost a baby. You are probably thinking about our own miscarriage" I assume. The word miscarriage stirs something deep within Nic. Seeing her cry breaks my heart. "They'll never know" I assure her.
Nic's p.o.v
Yet again, we meet in the supply room closet. We shut out the world. "Penelope was her name" Conrad shares with me. He had helped out another patient of mine that lost a baby girl. Conrad holds me tightly as I cry. "Our daughter's name was Penelope" Conrad recalls breaking my heart even more.
Conrad's p.o.v
Nic has been unusually quiet and solemn at work today. She didn't say hello or look in my direction. I buy lunch for her and myself. "Thanks" she smiles bringing out the sun. "You are welcome" I smirk. "This is not the right time to tell you. I must clear my conscience though" Nic begins making my heart race. "You are pregnant" I assume. Sorrowfully, she shakes her head no. Sensing something is terribly wrong, I take her hand in mine. "I remember the miscarriage almost killed me. Now that we are engaged, I visited the doctor to see if I could get pregnant again. I can't have any more babies. I know how much you want to be a father. I am sorry for destroying your dreams" Nic shares with me. I kiss and hug Nic as a way to express my deep love for her. "I will always love you" I vow.
Conrad's p.o.v
Nic slept over at my house the night before. I planned to drive Nic to the hospital. Nic wanted to get a second opinion on her fertility issues. Tomorrow rolled around and we were in a rush to leave the house. Everything changed when a biracial teenage girl appeared on my doorstep. Her name was Alexandria Kennedy Rory Hawkins. People called her Alex or Alexis for short. Alexis claimed she was my daughter.
Nic's p.o.v
Before today, I never knew about Conrad's former past life. Who knew Conrad had a teenage daughter? Conrad denied knowing Alexandria for my sake. I overlooked and dismissed the fact that Alexandria had his pretty brown eyes. I doubted Alexandria until she showed me pictures that stretched way back to her childhood. These same pictures restored and refreshed Conrad's memory bank. He remembered Alex was born on September 11, 2001. He was twenty years old and married to his high school sweetheart Joyce at the time. He left Joy and Alex for medical school eight years later. Telling the truth unburdened and liberated Conrad. I saw him in a new different light. Alex joined Conrad and me for the long drive to the hospital. "My name is Nicolette. You can call me Nic. I am your dad's fiancée" I reintroduced myself to Alex.
Time Period: A Flashback
Date: 1-18-2001
Situation: Conrad discovers Joy is pregnant
Conrad's p.o.v
Joy exits the bathroom bearing a positive pregnancy test. "I am pregnant. We are going to have a baby" she announces joyfully. "Your family has heart issues. Are you afraid that our son or daughter will have a heart defect?" I stress. "I am carrying your baby. You are supposed to be happy. You shouldn't bring up my family history at this moment" Joy argues. I pull her in close for a tight bear hug. "I am looking forward to becoming a father. Apart of me worries something bad may happen to you or the baby" I admit. "Conrad, I appreciate your honesty and your concerns. There is a chance that our son or daughter may be born with a heart defect. We should choose life and love no matter what" my wife encourages me.
Time Period: A Flashback
Place: A Doctor's Office
Situation: Conrad and Joy discover that Alexandria will be born with a heart defect
Conrad's p.o.v
Nervously and anxiously, Joy sits besides me. We are waiting for the doctor to come in with our amino test results. "Everything will be okay" I assure my wife who is struggling to stay calm. Congenital heart failure runs in her family. She fears Alexandria may be born with a heart defect. "I don't know what I will do if something is wrong with Alexandria. I know how much you want to have a normal child. It is early enough in the pregnancy where I can have an abortion if need be" Joy reminds me. "I will love Alexandria whether she has a disability or not" I vow.
Time Period: A Flashback
Date: 9-11-2001
Event: Alexandria's birth
Conrad's p.o.v (20 years old)
A frantic nurse storms into the delivery room. "Terrorists have attacked the world trade center in New York. The end is coming" she yells. "A woman is giving birth here. You have no respect for her and her family" the doctor reprimand his colleague. Joyce turns to me for comfort and I can the fear in her pretty brown eyes. "The world has become a dangerous place. Today is a terrible day for a baby to be born" she stresses. "Alexandria is arriving right on time. Her life is both a miracle and a blessing. She has come into our lives for reason. Everything will be okay" I assure my high school sweetheart who is now my wife. The baby is super close and Joy can't prolong the birth much longer. Our daughter Alexandria Kennedy Rory Hawkins brings hope and joy into our dark world.
Time Period: A Flashback
Date: 9- 11- 2001
Place: A Hospital Delivery Room
Event: Alexandra's birth
Joy (in the final stages of labor): Conrad, it hurts so much.
Conrad (talking to his unborn baby): Please be kind to your mom
Joy (has an irrestible urge to push): I must push
Conrad: Joy, you can't push right now. The doctor has to check you first.
Joy (talking through contractions): Please get the doctor or a nurse
Conrad: Alright
(Before Conrad can get medical personnel, they enter the room)
The doctor (checking Joy): You are fully dilated
Joy: The baby is coming. I can feel her. Can I start pushing right now?
A Nurse (getting Joy into the stirrups): Lets get you into these stirrups first
Joy: UGH! I Must Push Right Now!
The Doctor (preparing for the delivery): You can start pushing
The doctor (putting Joy's feet in the stirrups): The birth is imminent. The baby has a heart defect. Nicu nurses are on stand by.
Joy (struggling through painful contractions): I am not ready for this. It is way too early. I must push anyway.
Conrad (squeezing Joy's hand): I love you so much
Joy (holding the bedrailings and pushing): AHA..AHA..AHA
Conrad (rubbing Joy's stomach): Keep on pushing, honey. We will see our little princess very soon.
Joyce (crying and screaming): AHA...AHA...AHA...AHA
Conrad (squeezing Joy's hand): You got this, sweetheart
Joyce (collapsing on her pillow): Lord show me mercy
Joy (experiencing a burning ring of fire): The head is emerging. I can feel it. It hurts and burns so badly.
The doctor (touching the baby's head): The baby is right here
Joy (moaning and groaning as she grabs for Conrad): Conrad
Conrad (rubbing Joy's stomach): You are doing it. You are having our baby.
Joy (resuming pushing on her side): GRR..AHA..AHA
Doctor (places the crying baby on Joy's stomach): Congratulations
Time Period: The Present Reality
Conrad's p.o.v
When we return home from the bed, Nic heads straight for the bed. I lay down beside and put my arms around her stomach. Alexandria and Joyce who has recently remarried and died in childbirth fade to the background of my mind. "We will never have a baby and it is all my fault. I am so sorry, Conrad" Nic sobs hard and long. My heart bleeds and breaks for her. "We should get a third opinion" I suggest. "We will probably get the same results" she predicts. "I apologize for keeping Alex a secret. Alex is not just my little princess, she is yours too. She has come into our lives for a reason. We love you" I console Nic. "I love you and Alex too" she admits.
Nic's p.o.v
When it is really dark outside and Conrad is fast asleep, I look through my keepsake box. I discover old sonogram pictures. Sorrowfully, I remember my twins that were born prematurely and dead many years ago. Their names were Emily Rebecca Nevin and Ace Finn Nevin. I was a naive and immature teenager back then. I wasn't ready to be their mother.
Nic's p.o.v continued
Conrad stumbles upon my memory keepsake box in the morning. Apparently, I forgot to put away the box underneath the bed last night. "Who are these babies and this man?" Conrad interrogates me. "You had no right to go through my keepsake box" I argue putting the pictures back into the box. "You have been cheating on me. You are pregnant with twins" Conrad assumes. "I had a boyfriend named Ephram in high school. We were expecting twins. Ephram never knew the twins because a brain aneurysm before they were born. My stress and grief over his loss caused the twins to be born prematurely. My children, Emily and Ace died at birth" I recount sobbing.
Alexandria's p.o.v
Inconsiderate, I interrupt my dad's time with Nic in their bedroom. They are sharing an emotional moment. "Please do come in, princess" Dad invites me. He makes a spot for me on the bed. Nic and him grab ahold of my hands. "I remember I left you and your mom for medical school. If I haven't told you before, I apologize for abandoning you and your mom. Your mom and I should've made amends before she remarried and died in childbirth "Dad apologizes."We forgive you" I emphasize with a hug.
Place: The Hawkins' house
Action: Quietly, Nic returns home from Walgreens where she brought a pregnancy test
Conrad (making a sandwich in the kitchen): You brought a pregnancy test?!
Nic (anxious): I am late
Conrad: You're late?
Nic: I might be pregnant
Conrad: When are you going to take the test?
Nic (going into the downstairs guest bathroom): Right now
Conrad: I will be here when you're done
Devastating Heartbreaking moment: Anxiously and patiently, Conrad and Nic wait for the test results. The test results turn out to be negative. They cherish Alexandria and take care of her until otherwise.
Place: The hospital
Situation: A False Alarm
Scene: A room
Action: Nervous, Nic waits for her test results. Conrad is with her.
Nic (rubbing her stomach): I have been experiencing symptoms of pregnancy. What if it is a false alarm?
Conrad (holding Nic's hand): Your test results will be positive
Nic (nervous): I do hope so too
A Nurse (walks into the room bearing Nic's test results): I have your blood test results for you
Nic (hopeful): I am pregnant?!
A Nurse (reading Nic's test results): No, you are not pregnant. It was just a false alarm.
Conrad (choked up, he squeezes Nic's hand): We will try again, honey
Nic (devastated): If I am not pregnant then whats wrong with me?
The Nurse: Do you have any stress in your life?
Nic: I blame all the stress on my infertility problems. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant.
The Nurse: It is possible for stress to decrease your chances of getting pregnant. You need to take time out to rest and relax.
Nic: Relaxing, its not quite that easy
The Nurse (leaving the room): Don't worry, you will get pregnant soon
(Solemn, Nic and Conrad return home where they find comfort in each other's arms)
Time Period: A Flashback
Situation: Nic discovers that she is pregnant
Nic's p.o.v
Flulike symptoms prevented me from going to work today. I kept on running to the bathroom where I vomited in the toilet. Alexandria took care of me in Conrad's absence. He would call me during his shift changes or break times. We danced around the idea that I could've been pregnant.
Alexandria's p.o.v
Today is a national holiday. This national holiday had been designated for parents take their kids to work. Nic is still on maternity leave, therefore I had Dad all to myself. We toured Chastain and met some of his coworkers. I could imagine myself working here at the hospital someday. Due to dehydration or a heart defect, I fainted in the hallway.
Conrad's p.o.v
I have known about Alexandria's heart issue since her birth. Besides medical school, I abandoned my family because I couldn't deal with Alexandria's heart issue. I assume Alexandria was kicked out of the house that she shared with her stepdad because her stepdad couldn't handle both a newborn and her heart condition. Anyhow, I am torn between worrying about Alexandria and my patients in the present time. "I got this so you can stay home and rest" I assure Nic who is on maternity leave over the phone.
Alexandria's p.o.v
I recovered so fast that I was allowed to go home. Dad couldn't stop working, therefore Nic had to drive me home. She put me on mandatory bed rest. Her attention and time were split between my step brother and me. I didn't mind if she tended to him first before me. I have become accustomed to being abandoned. Karma is not so bad because I deserve it.
Conrad's p.o.v
I am tired, but I make time for my wife and kids when I get home from work. Alexandria has been put on strict mandatory bedrest. She eats all her meals in her bedroom. I check on my little princess before I go to bed. "How are you feeling?" I ask my little princess. "I am on the mend" she assures me with a smile. "I bet your mom's husband kicked you out of the house because of your heart condition. You are not a big burden on me. I am glad and grateful that you are staying with me. Your life and dreams do matter to me" I admit.
Alexandria's p.o.v
When the little girl in me found peace then I knew I could conquer the world. "I have to work today. I can take you back home if you are feeling unwell" Dad suggests. "I am fine. My heart is good" I reinforce getting out of the car. "Going once, twice, and then sold" he jokes around with me.
Time Period: A Flashback
Situation: Alexandria's death
Conrad's p.o.v
Desperately, I performed cpr on Alexandria who lost consciousness. Despite my hard efforts and pleas, Alexandria wouldn't wake up. Nic heard me crying and yelling from outside Alexandria's bedroom. She asked how she could provide help. I ordered for her to call an ambulance.
Nic's p.o.v
I wake up in the morning and Conrad's side of the bed is empty. I can hear him yelling from within Alex's bedroom. I check to see what is causing all of the commotion. I stumble upon Conrad performing cpr on an unconscious Alex. "Something is wrong with Alex. Please Call 911" he requested.
Conrad's p.o.v
With a heavy heart and mind, I rejoin Nic in the waiting area. Nic allows me to hold our son. "I apologize for abandoning you. I was praying for Alexandria in the chapel" I explain myself. "Conrad, I understand. You haven't miss anything. Doctor Bell didn't give an update on Alexandria's condition" Nic notifies me. My stomach is in knots when he does walk toward our direction. Nic can sense my distress. "Just breathe and relax" Nic instructs me. "My team and I did everything that we could to save Alexandria's life. Unfortunately, we lost her. I am sorry for your loss" Dr. Bell informs us. I am inconceivably and inconsolably broken. I am so distraught that I have a heart attack. The world goes completely dark or blank.
Nic's p.o.v
By Dr. Bell's solemn facial expression, Conrad and I knew Alexandria passed away. "Alexandria..." Dr. Bell's voice trailed off. "OH My Heart" Conrad hyperventilated clutching his chest. He was so devastated that he had a heart attack.
Time Period: A Flashback
Place: Conrad's hospital recovery room
Situation: Post Alex's death- Conrad's recovery from a heart attack
Conrad's p.o.v
"Please wake up, Conrad. I can't also lose you today" a woman pleads at my bedside. I open my eyes and Nic is greatly relieved. She showers me with hugs and kisses. "You scared me with that heart attack in the waiting room. Alex is gone, but we will survive this" Nic assures me.
Conrad's p.o.v
Although I wanted to bury myself in work, Nic strongly recommended for me to stay home. I grew closer to Nic and our son in wake of Alexandria's passing. "Alexandria's heart wasn't in good shape. Maybe she came home to die" I mentioned to my wife over breakfast one morning.
Conrad's p.o.v continued
With the permission of both Nic and Dr. Bell, I returned to work after a two week vocation. My colleagues and patients were happy to see me again. They gave me sympathy cards and gift bags in which I appreciated greatly. Among all my patients, a father and his biracial daughter who had cancer pulled at my heartstrings.
Date: still 9-11-2020
Nic's p.o.v
Conrad came home from work early this afternoon. Dr. Bell gave Conrad time off again. Work had become too much for Conrad mentally and emotionally especially on Alexandria's birthday.
Conrad's p.o.v
My dad was kind enough to pay me a house visit. We talked alone on the balcony. "Even now you are a better father than me" my dad begins.
Date: 2-11-2021
Place: Dr. Bell's office
Conrad's p.o.v
"Conrad, I am glad you came to my office" Dr. Bell begins. "How may I help you?" I ask my boss. "I am so sorry for your loss. Your daughter Alexandra was an extraordinary person. I remember when she used to volunteer at Chastain" he continues. I try my best to resist the urge to cry. "I appreciate your support and condolences" I thank him. Dr. Bell gives me a photo album. "Even in death her death still matters. Your coworkers and I created this photo album in her honor" Dr. Bell explains.
Conrad's p.o.v continued
Nic catches me exiting Dr. Bell's office with the photo album. "Conrad, what were you doing in Dr. Bell's office?" Nic asks me. "Dr. Bell and our coworkers created a photo album in dedication to Alex" I explain as I flip through the pages. "Alex was surely loved" Nic reflects bringing tears to my eyes.
Date: 6-8-2021
Nic's p.o.v
A loud wail and scream startled me. I placed GG in her crib and then investigated the noise. I discovered Conrad having an emotional breakdown on Alex's former bed. "My little princess, Alexandria was violated by her stepfather" Conrad vented showing me the journal entry.
Conrad's p.o.v
All is well but I could've done more for her. I should've never ignored or avoided her at first. Our time together would've lasted longer if I didn't chase after my dreams.
Conrad's p.o.v
Four year old Gigi hugs and kisses me when I return home from work. I am glad to know that Gigi was an absolute angel for the baby sitter. An old picture displaying Nic, Alex, and myself captures Gigi's attention. "Daddy, who are these two women?" Gigi asks pointing to the picture. "I am with your mom Nic and your sister Alexandria. They are now your guardian angels" I reveal.