The sun was beginning to set and Shirou Emiya felt so lost. His summoning attempt didn't work at all, Ritsuka and Shinji both hadn't come back yet, and worst of all, there were people out there that needed saving. He felt so powerless. His mind flashed to the image of a burning city. No... no... he couldn't let something like that happen again. All he could do... was become a Hero of Justice.

"I should go out now... I should save everyone!" Shirou told himself. To his surprise, two puffs of smoke appeared on his shoulder. On his right shoulder stood a tiny Fujimaru Ritsuka, dressed in a toga, with adorable angelic wings on his back and a halo over his head. On the other shoulder sat a tiny Matou Shinji, tiny devil horns on his head, and a small devil tail hanging over his butt. Beyond that, he seemed normal.

"Now Shirou." Ritsuka spoke softly but firmly. "You know you aren't ready as you are. If you go running into danger half cocked, you could be endangering more people's lives. You need to figure out how your magecraft works before you do it."

"Yeah... yeah, you're right..." Shirou begrudgingly admitted. With a smile, Ritsuka vanished in a puff of smoke. Shirou looked over at the tiny Shinji devil, who was just staring at the window intensely.

"... The deviled egg on the window sill. I dunno how long it's been there, but you should eat that." Shinji finally said. Shirou blinked as he looked down, noticing there was in fact a deviled egg just... sitting on his window sill. Slowly, he reached down to pick it up, tilting his head in confusion. Suddenly, in a puff of smoke, the Ritsuka angel reappeared.

"Shirou, I think you should listen to the good voice, me, and not eat a big stinky egg. Who knows how long it's been there, who knows?" the angel argued.

"Dude, think about it. Why would there be a deviled egg on the window sill… if you weren't supposed to eat it?" Shinji calmly offered. Shirou's eyes widened. Of course! Shinji made an amazing point. Ritsuka noticed this, getting flustered as he began to wave his arms frantically.

"That makes no sense! So typically eggs— okay, so, they're going to spoil in a manner of… I say three hours, if it was in the fridge—!" Ritsuka tried to argue, but Shinji interrupted, standing up with a small grin.

"Dude, every second you wait, it gets worse. The safest thing to do is eat it now."

"Please. PLEASE. Please don't eat that deviled egg that has been sitting on the window sill! You're smarter than this!" Ritsuka pleaded. Shirou raised the egg to his nose, taking a sniff of it. He recoiled from the foul scent, coughing a little.

"Smells bad." The Hero of Justice muttered.

"That means the sun has disinfected it." Shinji said smoothly, his grin getting even wider.

"That means the sun has infected it!" Ritsuka shouted. "It is infested with the rot of—" With a defeated sigh, Ritsuka watched as Shirou popped the entire deviled egg in his mouth. Immediately, Shirou gagged, bending over to the nearby trashcan and vomiting the content of his mouth into it. "Oh, Shirou, I'm so disappointed." Ritsuka could only shake his head as his tone took the tone of a disappointed parent.

"Oh, you threw up right away." Shinji said with the glee of a sadistic five year old, his shit eating grin growing even wider.

"But this is good, this is a lesson." Ritsuka reasoned.

"You threw up so fast."

"Like a dog eating an onion. You know what I mean? Or an avocado, what makes them sick? Anyways—"

"Eat that second deviled egg." Shinji suggested maliciously, pointing to the second deviled egg on the window sill.

"NOOOOOO!" Ritsuka screamed as Shirou quickly picked it up and bit into it once more.

Sadly, the Hero of Justice was bedridden for the next few days because of food poisoning. But, perhaps luckily, seeing what a pathetic position Shirou was in, Illya extended his deadline for another three days, allowing Shirou to summon his servant, and go on to become a Hero of Justice!

The End

Don't ask me why I wrote this, I don't know.