She sighed and took out her phone. As it rang, she inhaled and exhaled slowly, wondering if he was even still awake.
"Hey." The mellow soft tone to his voice was soft and sleepy. It made her smile involuntarily.
"Oh, did I wake you?" She asked quietly.
"It's okay I wasn't fully asleep. What's up?"
"I'm in the hospital, DON'T panic, I'm okay, just my ankle again." Chris explained
"Oh Chris!" He suddenly sounded more awake. "Shit, what happened?"
"I um, think that I sprained it whilst hiking in the canyon." She grimaced.
"Oh, Jesus, babe. Was anyone with you? I hope you weren't alone." Concern filling his voice.
"Yeah, Street was there, he, ah, made me come and get an x-ray and stuff."
"Ok good, I can get dressed and start driving now if you need…."
"No." Chris cut him off. "I'm fine, hopefully I will be out of here soon and can go home to rest." She explained.
"Right, so, you won't be working tomorrow then?" He asked.
"No, probably not, I still have to call Hondo. He might just offer me light duties if I do go in." He could hear the disappointment in her voice. "Look, I um. Jared?"
"Yeah?"
"I need to explain where I am at, and I don't want this to wait." She finally got out. Scrunching her own face and waiting to hear his reply.
"Okay, what's wrong?" He asked, she could hear the uncertainty as he spoke.
"I am scared and confused and can feel myself pulling away." She began. She could feel tears building in her eyes. "The distance, your life there and mine here, the Caitlin and Danielle thing. It's all scaring the hell out of me Jared and I just don't know what it all means…." Tears now flowed and her voice shook.
Her words were breaking his heart.
"Hey, Chris, shhhhhhhh, hey, can we please just talk about this when I am there?"
"Of course, we will, but I wanted you to know how I am feeling right now." She sobbed. "I'm sorry, I just can't keep it in anymore."
"It's okay. I understand." He answered, but she heard the pain in his voice.
"And, when you get here, can I ask you to see her first. I need to know those answers before I work out the rest."
Jared sighed and agreed. He knew if their roles were reversed, he would want answers too, before he decided the direction of his relationship.
Chris felt heartbroken hanging up. She knew that she would have just crushed Jared a little. But Street had been right. Jared deserved to know. Before she could dwell on the uneasy feeling for too long or let the anticipation of his pending visit unsettle her further, the doctor came by. He informed her that her ankle was just sprained and that his recommendation was she go home and rest it with ice. As she thanked him and nodded, she glanced back up to see Street standing in the door watching her. She frowned and began to shuffle forward, trying to get herself off the bed.
"Hey, you heard the doctor. No full weight bearing. Let me help." He reminded her. As he took some of her weight and helped her out to her truck, he eyed her slightly.
"All okay?" He asked. Opening the door for her to climb up in. His question also hopefully gave her the chance to talk to him if she felt like it. But she simply nodded with a,
"Yep, hope so." Which only made him wonder even more how the call had gone.
As he made sure she was in the passenger side okay, she looked down at him with sad eyes.
"Hey, thanks for this." She smiled.
"Anytime." He winked at her with his dimples on display. She smirked and rolled her eyes at his charm as he headed around and climbed in the driver side.
"You okay?" He asked before he started the engine.
"Yep." She nodded glancing at her leg.
"You know I meant more than just your ankle Chris. Is everything okay with Jared?" She sighed heavily.
"Honestly, I have no idea. I told him to go see Caitlin first and then come see me when he has answers." She explained and Street nodded.
"And how are you feeling about it all now?"
"Well," She sighed. "I told him, didn't I." She mumbled. "And I feel like absolute shit. I hurt him. I heard it in his voice."
"Hey," Street covered her hand with his. "You will just have to trust now that things will be okay and work themselves out. And even if it hurts and your broken, I will be there to pick you back up and put you back together." Her eyes rose up to him and he looked back at her. Chris felt that rush of feelings again and swallowed hard to try and squash them back down.
"That's what besties are for right?" He then threw in, with a chuckle as he pulled his hand away and started the truck.
"Yeah," She nodded. 'Friends? Is that all he really wants?' She wondered.
Finally, the day had arrived. As his 5am alarm sounded, Jared rolled out of bed. Suddenly the nervous excitement he had been feeling about going to LA today was beginning to make him feel a little sick.
The entire drive there, he was toing and froing in his head about what would happen. Was Chris saying she wanted to take a break? Was she really that upset by all of this? What on Earth would happen with Caitlin? Was Danielle his? What would happen if she were? Was this the end of he and Chris?
Around 11am he pulled his truck into the parking lot of a small café near the beach. He climbed out and walked along the veranda to see Caitlin at the end table. She was facing away from him, and he watched her nervously for a minute before he walked closer.
"Hey."
"Oh hey," she said standing up and hugging him with her own nervous laugh.
"How are you?" He asked politely as he took his seat.
"Good, you?"
"Okay, a little nervous, I guess." He laughed.
"Me too. Why though? Why are we nervous?" She shook her head and laughed.
"Well," he rubbed his hands on his pants. "I'm guessing you have worked out that I have some questions. Since running into you the other week, there's some stuff I've been wondering and going over."
"Ok," She inhaled and sat up straighter in her seat. "Let's go, straight into it, get one of those questions out. Shoot." She nodded.
Jared eyed her slightly and nodded. "Okay, straight into it then." He laughed nervously. "Why did you really leave all those years ago? What else don't I know?"
Caitlin looked down and swallowed. She knew he hadn't jumped straight into the big questions but, she needed to ease into all of that too.
"Jared," she smiled at him. "Back then, your career had just taken off. You had gotten a position in the division you wanted, and you were so excited and happy about it. When we talked about our future, you had made it clear that you wanted the typical life. Wife and kids in suburbia, but, Jared," she smiled at him with some sadness. "I had my own dreams. I wanted to finish my degree, pass the bar, and practice law in the big city. I wanted to have my own career too, and as much as I loved you, I just couldn't face the idea of just being a housewife and mother. So, I applied to the best law school here and after I got that acceptance letter, I knew I needed to just go and chase my dreams. That I couldn't ask you to give all of that up, move to another state and start again."
Jared glanced down and swallowed.
"Do you really think I only ever saw you as a housewife?" He lifted his eyes to hers, "What if I would have moved with you Caitlin?" He asked with a slight quiver in his voice. "What if I would have like the chance to be asked about it all, to have some say? Find a way to make it work?" He paused and cleared his throat. "I loved you, with everything I had. And I really thought you loved me too." His hurt and emotion filled his words.
She reached her hand forwards and covered his. "Hey, I am sorry. I should have talked to you, tried to see if we could work it out, but I was scared you would screw up your life for me."
"Caitlin," he exhaled and looked up at her and then back at her hand on his. He slowly pulled his hand from the table. "You have no idea how much you hurt me, ruined my world, my dreams. That we could have maybe worked out, if you had been completely honest and loved me enough to not just run away based on assumptions."
His words were slightly angry, and she knew deep down that she deserved that. What she did by just leaving was not fair.
"Jared. It wasn't easy for me. I loved you. I broke my own heart too. But at the time, being young, ambitious, and yes, maybe dumb, I made the choice that at the time I thought was the right one. I'm sorry. I really and truly am."