Gotta give Snake Screamer for the credit for some of the ideas on this particular chapter! I just made them ten times crazier!

The Lamest Show On Earth

"This is not going to work," Destro groaned as he looked at the sign in front of him. Outside the tents was a huge sign saying: ARBOC CIRCUS.

"It will be fine Destro," Cobra Commander told him. "I think the Twins did a halfway decent job on the sign considering we didn't have any paint to work with."

"If they didn't have any paint what did they…?" Destro paused. "No, on second thought. I don't want to know."

"It's best you don't," Cobra Commander sighed. "But this will have to do if we're going to put on our first performance tonight!"

"You think this is wise Cobra Commander?" Destro asked. "We've literally had less than 48 hours to get a show together. And we're still where we were yesterday!" He pointed to where he and the others emerged from the sewer pipe.

"I know," Cobra Commander groaned. "It's not exactly the right ambiance we're looking for…"

"Since when does a circus not move to some fair grounds or something?" Destro asked. "Or even a damn park!"

"Since we have no gas," Cobra Commander looked at him. "So technically staying here for a few weeks is our only option."

"Not to mention these damn tents are huge and heavy," Destro realized. "And there's not enough of us to move them."

"The one time I would have liked the Dreadnoks here," Cobra Commander groaned. "The circus would have been perfect for those animals."

"Commander I still have reservations about this…" Destro paused. "Well let's call it what it is. Act of desperation. Besides Crystal Ball and the Twins' acrobatics we don't exactly have that much of a repertoire."

"Don't worry," Cobra Commander waved, indicating Destro to walk with him. "I got a few more attractions. We'll be fine."

"Attractions?" Destro asked as they walked into another tent. "What kind of attractions?"

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRORRRRRR!"

"Well for starters," Cobra Commander indicated a large cage with four lions inside. "That."

Destro did a double take. "What the…? Are those lions?"

"No, Destro," Cobra Commander said sarcastically. "They're really big kittens. Of course, they're lions!"

"You can't have those!" Destro snapped.

"Yes, I can!" Cobra Commander told him. "This is a circus. And circuses have lions."

"Not for a long time," Destro said. "Haven't you heard of those animal cruelty groups?"

"Heard about them. Don't care about them," Cobra Commander waved. "Besides, they're only focusing on American circuses. We're nowhere near those hippie dippies! And since the nearest gourmet coffee shop is hundreds of miles away, they're not going to be sticking their noses into our business."

"You have to get rid of those lions!" Destro snapped.

"We're an evil organization!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Since when do we care about the law? Furthermore, this is my circus, and circuses have lions!"

"Where the hell did you get the lions in the first place?" Destro asked.

"Relax," Cobra Commander waved. "I got them at cost from a nice drug cartel widow."

"A drug cartel…widow?" Destro asked.

"Her husband ran a drug cartel and was a cat person," Cobra Commander shrugged. "She's running the cartel now since his death and is a dog person. Apparently, she prefers Dobermans."

"And what pray tell are you going to feed these lions?" Destro asked.

"What the last guy who owned them fed them," Cobra Commander shrugged. "Idiots who wouldn't pay him."

"They're man-eating lions?" Destro shouted.

"The best part is that I put word out among the drug cartel community," Cobra Commander said. "If they need to dispose of a body all they have to do is come here! And for a small fee…"

"You're going to charge drug cartel lords a fee for feeding their corpses to lions?" Destro snapped.

"At cost," Cobra Commander told him. "Hey! I'm charging a lot less than the competition."

"How exactly did you get the word out anyway?" Destro snapped.

"You ever hear of this new thing called chat groups?" Cobra Commander asked. "I'm telling you, you can get everything done online these days. That's how I found out about the lions."

"Just out of morbid curiosity," Destro winced as one of the lions roared. "How did the cartel leader die?"

"Apparently a freak boating accident," Cobra Commander shrugged.

FLASHBACK!

A handsome swarthy man was on his small speedboat. Enjoying the sunshine and fishing.

When suddenly a loud horn was heard. "Que?" The man lifted his sunglasses.

Just in time to get hit by a large yacht. The yacht drove the boat into a nearby dock and smashed it and the dock into several pieces.

"Did we hit something?" Torch's voice was heard. "I think we hit something!"

Monkeywrench looked over the side of the yacht. "Yeah we hit something. The dock. And another boat. And it looks like somebody was in the boat. Sorry!"

"Ooh," Torch looked over the side of the yacht. "That bloodstain isn't gonna come out anytime soon."

FLASHFORWARD!

"Anyway," Cobra Commander waved. "His wife's loss is our gain!"

"Cobra Commander," Destro sighed. "Do you really think that anyone in their right mind would use our lions as a body disposal service?"

"Of course not, Destro!" Cobra Commander snapped. "That's why I'm catering to drug lords and criminals! Let's face it, we're all sort of bats in a little way. You have to be in our profession!"

"Interesting choice of words," Destro looked at Cobra Commander. "But still Commander I can't imagine anyone just walking up here with a body and asking to use our lions to dispose of a corpse! That just doesn't happen!"

"Pardon me, senor," A large man walked up to them carrying a body shaped sack over his shoulder. "Is this where I pay for the lion service?"

"Right here my good man," Cobra Commander turned to the man. "That will be fifty pesos please."

"That's pretty cheap," The man shrugged as he paid him. "So how does this work?"

"There's the cage right there," Cobra Commander pointed. "Just drop the body in the slot and let the lions do the work."

"I don't freaking believe this," Destro groaned.

"I know," The man said as he went to deposit the lion. "Normally my usual guy charges twice as much for this kind of service."

"Watch your fingers!" Cobra Commander called out. "Sometimes they try to bite through the slot!"

Destro sighed in defeat. "What else you got?"

"This way," Cobra Commander led Destro away from the lions who were about to enjoy their meal. "So, in addition to our lion attraction and body disposal side job…We have the twins to do their acrobatics. A cute little zebra to display…"

"Where did you get a zebra?" Destro asked.

"I found a stray donkey and painted it," Cobra Commander said. "That's why we didn't have any paint for the sign."

"Of course," Destro sighed.

Cobra Commander went on. "I'm having Zarana and the Baroness to do a dance routine. Everyone loves to see pretty women in sexy costumes dancing around."

"And what did they say when you suggested this?" Destro asked. "I'm guessing something along the lines of sexist degradation?"

"It's not degradation if they're fully clothed!" Cobra Commander snapped. "It's only a little skin! Not a burlesque routine! It's a circus! We're going for family friendly here. Which reminds me of the fermented cactus alcohol sales…"

"Fermented cactus alcohol?" Destro did a double take.

"Yeah that's where you come in," Cobra Commander said. "You're running the ticket and concession stands."

"I thought I was going to be the ringmaster?" Destro was stunned.

"Yeah right," Cobra Commander snapped. "That's my job!"

"But you don't speak Spanish," Destro said. "Do you?"

"I know enough," Cobra Commander waved as they went into another tent. "Besides Crystal Ball is going to translate for me. I'm going to do the whole wizard schtick. Plus, I'm adding some hologram entertainment."

"Holograms?" Destro asked as they went up to a table with a medium sized projector.

"I managed to put something together," Cobra Commander turned it on. A realistic looking dragon then flew around the top of the tent before turning into a flock of birds.

"That's impressive," Destro blinked. "How did you do that?"

"Destro I am a Cobra La scientist," Cobra Commander looked at him. "Hell, they didn't let you pass eighth grade science class until you turned in a decent hologram project. That and dissect an actual body."

"You dissected actual bodies?" Destro was stunned. "In the eighth grade?"

"Well mostly the honors classes," Cobra Commander said. "Oh, don't give me that look Destro. It's not like we killed them. They were already dead. And most of them were convicted criminals or disgraced servants so…"

"And another piece of the puzzle fits into place," Destro groaned.

"Hey say what you want about the Cobra La Educational System," Cobra Commander snapped. "But they prepared you for life!"

"Sounds like they prepared you for life in prison," Destro groaned. "But let's get back to the holograms…"

"Right," Cobra Commander turned off the projector. "I just use a simple remote control to turn on a light show when I need it. A few minutes filler between acts. Simple stuff to amuse the crowd. It's only going to be a forty-minute show so we can pad that out…Until the final act."

"Which is?" Destro asked.

"Zandar is going to jump a motorcycle through a series of flaming hoops," Cobra Commander explained.

"Does Zandar know about this?" Destro asked.

"It was his idea," Cobra Commander waved. "He said he's done it before. So we have our closing act!"

"I'm afraid to ask this question," Destro asked. "But what the hell is Zartan doing during all this?"

"I'm having him fill some very important supporting roles," Cobra Commander said.

"COBRA COMMANDER!" Zartan stormed up to him while wearing a garish clown outfit. "SERIOUSLY?"

"Good one," Destro chuckled.

"At least I'm not running the concession stands!" Zartan snapped. "But why do I have to dress like this?"

"Because it's a step up from what you usually wear?" Destro quipped.

"Big talk from a guy in a metal mask who looks like he just stepped out to the Dominatrix Ball!" Zartan snarled.

"Don't whine Zartan," Cobra Commander told him. "It's a circus! And a circus needs a clown!"

"Perfect casting if you ask me," Destro grinned.

"NOBODY ASKED YOU!" Zartan shouted.

Later that evening…

"We got a halfway decent crowd tonight," Destro said as he counted the money at the concession stand. "More than I thought."

"There's a village about a mile away," Cobra Commander had put on his cloak. "I told you, word of mouth and nothing on TV will get the crowds in. How are the cactus punch sales?"

"Surprising," Destro pointed to a huge empty drink dispenser.

"You might want to break out the reserves," Cobra Commander suggested.

"I did," Destro said. "They drank that too!"

"Good!" Cobra Commander grinned. "I knew we'd make most of the money with the alcohol sales!"

"Yeah well…" Zartan walked up to them in his clown costume. "You'd better start the show. It's starting to get a little rowdy in there."

"Good idea," Cobra Commander nodded. "The suckers await! Destro if we have any popcorn left go among the crowd and sell it!"

"We don't have any popcorn," Destro told him. "Only some weird looking jelly beans we found in one of the tents."

"Then sell that!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Come on!"

"This is so degrading," Destro went to get the candy.

"Cobra Commander," Zartan said. "Is there anything I can do besides being a clown?"

"Yes," Cobra Commander handed Zartan a small hose and a gas can. "See if you can do something about our little gas problem will you?"

"Oh, come on Commander!" Zartan snapped.

"There's at least twenty-five trucks out there," Cobra Commander pointed. "Just take a little bit from each one so no one notices! And put it in that huge bus over there. We could use a getaway vehicle just in case."

"I'm getting flashbacks of my weekends with Zanzibar and my other uncles when I was a teenager," Zartan groaned.

Soon the show began inside the tent. Well it was about to…

"What do you mean I have to speak for you?" Crystal Ball snapped as Cobra Commander held him.

"I mean you have to translate for me," Cobra Commander said. "It'll be fine. A wizard with a translating crystal ball. It will go over great with the crowd anyway."

"You can't speak any Spanish at all?" Crystal Ball asked.

"Only a few phrases," Cobra Commander shrugged. "Hello. Goodbye. Where is the bar? How much do drinks cost? Where is the bathroom so I can throw up? Open the trap door. Close the trap door. Attack. Retreat. That sort of thing."

"Oh," Crystal Ball said.

"Hey English is not my first language!" Cobra Commander snapped. "I'm from Cobra La remember? I mean I do know French, Latin and a smattering of a few other languages but I admit I'm not good at Spanish."

"Fine, I'll translate," Crystal Ball rolled his eyes.

"Cue the smoke machine!" Cobra Commander shouted. "Smoke machine? Who the hell is running the damn smoke machine?"

"That was Zartan's job," Crystal Ball told him.

"Where the hell…?" Cobra Commander remembered. "Oh right. Fine! I'll do it myself! How hard could it be to push a button?"

Cobra Commander looked at the machine. "Where is the damn button?"

"I think it's that lever over there," Crystal Ball said.

"You don't use a lever for a smoke machine!" Cobra Commander snapped. "You use a button."

"Well I don't see a button," Crystal Ball snapped. "I see a lever."

"Obviously you need your eyes checked!" Cobra Commander snapped. "There's a button right there." He pushed it. Nothing happened.

"That didn't do anything," Crystal Ball said.

"I can see that!" Cobra Commander remarked.

"I think you should try the lever," Crystal Ball said.

"It's not the lever!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"I'm telling you it's the lever," Crystal Ball told him.

"It's not the lever!" Cobra Commander shouted. "It must have been the wrong button!"

"Or it's the lever!"

"IT'S NOT THE LEVER!"

"How would you know?" Crystal Ball snapped. "Since when are you a certified smoke machine operator?"

"I know you're a certified pain in my ass!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"And you're just certifiable!" Crystal Ball snapped.

"Hey! Abbot and Costello!" Zarana shouted. "You might want to start the show now! The crowd is getting restless out there!"

"I'll start it as soon as I find the damn button on this thing!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Did you try the lever?" Zarana asked.

"Don't you start!" Cobra Commander snapped.

Meanwhile the crowd was waiting. "I've seen gardens grow faster…" One woman grumbled.

"If I wanted to sit around watching nothing I would stay home with my husband," Another woman agreed.

Just then the entrance to the tent erupted with smoke. And several odd noises. Cobra Commander staggered out with his wizard cowl hiding his masked face, holding onto Crystal Ball. "When they said it was a smoke machine I assumed it would produce some kind of misty cloud! Not actual smoke!"

"I told you it was the damn lever," Crystal Ball said.

"Just shut up and translate!" Cobra Commander hissed.

"Obviously I can't do both," Crystal Ball told him.

"Just do what I say!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Welcome honored guests! To the ARBOC Circus! Prepare to be transported to a plane of magic and whimsy!"

"Hello Suckers!" Crystal Ball decided to have some fun. "Welcome to the ARBOC Circus. Prepare to feel like you overpaid."

"I am the Great Wizard!" Cobra Commander got into character. "I am the master of time and space! And will take you on a wonderous journey with my amazing powers!"

"He has absolutely no idea what he's doing," Crystal Ball mistranslated. "He thinks he's a big shot but trust me, he's an absolute moron."

Some members of the crowd snickered. "Why are they laughing?" Cobra Commander asked Crystal Ball.

"What you said had a double meaning in Spanish," Crystal Ball lied. "Just ignore it."

Cobra Commander went on. "Prepare to be amazed by the greatest show on Earth!"

"Prepare to feel ripped off by the lamest show on Earth!"

"I the Great and Powerful Wizard will use my powers to astound you! Prepare for the greatest show you have ever seen!"

"The idiot can't even figure out the lever on the smoke machine. So don't set the bar too high folks. He's completely plastered."

Destro was now watching backstage with the Baroness. "Cobra Commander doesn't know Spanish does he?" Destro asked.

"Obviously not," The Baroness snickered.

"I am the great and powerful Wizard!" Cobra Commander said dramatically.

"He is a great moron!" Crystal Ball added.

"This is actually entertaining," Destro snickered.

"And now," Cobra Commander waved his free arm. "Prepare to be amazed by feats of magic and light! As the Crimson Twins will astound you with their amazing acrobatic feats!"

"Somebody backstage turn on the hologram machine!" Crystal Ball called out. "While the Twin Twits dance around in tight pants!"

"WE HEARD THAT!" Xamot and Tomax shouted in Spanish.

"It's funny when you do it to Cobra Commander!" Xamot snapped.

"Just don't do it to us!" Tomax added.

"WE KNOW SPANISH!" They added.

"THEN TURN ON THE DAMN HOLOGRAM MACHINE!" Crystal Ball snapped.

"WE WILL!" Tomax shouted.

"How do you turn it on?" Xamot asked.

"I think you pull that lever there," Tomax said.

"What's so funny?" Cobra Commander hissed as the audience was giggling.

"The Twins just called you a moron," Crystal Ball said.

"WHAT?" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Well a less polite version of it," Crystal Ball added.

"Hup! Hup!" The Twins did some acrobatics onto the ring. Some multicolored holograms filtered into the tent.

"SO, I'M A MORON AM I?" Cobra Commander shouted at the Twins.

"What?" The Twins blinked at Cobra Commander.

"Let's spice up this act!" Cobra Commander pulled out his blaster. "DANCE MORONS! DANCE!"

"AAAAAHHH!" The Twins ran around the ring with Cobra Commander blasting at their feet. The crowd actually found it funny. And they weren't the only ones.

"Well I'm certainly entertained," Destro laughed at the antics in the ring. "Maybe this won't be such a fiasco after all?"

A few minutes and several threats later Cobra Commander was back in the center ring, the wizard cowl still over his head. "And now ladies and gentlemen!" Cobra Commander hissed. "Feast your eyes on a rare and exotic zebra! Escorted by two lovely ladies!"

"And now a couple of showgirls trotting around some kind of horse thing," Crystal Ball said in a bored tone.

"Oh, hell no!" Zarana was heard shouting.

"You can't seriously make us do this!" The Baroness snapped.

"Hey, I'd do it myself but I'm pretty sure it won't have the same effect!" Cobra Commander hissed. "Just get out here!"

"This is humiliating," The Baroness grumbled as she led out the donkey with Zarana. Both were wearing matching pink sparkly dresses that were short but not too short.

"Why do you think I'm wearing a wig?" Zarana asked. She was indeed wearing a blonde wig. "I don't want anybody recognizing me in this festival of stupidity! Does Cobra Commander really think this will work?"

"Just shut up and smile," The Baroness hissed through her grinning teeth. "These are simple peasants. They'll buy anything. I mean they bought the punch and the jelly beans."

"Since when is a donkey painted up to look like a zebra an attraction?" Someone from the audience spoke up.

"Considering the shape of the face it looks like an American Mammoth Jack donkey," A woman spoke up.

"Oh yes, you're right," A man said. "Pretty well-bred donkey but still a donkey. I mean the facial structure and ears are all wrong."

"If they used an Austrian Hungarian White Donkey they would have had a shot at being more believable," Another man said. "But an American Mammoth Jack? Seriously?"

"How dumb do these people think we are?" The first man grumbled.

"Oh my god!" Another man hiccupped. "Look at the zebra! It's a zebra!"

"Oh," The first man said. "I forgot about the drunk factor."

"Hey!" Someone else snapped. "I'm drunk and even I can tell that's a damn donkey!"

"How much you want to bet those so-called lions are fake too?" A man asked another man.

"No way. They're real!"

"How much you want to bet?"

"I'm tired of taking your money man. How about the next round of beers for two weeks?"

"You're on! I can break into that cage easy! And I'll prove to you that those lions are fake!"

"Oh this is going to be the easiest round of beers I ever got!"

"I want in on this!" Another man spoke up.

"Me too!" Another man said. "I say they're fake!"

"I'm going with real!" Another man said.

"Only one way to find out," The first man said. A small group of inebriated men left.

"Here kitty kitty…" One of them laughed.

"What kind of stupid show is this?" A man remaining in the audience snapped. "I admit the ball guy is funny. But a fake donkey, two old has been showgirls, and a moron dressed as a wizard chasing around two idiots with a blaster…Okay that last part was funny! But this whole show is lamer than my Cousin Gabrielle's puppet shows! And she's only three!"

"I paid good money for this?" Another man snapped. "I should…Ugh…I don't feel so well…"

"Neither do I," Another man said. "I feel dizzy. Like I'm going to vomit…"

"Me too…" A man said. And promptly did.

"Oh, come on!" Cobra Commander snapped as several more people started to vomit at the same time. "The show isn't that bad!"

"I think they beg to differ," Crystal Ball gulped as several people started throwing popcorn boxes and other items at them.

"AAAHHH!" Cobra Commander ran with Crystal Ball back into the backstage. "I can't believe they are throwing things!"

"And throwing up," The Baroness winced.

"Why are they getting sick?" Zarana asked.

"The jellybeans!" Destro realized. "They must have either gone bad or they have some kind of drug in them!"

"Is it even possible for jelly beans to go bad?" The Baroness asked.

"Apparently," Tomax blinked.

"Hang on," Cobra Commander realized something. "Destro where exactly did you get those jelly beans? Which tent?"

"The red one on the end," Destro said.

"Uh oh," Cobra Commander realized something. "Oh, they may not have been regular jellybeans."

"WHAT?" Destro looked at him.

"I just remembered," Cobra Commander groaned. "That was the strongman's tent. He liked to dabble in shall we say, drug infused candy. Must have left some behind."

"Not all of them are getting sick on the jellybeans," Destro realized. "I didn't sell that many."

"BLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Then again that popcorn machine wasn't exactly the cleanest," Destro winced.

"Let's just skip to the finale!" Cobra Commander was starting to panic. "Have Zandar jump through the hoops of fire! Nothing could go wrong there!"

"I could die you know?" Zandar snapped.

"Like Cobra Commander said," The Baroness quipped. "Nothing…"

"Ugh…" Zartan entered still in his clown getup. "I hate the taste of gasoline."

"How about the taste of vomit?" Zarana pointed to the crowd.

"Why is half the audience throwing up?" Zartan did a double take.

"Long story short," Destro grumbled. "The concession stand may be slightly contaminated."

"BLEAAAAHHH!"

"Okay extremely contaminated," Destro winced. "And now so are the bleachers."

"I am not cleaning that up!" The Baroness snapped.

"Let's just get to the big finale!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Zartan did you put together the flaming hoops set?"

"Yes, I did," Zartan took out a small controller. "All I have to do is push this button!" He pushed it.

"See?" Cobra Commander said as some hoops emerged from the ground in the big tent. "He used a button! Not a lever!"

"That's your major concern right now?" Crystal Ball snapped.

"Turn on the fire," Cobra Commander ordered. Zartan did so. The hoops caught on fire.

"How did you set this up?" The Baroness asked.

"Oh, most of it was already set up," Zartan said. "I just tweaked it a little."

"Are those hoops supposed to keep going upwards?" Zarana asked.

"No," Zartan blinked he pushed the button. "It seems to be stuck…"

"Zartan that's too high!" Zandar snapped. "I could never jump through those hoops!"

FOOOM!

"Moot point," Crystal Ball remarked. "Because now the hoops have set the tent on fire!"

"It's not that big a fire!" Cobra Commander said. "We can still salvage it if we…"

FOOOOOOOOOOOM!

They turned and saw that the hologram machine had caught fire. "I don't think we can salvage that!" Zandar pointed.

"New plan," Cobra Commander said. "Take the money and sneak out the back!"

"It's in the next tent!" Destro ran to get the money.

"Lucky because this one is going to go up pretty bloody fast!" Zarana shouted as they ran out.

The Cobras were soon outside. They heard several screams and sounds of vomiting. Then they heard some roaring and more screaming. "What fresh hell is going on now?" Cobra Commander groaned."

Destro ran up to them holding a sack of money. "It's the lions! Some idiots opened the cage and they've escaped!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"And apparently they haven't had dinner yet," Zartan did a double take.

"Well they're having it now," Zarana blinked.

"I told you those damn lions were going to be nothing but trouble," Destro groaned.

"Only one thing to do," Cobra Commander sighed. "COBRA RETREAT! RETREAT!"

"To where?" The Baroness shouted.

"THE BUS!" Cobra Commander pointed to a huge trailer.

"Technically that's a trailer," Crystal Ball remarked.

"You want to be a plaything for the lions?" Cobra Commander shouted as they ran for the vehicle.

Soon Destro was driving the bus. "Okay that could have gone better," Cobra Commander admitted as the Cobras were getting away.

"No? Really?" Destro asked sarcastically.

BANG! BANG!

"What the…?" Cobra Commander did a double take. "Who's shooting at us?"

"The survivors of the circus performance from Hell!" Zartan pointed. A small convoy of jeeps, trucks and cars were following them.

"Gee I wonder why they want to kill us?" Destro snapped. "Not only did we literally burn down a circus and got half of them drunk. We poisoned several people in the audience. And on top of it all, we allowed several man-eating lions loose!"

"Technically we didn't let them loose!" Cobra Commander snapped. "We just had a lock that was apparently easy to pick."

"No to mention the show sucked," Crystal Ball added.

"Lucky for you I know how to suck gas! You know how you wanted me to steal a little gas from all the vehicles?" Zartan asked. "I only stole most of the gas from three of the biggest ones."

"Three?" Zarana asked.

"One of them was already down to a quarter of a tank!" Zartan snapped. "Sue me!"

"In hindsight that wasn't the worst thing we did," The Baroness said. "And that makes three fewer vehicles chasing us."

"Four," Zartan said. "I stole some brake fluid too."

"There are still plenty following us!" The Baroness asked. "Please tell me you have a cannon on this thing!"

"That would be helpful wouldn't it?" Cobra Commander remarked.

"Hang on!" Destro noticed something. "I might be able to lose them in that forest area over there!" He turned toward a huge dense wooded area and drove towards it.

Back at the angry mob convoy…

"Hey!" One man pointed. "They're headed for The Cursed Jungle of Death!"

"Good!" The driver of the truck nodded. "Let the jungle deal with them!"

"Not even the cartels will go in that nightmare," The first man shuddered as the driver slowed the truck down. "Is it really haunted by evil spirits?"

"More like haunted by quicksand, jaguars, and mosquitos that are as big as chickens that can give enough malaria to the entire city of Juarez," The driver shrugged. "But everyone in this part of Mexico knows whoever goes in that jungle, never comes out again."

"Serves them right," The first man nodded. "Oh, I don't think I should have had that popcorn."

"That popcorn making machine didn't look clean," The driver agreed.

Back on the bus…

"They've stopped following us!" The Baroness gasped. "I wonder why?"

"Who cares?" Cobra Commander snapped. "As long as we get away we'll be fine!"

"So much for our career in show business," Crystal Ball quipped. "Maybe you can go into the smoke machine repair business since you're such an expert?"

"OH, SHUT UP!" Cobra Commander snapped.