Not too long after, Jared had parted ways from Caitlin and Danielle. He was keen to head to Chris's house so he could explain all of this to her. But as he sat in his truck, he recalled saying to Caitlin,
"Hey, keep in touch. No point being strangers." He wondered why he had said that. Hell, what would Chris think of that? Then his mind and stomach began to spin again. He was excited to see Chris again, but also dreading it, because he was so terrified of how she would be. Was she ready to walk away? Was their relationship over? Was she just scared that Danielle might have been his? He hoped and prayed as he started his truck and drove across town that somehow all of this would work out okay.
Soon enough he found himself standing in front of her door. He inhaled and knocked. Hearing that knock, Chris had to struggle with herself to keep her emotions and anxiety in check.
"Hey," Chris's smile was soft and her voice slightly timid as she pulled open the door. He instantly knew she was on edge. But of course, anyone in this situation would be.
"Hey you," he smiled, stepping in and gently hugging her. She gently hugged him back. That familiar smell of him, made her close her eyes and smile.
As he loosened his arms slightly, she looked up. "Are you okay?" She asked scanning his face for an indication about how his morning had been.
"Yeah, I am, I think." He furrowed his brows. "It's all a lot to process."
"Oh," Chris's head dropped, and he instantly knew she assumed the worst. "Chris, Danielle isn't mine." He blurted. He needed her to know that and not be freaking out this whole time.
"Oh," Chris let out, again in an exhale as she looked up. He stepped to her and held his palms on her arms. "I'm just worried about you." He replied looking down at her dark brown eyes. She sighed.
"Yeah, guess we need to sit and talk this through huh?"
"I've been waiting for that since yesterday." He said with a hint of sarcasm, making her narrow her eyes at him and playfully thump his arm.
"Yeah yeah.. keep it up smarty pants and you'll be sorry." She teased holding up her finger at him and smirking.
As they sat down, he tugged her gently into him. "So, come on. Tell me. Are you still scared, confused and pulling away from me?"
She inhaled and hugged him briefly before she sat back up putting some space between them. "I, um, I guess I am still confused. I mean I need to know details about your meeting today. I am afraid yes, because feeling myself pulling away and being scared to see you again isn't okay."
"Do you think you were only scared because you envisioned the worst. That Danielle was mine and it would get messy?"
"I dunno? Maybe?" She sighed. He chewed his lip starting to think about what to tell Chris first. "Tell me about the coffee meet up. I need to understand what happened and all the stuff you know now."
"Okay," he said slowly. "Where do I begin?"
"The start. What was it like seeing her again?" Chris prodded.
"Honestly, not as weird and awkward as I had thought." He said with a nod of his head.
"Okay?" She let out slowly. "Well, that sounds …. positive?"
"I mean I guess; I just didn't feel as weird as I had hyped myself up for perhaps." He explained as they sat on the sofa.
"So, coffee, by the beach. And…. what exactly happened?" She asked, tilting her head slightly and fidgeting with his fingers in hers.
"Well, we talked. She wanted to know what questions I had." He started to explain.
"And did you start with Danielle?" Chris quizzed him.
"No, I um, I was really nervous," he paused with a slight chuckle. "I had talked myself into being so awkward and weird that I just needed to ease into that question." He looked back at her.
Chris smiled a little at him and nodded. "I can only imagine she would have been nervous and on edge too."
"Yeah, I guess, but she seemed pretty calm and put together, but anyways. So, I started with asking her more about when she left and why. I have always wondered, and I guess I thought knowing those answers would bring me closure."
"I get it." Chris added nodding, as she dropped her gaze. Inside she was already wondering what did that mean? Hadn't he asked her this before for the same reasons? Wasn't this why she felt sick and scared after they ran into Caitlin at the courthouse? She dreaded feeling all of that 'jealousy" again.
"I, well, I dunno if it brought me closure, but it helped me to understand more." He continued looking down at Chris and lifting their hands into his lap, which pulled her closer. Looking at her beautiful face and dark brown eyes he could see worry and doubt building inside her. He knew he needed to explain about going back to the park, to meet Danielle, but he was also really scared about what she would make of that. Would she take that as him wanting to explore what might still be there with Caitlin. Then in his own head he heard that voice.
'Shit dude, is that what that was? You wanted to see what that life, you lost, could have been? Are you having regrets or doubts?' he heard his inner head whispering which shook him to the core.
He inhaled and watched her some more. Chris narrowed her eyes at him and did her best not to flinch. Something in her was sensing this was off balance.
"And what did she say about all of that?" Chris probed.
"She um, explained that she was scared by the talks we had had back then. Apparently, I had pushed the idea that I wanted a wife and a family pretty hard, and well that left her running scared, because she thought all I saw her as was a housewife. Whereas she was driven and motivated to get her law degree and practice law in the big city. So, when push came to shove, she applied, got accepted, and then packed up and left."
"Why didn't she just talk to you about it. I mean you could have moved here together?" Chris furrowed her brows and eyed him. "We have great cops here, you know." She added with a chuckle.
"Yeah, alright. Talk yourselves up there much?" He shot back with a grin. "But, no, she explained that she didn't want to ruin my career." He answered watching Chris's face intently. She seemed to narrow her eyes as he spoke so he continued to explain so that she would understand. "At that point in time, I had just been appointed to the division that I really wanted and was really excited and happy. I guess she knew that if I moved with her to LA that I would be back to being a rookie and would lose all of that career progress I had made."
"Right," Chris nodded. Thinking for a moment, "But if you two were pretty serious I still can't see why she would throw all of that away like that…How did it all make you feel? I mean her saying that." Chris asked glancing at him.
"I um, I dunno. Sad, angry, frustrated but at the same time I could see her side of it all." He shrugged. "Made me wonder if I really did get too excited and pressure her about my fantasy life, you know, marriage, kids, a house in the suburbs and stuff." He finished with a slight shrug.
"Then what?" She asked. He went on to explain about the details of how Danielle came into Caitlin's life and why she felt like she needed to adopt her.
"After that, I was ready to go, but she um, asked if I wanted to meet Danielle, and I um, did." He added. Chris looked at him with a confused almost offended frown.
"You met Danielle? Why?" She asked, her eyes locked on him.
"I um, I dunno. At first, I thought it was rude not to, but honestly I was curious I guess."
"Curious of what? Her as a mom? The child I saw. The life you could have had?" As that last part came out of Chris's mouth there was unmistakable hurt in her voice. She pulled her hand away from him and curled her legs up too her as she sat further back from him. Her mind was racing with, had they actually gotten along? Reconnected even? Alarm bells began ringing in her head.
"I, Chris, please no, this wasn't about me wondering if I still want something with Caitlin, I was just,"
Chris watched him as he spoke. He didn't even seem to know how to explain it to her and she was getting scared and angry. She could feel it building but she desperately didn't want this to turn into another fight.
"I was just wondering what things turned out like for her. I mean she seems happy, put together, and I guess I was curious to see her with Danielle and see if this high-powered career woman she had presented as, was in fact a loving mom."
"Right." Chris mumbled looking down and twitching her lips.
Jared knew she was hurt by that. But he was still confused about how it all made him feel too. Part of him was wondering if his inner motivation was because he still felt something for Caitlin, or had it just been curiosity like he hoped it was. He didn't want to lie to Chris, but he was scared to say that allowed as he knew that would be catastrophic at this point right now.