Ch64

Later back at HQ, in the calm of the locker room, the blue and black bruise had developed nicely on her eye. She stood looking at it in the mirror and winced as she touched it lightly.

"Wow, nice shiner." Tan commented as he entered the locker room and moved passed her.

"Thanks," she grinned, "badge of honour, don't they say." They all laughed slightly as Tan, Luca and Hondo took their things and headed out, leaving her alone to stare at her battered reflection. She hadn't seen Street or Deacon come in, so she figured they must have already left for the night. As she turned to move to her locker and grab her things, she looked up to see Street step through the door.

"Ouch!" He grimaced. Frowning at her. "That's ah, quite a good one."

"Yeah," She nodded, with a slight laugh. Before a silence fell over them both.

"Hey, um, I ah, I didn't mean to upset you back there." He managed as he stepped towards her and paused looking at her face closely.

She swallowed a nervous lump in her throat and turned away from him. He nodded to himself, stepping back to his locker, knowing she was in a rough place. He placed his badge up on the shelf.

"It um, it's okay." She answered zipping her bag and moving over to close her locker. She knew he probably felt upset that she hadn't told him about her and Jared. But come on, seriously, he had to know why she didn't. She was terrified of the few moments they had had. Unsure if he had felt it all too. She feared telling him the whole truth, what if it was all in her head? But she knew this ignoring or avoiding him wasn't helping. "Look, I'm sorry you heard about it that way, but I, I don't even know what, or why, or how, or well," she fidgeted with her bag strap. "I just would appreciate it not being gossiped about." There was a clear hurt and slight annoyance in her voice at that last part.

"Hey, come on, Chris. I wasn't gossiping about you. I didn't open that conversation with Molly or bring you or Jared up. I'm just worried about you." He explained, closing his locker, and looking at her. Feeling his eyes on her as she leant there, suddenly she felt like shit again.

"You're right." She let out. "Sorry. I just, I, I am not in the best place and…..."

"I understand. And please tell me to back off if I…." He interjected watching her as he spoke. She gestured her hand as if to tell him to stop.

"It's ok."

"Well, Chris, you know I wanna talk a bit if we can, I mean I wanna know if this…." He sounded vulnerable and unsure, as if he was expecting her to shut him down and walk out. But she glanced about nervously knowing anyone could walk in and this was not the conversation she wanted to be having here at HQ. "Well, is this "break" what, you, want? Or is it what, he, wants?" He paused. "Because if he hurt…."

"Street," she cut him off and held up her hand at him as if to say, 'back off'.

"Look, it was my call, but..." She stopped. Running her bottom teeth over her top lip slightly, she swallowed hard, and needed a second to regain her composure.

"But?" He prompted slowly and quietly.

"It doesn't matter." She waved her hand dismissively. "I can't talk about this here." And with that she went to turn away and leave. Street reached for her arm,

"Chris wait. Please. Talk to me." There was a pleading in his words and his eyes.

"Talking to you, right now, here," She glanced about. "Isn't going to fix it." She said as her sad eyes met his and again, she went to step away.

"What? Why? Hey. I don't understand, if you wanted this break, why do you seem so broken about it?" He asked.

"I'm frustrated, I don't need this here; HQ is clearly already gossiping about me and my failed relationship."

"Hey, come on Chris! They are not. It was just a passing comment from Molly and …." As she looked at him trying to comfort her, part of her wanted to fall into his arms, right then. To step to him and to hug him and to feel his strong safe arms wrap her up. But she knew she couldn't, so she swallowed hard and looked at him.

"I um, I should go." She tugged the strap on her shoulder tighter and opened the door, "Night Street."

Later as Street arrived back at Luca's he couldn't stop the image of her face from sitting at the front of his mind. She had looked so sad and upset that he couldn't not go and check on her. But he knew he should test the water first and not just show up in case she really was mad at him. He took out his phone opening Chris's name on his message app.

"Can I come over?" Was all he typed. He sighed and slid it away, clearly expecting her to ignore his message all together. About an hour later she typed.

"When have you ever asked permission?"

And with that he was on his bike, riding across town. He knew she needed a friend. He wanted to be the person she talked this through with. He wanted to stay her best friend, at the least.

When she opened her door and let him in, he grinned, feeling that same rush every time she smiled at him.

"Thank you." He said softly as she motioned for him to come in. She didn't say anything just wandered back to the kitchen and kept chopping salad.

"So, can we talk about all of this now?" He asked after observing her for a moment.

She didn't look up just shrugged. "Guess so."

"Okay well, back to my question from earlier, if you're this broken up why did you tell him you wanted a break?" He asked looking from her to his hands confused. He wasn't quite able to meet her eyes as a storm of jealousy bubbled up inside.

"Because…" She sighed back, "I thought, or maybe I still think, or I dunno, but it was his uncertainty about his feelings for Caitlin and the mess I was in. I mean, we both needed space."

"Why? I thought you too were going well, and all loved up and..." He stopped when he heard her scoff audibly and shake her head. "No? Am I wrong?" He asked. Pausing and waiting for her to clarify.

"I wouldn't say loved up and perfect no." She answered, pushing the knife forcefully through the carrot she was chopping.

"Then?" He prompted. "I mean I thought you talked after that day at the hospital, and after he had been to see her?"

"Yeah, we did." She nodded.

"Okay, AND?" He said with emphasis. "Look I know you're not a talker Chris, but you gotta give me something to work with here." He glanced up at her, resting his hand on the counter. "You know, I can't read your mind, right?" He chuckled.

She shook her head and put down the knife. "I guess," she began still not 100% sure inside if she really wanted to tell him all of this. After the confusion and realisation that she felt big things for him, she really wasn't sure divulging all her dirty laundry was a great idea.

But this was her best friend. No matter what else she felt.

"Okay, well. After we talked, at the hospital." She kept her eyes down and blinked. The memory of that moment sliding out of her truck in his arms was replaying. She cleared her throat and continued. "I ah, I asked him straight up if he possibly still had feelings for Caitlin and he said maybe." She stopped as her voice shook a bit.

"Oh Chris." He sighed slowly and in one swift movement was around the counter and had his hands on her upper arms. "I'm so sorry, I..."

She shook her head continuing. As if to ignore his comforting, interrupting him, "So, my walls went up and I ran." She let out. She was not brave enough to add the part about how her mess, the way she felt deep down inside, also included those feelings she had felt, for him.

Street sighed and tugged her against him. "Chris I am so sorry. You deserve better and ..." She stepped back out of his arms. Not allowing herself to hug him back. She swiped at her tears and licked her lip, going back to chopping the salad in silence.

"Have you spoken since?" He asked her softly.

"Nope, not a word." She answered still focused on the produce in front of her.

"Well, are you going to?" He asked frowning at her. "You kinda need to know if he has figured out if he does want to explore things with Caitlin or he actually…"

"I'm not, I'm not calling him." She said resolute.

"Chris." He exhaled. "Hiding won't fix it."

"No, I'm, I'm just giving him space to work out what he wants."

"Why are you being so stubborn about this?" He asked her a little frustrated.

"He wants her, he can have her." She mumbled angrily taking the bowl and opening the fridge.

"Chris this anger isn't gonna fix it."

"Yeah, well maybe I don't want to fix it." She snapped and then paused. Dropping her head. Shit had she just said too much.

Street froze for a second.

"What? Why?" He stammered. "I thought you really wanted to be with him. I thought he made you happy?"

Chris sighed.

"Do I look happy?" Came out a bit harsh. "Sorry." She them mumbled and shook her head.

He nodded, his concern for her building.

"Can we just talk about something else?" She asked. "I'm really not in the mood to go over this right now. I'm really tired and ..." She stopped and shook her head.

"Hey," Street hugged her, he realised trying to talk was just aggravating her right now. "Listen, I'll go. Give you your space. But please know I am here, just a call away if, and when, you do wanna talk."

Before she could say anything, Street had taken his jacket and helmet, wishing her a nice evening, and was out the door. He knew when she was like that, pushing her too hard, was a recipe for disaster.