Oh No Canada
Destro asked Cobra Commander as the Cobras exited the spaceship in the middle of a dense forest. "Why are we stopping in some remote part of Canada where even the loons don't know where we are?"
"We have no clue," Torch agreed.
"We need to get some extra weapons and bombs," Cobra Commander explained.
"So that we can use them on Vapor and Zero?" Tomax asked.
"And they can never make another stupid show again?" Xamot asked.
"Exactly," Cobra Commander nodded. "Mindbender reminded me of some mutual friends of ours that live just up the road here. They kind of owe us a favor."
"What friends?" Destro asked. "What favor?"
"He lost me at friends," Zandar admitted.
"Me too," Ripper agreed.
"Look," Cobra Commander remarked. "We just need to talk to them and do a little negotiating."
"Where's Crystal Ball?" Zartan realized that no one was holding the resident specter.
"I left the pessimistic poltergeist in the ship," Cobra Commander waved. "Getting a little tired of his attitude lately."
"We could always sell him on E-bay again," Zarana quipped.
"I wouldn't," Torch said. "I regretted that purchase as soon as I made it!"
"Let's just focus on the plan, shall we?" Cobra Commander sighed.
"I would if you tell me what it is," Destro gave him a look.
"Don't worry," Mindbender waved. "I'm sure Crystal Ball's insistence that the Commander's plan will be a complete and utter disaster is pure exaggeration."
"Oh, that puts my mind at ease," Destro replied sarcastically.
"Look," Cobra Commander said. "Zartan, Zarana, Zandar…Take most of the Dreadnoks and scout out supplies. You know? Alcohol. Toilet paper. Food. More alcohol."
"There's a little bed and breakfast place that has a bar just down this road in the opposite direction," The Baroness pointed. "Not even a mile away. Found it on Map Quest."
"Still a long way to walk," Ripper frowned.
"We can see it from here," Zarana said. "Hang on. Do we really need supplies?"
"Honestly no," The Baroness admitted. "But a lot of us just need a break from Dreadnok smells."
"We'll take Tiffany with us," Cobra Commander said. "She might come in useful. The rest of the Dreadnoks go with Destro and scout out for supplies."
"Why am I being punished?" Destro moaned.
"Because you're being a pill too," Cobra Commander said. "Besides someone relatively responsible has to look after the Dreadnoks!"
"That's what Zartan and his siblings are for!" Destro pointed.
"Oh sure," Zartan glared at him. "Now you admit it!"
"Just meet us at the bar there," Cobra Commander said. "Then we'll go back to the spaceship here when we are finished."
"Hang on," Monkeywrench scratched his head. "Wouldn't it be better if you lot took the spaceship to where you were going and meet us at the bar? Or we'd take the spaceship…?"
"We're trying to be incognito!" Cobra Commander snapped.
Zarana looked at the group. "Yeah, we really blend in with the locals."
"Just give us an hour and meet us there," Cobra Commander ordered as he took off with his group.
"Sure, after we've robbed and destroyed the place," Destro drawled.
"No Chrome Dome," Buzzer said. "First we case the joint and size it up. Then we hang out in the bar section and wait a bit until we see the others come."
"Then we trash the place," Torch finished.
"This seems like a very badly thought out plan," Destro groaned as they went the other way.
"That's because it is a very badly thought out plan," Zartan told him. "Cobra Commander is up to something. But for once, I don't want to know what it is."
"Let's just go to the bar and hang out there," Zandar suggested. "Most likely Cobra Commander will need us to rescue him from whatever cockamamie scheme he's come up with."
"I still say we should have used the spaceship," Monkeywrench remarked.
"I know that and you know that!" Buzzer said. "But the Commander doesn't know that."
"You're sure this place has a bar?" Destro asked.
"Who do you think helped the Commander look it up?" Zandar asked. "A lot of bed and breakfast places have bars nowadays. Especially in remote areas."
"Good for not only tourists but the locals," Torch nodded. "I'm aiming to try some local brew."
"For once I am in agreement with you Torch," Destro groaned.
It wasn't long before they were at the building. "This doesn't seem so bad," Zandar remarked. "A bit rustic but charming."
"The Crushed Gnaw?" Destro blinked as he read the sign. "Who names a bed and breakfast that?"
"There is something about that name," Zartan blinked. "There's something familiar about that name!"
"It's probably the bar name," Zarana said. She looked at another sign. "Says the bar is open but the bed and breakfast is undergoing renovation by new owners."
"Good enough for me," Zartan shrugged as they went to the bar. "There is still something about that name that's just…I don't know what it is. It sounds familiar."
They entered the bar. It had a rustic décor with a few stuffed animals and moose heads on the walls. "It's not bad," Destro remarked. "A bit heavy on the taxidermy but quite charming."
"Hang on," Torch spoke up. He pointed to a stuffed warthog head on the wall. "I've seen that warthog before! I know I've seen that warthog before!"
"Yes, Torch you've seen a warthog before," Zartan rolled his eyes.
Torch shook his head. "No! I mean I've seen that particular warthog before! I know I have!"
Buzzer looked at it. "It does look strangely familiar. I'll give you that."
"Yeah something about it's face does ring a bell," Ripper admitted.
"Speaking of which," Zarana noticed a plaque. "Proprietors are Clyde Hyde and Roberto Rivera."
"Pro-what?" Torch scratched his head.
"It means the blokes who own this joint," Buzzer said. "Hang on…I know those names. Where do I know those names?"
"He-loooooo!" A tall muscular man with a bald head and tan skin walked in. He also had a very well-groomed handlebar mustache and was wearing an expensive gray suit with very expensive shoes. "Roberto! We have customers! Clyde Hyde here to…Oh my God!"
"Uh we were just on our way to a costume party…" Destro coughed.
"Oh…My…God," Clyde gasped as he saw the Dreadnoks. "Zartan?"
"How do you know my name?" Zartan was stunned. "Wait! I know you! I know you!"
"Clyde, I think we're running low on the Dom Perignon…" Another well groomed muscular tanned man walked in. He was wearing a blue expensive suit and had a well-trimmed head of brown hair and a neat brown beard. "Oh…Oh my."
"Roberto…" Clyde gulped. "It's Zartan. And Zandar. And Zarana."
"And the Dreadnoks," Roberto blinked. "So it is…Oh my…"
"Wait, wait, wait…" Torch pointed. "I know you blokes! I know you blokes!"
"It can't be…" Ripper gasped.
"What?" Destro asked. "You all you like you've seen some ghosts?"
"I think we may bloody are…" Monkeywrench gulped in fear. "If that murder story is true!"
"It's not," Clyde said nervously.
"Surprise!" Roberto said. "We're alive!"
"Clyde Hyde?" Zartan did a double take. "Gnawgahyde?"
"Roberto Rivera?" Zandar realized. "Crusher?"
"Oh my God…" Zarana gasped.
"I don't bloody believe it," Buzzer's jaw dropped.
"Wait," Destro did a double take. "As in two of your old Dreadnoks?"
"Yeah…" Zartan blinked. "They're all cleaned up and not wearing animal skins but it's definitely them!"
"And they're clean shaven," Monkeywrench recoiled.
"And they don't smell like an outhouse!" Zarana gasped.
Roberto looked at Clyde. "Doesn't this take you back?"
"Did we actually used to dress like that?" Clyde asked.
"Gnawgahyde and Crusher…" Zartan blinked. "This whole place is run by…Gnawgahyde and Crusher?"
"Didn't you two murder each other?" Torch asked.
"I always thought Crusher murdered Gnaw and took his identity," Monkeywrench remarked.
"Me too," Zandar nodded.
"I thought they were both bought it in the jungle," Ripper said.
"No, we're very much alive," Roberto said.
"And running a bed and breakfast together," Destro blinked. "And a bar. And you are both clearly sober. I thought I've seen everything. Now I know I have."
Torch blinked. "And knowing is…I don't know what this is?"
"A Dreadnok…" Monkeywrench recoiled in horror. "Being respectable?"
"Two Dreadnoks being respectable…" Ripper gasped. "What has the world come to?"
"What the hell happened to you guys?" Torch yelled.
"The last time we saw you both," Zartan pointed out. "You two were running into the jungle in Africa about to kill each other!"
"Oh that," Roberto waved. "Boy was that a long time ago!"
"Oh my God," Clyde snickered. "Remember we had such a fiery passion back then! Like Liz and Burton!"
"Uh huh…" Zandar blinked. "O-kay…"
"These two men were Dreadnoks?" Destro did a double take. "Wait a minute…Oh my God. I do recognize these men. I'm sorry. I just never seen a Dreadnok that was well groomed before."
Torch did a double take. "Wait a minute. What about those few months I impersonated that rich guy that was the head of some company or something?"
"You were basically little more than a shaved monkey in a suit," Zartan snapped. "These two…My God! You two smell nice! Are you wearing deodorant? And aftershave?"
"What the hell happened to you mates?" Torch asked.
"It's like we're in an episode of the bloody Twilight Zone!" Ripper was stunned.
"Well…" Roberto paused. "Let's just say we worked out quite a few things in the jungle."
"Obviously," Zarana remarked.
"Nothing like getting lost and fighting savage man-eating reptiles back to back to make you realize you have more in common than you think with a guy you hate," Clyde remarked.
"Hate turns to respect," Roberto went on. "Respect turns to friendship and well…"
"Before you know it," Clyde said. "Twenty years have passed and the next thing you know, you're having a wedding in the Bahamas!"
"Been legal for two years and three months!" Roberto said as they showed their rings. "It was a fabulous ceremony! We had a band and everything!"
"They had a band…" Zartan was stunned. "They had a band. At their wedding."
"In the Bahamas," Zarana blinked.
"Good location," Torch admitted. "Wait a minute…Why are you two toffs dressed like…Toffs?"
"Ten years ago, we decided to quit the mercenary game and open a small chain of B&B's around the world," Clyde said. "And a few bars."
"We just bought this totes adorbs place right here in Canada," Roberto nodded.
"Totes adorbs?" Buzzer was stunned. "The Crusher we knew did not say 'Totes adorbs'! He barely talked at all! He grunted!"
"I'm not Crusher anymore," Roberto said. "And Roberto Hyde-Rivera does!"
"Hyde-Rivera?" Ripper blinked.
"We took each other's names," Clyde said. "Mine is only first for alphabetical reasons."
"What the hell man?" Torch snapped. "Gnaw you used to say that living in civilization was a sign of weakness!"
"That's why you never wore deodorant!" Buzzer snapped. "You smelled even worse than Torch!"
"That warthog you ran around with smelled better than you!" Ripper added. "Whatever happened to Clyde Junior?"
"We ate him," Clyde admitted and pointed to the warthog head. "And kept his head to remember him by. He would have wanted it that way."
"I knew that warthog looked familiar!" Torch said proudly.
"I can't believe this," Zartan was stunned.
"Neither can I," Destro remarked. "A couple of Dreadnoks being successful?"
"Okay hang on…" Zartan held up his hand. "I'm confused here!"
"I get it," Clyde said. "Roberto and I falling in love is a bit of a shock."
"No, that part makes sense," Zartan said. "I always figured there was something sexual about the fights you two used to have. The part I am having trouble grasping is that you two are…Well…"
"Non-Dreadnok," Destro spoke up. "Frankly that part shocks me as well. From what I remember you two were extremely uncouth and uncivilized."
"It's like somebody performed My Fair Dreadnok and nobody told us about it!" Zarana added.
"We weren't that bad," Clyde remarked.
"Not that bad? You were chased out of remote tribal villages for being uncivilized!" Zartan snapped. "And Crusher you were kicked out of wrestling for breaking the rules and being too violent! And now you two are wearing fancy shirts and well-groomed and what the hell happened to you?"
"Dude," Clyde said. "That was like over twenty years ago!"
"So?" Zartan asked.
"Look," Clyde sighed. "I'm not saying the old days weren't fun and they had their moments. But…You know?"
"No, we don't," Torch folded his arms. "Enlighten us."
"You may need to use small words to explain it," Destro remarked.
"Unlike the rest of you in the Lost Boys Brigade," Roberto snapped. "We grew up!"
Clyde added. "At some point in your life when you get older, you realize you can't keep doing the same stupid things you were doing when you were twenty."
He then looked at the group before him. "Well…Most people do."
"I knew you two couldn't cut it as real Dreadnoks," Torch huffed.
"That's not necessarily a bad thing," Destro looked at him.
"You're not exactly one to talk, Destro," Roberto pointed out.
"Aren't you guys tired of dressing up and playing out this tired old fantasy of ruling the world or whatever it is you were trying to do?" Clyde asked.
"It does get tiresome I must admit," Destro sighed.
"What are you talking about?" Monkeywrench was horrified. "The action! The adventure! The thrill of living life on the edge!"
"The constant near death experiences," Destro snapped. "The poverty! The fact that we are constantly hounded by the law! Those are not perks!"
"Well not with that attitude," Monkeywrench sniffed.
"You do have a point on the poverty," Zartan admitted.
"We travel all over the world!" Buzzer said.
"We've been kicked out all over the world!" Destro snapped. "And several others!"
"What?" Clyde asked.
"Don't ask," Destro sighed.
"At least we have our pride!" Torch huffed.
Destro looked at him. "No, you don't."
"Is Cobra Commander still a huge jerk?" Roberto asked.
"Bigger actually," Zandar admitted. "And a drunk as well."
"Don't forget he's also a pill popper," Zarana added.
"He takes pills now?" Clyde asked.
"Oh yeah," Torch nodded.
"Big time," Buzzer sighed.
"What kind of pills?" Roberto asked.
"Whatever Mindbender gives him," Torch said. "I don't think he even cares anymore what they are. He just takes whatever he gets and just enjoys the ride."
Ripper shrugged. "I'm not complaining. At least they've kept him from killing us."
"Intentionally anyway," Destro admitted.
A faint scream was heard in the distance. Then it got louder. "Cobra retreat!" A familiar hissing scream was heard. "RETREAT!"
"Speaking of getting us all killed," Destro groaned. "What has the Commander done now?"
"I'm afraid to even ask," Zartan moaned. "Maybe we'll get lucky and he will forget we are in here?"
"LET US IN! LET US IN!" A pounding on the door was heard. Cobra Commander screamed at the top of his lungs. "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S DARK LET US IN!"
"No such luck," Destro sighed.
"Dude the door is open!" Tiffany snapped as she opened the door. The other Cobras ran in with their guns out. Cobra Commander was carrying a sack.
"Oh great," Clyde groaned. "What now?"
"Shut up!" Cobra Commander pointed his blaster at Clyde.
"Whoa! Whoa! Chill Commander!" Zartan said as he pushed Cobra Commander's blaster away. "Chill! These aren't hostages!"
"It's cool, we know them," Zarana said. "What the hell happened?"
"What did you do?" Destro snapped.
"You'll never believe it," The Baroness groaned.
"Something tells me I would," Destro said.
Several shouts in French were heard. Then a hail of bullets started to shoot through the windows. "AAAAHHH!" Everyone screamed as they ducked behind the bar to protect themselves.
"Thank God we put off redoing the windows!" Roberto groaned.
"What did you do?" Destro snarled as he pulled out his blaster.
"Mindbender and Cobra Commander were trying to barter a deal for more weapons with some friends of theirs," Tiffany explained.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Some friends," Roberto groaned as more of the bar was being shot up.
"Negotiations sort of broke down," Tomax explained.
"When Cobra Commander was caught stealing their toilet paper," Xamot snapped.
"And some of their gold bars," Cobra Commander snapped. "I stole some gold bars they had lying around in a hidden safe too!"
"They were angrier about the toilet paper," Mindbender pointed out.
"How was I supposed to know that was some kind of big cultural no-no?" Cobra Commander snapped.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
"And knowing is a good reason to invest in bulletproof vests," Tiffany moaned as bullets shot through the windows.
"You tried to rip off the Quebec Separatists?" Destro shouted.
"Technically these aren't the Quebec Separatists," Mindbender explained. "They're a separate group of Quebec Separatists who were kicked out for being too violent."
"Oh, we know those guys," Clyde realized.
"They are crazy," Roberto agreed.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Yeah just got the memo," Zartan said sarcastically. "Great now they've got us pinned down in a bar!"
"Why the hell didn't you get the damn spaceship?" Monkeywrench shouted.
"Yeah why didn't we get the spaceship?" Mindbender realized.
"Spaceship?" Roberto asked.
"Don't ask," Destro sighed. "Hang on. That is a legitimate question!"
"JUST SHUT UP AND START SHOOTING PEOPLE!" Cobra Commander screamed. "BEFORE I SHOOT YOU!" He popped out from behind the bar and used his blaster. A scream was heard as the blast went through the window.
"Hey, I got one!" Cobra Commander spoke up. "Huh, it's been a while since that happened!"
"One down," Xamot gave him a look.
"Fifty-three to go!" Tomax snapped. He and his brother fired their blasters.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" A scream came from outside.
"Francois!" Someone screamed. "Mon Dieu! Ils ont tue Francois!"
"Salauds!" Another man shouted.
"Make that fifty-two," The Baroness remarked.
"You should have gotten the spaceship," Monkeywrench said as he fired his blaster from behind the counter. "We could have taken them out with the spaceship!"
"SHUT UP!" Cobra Commander shouted.
"Commander," Destro snapped. "When Dreadnoks start coming up with better plans than you, it's time to consider a break!"
"Here's a break," Clyde pushed a button in the wall and two huge handheld machine guns popped out.
"You still have your weapons?" Zartan was stunned as the two grabbed their gear.
"We may have given up the game," Clyde explained. "But we're not stupid to think everybody else has!"
"Once every three or five years an occasional enemy or former client comes our way," Roberto prepared his weapon. "Half the time we end up drinking with them. But for the other half…"
"EAT LEAD JACKALS!" Clyde roared as he used his weapon to fire on the intruders.
"Or in French…" Roberto followed with his weapon. "Mangez des chacals de plomb!"
"Oh right," Buzzer realized. "We have to say everything in French too while we're here. That is annoying."
"I admit I use a Google translator," Roberto took a quick break.
"Again, amazed you can say more than a grunt," Zartan said. "Being a former Dreadnok."
Tiffany did a double take. "I thought I recognized you guys! Gnaw! Crusher! Good to see you!"
"Road Pig?" Roberto blinked.
"It's Tiffany now mate," Buzzer explained. "See turns out Donald had another personality…"
"Got it," Roberto groaned.
"You're not the only ones who have changed," Zartan sighed.
Roberto admitted. "Actually, this isn't really a surprise now that I think about it."
"Pretty much par for the course actually," Clyde agreed before he started shooting back.
"This might be our final stand…" Destro remarked as he shot through the windows. "To be fair, this isn't half as bad as I imagined it would be. I mean it's still stupid and insane…"
"Because the reason is that we're getting killed is because Cobra Commander stole toilet paper," Zartan said. "Not because we're in a gay bar. Which actually has halfway decent décor…"
"Technically the bar isn't gay," Clyde pointed out. "We just happen to be gay and own it."
"It's still a nice bar," Torch said. "I saw where Destro was going with that. I mean of all the places we could have bit the big one…"
"I'm just saying it beats the damn chicken restaurant," Destro remarked.
"Oh my God! Yes!" Zarana said.
"Anything beats the chicken restaurant!" Mindbender agreed.
"That circus wasn't that great either," The Baroness said. "This really is a step up."
"To be fair we haven't finished renovating yet," Clyde said. "We wanted to put in a skylight…"
"Hang on," Roberto aimed his weapon at the ceiling and blew a small hole through it. "Yeah that's a good spot."
"NO, IT'S NOT!" Cobra Commander screamed. "I AM NOT GOING TO DIE TODAY! I HAVE BEEN THROUGH TOO MUCH TOO LONG TO SIMPLY EXPIRE IN…"
ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAP! ZZZAPP! ZAPPP!
Several screams of fear and anguish were heard. Panicked French and the sounds of a retreating army followed as well as more laser blasts. "What the hell was that?" Cobra Commander did a double take.
"If I didn't know better, I would say the cavalry has arrived," Destro blinked. "But who…?"
The Cobras went to the window. "Is that a spaceship?" Roberto did a double take.
"Yeah ours," Zartan was stunned.
ZAAAAAPPP!
"I don't think we needed those extra weapons Commander," Mindbender remarked. "It seems to be doing pretty well wiping out our attackers on its own."
"Who the hell is piloting that ship?" Cobra Commander shouted. "We're all in here! Who the hell is flying that thing?"
Inside the ship…
"Say hello to my little friend!" Crystal Ball said smugly from the captain's chair.
"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Chompers the goat was at the helm.
Ten minutes later…
"Sorry about your place," Zartan apologized to Clyde and Roberto as they looked at the wrecked remains of their bar. The Dreadnoks were with their former members as the others were working on the starship.
"Oh, don't worry," Roberto waved. "The place was insured against terrorist attacks. We'll be fine."
"It will give us more money to put in that hot tub," Clyde grinned.
"Look the Mounties will be here in a few minutes…" Roberto coughed. "I hate to be insensitive. But you guys are wanted and we're not and…"
"You don't want your lives to be ruined," Zartan sighed. "I can't say I blame you."
"So, if we take some random potshots at you guys while you retreat as the Mounties come you won't take it personally?" Clyde asked.
"As long as you don't hit anyone," Zarana said.
"Wait hang on," Zartan said. "You can hit Destro! Or the Baroness. Yes, hit them if you can!"
"Okay," Clyde grinned.
"Never liked those two anyway," Roberto grinned. "Oh, look here comes the Mounties."
"Time to retreat!" Zartan shouted as the Dreadnoks ran to the ship. "COBRA RETREAT!"
"Only I get to say that," Cobra Commander snapped. He saw the Mounties arriving. "COBRA RETREAT! RETREAAAAAAAAAAAT!"
"Ready?" Clyde asked as he pulled out a handgun.
"On three…" Roberto said. "One, two…"
"Three," Clyde grinned as they aimed.
BANG! BANG!
"YEOOWWWW!" Destro yelled.
"Got him," Roberto and Clyde grinned.
About twenty minutes later in the sky…
"This is funny," The Baroness snickered. "This is just funny."
"We needed this laugh, didn't we?" Cobra Commander asked.
"We really did," Zartan snickered.
"OH YES!" Destro roared. "Me being shot in the ass was hilarious!"
"Well they had to make it look good," Zartan said.
"They didn't have to make it look that good!" Destro snarled as he lay on his stomach in the med ward. Mindbender was working on his behind with some medical instruments. His lower half was obscured by a curtain.
"Don't worry," Mindbender waved. "Due to this ship's advanced medical systems, your hiney will be healed in no time."
"Hiney…" Zartan snickered.
"Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse," Destro moaned.
"Okay now that we've had a laugh," Cobra Commander said. "Who the hell were those guys back at the bar?"
"It's kind of a long story," Zartan admitted.
"You'll never believe it," Destro groaned.
"Destro, I'm a snake man from an advanced civilization running a terrorist organization that's been around longer than the Simpsons," Cobra Commander said. "An organization which has used everything from dinosaurs, to mutants, to giant plants, to ghosts, to ancient Egyptian gods and everything I can think of to achieve my goals. The closest thing I have to a pet or friend is a ghost imprisoned in a crystal ball. Currently I am in a spaceship I stole from another dimension. At this point there is very little I won't believe."
One quick explanation later…
"I don't believe you!" Cobra Commander gasped. "That can't be true!"
"It is," Zartan shrugged.
"Two successful Dreadnoks?" The Baroness was stunned.
"And they were well groomed," Destro added.
"Two well-groomed successful Dreadnoks?" Cobra Commander was stunned. "That say totes adorbs?"
"I know," Destro admitted. "If I hadn't witnessed it, I would not have believed it either."
"Okay the gay part doesn't surprise me," The Baroness admitted. "They're Dreadnoks. Anything goes with that group. But…Successful?"
"They were able to hire a band in the Bahamas for their wedding," Zartan said. "Sounds successful to me."
"I thought those two murdered each other," Mindbender remarked. "Or at the very least Crusher killed Gnawgahyde and took his identity!"
"That's what we thought!" Zartan said. "But as usual, truth is stranger than fiction."
"Now I have officially heard everything," Cobra Commander was stunned.
"I know," Destro sighed. "Successful Dreadnoks. What has the world come to?"
"They were even more successful than you!" Zartan pointed out.
Destro moaned. "That is shocking…And terrifying."
"Hmm…" Cobra Commander nodded. "It's good that we didn't kill them. You never know what kind of contacts you will need in the future. Especially successful ones."
"Just kick me while I'm down, won't you?" Destro moaned.
Cobra Commander spoke. "All right. While you're goofing off in here Destro I need to do some work! The world needs a taste of Cobra's power! We have to destroy something!"
"Really?" Destro asked. "Now?"
"Wasn't wiping out a bunch of Quebec terrorists and a bar enough?" The Baroness asked. "And even as I asked the question…"
"What good is having a spaceship if you don't use it to spread terror?" Cobra Commander asked. "Ah I have it!" He left the room.
"I'm afraid to even ask what deranged plan he's come up with now," The Baroness groaned. "Mindbender whatever meds you've been giving him clearly aren't working!"
"I haven't given him anything in weeks…" Mindbender told her. "Oh…"
"That could be the problem!" The Baroness snapped.
"You need to give him something to mellow him out!" Zartan snapped. "Pronto!"
ZAAAAAAAAAAAP! ZAAAP! ZAPPP!
"Oh, dear God he's found the lasers," Destro moaned.
Torch ran in. "You guys should see this! Cobra Commander found this maple syrup factory and blew it up! And now there's maple syrup all over this huge city!"
"Which huge city?" Zartan asked.
"I don't know," Torch blinked. "Begins with a Q."
"QUEBEC?" Destro roared.
"That's it!" Torch nodded.
"He must be getting back at the separatists," Zartan remarked. "The survivors anyway."
"HA HA HA HA!" Cobra Commander was heard cackling.
"Mindbender you need to get him back on his meds!" Destro ordered.
"Okay…" Mindbender went off to do so.
"FINISH ME FIRST!" Destro roared.
"Make up your mind," Mindbender groaned.
"I seriously need to rethink my life," Destro realized.
"Me too," Zartan realized. "I mean when two of the dumbest Dreadnoks I ever met are doing better than I am…."
ZZZZZZZZAPPPP!
"HA! HA! HA! HA!"
"I guess it couldn't hurt to update my resume," The Baroness sighed.
"What could you possibly put on a resume that would reflect your time in Cobra?" Zartan asked.
"Babysitting and working with animals," The Baroness remarked.
"Good one," Destro admitted. "Can I steal that for my resume?"